A four-month daygame experience / sticking points

[Celestial_Spirit]

Hello, everybody. After the reading few posts on this forum, I've decided to share my experience with the daygame as well some points that I'm struggling with. Maybe some of you have gone through the same thing and have decent advice for me.

To start with, I'm a 28-year-old Eastern European living in Western Europe. I'm a normal-looking, 6-feet-tall guy working in software development. Most of my colleagues are men, so I rarely get a chance to meet girls at work. Even in the few rare cases when a girl at work is not in a relationship, it seems that you have to compete with a few other guys for her attention. I've also tried online dating, but it doesn't seem to work. I get too few likes, and even the girls who do like me seem to not be interested.

I'm currently giving daygame a shot. A friend recommended the London daygame model to me and shared some of their video materials, also suggesting YouTube channels like James Tusk or Todd Valentine. I have started to study this material and made my first approaches last year. The approach anxiety was a big deal for me, but I convinced myself that it was worth it and with time it would be better. So I started speaking with vendors as well as asking girls for direction or making comments during events. After that, I tried direct approaches like complimenting girls and I liked. At the begining of 2024, I decided to start doing daygame systematically, going out at least 6–7 times a month and doing 5–7 sets a day.

Since January, I have gone out nearly 25 times, doing around 120–150 sets. From these sets, I got only nearly 10 numbers/insta, but only one date that led to nothing. 50% of numbers didn't respond; 40% went back and forth, but at some point, girls didn't answer back.

My typical approach is to start with a polite greeting like: "Hi, it's a little bit random, but I have seen you, and I wanted to come over and meet you, because you look really nice." If a girl reacts positively to the compliment, I try to guess what she does for a living or what she is doing right now. For example, if I approach girls in a trading center or on a shopping street, I might say something like, " I guess you've decided to do some shopping after the hard-working day." Or "you look very stylish, I assume you either work in the fashion sector or try to follow recent fashion trends." From there, I try to lead the conversation spontaneously, maintaining focus on her and eventually sharing some relevant stories.

From this strategy, I get around 20% of hard blowouts - girls don't respond at all. About 30% of girls instantly mention they have a boyfriend or need to go. Another 20–30% are staying for a minute or two in conversation and, after that, find a reason to leave, while the remaining 20–30% stay longer. After a few minutes of conversation, I attempt to close these girls, but only 30–50% are willing to give their number. So I typically get 1 number in 2-3 daygame sessions.

In my opinion, I have 4 main sticking points:

1. Managing my bad mood: Being generally prone to depression, very often I find myself not feeling like talking to girls. Even when I can logically convince myself, that doing daygame will provide some amazing experiences with girls, being on the street sometimes feels like just grinding set after set. It feels like this is not what I want to do right now.

2. Being outcome dependent: While receiving a decent reaction makes me feel like the king of the street, getting series of bad rejections makes me doubt whether I'm really a cool guy or if what I'm doing makes any sense at all. Sometimes having really bad session, I am trying to push a few more sets to get at least some good reactions to convince myself to continue, which makes me even more outcome-dependent and sometimes leads to burnout.

3. Opening weak. Despite my attempts to focus on such things as maintaining strong eye contact and body language, speaking slowly and projecting my voice, I still struggle with sub-communication, sometimes coming off as needy or nervous. I just lack a strong conviction that I'm bringing a lot of value to the conversation and that rejections aren't a big deal.

4. Not being able to build attraction: Even though one-third of the girls are staying in conversation, it usually remains rather platonic When I try to flirt, the girls either don't get it or misunderstand. I usually try to close the girls but get a frequent response, that the girl is not feeling like it or doesn't need something like this right now. This is perhaps the most fundamental problem, as I tend to take everything very seriously and struggle with being lighthearted and humorous.

For the next few months, I will focus on addressing my sticking points and consider taking the following steps for each of them:

1. Try to cut sources of bad dopamine like coffee, sugar, junk food, and excessive social media use while maintaining a healthy diet and ensuring I get enough sleep. I'll also make an effort to go outside and engage in activities that make me feel better.

