A Coward's First Steps

[CaligoTheCoward]

Background:

I am a super novice 23yo virgin with no experience with women whatsoever. I was stuck in a rut for years until recently. I thought that was impossible but somehow I did it, and now I want to do something else that seems impossible: actually getting a woman. I don't expect progress to be quick given my background, but if I'm persistent I think I'll manage.


The point of this journal:

I just want to chronicle my own progress and see if I can put these techniques to good use.


What I should work on:

I think I should work on openers and hooks. I was finally able to leave the house recently, which is a huge deal for me, but I also failed to hook each time I tried. My total lifetime approaches are about 6...? somewhere around there. I should do more approaches and hopefully get my game under control. I also have troubles figuring out places to go, though. I read somewhere that I should have fun while gaming so that I can say I did something fun even if I don't pull, but most of my hobbies are inside hobbies from being trapped in the house for so long. I guess I will just walk around and see what's nearby? I should also mention that I'm practicing both day game and night game.


What I'm planning to do about it:

I'm planning on developing a more indirect style of game referenced in the books I've been reading (listing them won't get me banned right? I'll err on the side of caution here.), so things like indirect openers and finding commonalities to eventually grab the number on. Just seems like more of my style than the standard "Oh you're cute, lemme get your number" style of game. I have a lot of material about it, but most of the time I feel a little overwhelmed by how much of it there is and how much conflicting information that can be found in most of them. I don't really know what to trust, but I do know that experience is the best teacher, and the more I read, the less experience I'm getting. I'm just gonna go out and get my feet wet and see where it goes.

 

[gameboy]

Good luck on your journey!

First thing that comes to mind: do you really want to be a coward? If not, maybe you didnt make the best choice of username and title for your journal.

 

[Zoro]

CaligoTheConqueror, they say it's easier to change your identity than your habits. Start changing how you view yourself, and your habits follow. Some of that is through actions, but there is also a bit of mental reprogramming, mindfulness, and positive visualization to be done.

 

[CaligoTheCoward]

Good luck on your journey!

First thing that comes to mind: do you really want to be a coward? If not, maybe you didnt make the best choice of username and title for your journal.

Thanks for your reply! Honestly I didn't expect to get one.

To your question, no I don't want to be a coward, but I was and to some extent still am one. The whole idea was to inspire others who might also see themselves as cowardly, scared, weak, etc. who also might be in the same position as I am/was. If I can succeed, then there's no excuse, right?

CaligoTheConqueror, they say it's easier to change your identity than your habits. Start changing how you view yourself, and your habits follow. Some of that is through actions, but there is also a bit of mental reprogramming, mindfulness, and positive visualization to be done.

Thanks for your reply. Honestly, changing how I view myself is hard, but I think I'm getting the hang of it. It was one of the key things that helped me get out of my years-long rut and feeling like it was actually possible for me to even get to the point where I can try to fix my life.

I do like the name change too, maybe I'll change it to that after I get some lays under my belt

 

[CaligoTheCoward]

Okay, so I'm going to a bar shortly. This is only my second time, the first was last week and it was just a bunch of old dudes, so I'm not sure what to do. I've been reading on this stuff for a couple of years now, but because I haven't put it into action, I don't really understand most of it. From what I can understand, this is how the seduction process works:

-1. Fundamentals
0. pre-opener
1. Opener
2. Hook point
3. Rapport building
4. Attraction building
5. Closing

For each step, because I find myself thinking "What do I say?" a lot, I've given myself a few guidelines to fall back on so I don't use it as an excuse for not saying anything.

For the pre-opener, if we make eye contact, I'll either stare back as if it were a staring contest in the 2nd grade and make it fun. Or I'll stick out my tongue in a joking manner.

For the Opener... I spent some time researching this these past couple of days, but honestly, I might just go in with a "Hey" as what was labeled an "Initiator" in one book and make up something on the fly. I've started to try and notice 3 things about people I can make conversation about and I've been coming up with some pretty decent topics.

