Why do women chase and date men who seem so obviously below their level?


Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Sep 20, 2015
Why do women chase and date men who seem so obviously below their level?

  • It's not usually because they're unaware of their own attractiveness.
  • It's not usually because the guy has some great "game" or "tricked" the girl
  • It's not usually due to a dearth of "better" options in their environment

It is, simply, because women (and men) don't approach dating from a rational perspective, they approach it from an emotional perspective.

Do most people have a list of what they like, what they don't like, and what they're looking for in a partner? Sure. Do most people actually follow that list very closely in practice? Maybe. I'm not sure.
But what I've found is that, not surprisingly, most people go after and stay with partners who make them feel good. And this aspect of relationships is often not as correlated with people's lists, or even what we at a social level generally understand to be attractive, as we think.

Why is this important to us as more experienced veterans of the game?
Think about this. How do we evaluate potential mates in our environments as worth investing time and energy into building a relationship with? If you're like me, pretty critically. I don't have a lot of extra time and energy to spend on girls, and I know I'm a pretty good catch, so I'm not too worried about anyone being "out of my league". So, I tend to go by my list. If a girl demonstrates enough value/attractiveness, I'll build a relationship with her. And once you've been operating this way for a while, you might start to think that everyone operates this way, and that's very not true.

So what is the real "list" that most people use to evaluate potential mates? Some of it is the list of qualities that they'd tell you if you asked them, "What are you looking for in a partner?" But it's also:

  • Someone who gives them attention
  • Some who they feel comfortable with due to familiarity
  • Someone they can have sex with without it being weird or feeling social pressure (due to familiarity/established boundaries)
  • Someone they can talk to on a regular basis
  • etc.

The thing is, we don't mention these qualities in our lists of desirables because they're things that generally any human being can provide. In other words, when it comes to dating and mating, for the vast majority of people, something is better than nothing.

No surprise there, right? And it makes sense that those of us who (thankfully) live in abundance in terms of mates, are not going to place the same value on "something, anything" -- we consider that trivial, so to speak.
Here's another way of looking at it. The first time I got a girlfriend, it made me really happy. The first time I slept with a really hot chick, it made me happy. The first time I dated a girl who exceeded my expectations across the board, it made me really happy. And what happened next? Each time, my expectations went up. Not because of the girls or the "accomplishments" at all, simply because I continue to increase my value as a mate over time. So now, a girl who would have made me quite happy some years ago, isn't going to bring me the same joy today. And remember, it's that joy that motivates most people's mating decisions, not the critical evaluation.

What's the conclusion here?

  • Don't underestimate the value of giving people attention/making them feel good. After a while, it gets easy to rely on being high value/attractive for dating success, but a little effort still goes a long way. A girl who's a 7 might still choose the 5 that gives her attention and game over you, the 8 who stayed aloof/didn't really try.
  • Don't assume that just because you're approaching mating from a critical, rational, non-results-oriented approach, that most other people are.
  • Don't underestimate the value of having "somebody, anybody!" This seems counter-intuitive to abundance, but it's actually not. Sometimes we find ourselves in a season of life where we have little time/energy to devote to building relationships. If you're used to having lots of high-value girls, you might become even more picky, saying, "if I only have time for one first date a week, I'd better be very picky about who I ask out." But this can become a trap of over-estimating opportunity cost to the point of paralyzing our ability to take action.

Anyway, these are just some thoughts I've had lately.

What do you guys think?


Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Nov 20, 2012
err, more nuanced than it actually is.

what about women who meet me despite having no money and needed wifi from mcdonalds, to call me, as i observe her from distance.

and i didn't even know about it until the date.. and she was not that all pretty. and i am high level per se. I wanted to see if i can get an easy fuck but also self aware to know that i want to read the head of a physically "unblessed" women :) I be following your topic from the wilderness



Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Dec 17, 2018
Metalbird dude!

Interesting view an its something a have often wondered when a see a very attractive girl with some sloth an its like that guy has no game, am guessing by his appearance he doesnt have money or stupidly high social value so why is she with him? A cant figure it out but a wouldnt assume its cause he has tried cause it goes against the law of least effot. A wouldnt assume its cause of attention cause this attractive girl is getting a lot of attention. A know ya can be to distant an aloof an that will send her into autorejection but top an bottom someone smothering her with attention would be to easy yah?

A agree that especially girls are chasing feelings, an with this ya can still do great with sub par looks but a feel ya would need proper game especially to keep her. Unless shes found someone to fit the provider role an she is happy with those benefits?

like yaself a know am a pretty good catch but a do find a can settle if a like the attention they give me an a connect with them which a guess is howsomeone makes ya feel.

A little attention an effort can go a long way if its used right, a wouldnt start giving a girl all of ma free time. The somebody anybody philosophy actually works great to create abundance cause if ya give yaself more options ya always have abundance yah?? ma issue with that is a wont settle for a girl a would need to harpoon haha!! some people just dont hold standards an will go with anything.

Desperation? not picky? right feelings? Who cares? A have shot maself in the foot over estimating opportunity countless times to be left with no one a consider suitable, if ya confidence is then shot the right attention from the wrong person becomes everything ya crave....fortunately have never been that desperate.


Jun 20, 2019
All you say might be true but it might be overly though-out. In my experience there is no one reason or silver bullet but the most common reason is that sometimes women are too tired to be really chasing. So they create surrogate emotions. High value people tend to like to be in control, not dependent on others approval. Women's (and men's) evolution is non-linear. Sometimes they need to take a step back. To "slum" it. Women (and men) need to impress and be admired but sometimes in life we don't have enough energy or confidence to try to impress someone above our level. Impressing someone below us, someone whose opinion doesn't matter anyway, and who is easily replaceable is a good surrogate for the time being.
No-game guys must still have some initiative and be open to a good thing befalling them. And good-game and no-game guys lose opportunities to over-gaming.