- Joined
- Jul 23, 2017
- Messages
- 187
I didn't really know where to post this but I feel the need to write this somewhere on here. Everything in life got super dramatic for me about a month ago. Not in a good way either, I was having trouble letting go of an ex who I ended up chasing after when she was actually just keeping me in orbit. It didn't take long for her to meet one of my other ex's (the one I mentioned in "the women from hell" post I made), they ended up becoming close friends and decided to play me as way of my other ex trying to get back together with me after somehow rationalizing this as her trying to get back AT me. I figured this out after looking back on it, which I had plenty of time for after I tried to kill myself without actually being able to go through with it.
My reasoning behind this being I was tired of chasing after her but even after a year of trying to move on, I was unable to. I figured if she said "no" to me instead of making some bullshit excuse, I would have a little more closure or maybe even be pleasantly surprised by a "yes". This is the part where I realized what was actually going on when she made an excuse that she was busy getting lunch at pizza place and ended up walking in on her hanging out with some friends and her sister in a candy shop while I was out running some errands. She froze up, her sister said they where avoiding me, I grabbed what I came for, payed for it and went home. Here, I didn't really know what to do. I had just realized I was being played and decided to guilt trip em'. I tried to kill myself, thinking someone would walk in and catch me in the act and spread the word after stopping me (I wasn't exactly thinking clearly). No one came and I managed to get free of the noose I made. A little traumatized, I ran away and posted a suicide note online instead (although I wasn't actually planning on doing this at this point.). My best friend who I had known for the longest time convinced me to come home, but before I could the police picked me up on the way. I was sent to a hospital for two days (one of them was thanksgiving). Then I was transferred to mental hospital (no, it's not padded walls and all, it's actually more like rehab. Some people where actually there to get over drug addictions) while the hospital was under lock down due to a shooter being on the loose in the building.
Once I got there, it immediately felt like the shankshaw redemption. Hell, my ceiling even had it written on it "K was here"! I was there for several days (the usual is eight to ten, sometimes it can go up to two months) so I'll just summarize. The entire time I was there, I realized what I had at home without actually losing anything. This gave me one goal, get the hell out of there before I go from over dramatic (I'm still 17, almost eighteen) and chasing to actually depressed (which I've actually been before, I know what it feels like. let me tell you, it's a thousand times worse than what I was feeling at the time). It took me two days to settle in and convince them I wasn't actually ill (after that, they where just keeping an eye on me and making sure I wouldn't try something like that again). Although this actually wasn't too hard, all girls there were insanely receptive to me (which as you could guess, feels fucking fantastic!).
I never approached any of them but I could hear them talking about me calling me cute, and they gave me this look that you could just tell they wanted to rip your clothes off right there and then. I mean, just think about where I was. That's pretty much an instant red flag from what I can tell. And even if I wanted to, they where all in a separate group than the one I was assigned (and there were rules against any kind of romance between patients here). Most of they guys here where pretty quite and in for drug addiction. The girls where in for a plethora of different reasons between them all but where very warm and sociable (honestly, you'd never know there was anything wrong with them if you met them on the street). Most of them where about two or three years younger than me, ranging from 14 to 17. Everyone in my group I would come to know as family as the days went by. Unlike most groups, we actually gave advice to each other and went to extraordinary lengths to help each other in our own problems (no matter how personal). The mornings where like high school all over again if you include getting up being woken up like a drill Sargent would, but the nights and meals (although sometimes having an acquired taste) where filled with laughter, jokes, and fun times all around.
What I'm failing to mention here is one big thing: there was only one girl who actually had the balls (metaphorically speaking) to chase after me and say "fuck the rules". This was like this from day one. She always called me cute, sat very close, and often gave me nicknames. Although I ignored all this, she continued to move things forward and ASKED ME OUT, asking to exchange numbers. Although two years younger than me, she was surprisingly cute herself. Sounds great, right? Well, yeah... until you consider why she was in there in the first place: her BOYFRIEND (who, from what I've heard is more on the rough side. I actually think the relationship is abusive. She says she tried to get him to kill her, he almost did during sex but ended up calling an ambulance after and left a thousand and one loving messages for her while she was in the mental hospital. So, i'm not exactly sure what to think). Either way, over the next few days we ended up getting to know each other a lot and I after getting to know her better, I wouldn't mind being with her if that was what she really wanted. So, I told her it was up to her to somehow slip me her number (which she did, the day before she got out).
