FU “You gave me herpes virus?? Please tell me???”

[XO!]

Title says all. Her text to me this afternoon, verbatim. LR coming up soon for context, but for now I need to prioritize damage control.

A bit of background: I’m moving in Jan, but for now I’m grinding away at my aunt’s house, bless her generous heart. There’s this girl who lives next door, let’s call her Amythest. Mexican, brown, lithe and pretty damned cute. I had run quite a few errands for her and her brothers since I’ve been here, and I figured it was time they could return the favor. I usually do my best to stay away from weed, but I was really craving some as I figured it’d help me be more creative with some writing projects I was working on. I text her brother first, 15 minutes no reply. I get impatient so I text her next.

She was already chilling in the hot tub with a joint. Perfect. I pop up over the fence to see her. At first I was just gonna take her weed and pass it back (lol) but I figured smoking with her would be a better time. I express as much and she tells me to hop over. I jump down, and miraculously her German Shepard doesn’t even bark at me.

We smoked and bantered for a while, her in her red bikini and me fully dressed besides her on the steps, tension rising. Every time I had seen her prior when we ended up alone she’d gaze at me with this sort of... lustful hope in her eyes. And she made sure to lay it on thick as I sat there less than a foot away from her face, sharing a joint.

Her sister comes out and walks up. “Are you going to pick up (x)? She’s coming at 9.” She then turns to me. ”You should get in the hot tub!” And without another word, she goes back into the house.

Gee whiz, what a great idea! I was definitely going to hop in at some point anyway, so I was all too happy to comply.

tl;dr, It started slow, built up, and then Amythest was thrusting her hips towards me trying her best to get me inside of her. No chance I was gonna keep fucking her in the hot tub with her entire family just yards away, so I told her we’d finish where we left off next door. After about 20 minutes or so she came over. There was the slightest bit of LMR and then we had sex. It was good. Hell, objectively the best I’ve ever had even if I wasn’t as into it as I could’ve been, if not for the sleep deprivation.

-----------

Three days later, she hits me up with the accusation.

HER: Hey !! Can I ask you something
ME: sure what’s up
HER: You gave me herpes virus?? Please tell me???
ME: No. This is something I’d like to talk to you about in person though, this seems odd
ME: have a minute?
HER: Ok sorry let me explain.
HER: So I have a cold sore on my lip and I haven’t kissed anyone except for you so I don’t understand how I could get this and so I read online and it says (Healthline screenshot for reference)

ME: let’s talk, come outside
HER: No why aren’t you telling me
HER: That’s fucked up
HER: (3 minutes later) I’m outside

I come out with my arms to my side as if to say “what the fuck bro?” She’s about to start up but I cut her off by telling her that while this experience can certainly be stressful, I could not have been more unambiguous and direct when I told her I didn’t give her herpes. She points to the cold sore on her lip, but then I counter by pointing to the other scar on her lip, and she tells me that no, that’s from her picking at her lip as a result of her anxiety. I call cap in my mind, but I tell her that neither one of us are scientists, and that she needs to come back to me with a definitive test before I entertain the subject any further. She nods. For whatever reason I decide to show some vulnerability here by telling her she’s stressing me out (did YOU give me herpes??), that her accusations aren’t trivial, and that it’s not okay.

Even though she seemed to be crying a bit when I came out (no tears though, hmm) she suddenly became eerily calm after I said this. “Don’t worry, I wouldn’t do anything to hurt you.”

--------

This is dicey, and I think I messed up. Looking into it, 50-90% of the global population has HSV-1. I could very well have it and not know about it, so that doesn't put me in the clear.

Telling her to go to the clinic so we could get a definitive answer seemed like the move in the moment, but it would actually just solidify her worries if/when she comes back positive (she definitely has herpes). More importantly, it doesn't actually address her concern - whether or not *I* was the one who gave it to her. Which means I have to go get tested, which I will do tomorrow morning if possible.

After that, there's two scenarios:

1. I test negative while she tests positive. Not only would this completely blow up her accusations, it would also put her on the back foot since now SHE was the one to give ME herpes.

2. We both test positive. This can't in of itself actually prove that *I* was the one who gave it to her since it's so common, but obviously this worsens the situations since she now has pen and paper evidence that implies I could've given it to her.

This could easily spiral out of control if I don’t handle this correctly. And I have my reservations. I fucked her three days ago and she came up with visible symptoms just like that? No incubation period, no build up, nothing? And I’m clean as a whistle, never had herpes (confirmed in the past by previous STD results), so what gives?

HSV-1 isn't a big deal. What is a big deal is the presumption that I lied to her, manipulated her, etc.

S/O to @madala for advising me to take pictures of my clear and sore-free face with timestamps, great call. Any other pointers? I know this kind of thing suggests a failing on my part somewhere along the line, but I will expand on this in the LR. For now, any advice on how to handle this in the here and now would be greatly appreciated.

