Will you defend or Will you defend yourself?

[trashKENNUT]

I think one of the most difficult things in life is being put in a spotlight.

I been criticized as a referee for a soccer game i did not want.
I been "othered" in social circles because i tried to keep the group together.
I been criticized after i leave social circles because i been drained.
I been commented that i am a fucktard even when the guy owes me money in the social circle.
I been ostracized by social circle which clearly don't respect my abilities. Even the guys in the "hood" respected me, and even said Hi when they meet me outside after that incident.

So what do you do? IF your wife dress "too sexy" and is being subjected to moral superiority if she's from a conservative background and a conservative country? What do you do when a friend who is in a higher power in the organization gets criticized and you try to mitigate the problem? Why is the guy like me who genuinely cared about creating a positive atmosphere get fuck up down left right center even if what he believe in is true? Why is it that people fuck up the people who was there for them?

But more importantly, What do you do if you put in a spotlight? Here's the harshest life lessons i learn.

1)You do not want to mitigate the problem. Because it implicates that it is true. Unfortunately guys think this way too. Not just girls.

2)You do not want to put yourself "above"/defend yourself. Because it is obviously your problem. and this makes your relationship resume terribly.

3)You do not want to take the blame. Because it is not yours.

4)You do not want to criticize your partner/friend/mentor/boss. Because this means you only there for the good time. (unless this is what you want)

My answer is Don't say anything at all.

When it comes to things that are true, and it is obvious, IT makes you look stupid to mitigate it. Because as a guy like me, i was raised to protect and try to create a positive environment for the world. In the "world" here means social circle/family/friends/organizations. Unfortunately, The world doesn't work that way. So when a fight breaks out, sometimes you just have to let it be. We needed two world wars and many skirmishes going on in the world and still going, to find peace within ourselves. I guess that's just how it is. I hate this fact, really.

One must realize where he is or what he sees. Then he goes from there. But until then, i guess not rewarding "bad behaviour"? (No matter how much billionaires donate after they die, with that agreement. It still not going to change anything. Just another thought)

Being Neutral earns the respect of even the "worse" of human beings. Experience it firsthand. People won't disturb you, even.

Zac

 

[R.A.D.]

Well the thing is when you are in a spotlight you have two choices, is this something negotiable i.e. that i can pass or be ok with it, or it is not worth the effort (much like the examples you give) this just requires you to take control of your emotions and let the moment pass. Or something non negotiable, i.e. i cant look the other way and i must take action or else i would be going against everything i believe important. When you do take action in such a way that trigers that horrible reaction in people is because most times you are challenging all their comfourtable beliefs and social order. I learnt there is no way to defend your beliefs and be in a position of power if you cant survive the constant bombarding you will receive to go back to the norm.

But as ive experienced if you do resist and persist very good things come from it, people that support you will appear in time and you will learn how to manage different strategies that solve the problem without giving people much room to critisize and protect yourself better from it.

But yes the world wants us nice and quite like sheep.