Long-Term Your "Must Haves" and "Deal Breakers"

[Fuck This]

On the advice of an author I heard in a podcast, I compiled a list of my "Must Have Characteristics", and "Deal Breakers" for a Long Term Relationship.

It really helped solidify my standards, and maybe gave me a feeling of abundance.

Now granted I wrote them while I had started a new relationship, and many of the points were things I liked about the new girl.

I addressed:

Age range
Height range
Weight range ( including # of pounds over weight was tolerable)
Children
Attitude towards Sex
Personality type
Habits
drug tobacco and alcohol use
Finances
makeup and plastic surgery attitudes
exercise attitudes
outdoor activity attitudes
Social life attitudes
previous relationships
family hers and mine


So how long in an LTR do you think is a truly representative time period for each of these points? 6 months, a year, two years?

What points are most important to you?

Have you compromised on any of these points in a good relationship? Are you happy you did?

Did you ever have a relationship where someone met the criteria early, but changed after commitment?

 

[Richard]

Love this topic as it's something I think everybody should identify in their life in order to succeed with relationships and women in general. For any guy who's ever had the girl who is everything he wanted and everything he hated all wrapped into one, for any guy who always finds something is just missing in his relationships, etc. then I recommend this exercise.

I don't focus on what I don't want (i.e. the deal breakers) because if you focus on what you don't want you find just that. When learning to drive a car they teach that if you ever slide on ice or snow to focus on where you want to be (the road) and not on where you don't want to be because the more you tell yourself "Don't hit the pole, don't hit the pole, don't hit the pole!" the more you'll find yourself approaching that pole. Same thing in relationships, if you're only focusing on what you don't want then you'll find it.

I also haven't gone nearly as far in-depth as you have, TwoRocky, because I'm a little more fluid on things like age, height, etc. When it comes to things like that I'm more like "She's cute" and then I really press on to find the more important things to me, and my list is as follows;

• She's my best friend
• Can work through problems together
• Satisfying sex life
• Have fun, laugh, and laugh often
• Committed to one another
• Committed to our own, individual development
• Healing factor for one another
• She calls me on my bullshit (uber important for me)
• Quality time together
• We are smart about money
• We take the time to relax no matter how tough life gets
• We have, individually, fulfilling careers
• We support each other in our endeavors
• We travel together
• We work through anger and disagreements
• We try new things together
• We fight for one another
• We want each other to succeed financially, spiritually, and emotionally.

Mine are all framed in such a way that I'm talking like I already have them because it's more inspirational and drives people to really reach that goal. In fact, I actually came up with my list more recently when I was meditating on the relationship I had at the time to see the "fit" and I felt a lot of weight lift off my shoulders as I moved forward knowing that she wasn't for me and I wasn't going to settle. It was very liberating and empowering and now I'm back on the market to find something better.

-Richard

 

[Fuck This]

Richard that is an awesome list. And every point there is constructive...