Now, the Hook point might be a little tricky even with those conversation topics. But today I did manage to have a conversation with a couple of co-workers about what kind of stuff they did outside of work using the "Deep dive" technique listed on here. It worked wonderfully, so maybe something like that can be used to hook, too. I also read that every word that comes out of a woman's mouth is a potential hook, so I'll make sure to pay close attention to what she says.

As for Rapport building, the deep dive technique works wonders. It's all about asking questions about one topic and trying to get as deeply as possible. One of the other books I read details something similar, but it instead broke it into three questions:
1.What quality of <thing> is important to you?
2.How do you know you have that quality?
3.What does having that quality do give you?
Then, after that, you've got the value that they get, in the example of my co-worker it was joy, then you can ask the final question:
4. What is it like when you have that <emotion, value, etc>.
I haven't tried this one because it was hard to remember, but it seems like it might work well. Other than that, another book I read details the importance of a concept called "fractionation". In this book it was mainly positive and negative, but really that "fractionation", as I understand it at least, is really just a changing between two states. Happy/sad, excited/disappointed, angry/grateful, etc etc. It can even be a change in location. I think this technique might be really important, but I always have problems actually implementing it. I'll do my best to use this concept, too.

Attraction building is likely the thing I will struggle with most because I don't think I've ever gotten anyone attracted to me at all. I read about the ESP method on here and I think that might work out well. I also read about push/pull. Push pull confuses me though, so I don't really know what to do there. Maybe I should look at it as a form of fractionation? Like, giving interest and sexualizing the conversation, then just randomly pulling out? I think I'll try that. I also have ZERO clue what the hell a frame even is. The concept really confuses me. "Worldview"? Like if I believe the sky is green, this is a "frame"? If she tells me "We're not sleeping together tonight", this is a "frame"? And if I say, "Yes, we are" this too is a frame? It's confusing. I think I can understand it logically, but I can't understand it intuitively so I won't make use of that.
Kino I hear is important too. I know about the basic escalation techniques, but I always seem to forget the order of the escalation ladder. Hopefully I don't mess it up too badly. I've also never kissed before so I should be careful when I get there I reckon, because she might figure that I'm a virgin because of terrible kissing skills.

And for the close I... don't really have too much. I would like sex, but my logistics are absolute dogshit (still with family). At least I have a car. I might be able to just use that, but I'm not sure where to go... am I supposed to just do it in the parking lot? Won't it be really stuffy? I think I'm getting too ahead of myself anyway.

Aside from that, my mentality is just to go in to have a good time. Explore something new. Things like that. I'll be alone, but I was the last time too so I think I'll be alright. Wish me luck!

 

[CaligoTheCoward]

So I ended up going to the bar. And well... My friend recommended this place to me as a chill bar, but it really was a place with a bar in it and a pretty prolific DATE location. So everyone there was either in groups with friends or with their partners, while I was the only one completely alone. I didn't prepare for something like this at all because I was thinking there would be solo women, so I was stuck wondering what the hell I should do. I then thought to myself that I could maybe work with the bartender. But then she turned around I thought to myself that I definitely can NOT work with this bartender (she was a 3). So I just ordered a beer and stared at the TV for a little. At that point I'm starting to reason with myself that I should at least speak with one stranger, as that is something I typically would never do, and I start talking to the guy next to me after a little while. I learned a bit about him with the Deep Dive technique, tried to elicit some values using those questions (I forgot some of them though, so I couldn't go all the way but I did get a lot and the conversation seemed to be going well), and at the end of it all he said "Uh can I get back to my date?" and after apologizing all I could do was stare out in space blankly... I finished my beer, walked around the area for a bit (still no single women) and went home.

It was rough to say the least. But I'm proud of myself for actually getting out of the house, talking to a stranger (a few months ago that would've been impossible) and having the guts to go alone. I guess in my area it's pretty rare to do that. Which made me realize something: I NEED to know how to open groups. If I do night game, women flying solo is almost never happening. I mainly learned the techniques that I did to open women in daygame, where I know they will probably be solo. But opening groups is really daunting to me and I'll have ZERO social proof if I'm doing that alone. In fact, it might actually be bad for me because it will more than likely be looked at as "Well what are you doing here alone? Do you have no friends?" or something along those lines. I also realized from talking to women at work that I'm absolute TRASH at building attraction. I'm actually getting much better with rapport (something that I thought was super difficult a few months ago which is why I'm grinding that area so hard) and I think my skill is good enough, so I'll focus my attentions toward opening and building attraction. Mainly building attraction.

