FR Would like a second opinion

[Rusty]

So last Saturday, after work I head out to a club with a group of my friends. It was one of my guy's girlfriend's birthday celebration, so I tag along to this small club in downtown. Anyways, my group gets there a bit late, 12 am, and the birthday girl and my buddy have a table and everything. Bottle service. Girls. Guys. I see a lot of my bros there, I say what's up, have a drink and just vibe to the music. (I am a horrible dancer, but I can chill out and move to the music and be comfortable in my skin).

Anyway, I'm just chilling and vibing to the music and I see across the dance floor this girl, fairly tall, 5'8 (175 cm) and quite beautiful. She's wearing this black dress that reveals her back in a v-shape taper sitting a few inches above her ass. She has long, bleached blonde hair, and she looks mixed race (White and Asian). She is very slender, but quite elegant looking.

I usually don't scan the room, I let my eyes kind of sit above the crowd and I let my peripheral vision sort of take everything in. I immediately notice her gazing in my direction and I return her gaze and hold it for a second, and I look away to the side ever so slightly, giving her a small smile. She seems intrigued but I look away and give my attention to the rest of my crew.

Over the next few minutes, she inches closer with her group, a guy and a girl, who seem to be together. She appears to be their third wheel, from what I gathered. Basically, I exchange eye contact with her and flirt with my eyes and my smile. I'm just having fun at this point. I know she wants to dance. She eventually motions me over with her arm, with a come hither gesture, and I give her a wink and I inch closer to her, but I'm still standing behind the velvet rope by the tables.

She hovers even closer to my group, stepping away from her friends, getting ever so closer. I pretend not to see her, in good jest, and I move closer to her, but just as I'm about to close the gap and lift the velvet rope, some guy comes in and swoops her up for a dance. She gives me a look and I just shrug my shoulders and give her a smirk.

She's a really good dancer. I watch her twirl around a bit with the guy, who seems enamored with her, but she keeps her eyes locked on me. The guy is trying really hard to keep her engaged but she keeps looking at me with a look of frustration. I tease her with my eye contact with a very amused look on my face. She can't take it anymore and actually tells the guy she's going to dance with me and she reaches out to offer her hand to me. I grab the hand and my friends, who were watching this whole time, lift the velvet rope for me and I slide onto the dance floor with her. We dance for close to an hour, and I'm gripping her waist, being very dominant, pulling her in, but I also let her lead and dance for me at times.

I'm very honest with her. I tell her I'm not much of a dancer, and we shoot the breeze, exchanging names, and throwing in a little teasing and banter. As the DJ started winding down his setlist, I talk with her a little more and I tell her I'd like to see her again, and I ask for her number. We exchange contacts and I give her a squeeze and I let her get back to her friends.

I text her about 30 minutes later with a "pleasure to meet you, have a good night" to which she responds, "nice meeting you too, have a good night, too".

The next day, I text her in the afternoon:

Rusty: "Hey I had a lot of fun last night. You are an amazing dancer"
Girl: "I had a good time dancing with you too."
Girl: "and thank you "
Rusty: "as much as I like dancing with, i'd also enjoy grabbing a bite or a drink together with you"
(about 5 hours later)
Girl: "yeah that would be cool"
(I text back 20 min later)
Rusty: "great. what would be a good day for you to meet?"
(almost immediately, like 2 min later)
Girl: "i'm sorry but i can't meet for a bit because i have visitors from out of town. I'll let you know when I'm free tho."
Rusty: "yeah no worries"

So that was last Sunday. I haven't texted her since. I've chopped it up to her not being that interested, which could be for a myriad of reasons. My gut is saying this is a lost cause, but I'd like a second opinion about this. Is this salvageable? I'm feeling that she's just giving me an excuse to let me down politely. Or do you think she is legitimately busy and is not giving me a counterproposal on a time or day because she genuinely doesn't know when her schedule is free?

Again, I'm prepared to walk away from this. My gut is telling me that she's not interested anymore, or was just feeling it that night, but has changed her mind since. Any thoughts? Suggestions on how you would proceed? Or should I just delete and on to the next one? Your thoughts are greatly appreciated.

 

[radeng]

Hey Rusty,

She was definitely interested but you messed up twice here. first on the number grab. Instead of telling a girl you would like to see her again and asking for the number you should ALWAYS ask for the date and have a plan in mind and get the number to set up the date. AKA "I know you have to go back to your friends but you seem fun, are you interested in chatting more over drinks one night next week?" when she says yes, just hand her your phone and say great ill text you. This way, there is no surprise when you text her early in the week and you can ping her and re-lead her into what she already agreed to. Its just sales 101.

text her once the night you get her number - just a "nice to meet you save my number - rusty"
if she responds nice to meet you to, she's interested.

Text her again a day or two later, with what I call a ping. "hey girls name,hows your day of the week...ie monday treating you?" if she responds she's interested and will 95% be going on a date with you. You can immediately text, "cool mines good, still interested in grabbing that drink one night?" she will say "sure!" you say "great what night works best for you?"

