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A Loner Problem

Renan

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Jan 1, 2015
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Hi. I'm really eager to start to practice everything I learned on Girls Chase. But I had find a big problem: I have a preference for nighclubs and most of my friends don't like nightclubs (or at least the ones I think I will go better). This wouldn't be a problem if my enthusiasm didn't became jitters (not sure if that's the word). Usually when I'm having classes at my university it's easier because I promise to go to the parties and I have a strong moral about promises. But now that we are in our vacation time I usually don't have those promises opportunities.

Any of you have felt this way in the very beginning? What you did to surpass this feeling?

It's a little weird for me to have so much enthusiasm turning into this.
 

Mr.Rob

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Jun 16, 2013
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Go out anyways.

I didn't have any friends to go out with when I first started going out to meet girls in clubs and yeah it was scary but do it anyway!

It will force you to start talking to people, gain social proof, and have fun otherwise you'll be the weird chode in the corner nursing his drink.

Renan said:
What you did to surpass this feeling?
1. Open the first girl you see! (just go say "hi I just wanted to say I love your shoes" then if you can't carry the convo any further just say "enjoy your night" smile the whole time and your good to go)

2. Talk to everyone. If your too scared to approach a cute girl go talk to a fat girl and tell a joke. My philosophy is that you'll look cooler talking/having fun with lame people than having a weird/nervous vibe by yourself.

3. Don't judge yourself. Every approach you do is 100 out of 10 even if the girl slaps you and dumps her drink on your head (which will never happen) you should walk away with a smile on your face knowing that you A. authentically expressed yourself to a girl you found attractive (in which the action is more important than the outcome in becoming a man) and B. what other sober guy has the balls to do that?

Comments, questions, concerns?

You don't need friends to go to the club. I've been going to the club for 3 months now and I've gone out with friends I think 3 or 4 times out of those. Who needs old friends when you can make new friends!

-Rob
 
the right date makes getting her back home a piece of cake

Man-O

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182
Yeah. I've done solo like 5 times? + the times where I started off solo meeting ppl later. I'll add some notes I've figured myself.

1. Start moving and keep moving. As soon as you lose action you got none to fall back upon making your chode side come up pretty fast unless you're very familiar with the environment and know how to chill by the bartender.

2. Get your vibe up high, rly high. I tend to listen and sing to music before I go out. Re-reading articles and my focus points for the night. Because I may start in on the bar as a roaring dragon but if I don't go over to someone talking right away it will plummel pretty bad, though you will need less and less vibe the more you go out.

3. Alcohol. I don't suggest you drinking too much but it does make one a bit more chill. Also something you can cut down on the more used to solo you get.


4. Start early. It's easier to talk with ppl early on and the competition won't be that tough as most guys at that time are sober. And if you start out later at night where everyone else is gung-ho you'll get the overwhelming feeling of being an outsider.

You will definetly get the question: "Are you alone?". I'd usually just answer confidently and honsetly (as I'm very bad at talking smooth confidently when I'm not honest ) Me: "Sure I am, and I love it!" or "My friends actually bailed but going out anyway because I love socializing." or you can tease with it "you'd want that don't you? Take a quess ;)"

Small tips to make approach easier:
a: Ask a random girl to introduce you to a set and/or girl nearby by introducing you as her cousin or something, it works wonders and girls love it.
b: Just walk up to them and show a little trick (I use some old school stuff from Style) like 5 question game, or coin trick.
c: Sit by the bar and get eye-contact with girls passing by then second time they do you tab them. Or simply talk over the shoulder when they're up to buy their drink. This one is rather passive and not as reliable but works well as there's less pressure on you. I've had my fastest n-closes (<1 min) with this one but it was also a lounge venue where ppl are in general more talkative.

But keep having action and you'll notice your progress is faster than with wings, particularly if those wings aren't familiar with pick up.
 