So there are a few things I'll be thinking about going forward:
1. Noticing three things as potential openers about the person (if I can't, I'm just going to make something up on the fly)
2. Figuring out how to open groups
3. Doing much MUCH more research on building attraction
4. Understanding how to have fun in places alone and outside of the house and understanding how to drag others into that fun and making new friends on the fly that way

I was hoping on losing my virginity before the year ended, but that's not looking too convincing at this point. I'll go out again some more this week and get some more practice in once I've done enough research to find some attraction building techniques that I feel that I can use well. Until then I'll just focus on being able to make some good fun with strangers.

 

[Conquistador]

CaligoTheConqueror, they say it's easier to change your identity than your habits. Start changing how you view yourself, and your habits follow. Some of that is through actions, but there is also a bit of mental reprogramming, mindfulness, and positive visualization to be done.

Caligo you need to meet @BIGGUS DICKUS: PUSSY MAN

Why not become Biggus2

 

[CaligoTheCoward]

Caligo you need to meet @BIGGUS DICKUS: PUSSY MAN

Why not become Biggus2

Thanks for your reply. Become Biggus 2 in what way? Like how he had a name change? If that's the case, maybe I should be "Widus Vaginus" so we can be twinsies

On a more serious note, I checked out his thread and I think I'll adopt some of the things he's learned so far. Specifically the part where it was mentioned that he shouldn't take all of this so seriously. I can be a little tense at times, especially when around people I don't know, and that can really impact my results. I also beat up on myself quite a bit about how it took me so long to even start this whole process. I honestly feel like I should've started a couple of years back and like I'm waaay behind my peers at this point. Like I'm too old to still be a virgin and too old to be starting this. But, the more rational side of me knows I shouldn't really beat up on myself for the lifestyle I lived in the past. I didn't know how to control myself or have anyone to ask for advice (and their advice wouldn't have helped anyway because of the completely fucked worldview I had). Not like I can change the past anyway, so why worry about it? I shouldn't take it all too seriously and let that bleed into my seduction. And besides, I know how to manage my time and my urges NOW, and for the first time I can finally see hope. Like I can finally live the life I've thought was impossible. Even if I don't have the past, I have the future! Hopefully that thought alone allows me to be more light and carefree in my seduction.

 

[reeax]

Just wanted to say that if you went outside alone to a bar, looking to meet a girl, and ended by speaking to some random guy, you are not a coward. That's more than what a lot of guys would be able to do. You are on a good way

 

[gameboy]

Just wanted to say that if you went outside alone to a bar, looking to meet a girl, and ended by speaking to some random guy, you are not a coward. That's more than what a lot of guys would be able to do. You are on a good way

Yes, I was thinking the same. Well done!

 

[CaligoTheCoward]

Just wanted to say that if you went outside alone to a bar, looking to meet a girl, and ended by speaking to some random guy, you are not a coward. That's more than what a lot of guys would be able to do. You are on a good way

Yes, I was thinking the same. Well done!

Thanks for the words of encouragement you guys!

 

[CaligoTheCoward]

So yesterday I went out on a walk to get some approaches in. The goal was to open at least five women. Hopefully, I could get one number. I have been told I'm pretty handsome so I figured it would be way easier than I thought it would be. But then I hit the streets. And good LORD is cold approach cold! Like I know it's called "cold" approach, but "cold" is an understatement. That was like a brick wall of ice! Every single time I made eye contact with someone, without fail it I was either met with a swift eye shift to the front so that they're kinda looking forward and clearly do not want to be approached or with the little "muppet" face where they kinda bring their lips in and look like a muppet... Like :I? I think you know what I'm talking about. Some of them just smiled and looked at their phones after eye contact. This COMPLETELY disarmed me because I had ZERO clue to expect this. I was shocked! What I experienced from then on was less approach anxiety and more approach "Uh, is this really okay!?" Every time, male or female, I felt that ice wall and it was really hard to break. Even with a simple "Hey". At least in the bar it was more social environment so I felt like it was okay to do that and it was pretty easy all things considered, but this is a completely different beast.

