wisemonkeyman's Newbie Assignment

[wisemonkeyman]

So since my last post, I got a girl on Tinder's number and been in a bit of a casual relationship with her. Unfortunately she lives in Ireland so it became a bit difficult. She seems to have lost interest lately but I got to know her better than her family.

After she started losing interest I moved onto other girls on Tinder and seem to be able to get good matches who chat. I'm talking to 5 girls on there.

I was in Inverness at the weekend and went on a night out. We started at a gentleman's club, someone else's choice as I find them a bit weird and hard to get social momentum going. I talked to 6 or 7 of the strippers but didn't do anything with them due to cost. My friend decided to spend the whole evening with one of the strippers and almost got her number but fucked up at the last moment. She was going to give him the paper she had written her number on and she said "Do you want my number?" and his reply was "I'd like to consider my options." A waste of 3 hours and £60.

Another friend and I went off to another bar because we got bored. Had a drink and a girl approached me. She was a little pump but not unattractive. She said her friend liked me, pointing to a 50 year old down the bar a bit. I said I wasn't interested and she started challenging me. Was it because I was Polish (I'm Scottish)? Prove to her I was Scottish. She then moved on to ask if I would ask her to go away if she approached me and what would happen if she wanted to kiss me. Would I kiss her or make her work a bit harder? I told her she would she to work a bit harder and then when she protested I kissed her. She told us that we had to go with her and her friends back to the gentleman's club and dragged me out the club. After a bit of a walk, we met my friend who had been with the stripper. She kept asking if I would pay for a girl to strip.

We ended up meeting her friends who seemed a bit confused. She stuck with me though and she started pushing my hands down her body. Something in my body resisted. I'm not sure why. We went to get some food and I waited outside. When she came out, her and her friends walked past me.

There are a few things I need some advice about here I guess. I've found girls approach me a fair bit, however I've never gotten over the approach anxiety. I guess i think I've no idea what to say. How do you get over that? Also with Tinder, how do you get more into fast dates as quite a few girls seem to be using it for relationship hunting. I seemed to have certain resistance to being close with a girl.

 

[wisemonkeyman]

I have identified the reasons behind the approach anxiety and taken steps to challenge them. One of the issues was my self esteem and confidence around women. I am currently challenging the beliefs I have about women every time I am out. My issue is that I seem to find touch uncomfortable. I am going to pause the Assignment until I have grown comfortable with this.

I was out last night and we ended up at a nightclub playing old school music. There was two couples, one containing a girl I used to have a thing with, who kept dropping hints all evening. The age range was a little higher than normal. I was at the bar and two ladies approached us. One was quite large and her friend looked to be in her 30's. Her friend started talking to me and told me a little about herself. She had two kids and was an artist. I asked her how creative she was. She told me she was quite creative. She then asked where I stayed and I said Edinburgh. She asked if my parents were rich cos it's very expensive to stay here. At this point, the girl I used to have a thing with came up and started shouting that I had abandoned her bag and someone had stolen it. She managed to tip my drink all over me. I excused myself from the conversation with the artist and went to locate the bags, which were where they had been left. I went back and the artist was chatting to my friend, who then said to me "She is well into you!" I said I would be right back as I had to go to the bathroom to clean myself up and when I came back she was gone.

We returned to the table we had been at and I was looking down at my phone. My friend suddenly banged the table and I looked up to find a girl staring angrily at me. I looked over to my friend and said "What is it?" and then he immediately pulled his girlfriend onto the dancefloor leaving me with the angry looking girl. I backed out and went to find my other friend.

Looking at these situations, I can see I should have got some compliance from the artist and moved her away from the ex after locating the bags. This would have tested how into me she was and whether I could have progressed. I expect it was the anxiety. With the other girl, I am not sure how I could have recovered from that shaky beginning.

 

[wisemonkeyman]

I actually managed to achieve my goal. I went out at the end of November and was a little drunker than I usually am (I got roped into playing a drinking game). We ended up in a nightclub that has one floor of older music and one with newer stuff. They were having a reunion night for another club that people my age used to go to. We had VIP access so had a nice table in there. After we had our free drinks, I went to hang about outside in the main dance floor.

After about 5 minutes, my friend and I were approached by a group of girls who were very giggly and they offered to buy us some drinks. One of them caught my eye and I had a very good flirty chat with her. She was a doctor from another town and had been a regular at the other nightclub. We reminisced a bit about it and she started questioning me about what I do. I didn't reveal at first and made her guess before revealing I was a programmer. After a further bit of chat and a dance, her friends decided to go upstairs. She gave me a kiss on the cheek and then left. After a short while, I ended up being dragged upstairs as well by friends. She immediately came and started dancing with me. We had a good dance and I went back downstairs. I saw her a bit later and she and her friends kept looking over to me.

Later on I was hanging about at my usual spot, just next to the VIP section and she was on the dance floor. I saw she was dancing with another guy but he rushed off to be sick. I decided to see if she wanted another dance and I got her number, just as she left. Unfortunately she didn't respond to my messages. I think I had acted a bit needy hanging about near her.

After that night out, I got invited to a birthday party by my now girlfriend. I decided to go and when we were there, she was sexy dancing against me while trying to impress a guy who had indicated his interest. I gave her a peck on the cheek in front of him. She invited me back the next week to gather some beer for a party I was having and we had a very long chat about relationships, travelling, seduction and various other things. The next time I saw her, she invited me to give her a proper kiss and with nothing to lose, spent a couple of hours fooling around on a friends sofa.

I had a party the week after and she stayed over. We didn't do anything then but the week after I went on a work night out which was a disaster due to some wee girl at the office trying to play power games. I decided to leave and went round. We ended up fooling around a lot, several times using some of the tips on GirlChase.

The next week, we were away to Barbardos - a holiday we had arranged a few months before we knew each other. There were 6 of us going and it was an excellent holiday. We had our first date on a katamaran, swimming with sea turtles. One of them blew bubbles in her face. The holiday in general was excellent and we had one more date, where we almost got caught in a few compromising places.

After the new year, I decided that since we have got so much in common, it would be worthwhile asking her out properly. We have been together a few months now and I took the advice on the recent series of articles about relationships.

I've since learned that a lot of her friends were chasing me including a friends mum. Girls still seem to be chasing me even though I am in a relationship currently. I don't have any intention of straying as I have made that commitment.

What I have learned on here has been invaluable. One lesson I have learned is that you have to pursue all of your goals through to the finish, even if you aren't wholly comfortable and it is pushing a few boundaries at the time.