When I was released, I was given some meds that where prescribed to help me control my mood better (on the sad side of the spectrum, not anger) and agreed to see a therapist for a while. (who I opened up to almost immediately). I still had the girl's number from the hospital. I texted her two days later. She said she didn't know who I was and that I had the wrong number, but my phone actually links numbers to Facebook profiles and her picture came up. It was actually her. I just let her go, assuming she was happier with her current boyfriend (although she had confessed to me that as experienced as she seems, she's actually afraid of being single and has always been with someone). A few days later, I texted the ex I was chasing. I burned the bridge, telling her I knew what she did and to never text me again. Immediately after, I blocked both number of both my ex's and kept the texts as evidence should I ever need to go to court against them (they've proven to be ruthless).
A month later, (just a week ago) the girl from the hospital texts me back saying she was sorry about the whole "I don't know you thing" and telling me it was her, even said she missed me. I was curious and texted her back asking plenty of questions. We ended up setting up a time to meet up. However, her boyfriend checks her texts (which is why is we started calling instead) and he's the jealous type.
She said he was cool with us meeting up, but tonight (the night before the meet) I texted her to check and see if we were still good for tomorrow only to find out her boyfriend wasn't okay with the whole thing and was pissed. He wanted to meet me. She kept calling me whenever she had the chance to try figure things out for the meet but her boyfriend ended up calling her during one of our calls. I told her to talk to him before he just gets more pissed. She did and I haven't heard from her since (or the boyfriend who said he'd text me but never did). I myself, realize it wouldn't be hard to "white knight" in a scenario such as this. That being said, I would like to say in all honesty that sometimes (although questionable) this guy doesn't sound all too bad and I actually would like to meet him out of pure curiosity.
I have also been talking to some other girls who I know from forever ago who have also been looking to get back in touch for some reason or another (one of which things almost worked out with but she ended up moving to Texas and since I live in PA, this was a problem but she's back in town for a while). Although I really can't say much for cold approaches right now, I'm planing on getting back to it as soon as I can get up at a decent hour (I have a flipped schedule; up all night, asleep all day). It's now been almost two months since this drama bomb went off and I've only just found the chance to get back on here again and get back to studying seduction again (I've also recently started a study in deduction as well, so if anyone has any advice for splitting time invested between the two let me know. I'm not currently enrolled in any school, BUT I'll be heading off to a high school program at a college by the end of January. This program sounds pretty good (especially since it works on a three day week and gives collage credit with the classes, one of which is psychology)! Anyways, I realize this one's I long one and I don't really have any real questions but if you guys have any advice for anything above, let me know. If not, thanks for the read just felt like I should write on here somewhere but didn't know where.
My reasoning behind this being I was tired of chasing after her but even after a year of trying to move on, I was unable to. I figured if she said "no" to me instead of making some bullshit excuse, I would have a little more closure or maybe even be pleasantly surprised by a "yes". This is the part where I realized what was actually going on when she made an excuse that she was busy getting lunch at pizza place and ended up walking in on her hanging out with some friends and her sister in a candy shop while I was out running some errands. She froze up, her sister said they where avoiding me, I grabbed what I came for, payed for it and went home. Here, I didn't really know what to do. I had just realized I was being played and decided to guilt trip em'. I tried to kill myself, thinking someone would walk in and catch me in the act and spread the word after stopping me (I wasn't exactly thinking clearly). No one came and I managed to get free of the noose I made. A little traumatized, I ran away and posted a suicide note online instead (although I wasn't actually planning on doing this at this point.). My best friend who I had known for the longest time convinced me to come home, but before I could the police picked me up on the way. I was sent to a hospital for two days (one of them was thanksgiving). Then I was transferred to mental hospital (no, it's not padded walls and all, it's actually more like rehab. Some people where actually there to get over drug addictions) while the hospital was under lock down due to a shooter being on the loose in the building.
Once I got there, it immediately felt like the shankshaw redemption. Hell, my ceiling even had it written on it "K was here"! I was there for several days (the usual is eight to ten, sometimes it can go up to two months) so I'll just summarize. The entire time I was there, I realized what I had at home without actually losing anything. This gave me one goal, get the hell out of there before I go from over dramatic (I'm still 17, almost eighteen) and chasing to actually depressed (which I've actually been before, I know what it feels like. let me tell you, it's a thousand times worse than what I was feeling at the time). It took me two days to settle in and convince them I wasn't actually ill (after that, they where just keeping an eye on me and making sure I wouldn't try something like that again). Although this actually wasn't too hard, all girls there were insanely receptive to me (which as you could guess, feels fucking fantastic!).