 

[Conquistador]

Why do you think so many people have HSV-1?

Besides, it's not a big deal. Not like you gave her greatpox or HIV or something.

 

[Swati]

So the situation could be she was already contaminated, just happened to break out and you are most the recent person she had sex with or she's using it as a sign to rope you for responsibility. Her HSV was dormant, so go for the test

A lot of people catch it by exchanging drinks,


break outs can be triggered by eating processed food, lower immune system from lack of sleep, and drinking excessively could have all caused the breakout.

People who are virgins in high school have had it so it isn't impossible that she had it before you. This is also a chance to ask her about her recent activities if she's been active with other people and etc

For the time being, just stay calm and don't overreact. The course of action if needed go, for a test 1st, IF you are already contaminated and breaking out go get some cream from your local pharmacy and prescript antibiotics from your doctor... it usually takes about 1-2 weeks for it to disappear

articles are written by @Teevster, more advanced guy

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[POB]

@XO! I had a similar situation with en ex.
Lady was a doctor and super worried about being 100% clean.
One day she caught an almost microscopic wart on my cock.

She immediately fliped and started to throw insane cheating accusations at me.
I was kinda of green back then, so I didn't know how to deal with it, but the right call is to be calm and do the tests (both of you), which we ended up doing.

Later, when she cooled down, I figured it must have been from my ex-ex (my gf before her), because she told me she had gotten it from her past boyfriend. It just had stayed dormand for 3 years and manifested when my resistance was low.

First treatment was not nice (cock biopsy is not cool, I tell you), but you have to be sure the wart is not carcinogenic (very very rare, but possible).
Then vitamins and a visit to an urologist every 6 months for a 2 year period to make sure I was clean.

My advice: always keep checking for warts on your cock if you have sex regularly, especially if you body count keeps increasing.
If the warts show up, run to your urologist for an analisys.
If not, just keep exercising, eating right and sleeping well so it will not manifest.

Edit: this is a very common reaction from young girls.
I even had a former HB, who was about to marry, call me before the wedding to ask me about this stuff.
Wish they taught that shit at school.

 

[Teevster]

My advice: always keep checking for warps on your cock if you have sex regularly, especially if you body count keeps increasing.

Sorry for the derail but my advice is just take the jab. It is called Gardasil, it is 3 doses, and you won't get warts on your dick no more and won't have to worry.

Best,
Teevster

 

[Teevster]

So the situation could be she was already contaminated, just happened to break out and you are most the recent person she had sex with or she's using it as a sign to rope you for responsibility. Her HSV was dormant, so go for the test

This is 100% correct. The virus can stay dormant for years and then show up randomly. That said, it commonly does lead to the first flair up after exposure. Now if this was genital herpes, one may have made a link with her relationship with you, but with oral herpes, the source could be anyone. If she kissed some dude, used her friends lipgloss/lipstick, drank from a cup or drink, etc.... she could have caught it. This in addition to the fact that it may also have been dormant.

PS: you can't tell if it is HSV-1 or 2. Both can manifest up there, and down here. Only a blood sample can tell you which one you are positive to. And honestly, knowing which one you have it irrelevant, as the manifestations are more or less similar (same treatment - although one leads to more outbreaks, and the other fewer (ironically, herpes 1 the more common type give more outbreaks!). Doing a test is a waste of time and money. Most HSV diagnosis are done through visual inspections. She should go see her MD. Any MD is familiar with herpes because it is so common. In the meantime she can buy over the counter Acyclovyr topical treatment (cream).

See if you get tested, you will likely be positive. So will she she. And yet it won't mean that you gave it to her (since most people have the virus, and most are asymptomatic). When in remission (no outbreak) the odds of spreading it is close to 0. Have you had a herpes outbreak (also called "cold sore"") in the best? and have you had an outbreak during, right before or right after seeing this girl? If you answer no to all these, you did not spread it to her.

Best,
Teevster

 

[POB]

Sorry for the derail but my advice is just take the jab. It is called Gardasil, it is 3 doses, and you won't get warts on your dick no more and won't have to worry.

Best,
Teevster

Cool. Thx for the updated info.
But Gardasil is kind of an old vaccine.
It only prevents against four types of HPV.
You have to take Gardasil-9 instead, which prevents against further five (nine in total, and it's not cheap).

That said, just to make it clear, if you already have the virus, you still have a very small risk to develop cancer, even if you take Gardasil.
So yes, checking for warts on a regular does not hurt.

 

[Teevster]

Cool. Thx for the updated info.
But Gardasil is kind of an old vaccine.
It only prevents against four types of HPV.
You have to take Gardasil-9 instead, which prevents against further five (nine in total, and it's not cheap).

That said, just to make it clear, if you already have the virus, you still have a very small risk to develop cancer, even if you take Gardasil.
So yes, checking for warts on a regular does not hurt.