2. This point is hard, but I'll work on shifting my focus to my inner value. I understand that as long as I continue to go out, work on my self-development, and just becomming a better person, I'm on the right way. And I am sure, at the right time, success will come, and I will become less outcome-dependent.

3. Most of the time, I was trying to be spontaneous with the set, so I was not sure if my approach would be decent. For the next sessions, I will try to create some structure, using canned material, so that in case I don't know what to say, I have at least something prepared for different situations. But I guess, in the long term, the only way to deal with this problem is to get a lot of positive reference experience.

4. I guess the reason for not being able to build attraction is the way I perceive the world. Throughout my life, I was the guy who had a problem with building relationships or even perceived the world as a hostile environment. I am still carrying this baggage through my sets, but recently I have been trying to take everything less seriously and see beautiful and funny things around me. On a practical point, I am reading humorous books and watching stand-up comedy, as well as leading a diary about my life from a funny perspective. Also, after each daygame session, I try to analyze my sets and come up with a good way to tease a particular girl in that situation.

I know my results may seem modest compared to those of other guys posting here, but I understand that each of us comes from a different situation, and our paths can vary in length. What's most important to me is that I've enjoyed doing daygame—it's not just about picking up girls, but also about personal growth. I maintain a positive attitude, and I believe that success will eventually come.

 

[Licker]

Can you describe your average interactions after you open?
I don't care much about openers. But just drop the sorrys and it is a little random.

What are you doing?
1. Are you touching them?
2. Are you asking her to qualify.
3. Are you getting close to her? How far are you standing after they hook?
4. Are you teasing her?

It seems like you are playing it too safe and not generating much attraction. Your conversations are more polite and friendly than romantic or sexy.

I could be totally wrong to have assumed this, so please correct me if I am wrong okay.

What's the vibe? Is it fun and flirtatious? Or is it just a boring street stop interview?

And try meditation. It helps a lot.

You made some progress and got over your anxiety. For that I congratulate you. Most men cant even open a random girl.

 

[Bill]

- have a program or structure and practice the steps one by one, Chase’s book “how to make girls chase” or hectors program “meet girls everywhere” for example, but there are many others. 1

- find infield and start watching it on repeat and comparing what you do to what they do. Most of the free infield was removed from the internet, but honest Signalz still has some on youtube and there are old Paul Janka and Todd V clips on YouTube uploaded to other channels. The Chinese streaming site bilibili has some. 1 2 3 4

- see if you can record your interactions, at least just the audio, and get feedback from someone with more experience

- have a pre-approach routine to try and get yourself into a better headspace, such as building social momentum beforehand or self amusing your first few approaches. Girlschase has articles on warming up.

 

[HumanWhoLearns]

I can kind of relate to your situation. Personally, I think you're treating pickup as too much of a job; it doesn't sound like you're having fun out there. In your shoes, I'd dial back on the pickup and start improving other areas of your life like social life, other hobbies, and mental health (developing a healthy mindset and self-esteem). Now you're not needing a girl's approval when you're going out and you can have a little more fun.

Being more systematic in your approach and writing field reports would be really helpful. I would read articles on this site about: what kind of guys girls are attracted, neediness, and better approaches. Then when you go out, focus on changing 1 or 2 things and see if your results improve over a meaningful sample. Once that is second nature, focus on another sticking point. Most importantly, improve that mindset and have fun out there. If you're not enjoying yourself, they're not going to enjoy interacting with you because emotions are contagious.

 

[HumanWhoLearns]

Can you describe your average interactions after you open?
I don't care much about openers. But just drop the sorrys and it is a little random.

What are you doing?
1. Are you touching them?
2. Are you asking her to qualify.
3. Are you getting close to her? How far are you standing after they hook?
4. Are you teasing her?

It seems like you are playing it too safe and not generating much attraction. Your conversations are more polite and friendly than romantic or sexy.

I could be totally wrong to have assumed this, so please correct me if I am wrong okay.

What's the vibe? Is it fun and flirtatious? Or is it just a boring street stop interview?