Thats the best method. However, this girl was still interested in you even tho you didn't take the best route.

The second time you messed up was when you texted "yea no worries" you signaled to her that you took it as a no and you put the ball in her court way to soon. NEVER EVER EVER leave it up to a girl to set up a date or meet up with you unless, 1) you're so much higher value than her that you just don't care. or 2) you've tried everything else and its a hail mary, throw the ball in her court.

In this case, you left it up to her way to soon. You should have asked when her friends were leaving. "Oh I understand, I don't want to steal you from your friends, when are they leaving?" Instead of pushing more, you basically shut down the conversation with "yeah no worries". If a girl did that to you, You would probably think she wasn't that interested and/or that she was butt hurt. Very unattractive.

If you had asked, its likely she would have responded with, "oh they are here until wednesday" -- or something like that, and then you could have re prepped her for another text. "ok awesome, I was busy until then any way , Ill ping you on thursday and we'll get something set up"

Now don't get me wrong, the "im sorry I have friends thing" was negative compliance and not a good precedent, so theres not 100% that she would have responded. But it would have been much better than shutting the convo down with "yeah no worries" ... You gave up way too soon.

So, I would still ping her again, and say "hey, name, did you and your friends get into any trouble last week?" If she responds, with just about anything, say "haha that sounds like y'all had fun, still interested in grabbing that drink sometime soon?". If she's responding she's still at least a little interested. Girls don't respond when they are not interested, generally. It has been a little long and attraction expires, so it mat be too late, but you should still try.

If she doesn't respond, shake it off and go get more numbers.

cheers,
radeng

 

[Rusty]

Yeah... you're totally right radeng.

I was thinking the same way. I'll admit, I was caught off guard that night. I'm not the smoothest cat to begin with, and I rarely approach in clubs (I do get a few girls that send me lots of approach signals whenever I do go out, so that's definitely a sign that I'm doing something right with my nonverbals and my image). Everything was sort of "stream of consciousness" at that point and I just said the first thing that came to mind and I just told her I wanted to continue our conversation some other time. Not the smoothest or the best way to grab her contact info, and yeah, I 100% agree with you, radeng. *facepalm*

And yeah, I should have persisted. In hindsight, and you pointing out what I should have done, it's so obvious. I think I'm used to being nonchalant and chill about these things. I definitely could be more aggressive. I'm going to ping her today in the afternoon with something along the lines of your text. If she texts back, cool. If not, it's a learning experience, and on to the next one.

I'm not gonna lie, I was really feeling this girl. Very bubbly, sensual, beautiful girl. We had really strong vibes going. Oh well.

Thanks for the feedback, radeng. Really appreciate the insight.

 

[Rusty]

So update, I basically texted her verbatim what radeng said: "hey *****, did you and your friends get into any trouble last night?" And no response. That was yesterday. Fast forward to today, about 15 min ago, and she responds with a "hey hows it going, lol nah no trouble"

Clearly, im not a priority in her eyes.. but she did text back. So... the game is still afoot?... but I dunno how to feel about this.. because I just feel like blowing her off. What should I do?

 

[radeng]

Hey Rusty,

Couple of things.
1) Saying ".. last night" stopped you from figuring out if her out of town friends left or not. You should have referenced the friends from the week before so you could see if her original excuse is removed. The text was originally designed not to see if she went out with friends, but to check on her status.

2) She is probably also thinking she is not much of a priority to you as I mentioned in my first message. Her disinterest is totally your fault, not hers. In fact, it seems you made a pretty damn good first impression for her to be still replying at all. Good job on that.

Now, drive the interaction forward until she either accepts the date or stops responding. I would generally recommend to always keep texting until one of those two things happen. Besides you like this girl.

It's cool if you wait until tomorrow to text, but tonight is fine too.

You have a couple of options now to figure out if she's free, and it might be better to build some more repair again now as the attraction is quickly growing stale as she's probably mostly forgotten of your initial interaction.

1) go straight to the kill - "lol *angel emoji* -- im good, still interested in grabbing that drink this week by chance?"
- don't give her an option here or make it complicated. Just ask if she's still interested in a drink I like to say "fancy cocktail" instead of drink because it has more personality, and bitches love cocktails, and you can also follow up with a joke when you agree on a, like "awesome, get your pinky ready and ill ping you to make sure were still on for day/time we agreed on"

2) I never call girls, so I can't tell you exactly how, but a lot of guys will say this is an opportunity to give her a call and rekindle a bit of attraction before going for asking for the date again.

If she gives you an excuse, then ping her a few days later and ask again until she stops responding. You have nothing to lose.

Cheers,
radeng

 

[Rusty]

Sorry, I mistyped. I meant did you get into any trouble last week.**

And yeah the go for broke mentality.. I like that. And I basically did what you said.. I texted her with another proposal, though I also added that i was free this week after 6 on a couple days (100% honest ) and asked her what her schedule looked like.