Renan

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1. Open the first girl you see! (just go say "hi I just wanted to say I love your shoes" then if you can't carry the convo any further just say "enjoy your night" smile the whole time and your good to go)

2. Talk to everyone. If your too scared to approach a cute girl go talk to a fat girl and tell a joke. My philosophy is that you'll look cooler talking/having fun with lame people than having a weird/nervous vibe by yourself.

3. Don't judge yourself. Every approach you do is 100 out of 10 even if the girl slaps you and dumps her drink on your head (which will never happen) you should walk away with a smile on your face knowing that you A. authentically expressed yourself to a girl you found attractive (in which the action is more important than the outcome in becoming a man) and B. what other sober guy has the balls to do that?

Thank you a lot Mr.Rob. I went to the nightclub yesterday and I tried to talk to everyone. It was great to test my mindsets and for even without a score I got back happy to my home knowing what was my strogn and weak spots. It was an inspiring night. A good beginning.

1. Start moving and keep moving. As soon as you lose action you got none to fall back upon making your chode side come up pretty fast unless you're very familiar with the environment and know how to chill by the bartender.

2. Get your vibe up high, rly high. I tend to listen and sing to music before I go out. Re-reading articles and my focus points for the night. Because I may start in on the bar as a roaring dragon but if I don't go over to someone talking right away it will plummel pretty bad, though you will need less and less vibe the more you go out.

3. Alcohol. I don't suggest you drinking too much but it does make one a bit more chill. Also something you can cut down on the more used to solo you get.


4. Start early. It's easier to talk with ppl early on and the competition won't be that tough as most guys at that time are sober. And if you start out later at night where everyone else is gung-ho you'll get the overwhelming feeling of being an outsider.

You will definetly get the question: "Are you alone?". I'd usually just answer confidently and honsetly (as I'm very bad at talking smooth confidently when I'm not honest ) Me: "Sure I am, and I love it!" or "My friends actually bailed but going out anyway because I love socializing." or you can tease with it "you'd want that don't you? Take a quess ;)"

Thanks for the tips Man-O. I think I will try them today.


- Renan
 

Adam101

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May 18, 2014
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Good on you for getting out there solo Renan. It can be very intimidating at first, but as I've improved going out solo has become my preference as I find that going out with people I know can hurt more than help. Anyway here are some things I've learned.

1. Set small, focused goals. If you're focused on getting laid when you can still hardly get passed "Hello," you'll end up both A. putting a lot of pressure on yourself and B. create a sense of failure. So instead think about what you can achieve and take it a step further. It's easier to say "Hi" to strangers now? Next time see if you can talk to them for 30 sec. There will be times, a lot, where you may not quite hit the standard you set for yourself and that's alright. Other times you'll hit your mark and you can go home satisfied. And then there will be the times where you did what you're supposed to and next thing you know you're much further along in an interaction than you ever anticipated to be. Try to tailor a step by step process suited to where you feel you're at.

2. Yes be talkative, but only to people you like / are attracted to. A good number of guys suggest lowering standards to help build yourself up, and maybe that's a strategy that will work for you but personally I don't feel it helps. Not only will your lack of interest show but you also won't feel that sensation of anxiety either and thus the need to overcome it. Here's the thing though...if you select who you talk to then it acts as social proof in a way (in my experience anyway). People generally expect you to be with a group or a silent creeper. So if you show that you'll talk to people, but not everyone it can help combat the vibe of being needy. Now, not lowering your standards also means not having impossible standards either...which is another discussion. You'll be surprised at how many supposed "out of your league" girls will be happy to talk to you and give you a shot.

3. Being talkative plus being out alone allows you to be flexible and freely join social groups. I have had a fair share of instances where a conversation starter in line led to drinks which led to lady introductions and eventually back to their place. It is very empowering when you can flow freely in and out of social groups.

4. The other nice thing about being alone, you don't have a group of friends judging you about who you're approaching. This makes you freer and more confident to approach more girls. Only a good thing.

5. Limit your drinking. My golden rule is 2. This kinda goes with #3, because while you want to have the freedom to go with others you also don't want to be stupid which means maintaining control. You don't wanna end up stuck at some stranger's place and unable to leave at a moment's notice cause you're too drunk to drive. Also being drunk while hitting on girls is bad news.