So in the end, I only got three greetings in... One was almost like a mouse, because again, I didn't really expect this. The second was a little stifled at the end, and I figured that I should probably open up more to sound a bit more confident. And the third was a bit better in all aspects. Perfectly okay hey. I guess that's good that I said SOMETHING, but this is kinda pathetic... I really didn't expect this. But now that I've been through it i realize that I have a LOT more to learn, and I'm way more behind than I thought. Now that I know what it feels like, I'll go over it a bit in my head and rehearse how I wanted to come across and what I wanted to say. Hopefully that'll get me used to the environment a bit. My failure has fired me up, so I'll read a bit more then try it again today!

And while we're on the topic of readings, I've done a bit more lurking and found that other materials are commonly posted here and I likely won't get banned if I list my references, so I'll do that from now on. My current approach to seduction is a mixture of the Shogun Method, Real World Seduction, and the Mystery Method. Some of these are contradictory though, like shogun which preaches rapport before attraction, and mystery which preaches attraction before rapport (comfort). I think mystery is more useful for short term seduction while shogun is more useful for long term, so for now I'll make use of mainly mystery. I'm taking most of the overall structure from Real world seduction. Especially the idea of a "fourfold meta frame". Now frames still confuse me a bit so I don't know how effective it will be, but my intuition tells me that it might work and I really have no idea what to believe since I have no experience to compare it to so I'll trust my gut here. I do have a few more concepts that I've grabbed from some other books like chase framing (girls chase), those rapport questions that I listed earlier (speed rapport), the idea of the three seducers (natural game) and the idea of the "pink elephant principle" (sexual key). Some of these I haven't read all the way because it is a bit much to take in, especially since I have no experience to compare it to, but I think these concepts will come in handy sometime in my journey. They were the ones that stuck after all, so maybe my intuition is telling me something.

Well with that being said I'm going to prep for later today. Wish me luck! Hopefully this goes better than last time...

 

[POB]

@CaligoTheCoward
Change your username.
I get the the reference to the owl butterfly, but it is not a good name with the coward in it.
Also change your jornal name to something more positive.
In fact, fuck the word coward...it's something you should never use when talking about yourself.

On a personal note, I was a virgin till 21.
That didn't prevent me to be a late bloomer, become a good seducer, and rack up triple digit lays down the road.
You are in the best place to learn about seduction and self-improvement man!
There's plenty of time.

Get a notepad, read as much as you can from this forum (and the main GC site) and start taking notes about everything that resonates with you.
Then go out there, apply it and get back here to share your results (good or bad).
Get feedback, rinse and repeat.

That's the way my friend.
(Holy shit, The Mandalorian would be a great name for you here....and I think it's not taken yet).

 

[gameboy]

So in the end, I only got three greetings in... One was almost like a mouse, because again, I didn't really expect this. The second was a little stifled at the end, and I figured that I should probably open up more to sound a bit more confident. And the third was a bit better in all aspects. Perfectly okay hey. I guess that's good that I said SOMETHING, but this is kinda pathetic... I really didn't expect this. But now that I've been through it i realize that I have a LOT more to learn, and I'm way more behind than I thought. Now that I know what it feels like, I'll go over it a bit in my head and rehearse how I wanted to come across and what I wanted to say. Hopefully that'll get me used to the environment a bit. My failure has fired me up, so I'll read a bit more then try it again today!

Yeah it's tough isn't it? I've been there just a month ago. Keep going! You will get better and better reactions from the girls, at least from some of them.

Personally, if they smile, I feel like they are happy to be opened. If I walk away from a girl that smiles at me, I always end up kicking myself afterwards...

 

[CaligoTheCoward]

@CaligoTheCoward
Change your username.
I get the the reference to the owl butterfly, but it is not a good name with the coward in it.
Also change your jornal name to something more positive.
In fact, fuck the word coward...it's something you should never use when talking about yourself.