And try meditation. It helps a lot.

You made some progress and got over your anxiety. For that I congratulate you. Most men cant even open a random girl.

He definitely needs to take more risks. I know from personal experience.

 

[Licker]

He definitely needs to take more risks. I know from personal experience.

Yeah I know right

OP try to be the most asshole version of you. Like idgaf what you think babe.

Blow me or blow me out

 

[Licker]

Watch this to the end when Lucifer interacts with chloe.

 

[Celestial_Spirit]

First of all, thank you for all the advice given.

- have a program or structure and practice the steps one by one, Chase’s book “how to make girls chase” or hectors program “meet girls everywhere” for example, but there are many others. 1

Right now my main programs are Daygame Blueprint and Todd Valentine System, but I will take a look at bool “how to make girls chase”

- find infield and start watching it on repeat and comparing what you do to what they do. Most of the free infield was removed from the internet, but honest Signalz still has some on youtube and there are old Paul Janka and Todd V clips on YouTube uploaded to other channels. The Chinese streaming site bilibili has some. 1 2 3 4

Mainly,I used infields to motivate myself or to see how theoretical stuff is applied in practise. But comparing my recorded sets with infields is really great idea.

- have a pre-approach routine to try and get yourself into a better headspace, such as building social momentum beforehand or self amusing your first few approaches. Girlschase has articles on warming up.

I have a sort of pre-routine, like recording videos on my phone in public spaces, asking vendors silly questions, or doing first approaches in a TikTok Zizourx style like: "Where you get that? That beautiful beauty of yours."

can kind of relate to your situation. Personally, I think you're treating pickup as too much of a job; it doesn't sound like you're having fun out there.

I'd say it depends. Some days, I feel really into it; even if I don't achieve the desired results, I still get positive reactions and notice that my interactions are improving. But when I try to be systematic, I go out even on the days when I'm not feeling it. On those days, I treat it more like a job.

I'd dial back on the pickup and start improving other areas of your life like social life, other hobbies, and mental health (developing a healthy mindset and self-esteem). Now you're not needing a girl's approval when you're going out and you can have a little more fun.

Maybe it's matter of my priorities, but I feel that pick up is an area where I definitely need to make some changes. As long as it is not fixed all my thoughts are about game. However, from time to time, I try to distract myself by reading a book or engaging in some other activity.Can you describe your average interactions after you open?

I don't care much about openers. But just drop the sorrys and it is a little random.

What are you doing?
1. Are you touching them?
2. Are you asking her to qualify.
3. Are you getting close to her? How far are you standing after they hook?
4. Are you teasing her?

I can give you an example of one of my recent interractions:
Me: Hi, sorry, I was just walking by and have seen you, and wanted to say you look really pretty.
She: Thank you.
Me: Before you go..I assume you are in the middle of some interesting study.
She: No, I'm fully at work.
Me: What do you do?
She: Clerk in assembly production
Me: Hm..sounds interesting
She: Thank you, but right now I have to go. I have a target and it's waiting for me.
Me: This will not take a long. I don't know you yet, but I think you have really good personality, and I wanted to find more about you. Let us exchange contacts.
She: Sorry, but I'm not interested.
Me: Why?
She: I don't know...Right now I'm not up to get to know someone.
Me: It doesn't work this way..at some random point you just meet the right person.
She: Yeah, but right now I'm just not ready...Anyway it was very sweet of you, but I have to go.
Me: Ok, have a nice day
She: Thank you, you too, bye.

Regarding the questions:

1. I usually shake hands when introducing myself. Or after a good interaction, I may hug her.
2. When I understand the concept of qualification properly, I ask a girl if she has any interesting hobbies, if she reads books, or something similar.
3. I've never really thought about it, but I would say a normal speaking distance.
4. I struggle with this point, so I rarely tease girls.

What's the vibe? Is it fun and flirtatious? Or is it just a boring street stop interview?

It feels more like a boring interview.

 

[Licker]

Me: Hi, sorry, I was just walking by and have seen you, and wanted to say you look really pretty.

