Winking?

[PinotNoir]

I couldn't find a thread directly on this, probably missed it.

What do you guys think about winking at a girl when she locks eye contact with you?

Say you're walking down the street. A girl looks at you. You give her a quick, soft wink, and then a slow side smile.

Also, wonder if she's on a date and you do this? Bad idea?

Is this too chasey?

 

[NarrowJ]

Personally, I don't wink at a girl unless I already know her and I'm either having a conversation with her and say something cheeky. Or, I'm talking to someone else and she's close enough to us to hear what I'm saying- I may wink at her if she is paying attention to the conversation and I say something funny, and she is watching.

I haven't used the wink with a girl I've not talked to that is making eye contact with me. To me, it just says "Hey I'm not bold enough to come talk to you. So I'm going to wink at you and hopefully you can give me some more indicators or a bigger smile so I know it's ok to approach"

Would James Bond wink at a girl from the safety of the other end of the bar? Or would he slide up next to her, wait for her to turn to him, and then say something interesting?

I suppose it can work, but I do not do it.

NJ

 

[Anonymous]

What works for one person may not work for another.

The problem with the focus on these tiny aspects of body language and expression is overemphasizing these minute details. They do matter, but in the end, you want to focus on the aspects of yourself that will maximize your results, i.e. having great posture, a sexy walk, moving slow and smoothly vs. being good at winking or knowing how to shake a girl's hand, etc.

Focus on what will bring you results, not little details that have minor or inconsequential effects.

That said, winking is a playful gesture. If you do it right, it's ok. Do it wrong, and you'll seem try hard, or creepy. But that goes for anything. You have to make it your own. Make it a part of you, practice it until it becomes natural and use it. But only do things if they resonate with you.

 

[Knight]

Winking can be a really low effort and easy non-verbal to use... when the time is right. Sadly numerous men have fallen into the 'creepy' genre after winking at high value female friends of mine.

However on the other side of the spectrum, winking reminds me of three men who I have met in my limited lifetime who have all coolly pulled off winking, I remember one of these men even had his closet friend deliver a speech about a story of the man winking. He gave that speech in-front of over a thousand people at the young man's funeral. That stuck with me long before I knew about any of this stuff.

So far I have found winking to be best used in a playful tone - when I upgrade my fundamentals further I aim to learn when I can use winking more and without thinking.

 

[Franco]

Pinot,

My opinion pretty much mirrors everything NarrowJ said here. If you think about it, winking as an opener is kind of like an overused pick-up line -- the difference is, a pick-up line is even better because at least it means you approached the girl!

On the other hand, winking when you're already in conversation with a girl to be cheeky or emphasize a sexual innuendo can sometimes make her swoon. It shows confidence and playfulness: two attributes I'm very fond of in my interactions with women these days.

And as an added note, this was actually one of my first thoughts right after reading your post:

Would James Bond wink at a girl from the safety of the other end of the bar? Or would he slide up next to her, wait for her to turn to him, and then say something interesting?

- Franco

 

[PinotNoir]

Thanks guys for your input. I've seen some guys use "winking" as an opener and have played around with it once or twice (approaching after winking of course), so I was curious. After reading the comments, it probably is much more powerful as a non-opener and instead better followed after a good remark.

J.J., of course. It was just a passing thought that I hadn't seen addressed and was curious about others' thoughts on.