On a personal note, I was a virgin till 21.
That didn't prevent me to be a late bloomer, become a good seducer, and rack up triple digit lays down the road.
You are in the best place to learn about seduction and self-improvement man!
There's plenty of time.

Get a notepad, read as much as you can from this forum (and the main GC site) and start taking notes about everything that resonates with you.
Then go out there, apply it and get back here to share your results (good or bad).
Get feedback, rinse and repeat.

That's the way my friend.
(Holy shit, The Mandalorian would be a great name for you here....and I think it's not taken yet).

Thanks for your words of encouragement. I seem to get a lot about changing my name... I can't change it at this point even if I want to though. It seems you have to wait a bit to change it after you make an account. But honestly even if I could change it at this point I don't think I would. I feel like I need to earn a different one. Once I see some progress, maybe I'll take one of the suggestions here. I'm definitely not cool enough to be the Mandalorian though lol. As a fellow late bloomer, I hope I can be as good as you someday!

Oh and Caligo is actually a reference to a Yugioh card! I didn't know it was an owl butterfly too. That's strangely fitting.

Yeah it's tough isn't it? I've been there just a month ago. Keep going! You will get better and better reactions from the girls, at least from some of them.

Personally, if they smile, I feel like they are happy to be opened. If I walk away from a girl that smiles at me, I always end up kicking myself afterwards...

Thanks for the reply. You really feel like they're happy to be opened if they smile? Those smiles felt so cold to me... Like ice daggers through the heart. Like a polite "Oops, we made eye contact. I acknowledge you, so please let me go back to what I was doing in peace". Just thinking about it makes me uncomfortable...

Thanks for rooting for me though man! I'm rooting for you too. I hope these reactions get better though because yeesh... Maybe I should work on my fundamentals more.

 

[CaligoTheCoward]

So, I didn't end up doing much anything these last couple of days. I was going to go out and get some more cold approach experience, but I ended up getting caught up with some things and daytime came and went. So I ended up having to supplement with speaking to strangers on an online game. I was just as stiff as I was in public, so I realize that this is probably something I need to work on. On Thursday I ended up playing games and fucked around the whole day. This has historically been a huge issue for me. I know the cycle waaaay too well at this point and I'm not interested in getting caught up again. I thought I was above this, but evidently I am not. So I'm going to keep the computer in a box for now. I've been caught up in this shit for 5 years... I'm not willing to risk a 6th.

I'm well aware it's only a matter of time before something like this happens again though, so I'm going to attempt to take drastic measures to ensure I get enough hours in doing pickup before I fall back into a hole again. The current plan is to go out every day. I work weekends, so I think I'll probably give myself a break at least one of those days if I can manage going out on the other ones. Daygame during the week, nightgame on the weekends. Also I need to revisit what topics I'm focusing on. I think most of my fundamentals are... good enough. They're passable so I think I need to work on the higher level skills. I find myself unable to remember more than two things, so I'm just going to have a primary focus and a secondary focus. My primary focus will simply be to be able to relax and be myself around strangers. It frustrates me a little that I have to work on something so simple, especially when I see my peers already in their prime living their life and doing all kinda crazy shit, but comparing won't get me laid... I'll just have to tough it out. My secondary focus is to build attraction. I SUCK at this. I don't understand most of the concepts because I don't have examples to base it off of. I feel like if I go out more I'll see more examples though. Hopefully it works itself out.


Tonight, I'm going to a club. Or at least I think its a club. I've seen it down the street but I have no idea what the hell its supposed to be. I'll be alone again so hopefully I don't get mugged... Anyways, today's primary goal is to talk to 2 strangers! It... may be a little pathetic, but I hear it's best to start only a little bit above where your limit is. Since I could only manage one conversation last time, today I'll make it two! My secondary goal is to try and get a woman attracted to me. Opening and building rapport won't be too dificult because I'm passable with those I think, but the attraction part is almost impossible. Maybe I radiate virgin? I don't really speak like it though... Maybe I should work more on my manerisms? I wonder why attraction works naturally for most other people but not for me. I'll have to think about it a bit more. I also need to figure out what time is best... I'll figure it out later I suppose. That's all for now. Wish me luck!

