- Joined
- Jan 7, 2015
- Messages
- 792
I got a call from my recent lay yesterday, starting the conversation with "I think we have to end this". To be honest, I wasn't surprised. It just happened way faster than I anticipated.
I had her visit me last Tuesday where we escalated towards our first hot sex not one minute inside my place, and I spent the night at her place Saturday when I returned to the city from a place far away. She was being very touchy in that romantic way, and while I liked her too, I didn't want to show that kind of affection because... well, I didn't feel like it. And I am not looking for a girlfriend.
I think the call lasted an hour or so. I don't really remember the details right now - seriously need to write a diary or write in my journal as soon as these events happen - but she said she felt some distance from my part, and that it didn't work for her because she went all in with a guy and wanted to feel that he did the same. Maybe a shit test?
We got to talk about our intentions. She was glad that I was honest about my intention (which is "just enjoying being single"), but she would like to have known sooner. This is something I will work on because my precedent with her was more boyfriend-ish than anything else. And she claimed that she was looking for a partner that wanted something serious - I guess she meant monogamous and exclusive by that.
She also claimed that if I had told her sooner, she might even have agreed to it. I don't wanna think about whether she is the telling the truth or not, BUT I guess she said that to make me think I might have been lucky if I played my cards better. She is not the first girl to say something like "If you had just said X, then Y would have happened" when things were going to end.
So I took a chance and reversed the scenario by telling her:
Me: If you had dropped your innoncent girl act when we met, I might not have treated you like that (I know I am the one to blame, but what do I have to lose at this point?)
Her: I know.. I just thought you would find that side of me most attractive
Me: It's ironic. Here we both acted like we wanted to "just see where things were going", but we both had an agenda. We're obviously not a match!
Her: *laughs* oh my god
The call continued as she asked whether anyone knew. I told her no one of my friends knew about her at all because I love to keep my affairs to myself, and she asked what all that was about. Simply told her truth, and asked what about her. She, of course, had already told her friends, and they thought I had hurted her for only wanting sex, but giving her the idea I want something else.
It's funny though. I got to know her WAY more during this call than I ever did during our two dates. Why?
The call ended with us acknowledging that it sucked we had to let such a good thing go, but it was probably the best. I admit that I tried to make her reconsider, but she answered "You should just go fuck those other girls" without sounding bitter.
We talked before sleeping, so I didn't really think about our conversation when it ended... until I had lunch today, and a light lit up above my head. I just realized a couple of things in that single moment.
I also realized how different it is to read about how female psychology works vs. EXPERIENCE how it works. Reading is like "oh, that makes sense, yeah yeah, I get that. ooooh, sounds exciting!" while experiencing is more like "OH MY GOD, NOW I SEE! WHY DIDN'T I GET THIS BEFORE" I walked around with a half grin on my face the rest of the day, realizing what a fool I have been and realizing I have still lots to learn about seduction and them women
This experience have not scared me away. It's like I see a little more clearly.
But I want to see even more clearly.
I want to throw fists on a punching bag and only stop when I can see the bones of my hands.. Because only then, I know I have put in the amount of effort necessary to get the kind of life I want.
And finally, I'm going to give a toast.. to all us men who have fallen prey to women's "innoncent trap" before
Cheers
a-jay
I had her visit me last Tuesday where we escalated towards our first hot sex not one minute inside my place, and I spent the night at her place Saturday when I returned to the city from a place far away. She was being very touchy in that romantic way, and while I liked her too, I didn't want to show that kind of affection because... well, I didn't feel like it. And I am not looking for a girlfriend.
I think the call lasted an hour or so. I don't really remember the details right now - seriously need to write a diary or write in my journal as soon as these events happen - but she said she felt some distance from my part, and that it didn't work for her because she went all in with a guy and wanted to feel that he did the same. Maybe a shit test?
We got to talk about our intentions. She was glad that I was honest about my intention (which is "just enjoying being single"), but she would like to have known sooner. This is something I will work on because my precedent with her was more boyfriend-ish than anything else. And she claimed that she was looking for a partner that wanted something serious - I guess she meant monogamous and exclusive by that.
She also claimed that if I had told her sooner, she might even have agreed to it. I don't wanna think about whether she is the telling the truth or not, BUT I guess she said that to make me think I might have been lucky if I played my cards better. She is not the first girl to say something like "If you had just said X, then Y would have happened" when things were going to end.
So I took a chance and reversed the scenario by telling her:
Me: If you had dropped your innoncent girl act when we met, I might not have treated you like that (I know I am the one to blame, but what do I have to lose at this point?)
Her: I know.. I just thought you would find that side of me most attractive
Me: It's ironic. Here we both acted like we wanted to "just see where things were going", but we both had an agenda. We're obviously not a match!
Her: *laughs* oh my god
The call continued as she asked whether anyone knew. I told her no one of my friends knew about her at all because I love to keep my affairs to myself, and she asked what all that was about. Simply told her truth, and asked what about her. She, of course, had already told her friends, and they thought I had hurted her for only wanting sex, but giving her the idea I want something else.
It's funny though. I got to know her WAY more during this call than I ever did during our two dates. Why?
- Because she was meeting up with a "friend" the next day
Because she knew some guys that would probably want to bone her if they got the chance
Because she already had one casual partner, like really casual.
The call ended with us acknowledging that it sucked we had to let such a good thing go, but it was probably the best. I admit that I tried to make her reconsider, but she answered "You should just go fuck those other girls" without sounding bitter.
We talked before sleeping, so I didn't really think about our conversation when it ended... until I had lunch today, and a light lit up above my head. I just realized a couple of things in that single moment.
- 1. How real the "back pocket mentality" is for women, and how there will always be another guy in their lives. I have yet to meet a woman these days who doesn't have at least a handful of guys she can pick from one way or another (or at least want to give me the perception that she has guys to choose between). This part was amazing for me to realize because I see the pattern now, and I might get disappointed if this is not true for a particular woman. But I also learned...
2. Just how good girls are at their "innoncent" acts. Seriously, at one point she even had me think she was a fucking virgin (can you believe it?), but the sex convinced me of anything but a virgin girl But I think I understand the need for an innoncent act. Even though I got her to bed at 3rd date as she had acted all innoncent, I must admit this realization both shocked and relieved me the most. She had set up an "innoncent" trap, and I fell right into it. She played her part damn well. And had she not told me about the other guys in her life, she would have me believe that I was the only one playing the game. Never underestimate women
I also realized how different it is to read about how female psychology works vs. EXPERIENCE how it works. Reading is like "oh, that makes sense, yeah yeah, I get that. ooooh, sounds exciting!" while experiencing is more like "OH MY GOD, NOW I SEE! WHY DIDN'T I GET THIS BEFORE"
I walked around with a half grin on my face the rest of the day, realizing what a fool I have been and realizing I have still lots to learn about seduction and them women This experience have not scared me away. It's like I see a little more clearly.
But I want to see even more clearly.
I want to throw fists on a punching bag and only stop when I can see the bones of my hands.. Because only then, I know I have put in the amount of effort necessary to get the kind of life I want.
And finally, I'm going to give a toast.. to all us men who have fallen prey to women's "innoncent trap" before
Cheers
a-jay
