"You should leave", the final drama stopper: are you weaker when shacking?

[lux7]

I have often considered "walking out" or "inviting to leave" as the final drama stopper.

When you can't handle it anymore and you can't seem to stop an argument, just stop arguing: invite her to leave and discuss again when she's cooler if at your place or leave yourself if you're at any other location.

But what about when you're shacking?

WHEN YOU NEED TO STAY AT HER PLACE
In my specific case, I find myself in a situation where I am crashing at my GF's place and basically have nowhere else to go for a couple of weeks (and will need the place again once back from holidays).

If feels like you lost quite a bit of power and relinquished quite a bit of control when you are the one who needs the other ('s place).


THE OTHER FINAL DRAMA STOPPER : ENDING THE RELATIONSHIP
The final stopper in this case would be hinting at the end of the relationship, especially useful if she were to pull the "this is my place" line to get it her way during an argument.

You might ask her if she really means it. And that if she really wants you to leave, fine, you will, but you will never come back.


BUT YOU CAN'T OVERUSE THE "THIS IS IT"
But you can't keep pulling the "this is the end" all the times or else you'll be perceived as all words and no action.


YOUR THOUGHTS
How to handle drama in a situation where you are forced to live in a very small environment, can't pull the final trigger of stopping the interaction and basically are at her mercy to have a place to stay?

 

[Chase]

Lucifer-

When you're totally out of options, the best you can muster is a stare down / clash of wills. If the girl owns the place, she has the ultimate trump card here, though (of being able to call the cops and have you kicked out in an absolute worst case scenario, or at least threaten you into submission with it).

When you need something from someone and can't do without it, you're completely at this person's mercy.

However... she doesn't necessarily need to know that if you don't act needy or show your hand and display you have no other options.

If I was you, I'd keep my options open no matter what - know where the cheap hostels are in your town you can crash at for a night in a shared room for $20 or $25; if you're not somewhere terribly cold, be open to sleeping in on the sidewalk if you have to. Better still, make friends in town so you always have somewhere to go. You can also treat having to leave as an excuse to really go hard and find a way to get your homeless pickup on.

At the core of it, the only two real options for men are: 1.) be totally, utterly self-sufficient, have your financial and logistical houses in order, and need no one when the chips are really down, or 2.) be a skilled smooth talker who's able to meet new people and talk his way into crashing with them / etc. in times of need.

Otherwise, you're ultimately at the mercy of whoever's good graces you happen to be in at the moment, and there's no way to retain much power, authority, and autonomy in such a position, and women know it. When you're the smooth talker who depends on women but is talented at getting them to take care of him, it's a bit more of a symbiotic relationship, where they know they have power over you (you're dependent on them for food and housing to some extent), but they're also sucked in with you and get a lot of strong good emotions from taking care of you, and will also feel bad/guilty if they boot you out. I'm not really a fan of either of these positions, but I've known a few guys who could play the second role to perfection.

If your'e in a "stare down" situation with her, the best you can do is just think of her place as your place and lecture her accordingly: "Hey, don't leave towels lying around; it's messy." Unless she's resentful of you or disentangling herself from the relationship, this is usually all you need to do to keep your handle on things and communicate that even though it's her place, you're still the one watching over everything. It's also important that you're being an amazing house guest and providing good romance / sex as well; you want to make sure she feels like she came out the winner on this transaction of allowing you to crash at her place.

Chase

 

[lux7]

Thank you Chase.

Yeah, seems similar as it is for experience, in the end there's no better substitute for the actual thing: if you're not independent fake it (and risk it if the shots are called) or... Become so .

Interesting to read you don't prefer option 1. of being totally and utterly self sufficient as it doesn't sound like a bad place to be in.

However... she doesn't necessarily need to know that if you don't act needy or show your hand and display you have no other options.

Good one.

If your'e in a "stare down" situation with her, the best you can do is just think of her place as your place and lecture her accordingly: "Hey, don't leave towels lying around; it's messy." Unless she's resentful of you or disentangling herself from the relationship, this is usually all you need to do to keep your handle on things and communicate that even though it's her place, you're still the one watching over everything. It's also important that you're being an amazing house guest and providing good romance / sex as well; you want to make sure she feels like she came out the winner on this transaction of allowing you to crash at her place.

Chase

Be a good guest, act as if you were the one taking care of the place and... Make it good for her. You can go by for a while without ultimate trump card if you do all of these indeed.