A Lover Goes Beyond

[Lover]

Almost done with No More Mr. Nice Guy. Glad to see I do not suffer from complete nice guy syndrome but I definitely have tendencies on that end of the spectrum. I will be doing some of the exercises I have highlighted once I'm done with the book.

Wrapping up 2021
so despite not actively grinding, I got three new lays this year. One became a regular for almost six months. One was the hottest and almost the most boring sex ever. And the last one was the fastest ever from opening to fucking (30-40 minutes I think, maybe less) and one of the sexiest times. I also met a previous regular when I visited my hometown in the summer, missed that pussy and mouth...

There were two more from social circle I'm 95% sure I could have slept with if I had met them in private. But for some reason, I was turned off by them later. I think my overall impression was that I got to know too much about them before meeting them in private, not leaving much to mystery.

This summer when I didn't talk to one particular hottie, I have felt terrible every time I didn't open girls I felt attracted to or got IOI's from afterwards. It has been a mental battle to get out of my shell and become more selfish. But that insecurity also proved to be the right motivation this time. I have gotten more out of my shell, both sober and drunk, and I have interacted with lots of people in night life, at least more than I am used to. Gotta remind myself of the process more and the goals less...

The thing I have to experience AGAIN in 2022 is that stating my intent won't kill me. That is probably the thing that terrifies me the most and HAS for years. I have tried to imply it before, but for some reason that hasn't worked on the kind of girls I meet - usually social circle. I need more data to draw any conclusion.

2022 is going to be a fantastic year guys. I have developed so much this year. How can I not be excited for what's to come... I feel the same way when I cry a joyful tear, just without the tear. See you next year

 

[Lover]

Short night out with couple of friends in a pool bar. Low-energy vibe today.

An only-girls 3-set starts playing next to us an hour in, and they accidently get a ball off their table and I hand it to one of them, a brunette. She asks about the rules because her friends claim she made a foul move. I agree with her in a silly way until the others realize I'm telling her wrong rules lol. One of my guys suggest we play together. Cool it's on.

Their set is a blonde girl, thebbrunette girl and a fat girl. The blonde girl tells me almost right away the name of the brunette and that she's single and I didn't hear it from her. Cool, she was also the girl I'm most attracted too. But I wonder how many guys she says this too lol

I use this opportunity to work on my slowness - taking my time when I move around the pool table, make eye contact with the brunette and keep it for some seconds before I answer her questions. Since I played with the brunette on my team under the frame that we were bad losers, or rather competitive people, it also opened up opportunity to get to know her and touch her when we were passing the cue. Tease her, break her down and build her up as well - she feigns shock/disgust but does this back to me. Good, I like a challenge. And she knows I mean it in a good way. I tease her that we would totally have a love-hate relationship and she cracks up, couldn't believe I said that.

Got her snapchat and said goodbye to all of them with a hug. The other girls were cool as well and invited us to join along as they were hitting a bar but I had to leave

 

[Lover]

Wow... so I'm in contact with some old flames and meeting up with one of them next week when I visit my hometown. Will probably meet another when I go back to my current city. And who knows, the girl from last post seems like a possibility as well

But I feel my texting is somewhat awful. I overprovide good feelings and show less decisiveness than usual. Maybe I'm just rusty because of my dry spell. Then there is the NoPorn + LessFap. I think all this are making me overexcited (mentally and "down there") of the opportunities and I think it shows somewhat...

I really should meet more girls now that I don't have my usual "substances" (porn and masturbation) to dull my senses. And despite being busy most of the time it's not helping one bit to text in a more collected way. Only way is abundance of real girls it seems

 

[Lover]

Friday: talked to the blonde female bouncer at this venue where they played live music on a scene, like a mini concert. I was going to the bathroom, passed by her, smiled, then talked to her when I was done. Poked her shoulder, smiled again and opened. I don't remember details from the conversation and I end up leaving when I sense it's not going anywhere. She's giving short answers. And now I'm certain shebaffled that a stranger is actually talking to her for this long.

