People:
Her: 5'6", age 27, Moroccan, thin, lean, tattooed, lots of piercings, marketing analytics, dancer
Me: 5'10", early 30s, asian, entrepreneur
Background:
I started coaching sessions with Hector. This is after ~4 years of cold approaching/dating on my own. I realized that I'm willing to spend a lot of time, effort, and money on other important parts of my life, so why am I only willing to spend time/effort on dating? Furthermore, I've been day-gaming with Kvothe recently, and he recommended Hector's coaching services.
Given that it's only been 2 sessions, it's been EXTREMELY HELPFUL and TOTALLY WORTH IT. I've made so much progress in just 2 weeks, and have learned so much about myself, which has spilled over to my social and business life.
The first few things Hector has had me work on are:
I'm at a social dancing event, I'm not that good at dancing, so I'm more chilling around and talking to people than dancing. I'm being "more expressive" as Hector instructed, and recently I've noticed that it creates a natural energy that draws people to me. Somehow this cute middle eastern looking girl joins the conversation, and I include her as well. We chit chat for a bit, and I ask her for her instagram, which she gives. I later DM her, asking if she's down for a coffee/bite to chat more sometime. I didn't think she'd agree, but she does, and we arrange a place/time to meet.
First Date:
It ends up being just a short coffee date in the afternoon, which is non-ideal since I know she has to go back to work soon after. But I go anyway. The date is fine, we don't get particularly deep in conversation, nor do I really get to show off any cool edginess or sexiness. But I do try very hard to SMILE and EMOTE a lot, despite being slightly bored throughout.
After the date she gives me a warmer than expected hug and asks when we can meetup again next, which is surprising to me. I tell her I'm free the coming weekend and we agree to plan something. I think this is the first payoff from Hector's coaching. Even though I don't feel like the date has gone particularly well, I guess just a bit of extra smiling and friendliness here and there makes a big difference.
After the first date, she starts texting me more warmly. I'm still lukewarm about her, mainly because she's Muslim, and I assume she's fairly conservative (it isn't until later that I learn about her tattoos/piercings which are covered up).
She proposes a dinner date on Friday, or a whole day drive + fishing trip with her friends Sunday. My initial instinct is to do the dinner date, because a whole day trip has a lot of uncontrolled variables. But then I think: "what the hell, let's not be so fucking controlling", so I agree to the day trip.
Second Date:
The beginning of the date is normal. I meet up with her and her friends and we go on a drive and then do some fishing. Again, I'm extra smiley and friendly and emotive. I take this opportunity to show off some edginess, by cursing at times, telling some raunchy stories/jokes, and being more spontaneous. Again, I feel like the date has been fine, not spectacular.
The Bounce:
But surprisingly, as I'm driving her home, she asks if I have any alcohol back in my apartment. I say yes, telling her about my fancy whiskey collection. And she asks if she can try some tonight, and I say sure.
This is the second payoff from Hector's coaching. Even though I think the date is just okay, perhaps the bits of edginess that I intentionally used, gave her a hint that I have some edge to me, and she has a curiosity to explore that. It would have been a pretty platonic date otherwise.
Escalation:
I bring her upstairs, let her relax, pour some whiskey, and I sit on the couch next to her. Her legs are spread open, and she's reclining, and one leg is sort of on my thigh, which are all good signs. We chat for a bit, and I naturally escalate to a kiss, then start escalating. When I get to rubbing her pussy through her pants, she starts the LMR. It's a lot of basic questions like "what do you like about me?" etc.
Eventually, I use one of my favorite LMR buster techniques: I say "oh that's all okay, I'm actually a virgin", with a very innocent look on my face, with the slightest hint of a smirk. (SORRY GUYS, IT'S ME WHO'S THE VIRGIN NOT HER
) This works very well:
After this, I find a point to start escalating again, and it feels so natural to have sex at this point, and we have a great night chatting away, and a great morning as well.
Lessons/Insights:
Her: 5'6", age 27, Moroccan, thin, lean, tattooed, lots of piercings, marketing analytics, dancer
Me: 5'10", early 30s, asian, entrepreneur
Background:
I started coaching sessions with Hector. This is after ~4 years of cold approaching/dating on my own. I realized that I'm willing to spend a lot of time, effort, and money on other important parts of my life, so why am I only willing to spend time/effort on dating? Furthermore, I've been day-gaming with Kvothe recently, and he recommended Hector's coaching services.
Given that it's only been 2 sessions, it's been EXTREMELY HELPFUL and TOTALLY WORTH IT. I've made so much progress in just 2 weeks, and have learned so much about myself, which has spilled over to my social and business life.
The first few things Hector has had me work on are:
- Softer communication, be more expressive, emotive, slower and smoooooother with my talking
- I never realized that I come off way too stoic. By just forcing myself to smile and emote more, my hook rate on cold approaches has 10x'd overnight. And also my ability to make friends...
- Be rough with words occasionally, curse more, be crass, but do it in a calibrated way and see how people react to it, and see how it makes me feel. Similarly, be more rough & wild, stop being so prim & proper (I will probably change my forum handle soon...)
- I find this more useful during a date. It helps give me an "edge" and prevents girls from seeing me as too nice/boring, which is unfortunately often a problem despite having quite a bit of experience with women.
