- Joined
- Aug 10, 2016
- Messages
- 263
So it's my first actual field report (not counting my Newbie Assignment that I'm planning to restart in the coming months) and all things considered it went kind of okay. Of course I'd love some feedback from you guys, but critique of the writing style would also be nice. I'm not 100% sure what all should be included in these.
It started out with a buddy of mine inviting me to go downtown with him and some guys we know. When I picked him up, he told me it was this girl's 21st birthday and he was kind of into her. He had no idea who would actually show up, for all he knew (and he ended up being right) it might be a sausage fest. So we show up at a bar, a group of about six is there and we join the party. Aside from the girl my friend was into (not my type so no issue there), there was one other girl. Kind of short, pretty thin, green hair, interesting and intellectual but a little immature for my taste. Within five minutes, I learned she'd been dating another guy in the group for a few months. Not that I have a moral imperative against girls who aren't single, but in the interest of keeping the party lively I figured it'd be bad form to try and make a move. Figured I'd bide my time and see what the night brought.
After about 20 minutes, another girl joins the party. Medium height, green eyes, blonde hair, pretty cute, kind of a classy look about her. I said hi just as the group moved to the next bar. The next place we hit up was far from my favorite place but I was fine with it. The girl and I (let's call her Megan) talked a bit on the way there. My goal for the night was just to talk to one girl, and since I'd already done this I figured I'd see how far I could take it. We ordered our drinks and I finished mine before she'd even really gotten into hers. I poked fun at her and she kept responding to it. We sat down and kept the conversation going, I made sure I sat in a way that took up space and also gave us physical contact, and she made no attempt to flinch away from it. When she pulled out a cigarette, I asked her for one and she said it was her last, but she'd share it with me. I overtly refused, partly because I know the last cigarette rule, but also because I wanted to test out some frame control. I heard the birthday girl talking about the next bar she wanted to go to and a friend of hers suggested one I'm not super big on either, and I suggested the one next door that was really cool. Megan had told me she's more of a whiskey girl, and since I like whiskey myself I knew this place would be cool for us. Anyway, I got my way and we went to the bar next door. Once we got there, I ordered a special I knew they had and the guy told me that it was only on Mondays. He then realized he was wrong and corrected himself, apologized, and got us our drinks. (I asked Megan later and she told me that was her favorite part of the night.) We sat outside and kept the conversation going, moving closer and closer the entire time. I made a few small gestures to test the water and see how far she'd follow me (tossing my cigarette in the firepit when there was an ashtray next to us, offering a cheers when it wasn't totally warranted, things like that) and she complied with all of them. Eventually we rejoined the group and I told her I'd be right back as I went to the restroom. I came back and took a break to check in with my buddies. I turned around and she was at the bar talking to some other guy who wasn't a part of our group. The friend I came with noticed that and managed to intervene and convince the whole group to move to another venue.
When we got there, Megan was starting to get a bit tipsy. I could tell she wasn't drunk but she was starting to let go and didn't want to make it harder or ethically questionable to try and pull her later. I figured that'd be a good place for us to stop drinking. Probably good because I was supposed to be the DD for me and my friend (or Megan if we left together). A buddy of mine who joined us later had a bit too much to drink and started dancing with her. I wasn't really threatened by it because he hadn't made a move on her all night and she was apparently more into me, but it still set off some alarms. She told me she was headed out for another cigarette and I told her I'd join her. We talked for a bit more outside and I told her to join me on a walk. She asked where and I was a bit coy about the location, but it was a former workplace that had shut down. Mostly only brought it up because I wanted to try moving her, and it worked. I brought her there and we hopped the fence, sat on the patio, and talked for a bit. I'd been doing some deep diving for most of our conversation, but this was where it got pretty deep. She started telling me about a lot of personal stuff (and even said a couple times how she doesn't normally tell people and she felt like she knew me pretty well) and I wasn't totally sure how to react. I think I alternated between slightly aloof and compassionate, but mostly the latter. Kind of gave her some pep talk where it sounded like she needed it, but tried not to be overproviding in good feelings.