6. To the "Are you alone?" question the response that has worked best for me is "I was out with some people but they all decided to turn in early and I wasn't ready to go home." or some variation. It shows you have friends but also have the confidence to be out alone. It's also allowed me to bypass situations where I would otherwise be shit-tested.

7. Compliment girls. It may not sound like much but I've had entire interactions predicated upon whether or not I complimented a girl. Sometimes...say if a group of guys has invited you into their circle...and they introduce you to the the girls it can be easy to forget. Thing is regardless of whether a girl is into you or not she definitely won't be if you don't say something nice about her.

8. Move girls. Is your conversation slowing down? Stopping? Move them. Another little rule that I have found can make or break an interaction. Unlike us guys who are pretty task focused when they go out, girls are very ADD. You have to constantly play into that by giving them new things to focus on. If a girl says something like "I'm gonna go find my friends." or otherwise gives an excuse to leave, there's a good chance moving her somewhere (bar, dance floor, 5 ft., etc.) would have prevented it.

9. Don't buy girls drinks. You can offer to get a drink with them, but don't pay. Women are VERY good at faking interest for the sake of free drinks from guys. My caveat to this is if a girl is giving you a good deal of investment already, then you can buy her a drink as a reward for sticking with you. But yeah as a rule of thumb don't do this, because if a girl likes you then you won't have to.

10. Enjoy yourself. Have fun with the atmosphere and all the debauchery you see around you. Doing so will subconsciously help with all of your other fundamentals. It might sound cliche, but it's the spontaneous events you don't plan for that tend to make for the best experiences and those can only come if you enjoy things as they are, and then allow everything else to fall into place taking action and leading as a man where you see fit.

Hope it helps. Happy New Year and we all look forward to hearing how you progress.
 

ray_zorse

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Aug 12, 2014
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Good man for putting theory into practice. Very solid advice from the guys here. I especially like Adam101's #6, I've used this a lot with success. I guess as you improve you won't need to explain/justify yourself as much as before because you'll just naturally steer things towards her and deflect stuff which doesn't suit your purpose but it's great to have some goto's which you can just reel off to help u in a tight spot ;)
cheers, Ray
ps since you obviously have balls u may want to checkout daygame, there's no faster way to improve ;)
 

pks391

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Jan 12, 2015
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I don't have any advice to give, but I too have a similar problem. The only thing is in my case, its India. All the good clubs here have a cover fee for stag entry plus I dont have a social circle which grants me access to lots of people. I'm 23 and graduated college btw :D. You are not alone!!
 

Renan

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Jan 1, 2015
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Thank you for the tips Adam101. I actually used some of them when I was out with my friends.

Good man for putting theory into practice. Very solid advice from the guys here. I especially like Adam101's #6, I've used this a lot with success. I guess as you improve you won't need to explain/justify yourself as much as before because you'll just naturally steer things towards her and deflect stuff which doesn't suit your purpose but it's great to have some goto's which you can just reel off to help u in a tight spot ;)
cheers, Ray
ps since you obviously have balls u may want to checkout daygame, there's no faster way to improve ;)

I'll try to do the Newbie Assignment this week to improve my daygame. I think it will be good to fight my shyness.

I don't have any advice to give, but I too have a similar problem. The only thing is in my case, its India. All the good clubs here have a cover fee for stag entry plus I dont have a social circle which grants me access to lots of people. I'm 23 and graduated college btw :D. You are not alone!!

Here in Brazil we have entry fee too but is for everyone. There are exceptions if you go very early but there are no or a small number of girls at that time. I see the fee as a investment in myself since I start to (try to) learn the social arts. I don't know how much is the fee in India but I think you should consider what a stag night can do for you.

And again: Thanks a lot guys! This board is helping me a lot!

- Renan
 

pks391

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Hey Renan, thats exactly what I'm considering it as....i.e. An investment in myself....good luck my friend....
 
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