 

[Mr.SocialAcceptableHarem]

Caligo you need to meet @BIGGUS DICKUS: PUSSY MAN

Why not become Biggus2

Nah, maybe THE PUSSY SLAYER or DOWNWARD DOG KING 6900!

Fr tho @CaligoTheCoward, I know a lot ppl may disagree, but I've found game is about being yourself, a couple tactics increase odds and are definitely must haves if you want to be effecient, but if you can just be yourself unapologetically, people naturally gravitate to that.

That doesn't mean the real you is anxious or afraid of people or any of that shit, those are actually things preventing the real you to come out, the you when your drinking with your friends (hopefully your not self conscious around your friends).

It may take 1000 approaches for that side of you to come out, you may have to lose a lot of limiting beliefs too to get a fresh start.

I just think in the beginning many of us are nerdy and obsessed with the technical side overthinking in our head, when really we should just be trying to get comfortable with the practice, learning off of energy and vibe, it's socializing so you don't really have to think, your subconcious will autocorrect you after enough approaches (however majorly changing fundamentals does take more conscious effort). When you've got at least a hundred approaches under your belt, then you can start stressing technique and consciously try to change the vibe, but first you need to be aware that there even is a vibe, a flow to things, and get acclimated to that feeling of connecting with strangers.

It's Hard to explain, I just know that I've been getting more comfortable around strangers since I've taken time off and things feel very natural and organic, I'm not per se looking to approach, it's just I go by feel and if I feel the girl is receptive, I flirt a bit, still choosing not to take any numbers at the moment, but I'm enjoying playing with that chemistry. funny, when your not doing anything in particular but the girl across from you is grinning like an idiot and your just being yourself. I wouldn't say it happens every time, but it definitely happens in the right context and when there's mutual attraction.

I've been reading some of your infield above, just remember it's not "I'm doing this so the judges give me a 10 and hopefully I get to fuck and I win the competition" but instead "I'm just gonna fucking show off how fucking cool I am and if they don't fuck with it, I'll go talk to someone else" you gotta go into it believing you can bring something to the table. For example, a couple months ago I learned the value of busting balls and saying whatever I want, it gives me an edginess and creates tension, and I feel like a lot of guys are only trying to please the girl and I have an edge above the competition because of this.

You could right down a list of qualities you think you have that women would like about you and look at it right before you go out. I think your lacking of self esteem is taking a hit right now and that's gotta be impacting your game. It's can be really complicated or really simple to build self esteem but you just need to give yourself reasons to value yourself, some people do this by accomplishing tasks they think are valuable or they look at character traits they have that are also valuable.

hope this helps, best,

Matt

P.S. @Surveyor Funny AF BIGGUS 2.0

 

[CaligoTheCoward]

Nah, maybe THE PUSSY SLAYER or DOWNWARD DOG KING 6900!

Fr tho @CaligoTheCoward, I know a lot ppl may disagree, but I've found game is about being yourself, a couple tactics increase odds and are definitely must haves if you want to be effecient, but if you can just be yourself unapologetically, people naturally gravitate to that.

That doesn't mean the real you is anxious or afraid of people or any of that shit, those are actually things preventing the real you to come out, the you when your drinking with your friends (hopefully your not self conscious around your friends).

It may take 1000 approaches for that side of you to come out, you may have to lose a lot of limiting beliefs too to get a fresh start.

I just think in the beginning many of us are nerdy and obsessed with the technical side overthinking in our head, when really we should just be trying to get comfortable with the practice, learning off of energy and vibe, it's socializing so you don't really have to think, your subconcious will autocorrect you after enough approaches (however majorly changing fundamentals does take more conscious effort). When you've got at least a hundred approaches under your belt, then you can start stressing technique and consciously try to change the vibe, but first you need to be aware that there even is a vibe, a flow to things, and get acclimated to that feeling of connecting with strangers.

It's Hard to explain, I just know that I've been getting more comfortable around strangers since I've taken time off and things feel very natural and organic, I'm not per se looking to approach, it's just I go by feel and if I feel the girl is receptive, I flirt a bit, still choosing not to take any numbers at the moment, but I'm enjoying playing with that chemistry. funny, when your not doing anything in particular but the girl across from you is grinning like an idiot and your just being yourself. I wouldn't say it happens every time, but it definitely happens in the right context and when there's mutual attraction.

