Why not text for rapport?

[coltonp13]

Hey guys,
I have a question about texting to girls to get dates. Lets imagine a scenario where I have known a girl for a few years and we are friendly acquaintances but not close enough to be considered friends. Now lets say I see her at a party and talk to her a bit and decide I want to start texting her more. I have her number already I just don't text her. In this situation, wouldn't it be better if I text her a few days to get to know her better before asking her out on the first texting interaction we've had? For example, talking about how summer's been going, getting to know her better, and general banter first? Then after a few days of that I would ask her casually to meet up and get ice cream or something. Would that not be preferable to just asking her what her schedule is like and if she want to hang out? I know that the articles about texting girls all state that you shouldn't text to build rapport, but I feel in this case it would be better. Any advice on what to say in the texts would be greatly appreciated as im pretty bad with this stuff. Thanks a lot.

 

[Smith]

Dude, it depends. you can text her for a few days then ask her out. It works. Or you can just ask her out on the first text. it still works. Just pick one and go for it. The reason you should ask her out as soon as possible because you will get chasey over text especially when you're not in abundance.

 

[Seppuku]

Hey man,

I know GC's articles advocate to remain short and to the point over text. I, personally, have no qualms about initially building rapport over text. The key, as Smith said, is to remain non chasey, and avoid the chat trap.

You will need to initiate and bait her, asking her basic "get to know" questions. Display genuine interest in her. You want to see her starting reciprocating questions ("the hook point"). If you can't get to this point very quickly (i.e. a couple days, and at most a week) then it's unlikely to happen, you should withdraw and focus your energy elsewhere.

If she reciprocates questions, then do not wait and suggest a meeting very quickly. "Hey, let us meet sometimes. What's your schedule like this week?" If you don't ask a real life meeting soon you may get into a chat trap that leads nowhere. If you don't lead the interaction into a meeting soon, she's likely to lead you into limbo.

Key to remain non chasey, is to have not one, but many girls like this on texting. Then you don't care about the particular outcome with this or that girl.

I also use and abuse silences over text.

Cheers,
Seppuku

 

[Seppuku]

Another point.

The fact that it's a girl you've been around for some time, makes it less likely to get anywhere.

Of course you can try - and you absolutely should try. But if things feel weird, or weak response from her, or doesn't look like getting anywhere, don't stick around, and spend your energy elsewhere. And don't chase her - that's death sentence.

You basically stand more chances with brand new girls, than with girls that "have been around for some time". It's field proven many times over!

Anyway good luck and let us know of the outcome.

Cheers,
Seppuku

 

[Drck]

Another point, by texting you are giving her too much power. It goes like this:

You start texting, and she texts back. All is great.
So you text some more - but now she goes colder, and then silent...

What are you going to do? Send another text, perhaps she replies in a couple of hours, or next day...
But at the same time you know she practically sleeps with her phone, she's glued to it 24/7....

So now you are screwed:
If you keep texting more you will be perceived as needy, and she will dump you...
If you don't text, chances are that she won't text back either...
At the same time you will be thinking 24/7 about why is she not texting you? What or who is more interesting than you, is that a reason why she doesn't text back? What did you write so wrong that she stopped texting you? What did she misinterpret the wrong way? Did she just find a new BF because she didn't text you back in 12 hours?

Exactly... You are now thinking and thinking what went wrong, and you have no clue because you can't see her... You are off balance, you have no power over the interaction, she has all the choices in her hands - when to text you if at all, what to text you and how...

Also, girls are looking for a man. If you tell her everything over the phone or if she tells ou everything - what's the reason she would want to meet you? She already knows most about you, she already told you all about her...

She's already texting all of her girlfriends, all day long. Is she now going to be texting some guy the same way? Think twice, she already has many GFs to talk to, she wants a MAN for entirely different reasons than chit chat over the phone...


IMO those are important reasons. Sometimes it may work, most of the time it doesn't. She can't see you, you can't see her, there is no connection, you can't get closer and touch her when she shows you attraction...

 

[coltonp13]

Thanks a lot for the advice guys. I'm gonna try texting a few days and then hopefully get to asking her out.