Drop this.
Hi (wait for a second), I saw you walking by, and I just had to come and tell you (wait), [insert genuine compliment].
This is field tested by a lot of guys.

Let me tell you a secret. I have been called handsome since I was a teen (I personally don't think so). If a girl says I'm handsome or hot, it doesn't affect me much at all. I'm just like thanks with a smile. Girls have approached me (very few, and often not what I'm looking for as far as looks are concerned) and said the same shit you are saying to girls.

It doesn't work. Why? Because it's not genuine. I can tell. Sure you like my looks, but so what? She knows she is pretty.
Instead you want to compliment on her which you actually like about her. Maybe her fashion sense, maybe her tan which complements her eyes, or even go bold if you have the balls and social calibration required, "I just like the way you move. It kinda turned me on"

She: Clerk in assembly production
Me: Hm..sounds interesting

You just basically dissed her. In her mind she is like fuck you, you jerk.
The way to respond to that is, "That's unique. I have never heard about this before. Do you like it?" (I honestly don't know what it's about).
Then you get her to talk about it. Easy.

She: Sorry, but I'm not interested.
Me: Why?
She: I don't know...Right now I'm not up to get to know someone.

I don't know the tone/her body language while she said it. She might actually be rejecting you or this is a test.
If it is you don't wanna say WHY. You wanna say, "Playing hard to get. I like it." (Bad boy response)
Or "haha, not yet maybe." (cool guy response) and then change the subject (ask her something). Use social pressure to keep the conversation going. She can't just walk away when you ask her a question.

1. I usually shake hands when introducing myself. Or after a good interaction, I may hug her.

She is not your buddy. You don't shake her hand. Don't hug her (unless you do it romantically, i.e. hold it for a few seconds longer and slightly tighter than what you would do with a friend).
Hold her hand like a gentleman. Let her hand rest on your palm and don't squeeze it. Let it stay there.
When leaving do a hand clasp, or anything physical, which maybe romantic or sexy. (I can't think of examples. Search girlschase articles, there is one on this out there)

1. I've never really thought about it, but I would say a normal speaking distance.

Normal as in, like you are a stranger or her friend? You don't want to be in her face, but definitely not like you are a stranger either.

I struggle with this point, so I rarely tease girls.

Why not? They like it.
Don't say she's a bitch. But it can be something she can't take offense about.
"You know I can tell. You are not as innocent as you look "
"It's not that cold to be wearing such a lovely sweater. You just wanted some amazing man to come and say hi to you yeah?"
Top of my head examples, but your non verbals must be on point.

You want to quickly transition from being just a dude saying hi to her and flirting with her.
You are not flirting with her one bit. "You are pretty" is not flirting, it's a compliment.

If you know how to run indirect game you can flirt with her under the radar too. It's like James Bond stuff. Ordinary conversation but with subtle sexual undertones.

I'd suggest completely focusing on your flirting skills first. Flirt with hired guns (waitresses, clerks, receptionists, air hostesses), who are paid to be nice to you. Flirt with every girl you see. Old, young, no matter. Flirt because it's fun.

Don't worry about picking them up for now.
It's funny because I guarantee you, once you start flirting with chicks just for fun, you'd be suprised how many times girls will actually like you and want to do stuff with you.

 

[Celestial_Spirit]

Unfortunately, there is no possibility to change the name of the topic to something not time-frame based, but I wanted to share my experiences of the last two months as well as maybe someone has advice considering my situation.

First of all, I changed my routine and instead of going for long daygame sessions, I decided to go more often but in shorter sessions. For example, taking a half-hour walk from work, doing 5-10 approaches a week excluding some warm-up like saying something silly or speaking with vendors. I didn't count the exact number of sets, but I assume it's around 50-70 sets in two months. From those approaches, I got 8 numbers. Three didn't respond to the first message, with three it went back and forth and then stopped, and with two, it went to dates. I am really proud that in almost two months, I have managed to get the same number of numbers as in the first four months, as well as getting twice as many dates.
Doing fewer approaches in one session, I was enjoying the game way more and completely avoiding burnout (till now ).