I've been reading some of your infield above, just remember it's not "I'm doing this so the judges give me a 10 and hopefully I get to fuck and I win the competition" but instead "I'm just gonna fucking show off how fucking cool I am and if they don't fuck with it, I'll go talk to someone else" you gotta go into it believing you can bring something to the table. For example, a couple months ago I learned the value of busting balls and saying whatever I want, it gives me an edginess and creates tension, and I feel like a lot of guys are only trying to please the girl and I have an edge above the competition because of this.

You could right down a list of qualities you think you have that women would like about you and look at it right before you go out. I think your lacking of self esteem is taking a hit right now and that's gotta be impacting your game. It's can be really complicated or really simple to build self esteem but you just need to give yourself reasons to value yourself, some people do this by accomplishing tasks they think are valuable or they look at character traits they have that are also valuable.

hope this helps, best,

Matt

P.S. @Surveyor Funny AF BIGGUS 2.0

Thanks for your reply! Being myself around strangers is a little difficult. Getting used to that after 100 approaches is... a little disheartening to say the least. 100 is a lot of failures. A lot of potential quit points. I wonder how long I'll last? On one hand, I look at the past and can forecast nothing but utter failure in the future, but recently I've been crushing it by my own standards so I have some hope that I'll manage with the little self esteem I have in tact.

I think the part about not thinking about social situations is really interesting. Right now it is hard to realize that there is even a vibe. I can feel it on some level I guess? But I can't register what it means. Is it romantic? Platonic? Sexual? I have no clue. I can tell when there's some underlying tension or theme, but I can never intuit what it is. I guess that is something that only comes with experience, isn't it. But I still do think its important for me to learn to create those vibes, even as inexperienced as I am. Maybe I'm in a rush, but I'd like to shed this virginity as soon as possible...

The idea of going into it thinking you can bring something to the table is interesting too. I have NOTHING to bring to the table. I'm slightly good looking I've been told, but that's all I really have. My fundies are just barely passable, I don't make much money or have many material items. Still with family. I'm literally a kissless virgin at 23. I have MUCH more that's not attractive than could ever be attractive. But you know what? People are way worse off than me and somehow still have somebody. At first I just thought there was something wrong with me. But after a couple of years, I gave it some thought. Like they're objectively worse than me in every conceivable way. Yet somehow they're getting laid? At first I thought it was simply getting out of the house. So I did too. Didn't really do me any good. So then I thought it was being able to make plenty of friends. And that... Well, I made some new acquaintances at least. So then I thought there was really only one thing left: game. I have zero experience, so zero game. Most other people at least have some sort of experience talking to women in a "man to woman" sort of way. And since they knew how to talk to women, they ended up getting one... So I don't have much, but its been proven to me that I don't really need anything at all! If I have nothing legitimately, just trick 'em into liking me. That's my current approach anyways.

 

[Black-eyed]

To your question, no I don't want to be a coward, but I was and to some extent still am one. The whole idea was to inspire others who might also see themselves as cowardly, scared, weak, etc. who also might be in the same position as I am/was. If I can succeed, then there's no excuse, right?

Funny thing is that a lot of users here would never ever use that username, and yet, they are the biggest coward on here.

 

[CaligoTheCoward]

So I ended up actually going to the club yesterday. And... It went great! I ended up not only reaching my goal of talking to two strangers, I even talked to some women there too! I had a couple of conversations where I really failed to hook, but I had one conversation that went really well. I was waiting for some drinks at the little bar area and this girl asked if I ordered. I said no and led that into a little conversation. I think we were flirting (I still don't know what that really looks like yet) and she smiled and laughed a lot. I think she was into me, but I also think she could've just been being friendly. I did some teasing and banter and everything. I really just imitated what I'd seen other guys doing. I built a bit of rapport too. I think that rapport might actually be my strong point, which is crazy to me because just a few months ago I wouldn't even be able to get along with a cinder block... After reading one book in particular it kinda clicked though. Anyways, after we were done waiting for our drinks she left and asked for my name and introduced herself too. But because she left so fast, I was having second doubts if that was a success or if I was just being presumptuous. I didn't end up getting a number or a lay or anything which is kinda disappointing. But, all things considered this was a MUCH better job than I could've done last week so fuck it I'll take it.

