Why do crazy guys (almost) only attract crazy women?

kristian

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Was reading this advanced thread about crazy women not being worth the lay. Very interesting and got me thinking:
1. These last years (when not in a relationship) I've come close to 40 lays and have had lots of cool sexual experiences with women.
2. I've been diagnosed with some mental issues - not very serious but enough to make me a little handicapped in some areas in life. Things that come in easy for other guys are difficult for me (relationships, money, career, not being addicted to drugs, partying and alcohol, and so on).

I've seen a trend in my seductions; when I hit it off with a woman, she tends to be a little crazy herself.
They're also into me and we connect a lot faster. Sex with these women seems to be stronger as well. They're simply not boring.
When I am in a social setting with many people, I tend to - very quickly and instinctually - find the crazier women. And they find me.

On some rare occasions, I find a secure hight quality girl I get to know better. I am flirtatious and can pull off a date or two, but it usually never leads anywhere.

My hunch about this is that I subconsciously send a vibe that often matches women that are on the same level as me. Secure girls don't seem to come on my radar, or I can find them boring. I am also in a domestic partnership with a loving, loyal, and secure woman that I totally adore - altho I know deep down that she isn't as exciting as the crazy girls I tend to meet here and there.

Are crazy easier to connect and have sex with than high-quality women? Or do likes attract on a subconscious level?
 

Regal Tiger

Cro-Magnon Man
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Personally, I think there's a bit of a "birds of a feather flock together" thing going on. We kind of recognize parts of ourselves in another person and that tends to make us comfortable enough around them for things to start happening. In fact, I remember reading something about this in Robert Greene's book Laws of Human Nature. Where if you're a guy and you have a little bit of femininity about you then it makes women drop their shields, and vice versa with women who have a touch of masculinity.

It just makes people more approachable to see that they're like us.


Furthermore there's also a lot of familiarity, I believe. For example, if your first girlfriend is off her rocker then you kind of slip into a pattern from then on. You have great sexual experiences with the crazy chick and then from then on you subconsciously recognize these patterns and your brain tells you "Hey! This chick is a lot like that other who rocked our world. We need more of that!"

And she probably feels a lot of the same as well. Which is why we end up dating the same person with a different face a lot (at least, for most people because if you're self-improvement oriented your girlfriends/boyfriends tend to get better and better. At least, that's my own experience for myself and friends).


Chase talked about this very thing in a recent article as well (though he was approaching it mostly from guys liking older women it applies to just about everything).

My 2cents
 

kristian

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Furthermore there's also a lot of familiarity, I believe. For example, if your first girlfriend is off her rocker then you kind of slip into a pattern from then on. You have great sexual experiences with the crazy chick and then from then on you subconsciously recognize these patterns and your brain tells you "Hey! This chick is a lot like that other who rocked our world. We need more of that!"
This makes a lot of sense. I am working hard on my mental issues, and have made big strides forward. That has led me to see new "markets" of women. It is easier to get to know them and I find them increasingly interesting.

However, crazy women seem easy to get compared to the other girls - who require a bit of a different approach. I am more into the crazy, emotional hookups which crazy women give me. With the more "sane" women, tho, it feels a little different. Like they need more logic in the seduction. Makes sense tho, crazy people are ofter more led by emotions and what "feels good right now", while saner girls and people, in general, are a little bit more into delayed gratification.
 

Chase

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One other thing I'd add:

I am also in a domestic partnership with a loving, loyal, and secure woman that I totally adore - altho I know deep down that she isn't as exciting as the crazy girls I tend to meet here and there.

Just anecdotally, I've noticed for a few other guys I know and me, it gets harder to land the secure, girlfriend-y types once you already have a committed, devoted girlfriend.

I don't know if that's universal. I've heard here and there of guys who get really good girlfriends, then have more good girlfriend candidates throwing themselves at them, and they get all overwhelmed because they're drowning in time commitments and would feel bad breaking it off with these girls and they really just want to meet some slutty throwaway girls who aren't going to be hankering for a relationship just because they shagged once or twice.

But at least for a few of my friends and me, getting one great loyal girlfriend means it suddenly becomes harder to sleep with other great, loyal girl types, and then at the same time you become a lot more attractive to the slutty bad girl types.

I used to spend a lot of time trying to unpack the psychology behind this, because obviously the only thing that changes is you. So there is some shift in the way you are dealing with women that changes the women you attract and how far you get with those women. The best thing I can come up with is, at least if you are in the camp my friends and I are in, having one secure girlfriend makes you feel a little bad about not being able to offer as much of yourself to another girlfriend-caliber girl, so you behave in a much less 'all-in' way with her and she can tell you're not all there. Meanwhile, having the secure girlfriend also makes you behave extra cavalier with the slutty bad girl types, and for these girls a man behaving bold and cavalier with them is intoxicating.

I suspect the guys who are the reverse simply either don't change their psychology when they get a good girlfriend, or they have something inside them that clicks and goes, "Wow, I am really great for women. I am such a good deal for women," and women sense that and the girlfriend candidates start piling up at their doorstep. Meanwhile the slutty girls are going, "Ew, this guy seems like a boyfriend," and avoiding.

Data's limited to just myself and a few other guys I've seen face the similar or opposite issues, so I can't say for absolute certain this is a broad thing.

But it is a thing I've sort of picked up on over the years, at least in some others and in me.

Chase
 

kristian

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But at least for a few of my friends and me, getting one great loyal girlfriend means it suddenly becomes harder to sleep with other great, loyal girl types, and then at the same time you become a lot more attractive to the slutty bad girl types.
@Chase . You're right about that I've been approaching a lot lately and the secure girls seem to say "thank you. Ill bet you find someone cool to hang out with", and if they do hang out with me they usually put the brakes on as I move it forward.

So maybe I just have to be a little more "all in" and romantic with these girls?

When I do meet them, I just feel like I am afraid of breaking their hearts if they later see me with my girlfriend. For the crazy women, tho, they tend to say "hi", smile and just text me for a meetup later.

Crazy women also seem ok with my relationship setup. It doesn't challenge them or makes them react in a negative way.
 

Skills

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@Chase . You're right about that I've been approaching a lot lately and the secure girls seem to say "thank you. Ill bet you find someone cool to hang out with", and if they do hang out with me they usually put the brakes on as I move it forward.

So maybe I just have to be a little more "all in" and romantic with these girls?

When I do meet them, I just feel like I am afraid of breaking their hearts if they later see me with my girlfriend. For the crazy women, tho, they tend to say "hi", smile and just text me for a meetup later.

Crazy women also seem ok with my relationship setup. It doesn't challenge them or makes them react in a negative way.
Cause this is your subconscious way to protect your relationship, with the secure girls they are threats to your relationship, the crazy ones are safer for your relationship, is you protecting what you already have
 

Zagreus

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There is a vibe that you present that attracts the crazier types.

My last girlfriend, I thought was normal at first. How wrong I was. So I can relate
 
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