Every day going out, my target was either to try something new, like some kind of attraction technique, or to do some approaches in situations that were unusual for me, like in Starbucks or a park. Even on the days I was not getting numbers, I was glad that I went out of my typical pattern and tested something new.My main focus was, as advised in previous posts, to do more teasing as well as take more risks.

These are the types of things I have used:
1. Mentioning some silly stereotypes about her job or origin:
"Oh, you're from North Africa? Did you bring your camel with you?"
"You work in the public sector? I guess it's impossible to make a date with you, and if it works out, I have to wait months."
2. Exaggerating something:
"You're a veterinary assistant? You must be very compassionate. You probably already have 10 cats and dogs at home because you can't resist when a lost cat or dog is brought in."
3.Accusing her playfully:
"You have a guilty look, as if you have stolen something."
Push-Pull:
"When she does something silly: 'Don't worry, I still like you. At first, I was a little bit cautious because you seemed a little bit crazy, but now I see you're rather cute.'"
Spikes:
"I think I'm starting to fall a little bit in love with you. Could you maybe be a little less attractive so we can talk normally for a while?"
"Sorry, I was a bit distracted. I was checking out your legs." "By the way, you have this seductive look."
Other things:
Finding out if she is a good or bad girl, if she is adventurous, spontaneous, etc.

As a result of using these techniques, the conversations became longer, and more girls were enjoying them. Many girls, even those who mentioned they had boyfriends, thanked me for having a really nice conversation.

The next point I will be working on in the next months, while mastering teasing, is my storytelling. I have noticed that despite having experienced some interesting things or knowing some interesting stories, I often miss the main point of the story or I am not able to deliver it properly. It often comes out as, "Oh, I went there... and... it was a nice experience... I liked it." Being able to share your point of view and showing the girl the way you live your life is as important as creating tension through teasing.

The last thing I want to share, which contributed to the burnout I mentioned earlier, is the dating situation with one of the two girls I managed to get a date with.

She is, like me, a foreigner who moved here for work for a few months or a year or two. From my point of view, I would say she is a 6HB.
I met her on the street and, after finding out she didn't have any specific plans, offered to go on an instant date. We sat outside a bar, facing each other, talking about general topics, and I tried to tease her from time to time. After sitting there for an hour, we went for a walk. I made small touches, like touching her hand or hair. After the walk, we agreed to go on a second date to a place with live music.

The second date was more romantic, with us sitting close to each other and me touching her legs and hands. At some point, I lightly touched her face and said, "You have such soft skin," then went for the kiss. She responded well to it, and I added, "And your lips too." Beside the general topics we spoke also about more deeper things like growing up in my/her country, plans about futures, dreams, previous relations etc.
After that, I walked her home and we were kissing at the door of her house.

After this, some strange things started to happen. The next day, I wrote her, "Hey, it was a really nice date. I enjoyed my time with you." She left the message on read and didn't respond the whole day. The following day, I double-texted her, asking, "Hey, is something wrong? If you don't feel like it, just say." She replied with, "No, no, everything's fine, just a lot of work." I responded, "Okay, I guess I overreacted."

At that time, I was about to leave the city for a vacation for a week, and she was also leaving for two weeks two days after me. On our last date, I mentioned that it would be nice to have at least a short walk before we wouldn't see each other for two weeks. However, since I had already double-texted her and she responded in the afternoon to my second text, it seemed too needy to suggest meeting again, so I didn't write anything after my last message.

On that day, another guy who was also doing daygame in the same city as me offered to go out and do some approaches together. By a happy accident, I met this girl on the street. At that time, I was a little bit annoyed with her because, in my opinion, it would only take a few minutes to send a short text, and not responding the whole day seemed a bit mean, especially after what seemed to be a nice date. She apologized, saying she had a lot of work and was really tired, and that normally she is not like this. I said, "Okay, fine, I have no reason not to believe you." After that, we went to a cafe and had a 1-2 hour talk, discussing possibly planning some things together and deepening our connection.