After that we met up with the group again at a pizza shop, the friend from earlier had had way too much to drink and was going through some emotional stuff. The rest of the guys were upstairs helping him out and I helped out by distracting and reassuring the restaurant staff that it was all good. I came back down and Megan asks me "So what are you doing after this?" She had been smiling every time she looked at me and I'd kind of hinted at us going somewhere else at some point, so at this point I figured it was pretty much game. I hinted at the possibility of an afterparty but said nothing was set in stone, and asked her the same. She said she didn't know either. As expected. My goal from here was to wait for the rest of the party to go home, offer her a ride home, and make a move then. Nice and discreet. Somewhat fortunately (though it's kind of shitty to put it like that) some of the other guys I just met tonight got into a fight just as we were starting to go home. The rest of us tried to break it up but it started getting more violent and I knew the cops would be there soon, so I put my arm around Megan and got her away from there. Clean getaway. The rest of the group managed to get home, no idea what happened to the drunk idiots.
Once we got away, Megan asked again where we were going. I said something like "We could go back to your place..." and she said her parents were there. I'm currently living with my parents too, so unless I could pull a rabbit out of my hat and get car sex, I figured that ship was pretty much sunk. I gave her a ride home anyway. She apologized a few times on the way but I told her to stop apologizing (understandingly of course, with a few sweet statements thrown in) - again, she complied, and thanked me. We got back to her place and offered to walk her in. Sort of a slip of the tongue; I meant to her door, which she corrected with "Well, not in but you can walk me there." We walked to the door and I turned and kissed her. After a moment, I pulled away and weakly pushed for something a bit more. She said she wished we could do, and we kissed again. Then she asked to put her number in my phone. We kissed again and I left. Sent her the greet text once I got home.
There's a couple other things I didn't mention, like how the rest of the guys in the group were clearly trying to make a move on her and failing, and I just calmly watched and picked right back up where we left off.
Things I feel went right:
Things that could have gone better:
At least my ego was somewhat satiated. Things haven't been great for me lately and this was a bit of a pick-me-up. I don't really expect something to come out of the number. She lives in Denver but is coming back at the end of the month; we'll see, but I won't get my hopes up. If anything, this solidified the potential for going out and meeting people. I just need to get my shit together next time.
Good luck in your own endeavors.
It started out with a buddy of mine inviting me to go downtown with him and some guys we know. When I picked him up, he told me it was this girl's 21st birthday and he was kind of into her. He had no idea who would actually show up, for all he knew (and he ended up being right) it might be a sausage fest. So we show up at a bar, a group of about six is there and we join the party. Aside from the girl my friend was into (not my type so no issue there), there was one other girl. Kind of short, pretty thin, green hair, interesting and intellectual but a little immature for my taste. Within five minutes, I learned she'd been dating another guy in the group for a few months. Not that I have a moral imperative against girls who aren't single, but in the interest of keeping the party lively I figured it'd be bad form to try and make a move. Figured I'd bide my time and see what the night brought.
After about 20 minutes, another girl joins the party. Medium height, green eyes, blonde hair, pretty cute, kind of a classy look about her. I said hi just as the group moved to the next bar. The next place we hit up was far from my favorite place but I was fine with it. The girl and I (let's call her Megan) talked a bit on the way there. My goal for the night was just to talk to one girl, and since I'd already done this I figured I'd see how far I could take it. We ordered our drinks and I finished mine before she'd even really gotten into hers. I poked fun at her and she kept responding to it. We sat down and kept the conversation going, I made sure I sat in a way that took up space and also gave us physical contact, and she made no attempt to flinch away from it. When she pulled out a cigarette, I asked her for one and she said it was her last, but she'd share it with me. I overtly refused, partly because I know the last cigarette rule, but also because I wanted to test out some frame control. I heard the birthday girl talking about the next bar she wanted to go to and a friend of hers suggested one I'm not super big on either, and I suggested the one next door that was really cool. Megan had told me she's more of a whiskey girl, and since I like whiskey myself I knew this place would be cool for us. Anyway, I got my way and we went to the bar next door. Once we got there, I ordered a special I knew they had and the guy told me that it was only on Mondays. He then realized he was wrong and corrected himself, apologized, and got us our drinks. (I asked Megan later and she told me that was her favorite part of the night.) We sat outside and kept the conversation going, moving closer and closer the entire time. I made a few small gestures to test the water and see how far she'd follow me (tossing my cigarette in the firepit when there was an ashtray next to us, offering a cheers when it wasn't totally warranted, things like that) and she complied with all of them. Eventually we rejoined the group and I told her I'd be right back as I went to the restroom. I came back and took a break to check in with my buddies. I turned around and she was at the bar talking to some other guy who wasn't a part of our group. The friend I came with noticed that and managed to intervene and convince the whole group to move to another venue.
