Why don't you talk to those girls?! (challenge?)

[Black]

When hanging out with all kinds of circles I sometimes get pressure to go "approach girls" like. . . immediately, from totally random people who usually do not do any approaching themselves, in totally random ways. . .
My gut reaction is very bad because I don't like taking orders, I don't like people nagging me to do things repeatedly, I don't like to be put on the spotlight. . . and while I try to keep cool my response ranges from aloof to uncivil depending on how annoying they get.

I know I should be doing more approaching but that's my business and sometimes I just want to sit back and enjoy a beer.
Sometimes I have stuff on my mind after a long hard day.

Most of my problem is that I'm not sure what to make of it or what it really means.

When it comes from guys I tend to see it as a covert attempt at status jockeying (giving me orders, making a point about me in front of everyone nevermind the fact that "he himself" is not and has never cold approached, getting me to physically leave the group. . .)
Only once a guy doing this "offered to be a wingman".
Usually, if there's a guy truly interested in approaching he just goes and opens a group and automatically I follow. No drama.

When it comes from girls it's more complicated, seems like some kind of test to me. Why the heck would she care if I approach other girls in the venue?
I've seen it from girls in auto-rejection (why are you not approaching any of the girls? are you gay? / why are you so serious? did your girlfriend leave you? are you gonna start crying?).
I saw it from a girl who sat down to share her vodka bottle with me and was grabbing my hand and forcing it on her breasts less than an hour later.
Last weekend I was getting this from a girl that was obviously flirting with me, asking me "how I pick up girls" (I do? whoah!) and what kind of girl do I like.
I get it from girls I absolutely do not understand what they want.

Maybe, I'm doing something wrong (I don't see this happen to other guys). Maybe, it's a good thing.
Coming up with good answers is difficult.

 

[ray_zorse]

You could try meeting a compliance demand with an equal or higher demand of your own: "I will, if you will..." and in the case of the girl "haha, how do you pick up girls?" ... although when it's a girl it might be a bit more nuanced, she could be hinting that she wants a threesome. So I'd probably go and try to arrange one, if she hinted.
Ray

 

[Estate]

Waaaaaaaaaaaaay over thinking it man.

Guys are guys, they make dumb comments all the time. I know plenty guys like that... you're all noticing a few girls, they dare you to go over, yet they never go themselves.
What about the guy who dares you to do 3 shots of tequila in a row but is sipping on a beer himself?
The guy who dares you to do donuts in the parking lot, yet he'd never do it in his own car.

Could be anything. So what? Guys make stupid dares on other guys, then bust on them if they don't do it.

THAT'S not the problem. The problem is "PUA"s seeing EVERYTHING as some kind of "AMOG" tactic or "Frame Control" when in reality... it's just guys being guys, nobody cares.

If you want to approach the girl... go do it.
If you don't want to... just bust on the guy himself, it's just called bantering.

Stop overthinking it. If anything, you're probably getting these dares so uch because people see how it rattles you. It's fun.
It's not fun to bust on the guy who've never phased by things, so they pick on those who are.

 

[Black]

From reading other posts I see where you are coming from and I more or less agree but I'm not PUA.

. . .it just causes me to raise an eyebrow that a specific guy would repeatedly push the envelope and try to escalate things to a public scene where he can shout things like "maaaan! this way you are never going to ever get laid!". Particularly when he systematically starts this in front of (his) social circle girls, when he's 100% invested in that social circle and 0% in cold approaching, and when the guy is a Chinese - in China - with all the sensitivity for "status" and "face" he supposedly has.

The only other guy that did this. . . I could give him the benefit of the doubt. . . yes. . . but then again, in front of a girl (I think) he's chasing. The reason why there was three of us there was because I asked everyone to hang out (on some group convo), he said he was too busy, then this girl (on the same convo) tells me she herself is available, then the guy is suddenly not busy anymore. . .