Some things I see I need to work on is definitely opening, sexual tension, and hooking. All three of those are kinda... shit for me right now. The first few minutes I spent just looking around like "Uhhhh what the fuck do I do now?" which is... yeah no. It was a little hard to speak to others. I felt that resistance that I did with daytime, but it was much MUCH lighter. Much easier to overcome. After a little while I got a little more comfortable with the environment and was able to open with very little difficulty. I think the only angle I need to work on my opening at this point is just actually getting the opener out instead of just staring at the TV and watching the game. My sexual tension is shit too, but its hard to build with no experience so this isn't really too surprising. I do think I have more ideas on how to weave that into the bigger picture as I understand it, but for now this will have to be something that just is difficult for me. And I failed so many hooks that I think I should grab a few from over here if I can find some good ones that I can deliver congruently. Otherwise, I'll be thinking about more of them myself.

Also I've been working on a few girls at work over a few months. I've been able to create a good atmosphere with one of them and things seem to be going well. I've been keeping in mind that small amount I know about attraction in the back of my head and I've haphazardly been going about generating it. Well, I don't really think it worked anyways because she had clear high interest from the first time I spoke with her, but I tested out some ideas nonetheless. Either way, I asked her out a couple of months ago and she flaked. But she still showed high interest after that, I think? So I asked her out again and she said yeah, so I'll be doing that sometime this week. Which is great! Only problem is that I have no idea what the fuck I should be doing. What do people even do on dates? All I've ever seen being referenced is the coffee date. We're supposed to be going to some place, so like is the process the same or...? Try to escalate and go to her place? But then what do I do? Is it straight sex or...? I'll have to do some planning.

Buuut luckily for my planning, I think it all clicked today! I think I finally understand this whole process. I need some more understanding of how to do it, but I finally have a clear idea of what to do. It came to me while I was zoned out at work. I think the whole process is kinda fluid but also kinda linear? My theory is that it goes something like this: Open/Hook > Intrigue > Attraction > Rapport > Sexual Tension > Comfort > Sex (Ideally).
The opener and hook really just get your foot in the door. The intrigue gets her to ask questions about you or what you're saying or your story or whatever, and I'm guessing the more she's wondering about what you're going to say next, the more she subconsciously links you as a sort of person that is interesting and wants to know more from or about. The Attraction is Mystery style attraction, A2-3 and such. Just trying to get her into you and build that compliance. The Rapport is so that she can feel like she knows you a little more by disclosisng stuff about herself. Just opening up to someone will make you feel a connection on top of that attraction to someone you're already curious about. THEN you pile on that Sexual Tension on top of it to give it a more sexual vibe. All of a sudden, it feels a lot more natural to be turned on by you since she feels like you're not a stranger and she's attracted to you, while that curiosity makes her even MORE aroused. Then you go into the comfort to make sure that the lmr isn't there and she feels like it's okay to sleep with you. Then you have sex! Before I was running around like a headless chicken, but knowing where to go is very helpful for me.

That being said... for the date coming up, I still have no idea what to do! Well, more like I have no idea how to do. I can open and have a mediocre hook, and I've seen enough youtube clickbait to generate some intrigue, but building attraction is going to be an uphill battle! Luckily I think her interest is high, but I'm still not sure so I want to do it right. Everything I see on attraction has to do with push pull (I still don't understand it) or DHV. My value is... well it's not very high... So what am I supposed to do there? Fuck it, I'll just lie. Fake it till you make it! I feel like I might be able to make sexual tension work, the ESP model is really simple and helpful. I also read that the DiCarlo model is really good too, so I'll be commiting that to memory too sometime before the date. Comfort shouldn't be too hard either, so I'll just read about that for a bit and I should be good to go.

I was supposed to go out tonight too, but it's so late... I spent way too much time typing this. I'll probably just use today to study a bit more on the new model I have here.