She approached me and my friends when we were leaving. I'm sure I missed a closing opportunity here. I think I wrote her off prematurely and didn't realize this until I'm writing it now. Don't write them off prematurely

Saturday: Went out with a friend to a bar close to his new place. No restrictions = filled with people. But due to circumstances I can't tell about, we only ended up with this story.

We get a beer each and spot two girls sitting at a round table. We ask if we can join and grab the remaining chairs. We talk to them for a long time. The first girl is brown, the other white. The brown is very talkative while the white has a hard time keeping a conversation. We all work in the same field and relate easily. My friend is good at conversing with people and make them feel comfortable. I guess at one point the roles of these girls in their friendship and I was right. I went to the bathroom after that and apparently they told my friend that it was amazing how I guessed their roles since they had been discussing their friendship earlier that day.

Later we find out that the brown girl is in a relationship. But the white girl is not interesting at all. I wish I had challenged her a bit about the boyfriend because they took three hours to get to the town. While this may not mean anything, it makes you wonder how serious it was. Plus I like to keep myself entertained.

We moved to a different bar, no better options. Talked to the brown girl about double standards in sexuality, slut shaming etc. I honestly had no purpose behind this except wasting time. The topic could have been anything else. I enjoyed the night nonetheless. I will try a more mysterious vibe next time, especially as a contrast to my talkative friends.

 

[Lover]

After dinner with former colleagues, I asked one of the new exchange workers to join me in a bar and she did. I met her last week at a birthday where we talked for a short bit.

She is one of those cute girls with a big genuine smile which I tend to get attracted to. From her clothing I can tell she has a slim figure and a decent bust. Yummy

I think we were in the bar for an hour at least. But God damn, was she interested to get to know me, and she was deep diving me as well.

I wasn't sure how it would land but at one point just after a high point I fumbled my hand into hers... and left it after 3 seconds or so. Had little eye contact as I did this, it wasnt convincing enough. I felt the tension, it was too much for me. It felt different compared to the time I did this with my ex where we knew each other for a long time before that date. Felt somewhat forced. But felt somewhat right too since I wanted to move past the social side of things and get into romantic/sexual territory. We continued as if nothing happened after a short break. Before this little stunt, I had been doing incidental touches which she never reciprocated though.

I imagine for another time I will ask her for a girl's hand, then look more confidently into her eyes and allow any tension to happen. And then say stuff like "you know... you are an interesting one". I need to move things into the romantic/sexual territory in some way and accept the tension.

We parted ways by exchanging numbers. Let's see how it plays out

 

[Lover]

New lay!

First meeting
Met this girl last weekend on a night out with friends. She's a friend of friends. I felt us vibing in a different way than I have tried with any other girl before. Her energy is different. The best way I can describe it: She's being her extroverted, bubbly self in a way where she's not looking for admiration or attention.

She gets drunk that night while I'm not drinking. I think I could have had a SNL with her but she was too drunk and made out with another guy from the group. This surprises me in that moment, but for some reason I feel like she's doing this because she was intimated of me and wanting me at the same time, and had a minor auto-rejection. It was like I knew this girl to the bone.

(That night, we were at a bar where I wasn't completely comfortable talking to strangers but I saw a woman with quite the cleavage sitting alone by the bar. And I know what to do next time)

Texting and meeting up
She has courage enough to add me on FB, and I write her the next day. We write back and forward. I go for a same-day meetup yesterday by asking her about spontaneity and letting her know I only have time that night for some time. She is giving what seems like token resistance, and I just persist because... with this girl, I actually want to. I don't sense she will reject me.

We agree to see how the evening goes, and catch up once we are done with our other plans. Still token resistance, still persisting. We meet 9:45 at a bar close to my place. We get in red wine mood, and I tell her let's grab some from my place. We do and sit outside in a nearby park. We talk about the other night for a bit. We talk about some of our commonalities, and she tells me what she noticed about me that night... how she also thinks I'm not looking for approval. She claims she's bad at doing the kind of talking we're doing (man to woman, I suppose?) And how it's out of her comfort zone. But she's not uncomfortable.