When we got there, Megan was starting to get a bit tipsy. I could tell she wasn't drunk but she was starting to let go and didn't want to make it harder or ethically questionable to try and pull her later. I figured that'd be a good place for us to stop drinking. Probably good because I was supposed to be the DD for me and my friend (or Megan if we left together). A buddy of mine who joined us later had a bit too much to drink and started dancing with her. I wasn't really threatened by it because he hadn't made a move on her all night and she was apparently more into me, but it still set off some alarms. She told me she was headed out for another cigarette and I told her I'd join her. We talked for a bit more outside and I told her to join me on a walk. She asked where and I was a bit coy about the location, but it was a former workplace that had shut down. Mostly only brought it up because I wanted to try moving her, and it worked. I brought her there and we hopped the fence, sat on the patio, and talked for a bit. I'd been doing some deep diving for most of our conversation, but this was where it got pretty deep. She started telling me about a lot of personal stuff (and even said a couple times how she doesn't normally tell people and she felt like she knew me pretty well) and I wasn't totally sure how to react. I think I alternated between slightly aloof and compassionate, but mostly the latter. Kind of gave her some pep talk where it sounded like she needed it, but tried not to be overproviding in good feelings.
After that we met up with the group again at a pizza shop, the friend from earlier had had way too much to drink and was going through some emotional stuff. The rest of the guys were upstairs helping him out and I helped out by distracting and reassuring the restaurant staff that it was all good. I came back down and Megan asks me "So what are you doing after this?" She had been smiling every time she looked at me and I'd kind of hinted at us going somewhere else at some point, so at this point I figured it was pretty much game. I hinted at the possibility of an afterparty but said nothing was set in stone, and asked her the same. She said she didn't know either. As expected. My goal from here was to wait for the rest of the party to go home, offer her a ride home, and make a move then. Nice and discreet. Somewhat fortunately (though it's kind of shitty to put it like that) some of the other guys I just met tonight got into a fight just as we were starting to go home. The rest of us tried to break it up but it started getting more violent and I knew the cops would be there soon, so I put my arm around Megan and got her away from there. Clean getaway. The rest of the group managed to get home, no idea what happened to the drunk idiots.
Once we got away, Megan asked again where we were going. I said something like "We could go back to your place..." and she said her parents were there. I'm currently living with my parents too, so unless I could pull a rabbit out of my hat and get car sex, I figured that ship was pretty much sunk. I gave her a ride home anyway. She apologized a few times on the way but I told her to stop apologizing (understandingly of course, with a few sweet statements thrown in) - again, she complied, and thanked me. We got back to her place and offered to walk her in. Sort of a slip of the tongue; I meant to her door, which she corrected with "Well, not in but you can walk me there." We walked to the door and I turned and kissed her. After a moment, I pulled away and weakly pushed for something a bit more. She said she wished we could do, and we kissed again. Then she asked to put her number in my phone. We kissed again and I left. Sent her the greet text once I got home.
There's a couple other things I didn't mention, like how the rest of the guys in the group were clearly trying to make a move on her and failing, and I just calmly watched and picked right back up where we left off.
Things I feel went right:
- Kept priorities straight, persisted with the same girl and got results.
- Ignored/deflected/dealt with intrusions.
- Lead the interaction with intent and a destination.
- Frame control (kind of surprised myself with how easy it was).
Things that could have gone better:
- Moved faster - obviously. The whole interaction from meet to kiss goodnight lasted almost 6 hours.
- Pushed for car sex. I think it was I didn't quite know the best way to go for it.
- Been bolder. There were a lot of times where I could tell she was ready but was still a little afraid to proceed. This itself might have fixed both the previous problems.
- Logistics. This was the main thing. All the other stuff aside, had I a decent place to dick this girl down, no doubt in my mind it would have happened.
At least my ego was somewhat satiated. Things haven't been great for me lately and this was a bit of a pick-me-up. I don't really expect something to come out of the number. She lives in Denver but is coming back at the end of the month; we'll see, but I won't get my hopes up. If anything, this solidified the potential for going out and meeting people. I just need to get my shit together next time.
Good luck in your own endeavors.
