Your relationship with women you friendzone....

[Fuck This]

Ok I'll admit it. I'm a flirt. I flirt with just about any woman who wants to play. It has caused a few women to autoreject , and others I've developed good friendships with. One is about 10 years older than me, I've known her for 10 years or so, and I'm pretty sure she was interested in me. Around the time of my divorce has been a real help as someone to talk to about things bothering me. We are close enough that people wondered if we were dating in 2016. I've never gone beyond a hug or a cheek kiss with her, and never tried.

She has gotten really close with the woman I'm seeing, and has been supportive. She has lamented to me about having to "Get back in the dating pool" almost as a hint. She has repeatedly told me "I love you" in a familial sense. And I have become confident enough in my frame to tell her "I love you" back like I would tell a sister. Recently she confided in me she has been going out with some guys on dates. Said she wasn't feeling much from it. It felt like a "last chance" declaration on her part. I encouraged her to keep meeting guys. I think she worries about making me jealous.

Recently she has mentioned a guy who she likes that took her on a "good date" on Saturday. I told her I was happy for her. Her response in a text was "Don't be too happy for me yet. It's early"

To which I replied " Early can be fun. You get to have fun. Really." (I was implying she needed to get laid)

she replied "Okay. Gotcha"

Then just conversational stuff about kids.

So how do I handle her talking about her dating life with me? None of my REAL sisters ever remotely shared their personal life with me so I'm in new territory. I'm hoping my woman can handle that part honestly. I hope she meets a guy I like to hang out with. But I hope she doesn't feel like she needs my blessing.

Thoughts about handling Female friendships?

 

[trashKENNUT]

Fuck this,

I like to note that girls who talk a lot but never do the date or whatever. they are a waste of time and resource. Infact, whether you date girls or you friendzone them, they suck most of your time if you not careful.

I don't want to be sort of a downer but this is what i smell. She taking too much of your time, and i have hang out with this type of girls. Girls are very good at taking a lot of your time.

That you are one of the 5 people you hang out with. That quote though, you tend to have other people idiocy rub on you.

Zac

 

[Fuck This]

Fuck this,

I like to note that girls who talk a lot but never do the date or whatever. they are a waste of time and resource. Infact, whether you date girls or you friendzone them, they suck most of your time if you not careful.

I don't want to be sort of a downer but this is what i smell. She taking too much of your time, and i have hang out with this type of girls. Girls are very good at taking a lot of your time.

That you are one of the 5 people you hang out with. That quote though, you tend to have other people idiocy rub on you.

Zac

You completely missed my point. Your lack of reading comprehension and grasp of the written English language may be the problem.

 

[Mr.Rob]

Lol to the above...

Fuck This,

I've got a 10 year female friend and a few smaller female friends of the past, I'm younger so it may not apply exactly the same but I'll tell my thoughts.

I'm always pretty interested in this topic with female friends (since you can't really talk about it with women you want to be intimate with or are seeing) and it can give some really sweet insight into how women navigate the dating pool (and give you a clue of your competition as well... or lack thereof depending on the friend).

If she brings it up I'll typically deep dive (how'd yall meet/what was your impression? do you think he's sexy? what do you find attractive about him? what was he like in bed? did he do or say any weird shit?), obviously don't let her vent to you about it or talk about it forever but dig around for the interesting items.

You can then help her interpret the moves of the guy if she doesn't fully know why he did/said xyz thing and you can maybe give her some advice as to how to go from there.

It seemed like one issue for you was getting the elephant out of the room that you aren't going to be jealous if she's dating. This is a great opportunity to communicate your non jealousy and non judgement on the issue (i.e. "oh that guy sounds like he might be a keeper, I'd be curious to see how he handles date #2") and implicitly give her permission to go all out and know your cool with it all.

Hope that helps man.

-Rob

 

[Chase]

FT-

When women talk usually the objective is more to put out feelers and see what they get back, rather than to pursue any singular objective.

