- Joined
- Aug 19, 2014
- Messages
- 15
First of all, I'll say I've read many of the excellent articles here relating to seduction and the one with regards to girls in relationships. My situation however is a bit tricky. I'll also mention that I'm not looking to be her "other guy". I don't play dirty when it comes to this; I'm not going to talk shit about the other guy, and if things work out it's not going to be behind his back. I'm going to insist that she choose between us. I am prepared for this to be a no-go, but I think it's worth a shot.
I'm a young man (20 years old), and there's this girl who I have been friends with on and off for about 2 years (who is the same age). There's a bit of a backstory to this relationship, but to keep things short essentially what happened was that when we first met, I was mentally much younger and less mature, and really had no idea how to get women. I made blunder after blunder trying to win her, and failed miserably (she ended up having a fling with another guy, but they fizzled pretty quickly). I wised up though and took a break for quite a while from her, several months with no contact whatsoever, and then on and off casual chatting and running into each other at events (I made no attempt to pursue her on purpose).
She's a tricky girl; lots of emotional baggage from a shitty childhood (bullied, neglectful father and manipulative mother). She was quite manipulative herself when I first met her, completely willing to string younger me along as her emotional support/therapist, even trying to entice me out of a relationship with an offer of one (which she quickly started backing up on when I questioned her about it). She's not malicious about it, she just craves someone that can be a no-strings-attached support, which is obviously a big trap for guys like me. She's one of those girls that can be extremely tough to woo (not just for me, but the other guys who have pursued her). She's extremely unsure of herself in that she will NEVER make a first move in any interaction (she'll never initiate flirting or even conversations with guys who have made a clear pass on her), even when the situation screams that she can. But she also will respond poorly to direct approaches; being too direct about your intentions usually results in her feeling controlled and she will hit the kill switch on the interaction. There's a sort of sweet spot that I've yet to identify, and that's why I'm here
So fast forward to today; I just recently after quite a while of not talking to or seeing each other, to invite her along to "hang out" at a theme park. We met up, and there was a good vibe. The conversation between us kept flowing and flowing the entire day we were there. I've learned since the first time not to act eager or too much like a friend, so I made sure to alternate between being close and flirty and a bit more distant and into the other people around me (trying to get her to engage). Broke the touch barrier pretty easily and kept sneaking the occasional flirty touch in when appropriate. HOWEVER, we went to get lunch, and when I mentioned an ex off hand when the conversation steered in that direction, she dropped the fact that she had just started dating another guy for the last two months. It's a sporadic thing, they only see each other like 3-4 times a month due to distance and schedule.
I handled it extremely well and conveyed no sense of shock and acted pretty jovial about it. I did a little probing and managed to get her talking about the relationship on her own without getting into that therapist mindset. First of all, I got a pretty definite feeling of hesitancy on her part. Instead of dropping all of these positives she was mentioning things he did that annoyed her. I also got the impression that he's a bit clingy emotionally, as she mentioned being worried about the fact he's already dropping the "L-word" frequently, which seems to be out of her comfort zone. I played it cool and gave her some generic advice to avoid sounding too interested ("He sounds like a nice guy, maybe he just had some problems in the past, blah blah"). Anyways, I avoided talking about the boyfriend stuff for the rest of the day and just kept up what I had been doing so far. Finally, we get to the end, we're watching some fireworks, and she asks me if she can talk to me about something. She wanted to know if I had been really hurt when she had rejected me those years ago, and said it was something that she had obsessed about for a while. I told her yes, at the time I had been disappointed, but no, it didn't destroy me emotionally or anything. I told her that she made the correct decision for the time, as neither of us were in a place that a relationship would have worked between us, and that the experience also drove me to get out there and grow up a little. I played the whole thing very cavalier and kept it light, laughing. We talked a bit about both of us maturing, etc. I then decided to go in for a hug, and ended up getting a really close one. After that, we started heading home, I turned the conversation back to more light-hearted fun stuff and we had a great time. We got back to her house, I said goodbye, she went in for another hug. I get home. She texts me saying she loved talking to me and good night. I responded that she's sharp and catches onto the philosophical things we both like to talk about quickly and also said goodnight. She ended up keeping the conversation going despite that, but I knew to end it before it died on it's own so I just said: "We have to meet up and talk some more, I'll cover the food.", which she agreed with. I didn't press to set a date however, as I felt it was too soon to already be scheduling another meetup.
So here we are. Right now the situation is poised pretty neutrally. From my experience I have her interest, but if I go in for the kill too quickly she's going to back off. If I leave it, she'll read too much into it and give up. I'm wondering if anyone has some experience with similar tricky women. We're currently still operating under the facade that we're just friends, but it's definitely poised to be something else; I'm feeling some interest from her. What pace should I take in trying to call this facade out? As in, how quickly should I make my intentions more direct and clear? How should I position them?