I'm at a social dancing event, I'm not that good at dancing, so I'm more chilling around and talking to people than dancing. I'm being "more expressive" as Hector instructed, and recently I've noticed that it creates a natural energy that draws people to me. Somehow this cute middle eastern looking girl joins the conversation, and I include her as well. We chit chat for a bit, and I ask her for her instagram, which she gives. I later DM her, asking if she's down for a coffee/bite to chat more sometime. I didn't think she'd agree, but she does, and we arrange a place/time to meet.
First Date:
It ends up being just a short coffee date in the afternoon, which is non-ideal since I know she has to go back to work soon after. But I go anyway. The date is fine, we don't get particularly deep in conversation, nor do I really get to show off any cool edginess or sexiness. But I do try very hard to SMILE and EMOTE a lot, despite being slightly bored throughout.
After the date she gives me a warmer than expected hug and asks when we can meetup again next, which is surprising to me. I tell her I'm free the coming weekend and we agree to plan something. I think this is the first payoff from Hector's coaching. Even though I don't feel like the date has gone particularly well, I guess just a bit of extra smiling and friendliness here and there makes a big difference.
After the first date, she starts texting me more warmly. I'm still lukewarm about her, mainly because she's Muslim, and I assume she's fairly conservative (it isn't until later that I learn about her tattoos/piercings which are covered up).
She proposes a dinner date on Friday, or a whole day drive + fishing trip with her friends Sunday. My initial instinct is to do the dinner date, because a whole day trip has a lot of uncontrolled variables. But then I think: "what the hell, let's not be so fucking controlling", so I agree to the day trip.
Second Date:
The beginning of the date is normal. I meet up with her and her friends and we go on a drive and then do some fishing. Again, I'm extra smiley and friendly and emotive. I take this opportunity to show off some edginess, by cursing at times, telling some raunchy stories/jokes, and being more spontaneous. Again, I feel like the date has been fine, not spectacular.
The Bounce:
But surprisingly, as I'm driving her home, she asks if I have any alcohol back in my apartment. I say yes, telling her about my fancy whiskey collection. And she asks if she can try some tonight, and I say sure.
This is the second payoff from Hector's coaching. Even though I think the date is just okay, perhaps the bits of edginess that I intentionally used, gave her a hint that I have some edge to me, and she has a curiosity to explore that. It would have been a pretty platonic date otherwise.
Escalation:
I bring her upstairs, let her relax, pour some whiskey, and I sit on the couch next to her. Her legs are spread open, and she's reclining, and one leg is sort of on my thigh, which are all good signs. We chat for a bit, and I naturally escalate to a kiss, then start escalating. When I get to rubbing her pussy through her pants, she starts the LMR. It's a lot of basic questions like "what do you like about me?" etc.
Eventually, I use one of my favorite LMR buster techniques: I say "oh that's all okay, I'm actually a virgin", with a very innocent look on my face, with the slightest hint of a smirk. (SORRY GUYS, IT'S ME WHO'S THE VIRGIN NOT HER
) This works very well:- it's a recurring inside joke between us that comes up again and again throughout the night. I keep teasing her with things like "I'm waiting until marriage before sex, I don't think I'm ready for you to be my first"
- it displays my sense of humor and playfulness which is a departure from my seriousness, it feels good
- it displays very high social calibration, that I can say something explicitly unattractive (I'm a 30+ year old virgin), but in a way that actually makes me MORE attractive
- it confuses her and pulls her out of the "defend against guy trying to fuck her" script, and instead she's trying to figure out if I'm serious or not, and I'm also creating an implicit chase frame that I'm the innocent one, and she's dirty and trying to do nasty things to me
- at some point she asks me, "okay seriously, how many girls have you fucked?". I say, very matter-of-factly, "ehh, 200? Erhm, I mean 0...". And she says with a beaming ear-to-ear smile "you're such a fucking liar!". I like the 200 number, because it's kind of ridiculous, but at the same time she wonders if it's actually true.
After this, I find a point to start escalating again, and it feels so natural to have sex at this point, and we have a great night chatting away, and a great morning as well.
Lessons/Insights:
- The smoothness and friendliness, in the past I would have thought smiling too much was too "nice guy" of me. But through this interaction, I've realized that, yes, maybe at times it's too nice guy, but MORE OFTEN, my stoic nature scares off girls. So it's a much better net positive to err on the side of smooth/friendly, at least for where I am right now.
- I've occasionally created that "I'm a male sex god" vibe with girls, and got them super into me. But it's been inconsistent, with many girls rejecting me thinking I'm too nice/straight edged before I get a chance to show that side of me, which frustrates me so much! With this girl, it was going the same way as other platonic failures. BUT, I suspect the occasional roughness of my language and crassness of my jokes led her to feel that I have a bit of an edge to be explored more, which then gave me the chance to really show off my sexiness.
- I think this is a new secret weapon for me. I always struggle to use "sex gambits", because they feel so fake. I would sometimes randomly bring up topics like Shibari or ask if she's bisexual, which usually don't go anywhere, because they come up too suddenly and incongruently to how I'm portraying myself. Whereas these hints of roughness make it more congruent when I do show serious sexiness.
- This is the first time I've properly understood attainability during a date. In the past I always struggled with attainability vs value vs boyfriend disqualification, where it always felt like a confusing mess where raising one causes you to lower in the other aspects. But during this interaction, I just so clearly saw that attainability was literally the ONLY thing she was concerned about.
- I've just been a lot more excited about cold approach and meeting and dating girls recently. It feels like I'm making a lot of progress and learning a lot about myself and women. More so in the last 2 weeks than in the last 2 years.