I was of course talking about Gardasil-9 (it is the one I took and the one I recommend). Didn't even know they still gave you the old one. It is the most performant HPV-Vaccine to date and is safe.

It protects against 9 and not 4 types of HPV: this includes all the types that give warts and that lead to cancer. Basically all the HPV one should care about. Why care about a virus that has no impact on your body and that your body will clear out anyway? I don't see a reason to get jabbed for that.

You most likely already have a strain of HPV-virus in you already, but by taking the jab, you boost your body's capacity to clear it out, and limit the chances of one developping into potential cancer, if you were unlucky to catch one of the naughty ones. Also, even if your body clears out a strain of the virus, you can still catch another one. I am not sure about re-infection of the same strain though.

I will say this: if you fuck a lot, like I do, get the HPV and Hep A+B jab (called Twinrix). Easy math.

PS: Some guidelines do not recommend the vaccine after certain age: in france it is 27 I think. According to my specialist in infectious diseases, he claims this is mostly for economic reasons, and because younger people tend to be more sexually active. Don't ask a GP for advice, but a specialist. He is the one who can truly know if you benefit from it. Most GP are pretty clueless when it comes to HPV and even HSV (aside from diagnosing and prescriving valacyclovyr/acyclovyr).

Best,
Teevster

 

[POB]

I was of course talking about Gardasil-9 (it is the one I took and the one I recommend). Didn't even know they still gave you the old one. It is the most performant HPV-Vaccine to date and is safe.

It protects against 9 and not 4 types of HPV: this includes all the types that give warts and that lead to cancer. Basically all the HPV one should care about. Why care about a virus that has no impact on your body and that your body will clear out anyway? I don't see a reason to get jabbed for that.

You most likely already have a strain of HPV-virus in you already, but by taking the jab, you boost your body's capacity to clear it out, and limit the chances of one developping into potential cancer, if you were unlucky to catch one of the naughty ones. Also, even if your body clears out a strain of the virus, you can still catch another one. I am not sure about re-infection of the same strain though.

I will say this: if you fuck a lot, like I do, get the HPV and Hep A+B jab (called Twinrix). Easy math.

PS: Some guidelines do not recommend the vaccine after certain age: in france it is 27 I think. According to my specialist in infectious diseases, he claims this is mostly for economic reasons, and because younger people tend to be more sexually active. Don't ask a GP for advice, but a specialist. He is the one who can truly know if you benefit from it. Most GP are pretty clueless when it comes to HPV and even HSV (aside from diagnosing and prescriving valacyclovyr/acyclovyr).

Best,
Teevster

Just to clarify, on third world countries they still offer the old one for free.
(it's the one I took when younger, but still got HPV after it).
So if you live on one of these countries and want the updated one, you have to go private and pay.

I agree with everything else you said.

 

[Teevster]

Just to clarify, on third world countries they still offer the old one for free.
(it's the one I took when younger, but still got HPV after it).
So if you live on one of these countries and want the updated one, you have to go private and pay.

I agree with everything else you said.

But if I am not mistaken, the old one deals with the 4 dangerous ones. The new one deals with more innocent ones that doesn't give cancer but give warts.

Not 100% sure though.

-Teevster

 

[POB]

But if I am not mistaken, the old one deals with 4 dangerous ones if I am not mistaken. The new one deals with more innocent ones that doesn't give cancer but give warts.

Not 100% sure though.

-Teevster

Gardasil: variations 6, 11, 16 e 18

Gardasil-9: variations 6, 11, 16, 18, 31, 33, 45, 52 and 58

 

[Teevster]

Gardasil: variations 6, 11, 16 e 18

16 and 18 are responsible for cancer

So going for G-9 is more a "comfort thing" than a purely medical matter (you just don't want warts lol).

Best,
Teevster

 

[Zoro]

Eating some coconut oil is one way to deal with herpes outbreaks, due to the lauric acid in it. Also a product called Lauricidin that is basically concentrated form of that molecule exists which is probably more convenient.

Herpes

Read this in: Nederlands 🖨️ Print post Question: What advice can you give me about herpes infection? According to conventional websites, “there is no treatment that can cure […]

www.westonaprice.org

 

[Teevster]

Eating some coconut oil is one way to deal with herpes outbreaks, due to the lauric acid in it. Also a product called Lauricidin that is basically concentrated form of that molecule exists which is probably more convenient.

Herpes

Read this in: Nederlands 🖨️ Print post Question: What advice can you give me about herpes infection? According to conventional websites, “there is no treatment that can cure […]

www.westonaprice.org

Just take Valacyclovir. Efficient, few to no side-effects, and safe.

I have tried so many home-remedies. Some may work, but I don't want to be out of the field for 2 weeks and walk around with a nasty lip for a week. I want it gone in 3 days. Period.

My success with home-remedies are meh. Perhaps L-Lysine is the best over the counter home-remedie.

-Teevster

 

[XO!]

Thanks for your input everyone, I really appreciate the advice.