Would this count as a cold approach or not if you know the girl?

[Starboy]

So today at my store which opened today I spotted this cute girl(let's call her Isabella)who was with this tall guy and thought she looked really familiar to me. Isabella was wearing a mask,but her hair got me curious.Then I heard her speak and recognized her voice and realized she was from this place which we both volunteered at over two years whom I haven't been in contact with since. I tried talking to her and asking if she was Isabella. She didn't hear me well the first time cuz of these stupid masks we have to wear and then I repeated what I said and she said yes so then I pulled my mask off to the side and she recognized who I was by face and knew me,but forgot my name. Then we just had a little friendly chat.

I wasn't trying to pull her number or anything like that. She was clearly dating the guy I saw her with and I knew she didn't like me like that back at the place we used to volunteer at. We also weren't super close with each other before either. We were just acquaintances who were on friendly terms. I just wanted to know if this is what a cold approach is since we were basically cold since we forgot each other and wasn't in touch for over two years?Or does it have to be a girl who you don't know at all and isn't a part of your old social circle for it to be a cold approach?

The reason I ask is because if this is what a cold approach is like I feel like I could do it more often. Isabella engaged with me in some conversation ,but I could tell she wasn't super interested in talking to me and was just being polite. I kinda asked most of the questions and ended the conversation cuz I knew she wasn't going to continue it. She was pretty neutral which I kinda feel is not that different from being dismissive since she's not engaging me that much. She was also with a guy and that contributes to it. This isn't a grand accomplishment to me,but I felt good about putting myself in an uncomfortable situation and handling it the way l did for the most part. I could tell there was no interest on her side and I feel like lack of interest from a woman is like a rejection. I was more amused about our interaction than anything.

I know things will be much harder with random women off the street since I won't know who they are. They may just ignore me and not even acknowledge me. But if cold approaching is more or less like my interaction with Isabella then I feel like I could approach more often. It won't seem like as much of a big deal to me. I just gotta adjust to the mask thing.NYC is also in phase 2 which makes me feel more permitted to approach women. Feedback and thoughts are appreciated.

 

[ulrich]

Technically it doesn't count as "cold" approach but you are right in that the real cold approach it's not gonna be that different.

Because she met you before, even if she doesn't know you well, she already associates you to the volunteer place so her reaction is tied to her feelings of that place and those people (if the experience was boring, you are boring by extension).

You could say there´s a handicap... how she felt about you in that moment is linked to her feelings on that past experience.
That's also why she was polite but not interested (that association made it easier to initiate but harder to attract).

Anyways, kudos to you for getting out of your bubble and try new things.
You're on a good path.

 

[Skills]

No! it is called a "warm approach"... Cold approach its a complete stranger...

 

[Starboy]

Technically it doesn't count as "cold" approach but you are right in that the real cold approach it's not gonna be that different.

Because she met you before, even if she doesn't know you well, she already associates you to the volunteer place so her reaction is tied to her feelings of that place and those people (if the experience was boring, you are boring by extension).

You could say there´s a handicap... how she felt about you in that moment is linked to her feelings on that past experience.
That's also why she was polite but not interested (that association made it easier to initiate but harder to attract).

Anyways, kudos to you for getting out of your bubble and try new things.
You're on a good path.

Thanks that's what I thought. I just wanted to know for sure. She founded the premed program where we met so i'm pretty sure she was attached to it since she was in it from the start. Just not to me since I didn't talk to her much at the time or a lot of the other students in the program consistently enough. Back then I didn't understand social dynamics that well and wasn't that comfortable talking to new people in a social environment since I didn't discover girlschase when I started there. I just hope something like this can help me "trick" my brain into approaching more and not make such a big deal about it.

 

[ulrich]

I just hope something like this can help me "trick" my brain into approaching more and not make such a big deal about it.

It’s more than anything about exposure.
The more you expose yourself, the easier it gets.
Good luck

 

[Tr1cky]

I've found that if you recognize someone (warm approach) but were never formally introduced or you hadn't developed any sort of friendship/relationship it is best not to even mention it during a cold approach. Treat them like a stranger.

The conversation never goes anywhere because you get into a "what have you been up to" type flow.

Especially night game because guys use the line "I recognize you from somewhere" all the time and it usually bombs.

 

[Starboy]

I've found that if you recognize someone (warm approach) but were never formally introduced or you hadn't developed any sort of friendship/relationship it is best not to even mention it during a cold approach. Treat them like a stranger.

The conversation never goes anywhere because you get into a "what have you been up to" type flow.

Especially night game because guys use the line "I recognize you from somewhere" all the time and it usually bombs.

That's something that I have always wondered. If it's better to mention that you know her from somewhere or pretend like you don't know the girl in a warm approach. I can remember a lot of cute girls from college or work from years ago and I don't know how I should act if I happened to see them on the street.Most of the girls I know from these social circles we wasn't super tight,but we were still acquainted to the point and talked somewhat where if I reminded them they would remember. Why is a "what have you been up to flow bad"? I can understand in nightgame girls give less fucks in general,but what about during the day? Is it not possible to establish a flirting dynamic since you haven't spoken to each other in a long time and it's like a fresh start for you to present yourself as a different more attractive guy? Or do women always have a permanent impression of you and no matter how much time passes you can't reverse her neutrality or lack of interest/attraction towards you?

 

[ulrich]

Why is a "what have you been up to flow bad"? I can understand in nightgame girls give less fucks in general,but what about during the day? Is it not possible to establish a flirting dynamic since you haven't spoken to each other in a long time and it's like a fresh start for you to present yourself as a different more attractive guy? Or do women always have a permanent impression of you and no matter how much time passes you can't reverse her neutrality or lack of interest/attraction towards you?

It's a matter of mental association.
Are you going to remind her about a fun, cool, exciting time or a boring one?

If you know her from a cool place/situation and you bring that up and make her feel happy and excited remembering, then all those feelings are going to be associated to you and that is a big YES.

But if you are going to make her feel serious, bored or judged then those feelings are going to be associated to you and you suddenly become the party pooper who wants to talk about church in a nightclub.

Since chances are that most of the girls you know, you met them at menial, average, boring or serious settings,@Tr1cky 's advice is very sound most of the time.

So the broad question actually is: "Will actively bringing these memories/emotions will make her excited about me?".

 

[ulrich]

Also, you can mention it in the opening but quickly move away from that subject to more exciting ones.

Just lead the conversation out of non-productive subjects like this one.

 

[Starboy]

@uriel Yeah make sense. So if I run into a scenario like this again I should pretend like I never met her or don't know who she is? What if I introduce my name and then she remembers me from the past or if she recognizes me on her own? At that point do I just go along with it?Treating her like a total stranger just seems weird to me because I know who she is and I feel like I would be pretending. If that gives me a better chance of getting with her later then i'll do it. I only wanted to know cuz I have no idea how to handle warm approaching girls I briefly know.

 

[ulrich]

If it was me, I would use it as an opening and then change subjects.

“Hey, you’re that girl I met at church... how you doing?... hey, you look so different, what have you done?... going anywhere close?... what a killer outfit, you remind me of Scarlett Johansson... you seem like the kind of girl who‘s into Starbucks specials... I think I saw you a couple of weeks ago, was that you?”

Come up with something if needed, just stay away of boring stuff.

If she brings the subject on her own AND she looks excited, you can talk about it but if she is complaining lead the conversation to a different subject.