I had a female friend having some relationship troubles confide in me not long ago. She said the relationship was on the rocks and that her guy wanted her to move out. My general sense was she did not have a clear single objective in talking to me about it. It may have been part wanting to vent, part asking for help, and part seeing if I would make any moves.

On the last part -- women are often curious if you will "take the bait", without necessarily having made up their minds to do anything with you. Often it is "Let me see if this guy will try anything with me. Then, if he does, I will decide whether I want what he offers me or not."

For my part, because I legitimately consider her a friend, I listened to her troubles and advised her on how to work out the relationship. I don't keep too many platonic female friends so this is not something I do too often, but felt like it was the best thing to do in this case. She was genuinely appreciative of the help, then wanted to walk and talk after. At that point she talked about how surprised she was that I advised her because, she said, usually when a woman talks to a guy about relationship problems the guy will try to sleep with her.

She then wanted to talk to me about having threesomes with girls and how she seduced them and how her current guy wasn't that comfortable with it. Again, the impression I got was not "She knows what she wants and why she is telling me this", but rather "She's telling me something titillating just because she wants to and is curious how I'll react."

Different men will respond differently to these situations. The male ego's response often is "Obviously she wants me." Often there's some element of that. But often there are more things at play as well (which is why so often you get the guy who says "Obviously, her telling me this means she wants me" and then he goes for her and is rebuffed; "She must just be a tease" he says).

What in fact did my female friend want by telling me these things? Did she want to vent? Want to brag? Feel like talking to me and wanted to focus on a subject she knew I'd be interested in? Was she throwing out hints for me to take a shot at her? All the above?

I don't think she consciously decided on any of those things. Some part of her subconscious may have hoped for or expected any of them. But her main intention I suspect was just "I want to say this to him. I wonder how he'll react. Well let's see."

With women, especially with female friends (with whom you'll tend to have flirty/ambiguous relationships), more often it's about "Let me throw this out there and see what I get back" than it is any kind of clear objective.

In your case, with your female friend, I suspect that's exactly what this was too.

Women like to get attention. They like guys interested in them. It doesn't cost them anything to do flirtatious, ambiguous things. It's more fun for a girl when her guy friends want to sleep with you than when they're strictly platonic. And who knows, maybe she wants to sleep with them too. Or maybe not. She may or may not go for it if you make it available to her -- the only way to know with any certainty is to actually go for it. Or to push it too far on your end without putting out and put her in auto-rejection (as you saw with some other friends).

Otherwise, if you intend to keep her as "just a friend", you will never actually know her full motivation for bringing up stuff like this with you.

Odds are, she won't ever truly know it either.

Chase

 

[trashKENNUT]

Ar....

Thank You Chase. What i labeled it, 'switching matrixes'. Switching between friends and lovers. Society and women are pissed when you do it to them, when you play the game exactly like the way the society is currently playing. Perhaps conscious, or unconscious but we all put people in undesirable positions.



Zac

 

[quiteastory]

So how do I handle her talking about her dating life with me? None of my REAL sisters ever remotely shared their personal life with me so I'm in new territory. I'm hoping my woman can handle that part honestly. I hope she meets a guy I like to hang out with. But I hope she doesn't feel like she needs my blessing.

Thoughts about handling Female friendships?

Her goal is to be happy with an other man. Help her to achieve that goal.

The thing that worked with my friendzones is giving them advices on relationships. These advices must leading to making your friend's relationship (or dating) stronger, e.g. tell her what she could do to interest this or that guy. This shows you're not looking for anything romantic/sexual.

I'd avoid giving direct advices when things go messy, e.g. when he'a not respecting her. I'd say “lack of respect is a bad thing in a relationship” instead of “break up with him because his disrespectful” (she may think that you want to get her).

 

[Fuck This]

Chase Rob and QAS, Appreciate the perspective. This female friend is one of the few cases where I've demurred the sexual opportunity but the friendship survived.

 

[quiteastory]

Np. Friendship with a girl can be a great thing, wish you good luck!