When I went on vacation, she stayed in the city for the first two days and did a really good job of sending me regular messages. However, after she left too, her communication became very inconsistent. Sometimes she didn't respond for the whole day or just wrote "hello," but other times she was engaging, sending a lot of photos and voice messages. I decided not to make a big deal of it and just focus on other things.

After she returned, we had our next date, but it happened that we met rather late, nearly 22:00. I was a little too tired, so I wasn't up for a meaningful conversation and kept it light and relaxed. Right now, I have really bad logistics at my place, so I offered to go together for a weekend journey to visit another city. She gladly agreed. For me, it seemed like a really nice possibility to close the deal. After leaving the bar, I walked her home. During our walk, she told me a story about her previous boyfriend who stalked her and how his friends were cheating, so the tone of the conversation wasn't the best.

At some point, I asked what she thought about me and how things were going. It was really late, so I don't remember everything clearly, but she mentioned some positive as well as negative things. For example, she said that sometimes she doesn't understand my reactions to what she says, and she also mentioned that she doesn't know in what direction our relationship is going. She said that the only way she is willing to continue is if we commit to a serious long-term relationship. She explained that, as a girl, she can find a hook-up or short term relationship almost every day and is considering only a guy who will be 100% committed to her in the long term. She also said that you can only see the true nature of a person in a long-term relationship.

I told her what I liked about her and that I was a bit annoyed by the way she texts, as it makes me feel like I'm not important to her. Regarding how I see relationships, I said that I had bad experiences committing to serious relationships, and that I prefer to go with the flow and let the relationship develop organically. I added that it's better to have the possibility to leave if someone sees it isn't working.

She didn't really like my answer, hugged me, and went home.
After that, she wrote me a message offering to be friends since our expectations didn't align.
I replied that it didn't suit me because I liked her romantically and offered to continue with things to see if it might work, but she didn't answer back.

So why does it happen? Actually, I don't know. I still struggle with my dating game because right now, I want to master my street approach, and finding and learning more theory feels a bit overwhelming. I just wanted to show my personality, be myself, and relax. It really hurts when your personality gets rejected. If she truly liked me or even fancied me, she wouldn't be giving an ultimatum of either long-term commitment or nothing. At the very least, she would try to convince me. At some point, I may have been acting needy, responding too quickly, or being too compliant. I can easily imagine that saying yes to a long-term relationship might have made her despise me even more.

In addition to this, it was one of the best experiences in daygame so far, and at some point, I started to believe it was destiny and began giving too much value to this girl. The first two dates, in my opinion, were perfect, and it seemed as if I was falling in love, which made me act really foolishly. I even canceled a date with another girl because I felt it wouldn't be fair to the first girl to date someone else at that time. I think she sensed that vibe, and it probably turned her off. But after that situation and her not responding the next day, I realized how foolish I was being.

I have only one question: how does a deep in a soul nice guy, who never wants to hurt any girl, transform into someone who takes ownership of his life and prioritizes his own interests, even if it means occasionally causing hurt to others?

 

[gameboy]

I really like the first part of your post, how you are teasing the girls. I need to do more of that as well.

After that, I walked her home and we were kissing at the door of her house.

What happened then? DId you just leave? Should have definitely tried to go up to her place and ... you know what!

Even if for some reason you don't fuck her, you should have tried at least. Women hate it when they are horny and the guy doesn't try anything... I'm speaking from experience here.

She replied with, "No, no, everything's fine, just a lot of work."

Bullshit. She punished you for not escalating.

After that, she wrote me a message offering to be friends since our expectations didn't align.

Ideal respones would be: Yes that sounds great. Then continue to game other girls, and when you see her as a friend try and escalate regardless. in a low key way of course. Maybe you can be FWB with her after all.

If this wasn't to long ago, just text her and accept her friend request. If she isn't scared that you might be too much in love with her (which it doesn't sound like to me) then maybe she'll be happy with that. Make sure to avoid falling for her of course... which might be a potential issue here.