And thank you for making it through my TL;DR post
I'm a young man (20 years old), and there's this girl who I have been friends with on and off for about 2 years (who is the same age). There's a bit of a backstory to this relationship, but to keep things short essentially what happened was that when we first met, I was mentally much younger and less mature, and really had no idea how to get women. I made blunder after blunder trying to win her, and failed miserably (she ended up having a fling with another guy, but they fizzled pretty quickly). I wised up though and took a break for quite a while from her, several months with no contact whatsoever, and then on and off casual chatting and running into each other at events (I made no attempt to pursue her on purpose).
She's a tricky girl; lots of emotional baggage from a shitty childhood (bullied, neglectful father and manipulative mother). She was quite manipulative herself when I first met her, completely willing to string younger me along as her emotional support/therapist, even trying to entice me out of a relationship with an offer of one (which she quickly started backing up on when I questioned her about it). She's not malicious about it, she just craves someone that can be a no-strings-attached support, which is obviously a big trap for guys like me. She's one of those girls that can be extremely tough to woo (not just for me, but the other guys who have pursued her). She's extremely unsure of herself in that she will NEVER make a first move in any interaction (she'll never initiate flirting or even conversations with guys who have made a clear pass on her), even when the situation screams that she can. But she also will respond poorly to direct approaches; being too direct about your intentions usually results in her feeling controlled and she will hit the kill switch on the interaction. There's a sort of sweet spot that I've yet to identify, and that's why I'm here
So fast forward to today; I just recently after quite a while of not talking to or seeing each other, to invite her along to "hang out" at a theme park. We met up, and there was a good vibe. The conversation between us kept flowing and flowing the entire day we were there. I've learned since the first time not to act eager or too much like a friend, so I made sure to alternate between being close and flirty and a bit more distant and into the other people around me (trying to get her to engage). Broke the touch barrier pretty easily and kept sneaking the occasional flirty touch in when appropriate. HOWEVER, we went to get lunch, and when I mentioned an ex off hand when the conversation steered in that direction, she dropped the fact that she had just started dating another guy for the last two months. It's a sporadic thing, they only see each other like 3-4 times a month due to distance and schedule.
I handled it extremely well and conveyed no sense of shock and acted pretty jovial about it. I did a little probing and managed to get her talking about the relationship on her own without getting into that therapist mindset. First of all, I got a pretty definite feeling of hesitancy on her part. Instead of dropping all of these positives she was mentioning things he did that annoyed her. I also got the impression that he's a bit clingy emotionally, as she mentioned being worried about the fact he's already dropping the "L-word" frequently, which seems to be out of her comfort zone. I played it cool and gave her some generic advice to avoid sounding too interested ("He sounds like a nice guy, maybe he just had some problems in the past, blah blah"). Anyways, I avoided talking about the boyfriend stuff for the rest of the day and just kept up what I had been doing so far. Finally, we get to the end, we're watching some fireworks, and she asks me if she can talk to me about something. She wanted to know if I had been really hurt when she had rejected me those years ago, and said it was something that she had obsessed about for a while. I told her yes, at the time I had been disappointed, but no, it didn't destroy me emotionally or anything. I told her that she made the correct decision for the time, as neither of us were in a place that a relationship would have worked between us, and that the experience also drove me to get out there and grow up a little. I played the whole thing very cavalier and kept it light, laughing. We talked a bit about both of us maturing, etc. I then decided to go in for a hug, and ended up getting a really close one. After that, we started heading home, I turned the conversation back to more light-hearted fun stuff and we had a great time. We got back to her house, I said goodbye, she went in for another hug. I get home. She texts me saying she loved talking to me and good night. I responded that she's sharp and catches onto the philosophical things we both like to talk about quickly and also said goodnight. She ended up keeping the conversation going despite that, but I knew to end it before it died on it's own so I just said: "We have to meet up and talk some more, I'll cover the food.", which she agreed with. I didn't press to set a date however, as I felt it was too soon to already be scheduling another meetup.
So here we are. Right now the situation is poised pretty neutrally. From my experience I have her interest, but if I go in for the kill too quickly she's going to back off. If I leave it, she'll read too much into it and give up. I'm wondering if anyone has some experience with similar tricky women. We're currently still operating under the facade that we're just friends, but it's definitely poised to be something else; I'm feeling some interest from her. What pace should I take in trying to call this facade out? As in, how quickly should I make my intentions more direct and clear? How should I position them?
And thank you for making it through my TL;DR post