Maybe, I'm still over thinking. . . but I'll try what Ray says either way.
So far my solution is to lower my energy level as much as possible, give one word answers, look away bored, take time to reply, reply with an ambiguous gesture - it eventually blows the wind out of their sails but I don't feel it's good for the group vibe. Also fun stuff could happen if they do decide to approach (the very very very few times I had some kind of wingman open a group, the girls were immediately attracted to me without me having to say anything special).

. . .it does not explain why the girls do it anyway.

 

[Black]

. . . she could be hinting that she wants a threesome. So I'd probably go and try to arrange one, if she hinted.

Interesting!
I actually asked her if she wanted to try picking up girls herself.
She laughed and said it was to be prepared against all the other foreigners. . . but whatever. . . I think she was attracted; she wouldn't stop grabbing my shoulder and the tension had built up all during the afternoon. There was two guys with us and she was completely ignoring them.

I could have (moderatedly) insisted on the lesbian topic as the other two weren't really listening.
That would have raised the temperature yet another notch.

I think I got better here - I didn't have this kind of situation regularly until 2014.
The only thing is that this is social circle, I still don't know how to proceed without getting burnt.

 

[Estate]

From reading other posts I see where you are coming from and I more or less agree but I'm not PUA.

. . .it just causes me to raise an eyebrow that a specific guy would repeatedly push the envelope and try to escalate things to a public scene where he can shout things like "maaaan! this way you are never going to ever get laid!". Particularly when he systematically starts this in front of (his) social circle girls, when he's 100% invested in that social circle and 0% in cold approaching, and when the guy is a Chinese - in China - with all the sensitivity for "status" and "face" he supposedly has.

The only other guy that did this. . . I could give him the benefit of the doubt. . . yes. . . but then again, in front of a girl (I think) he's chasing. The reason why there was three of us there was because I asked everyone to hang out (on some group convo), he said he was too busy, then this girl (on the same convo) tells me she herself is available, then the guy is suddenly not busy anymore. . .

Maybe, I'm still over thinking. . . but I'll try what Ray says either way.
So far my solution is to lower my energy level as much as possible, give one word answers, look away bored, take time to reply, reply with an ambiguous gesture - it eventually blows the wind out of their sails but I don't feel it's good for the group vibe. Also fun stuff could happen if they do decide to approach (the very very very few times I had some kind of wingman open a group, the girls were immediately attracted to me without me having to say anything special).

. . .it does not explain why the girls do it anyway.

I think I understand you're point. Asking why is this guy doing it and how do I "PUA" him back.

But I think you're giving him way too much credit. Like he's a jedi master of social arts constructing this scenario.

The reality is he's probably a needy bitch hung up on the girls you both know and insecurity is making him tool the other guys around.
is he getting laid with all those girls? I doubt it. He's just needy and doesn't want anyone else to either. .. so he acts like a dick. To be honest reaction achieves nothing. Any well attuned woman will realize he's only making himself look like a tool... I wouldn't bother playing him at his game... in fact I wouldn't hang out with a guy like this at all anymore if it were myself.

 

[Black]

Yes, that's more or less what I'm thinking of him lately.
Amongst other things, I notice most of these girls go into auto-rejection very fast or seem wary of me, then the only one in this circle I've slept with told me "he's always saying you (I) have a lot of girlfriends" - something he has no evidence of.

Then when talking about some girl we both know:
". . .has some mental problems! she thinks I'm her friend, but I don't even know why she talks to me!" - then he goes on to like all her social media stuff for the next 2 months.

Moodiness (I end up flirting with a girl, he starts complaining and ends up leaving), rationalizations (blames me, blames the venue, next time tells everyone he got bored because of me), and random incoherent backstabbing (I have a lot of girlfriends. . . then I'm never to get laid if I don't change? what?). . . I was hoping he'd eventually get his stuff together but I'm mostly in another social circle now.

. . . and, yeah, I always forget to not overestimate these guys.
. . .comes from the fact that my social life and skills were nought until two years ago or less - so I still don't have enough reference points to understand who can get away with what.