FU  Worst Night yet

Kaida

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Jul 6, 2020
Messages
541
Derek:


I am in no way blaming the victim of bullies but there are some common behavioor traits that result in others finding you an easy target. I had a similar situation when my daughter was being bullied at school and by helping her change her behaviour it resulted in her not being bullied and also she ended up with lots of good supportive friends.
Yeah I understand what you mean, gotta be a hard target.

I could have prevented this. In almost every situation, especially social situations, people have a large degree in control of the outcome. I will keep working on myself until I reach that point of control.

Thanks for the great points brother





Will_V:
From this and various other posts, it seems like you're having trouble getting over a certain belief framework you have about girls, and your attempts to manage situations through that framework is getting in the way of your free self expression. This is putting you in your head instead of getting you connected to your instincts, and making you drop the ball. It is also jamming you up when you make a mistake so that you can't recover.

What do you suspect the belief framework could be? I think one thing it may be is that I'm taking girls way too seriously and not viewing them as silly and cute enough. Also I've noticed I'm hesitant to put them in their place because I've found it difficult to verbally fight back women (might just be bad frame control).

One thing that caught my eye on this trip was one of the more charismatic guys and how he treated the girls. There were some situations where he did things that would piss them off like eat their chips without asking. The girls would yell at him or act mad and he wouldn't even care, he'd just do it again completely unfazed. The girls would soon forget about it.



I found it so strange because when I tried to do something like that, the girls made it a big ass deal and would add it to my reputation as an annoying guy. If I was in that situation, the thing that would likely happen is I would get mentally startled and tell her to relax while trying to keep an unfazed demeanor.

Instead of trying to work out the 'right' thing to say, open your awareness and be calm. Take in what's going on around you, understand and accept reality and maneuver within it. Be present and ready to adapt, and don't be afraid of making mistakes or finding yourself at a loss. In these kind of high energy social situations, you have to be way closer to your instincts and able to immediately release any tension when things don't go your way at first.

Yeah, after this happened I've been telling myself that I need to be okay with making incorrect moves and learning from them, because that's the only way I can build calibration.

I need to be more consistent with my meditation as well, maybe that's one of the keys.

PS in situations where you don't want to seem too eager, I think there are two good responses 1) nonchalant acceptance (shrug and 'yeah sure!') or 2) jokes. Whatever works for you. But hesitation will not work.

I was overthinking it way too much bro, I know this response would have come to me if I was in a better headspace. It was my first time being in a sexual situation like that honestly.

I'm not discouraged. I'll be working on my charisma and girl skills as much as I can. Once I hit college I'm gonna hit it even harder cuz I wont be as locked in as I am now.
 
Last edited:

Will_V

Chieftan
Staff member
tribal-elder
Joined
Jan 24, 2021
Messages
1,539
Derek:



Yeah I understand what you mean, gotta be a hard target.

I could have prevented this. In almost every situation, especially social situations, people have a large degree in control of the outcome. I will keep working on myself until I reach that point of control.

Thanks for the great points brother





Will_V:


What do you suspect the belief framework could be? I think one thing it may be is that I'm taking girls way too seriously and not viewing them as silly and cute enough. Also I've noticed I'm hesitant to put them in their place because I've found it difficult to verbally fight back women (might just be bad frame control).

One thing that caught my eye on this trip was one of the more charismatic guys and how he treated the girls. There were some situations where he did things that would piss them off like eat their chips without asking. The girls would yell at him or act mad and he wouldn't even care, he'd just do it again completely unfazed. The girls would soon forget about it.



I found it so strange because when I tried to do something like that, the girls made it a big ass deal and would add it to my reputation as an annoying guy. If I was in that situation, the thing that would likely happen is I would get mentally startled and tell her to relax while trying to keep an unfazed demeanor.



Yeah, after this happened I've been telling myself that I need to be okay with making incorrect moves and learning from them, because that's the only way I can build calibration.

I need to be more consistent with my meditation as well, maybe that's one of the keys.



I was overthinking it way too much bro, I know this response would have come to me if I was in a better headspace. It was my first time being in a sexual situation like that honestly.

I'm not discouraged. I'll be working on my charisma and girl skills as much as I can. Once I hit college I'm gonna hit it even harder cuz I wont be as locked in as I am now.

Dude you're overthinking things and too worried about making mistakes.

Just keep working on your skills, find someone who's got your style and watch and learn from them, and just keep practicing.

It's not just about getting things right, it's also about throwing yourself into the mix with a bit of gusto and whatever happens happens, that's part of what makes other people like being around you. Go too far one way, go too far the other way, who's going to do anything about it?

At the end of the day you have to do what makes you feel satisfied with yourself and screw what anyone thinks. As long as you're not doing stuff that makes you feel weak and cringe (and you'll know when you are), you're on the right track.
 
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