I never approached any of them but I could hear them talking about me calling me cute, and they gave me this look that you could just tell they wanted to rip your clothes off right there and then. I mean, just think about where I was. That's pretty much an instant red flag from what I can tell. And even if I wanted to, they where all in a separate group than the one I was assigned (and there were rules against any kind of romance between patients here). Most of they guys here where pretty quite and in for drug addiction. The girls where in for a plethora of different reasons between them all but where very warm and sociable (honestly, you'd never know there was anything wrong with them if you met them on the street). Most of them where about two or three years younger than me, ranging from 14 to 17. Everyone in my group I would come to know as family as the days went by. Unlike most groups, we actually gave advice to each other and went to extraordinary lengths to help each other in our own problems (no matter how personal). The mornings where like high school all over again if you include getting up being woken up like a drill Sargent would, but the nights and meals (although sometimes having an acquired taste) where filled with laughter, jokes, and fun times all around.
What I'm failing to mention here is one big thing: there was only one girl who actually had the balls (metaphorically speaking) to chase after me and say "fuck the rules". This was like this from day one. She always called me cute, sat very close, and often gave me nicknames. Although I ignored all this, she continued to move things forward and ASKED ME OUT, asking to exchange numbers. Although two years younger than me, she was surprisingly cute herself. Sounds great, right? Well, yeah... until you consider why she was in there in the first place: her BOYFRIEND (who, from what I've heard is more on the rough side. I actually think the relationship is abusive. She says she tried to get him to kill her, he almost did during sex but ended up calling an ambulance after and left a thousand and one loving messages for her while she was in the mental hospital. So, i'm not exactly sure what to think). Either way, over the next few days we ended up getting to know each other a lot and I after getting to know her better, I wouldn't mind being with her if that was what she really wanted. So, I told her it was up to her to somehow slip me her number (which she did, the day before she got out).
When I was released, I was given some meds that where prescribed to help me control my mood better (on the sad side of the spectrum, not anger) and agreed to see a therapist for a while. (who I opened up to almost immediately). I still had the girl's number from the hospital. I texted her two days later. She said she didn't know who I was and that I had the wrong number, but my phone actually links numbers to Facebook profiles and her picture came up. It was actually her. I just let her go, assuming she was happier with her current boyfriend (although she had confessed to me that as experienced as she seems, she's actually afraid of being single and has always been with someone). A few days later, I texted the ex I was chasing. I burned the bridge, telling her I knew what she did and to never text me again. Immediately after, I blocked both number of both my ex's and kept the texts as evidence should I ever need to go to court against them (they've proven to be ruthless).
A month later, (just a week ago) the girl from the hospital texts me back saying she was sorry about the whole "I don't know you thing" and telling me it was her, even said she missed me. I was curious and texted her back asking plenty of questions. We ended up setting up a time to meet up. However, her boyfriend checks her texts (which is why is we started calling instead) and he's the jealous type.
She said he was cool with us meeting up, but tonight (the night before the meet) I texted her to check and see if we were still good for tomorrow only to find out her boyfriend wasn't okay with the whole thing and was pissed. He wanted to meet me. She kept calling me whenever she had the chance to try figure things out for the meet but her boyfriend ended up calling her during one of our calls. I told her to talk to him before he just gets more pissed. She did and I haven't heard from her since (or the boyfriend who said he'd text me but never did). I myself, realize it wouldn't be hard to "white knight" in a scenario such as this. That being said, I would like to say in all honesty that sometimes (although questionable) this guy doesn't sound all too bad and I actually would like to meet him out of pure curiosity.
I have also been talking to some other girls who I know from forever ago who have also been looking to get back in touch for some reason or another (one of which things almost worked out with but she ended up moving to Texas and since I live in PA, this was a problem but she's back in town for a while). Although I really can't say much for cold approaches right now, I'm planing on getting back to it as soon as I can get up at a decent hour (I have a flipped schedule; up all night, asleep all day). It's now been almost two months since this drama bomb went off and I've only just found the chance to get back on here again and get back to studying seduction again (I've also recently started a study in deduction as well, so if anyone has any advice for splitting time invested between the two let me know. I'm not currently enrolled in any school, BUT I'll be heading off to a high school program at a college by the end of January. This program sounds pretty good (especially since it works on a three day week and gives collage credit with the classes, one of which is psychology)! Anyways, I realize this one's I long one and I don't really have any real questions but if you guys have any advice for anything above, let me know. If not, thanks for the read just felt like I should write on here somewhere but didn't know where.
) nothing to extreme in my case though.