I take her hand at a high point. The vibe is verbally and physically more intimate.

It gets colder, and I suggest a second glass at my place. She goes along. It's 11 pm.

Back home
We sit on my couch. Catch up on the things we talked about on our way back. We talk for 10-15 minutes. The tension rises again, we touch each other more. More teasing. We make out on my couch. We go to my bedroom and wow, is this girl passionate.

We fuck twice, and it is almost 2 am when she leaves my place Wednesday night

 

[Alpha13SC]

He writes about the four "modes" which guys operate in when they interact with women they feel attracted to. And guess what????

I dived in on this book before. I think it should be mentioned that that mode is directly related to a direct style while indirect style gets you result as well.
IMO it's more about expressing your sexuality, and being congruent with your masculine side with an independent outcome approach.

Didn't read it completely tho. So I might miss some things.

 

[Lover]

I dived in on this book before. I think it should be mentioned that that mode is directly related to a direct style while indirect style gets you result as well.
IMO it's more about expressing your sexuality, and being congruent with your masculine side with an independent outcome approach.

Didn't read it completely tho. So I might miss some things.

My understanding is that he uses his sexually explicit escalation, mode 1, to create a sexual frame and screen girls for what type they are. It will work on two types according to the book: those girls that argue with you stuff like "men shouldn't use that kind of language, where did all the real men go" where you break down her good-girl front, and girls who are very into it and will simply go along with it. Girls who are not into mode one style at all will reject you and leave. I recommend you read "ooooh say it again", the 3rd book in the Mode One series to see some examples.

Personally I'm not in a place where I feel ready to do this sexually explicit stuff this soon in a conversation. But I agree with you that it's about expressing your masculine side and making things intimate/sexual when the window is open for that

 

[Lover]

From my last LR:

She gets drunk that night while I'm not drinking. I think I could have had a SNL with her but she was too drunk and made out with another guy from the group. This surprises me in that moment, but for some reason I feel like she's doing this because she was intimated of me and wanting me at the same time, and had a minor auto-rejection. It was like I knew this girl to the bone.

I was right about this. She told me yesterday that she wanted me pretty much from the moment we met, and how she was flirting with other guys in the group (singles and non-singles) because she thought she wasn't good or pretty enough for me. I guess she was just lucky that I felt drawn towards her as well

On some level, I am happy that some girls are intimated of me and thinking they are not good enough for me because it weeds out those who don't feel confident or self-assured enough, or if they don't feel like they deserve the best things or people in life.

It also makes me feel like I have some choice and abundance with girls if I run more "don't fuck it up and be more attainable" game with these girls.

This kind of power makes me more confident in my ability to go for even better girls

 

[TomInHo]

On some level, I am happy that some girls are intimated of me and thinking they are not good enough for me because it weeds out those who don't feel confident or self-assured enough, or if they don't feel like they deserve the best things or people in life.

Isn't it funny how as you become more attractive, you can lose girls because they think you're out of their league

High quality problems

 

[Lover]

2022 is almost over. After meeting the girl from my last LR, we became more than lovers. We are a couple now.

This is the first relationship where I felt a spark from the get-go. It feels much more right than any previous relationship. I moved fast because it was the natural thing to do, and we fell in love few months after meeting.

I feel like my past relationships are paying off in terms of running a relationship and getting into one. I know how to set healthy boundaries. I know when to listen to problems and when to help solving them. I am supporting her in becoming a better person but she's in complete charge of that process herself. Meanwhile she's showing me vulnerability and her raw emotions in a way I have never experienced before. I think the difference is that I am allowing myself to get infected with her love, which I did little with exes.

Furthermore, we have shown each other what it's like when we go for mutual pleasure instead of selfish pleasure. Meaning that, I'm the first she has done anal sex with because we care about each other's pleasure and not just our own. We have talked about things we should experiment for our mutual pleasure, and we will see how that goes