A Lover's Adventures

Lover

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Jan 7, 2015
Messages
749
Met a girl at friend's housewarming. Could have pulled, conversation felt natural. Talked about politically incorrect stuff and bonded mostly on that, even went as far as to sex talk (nowhere the level of Alek - I didn't stimulate her senses enough). Signs from her were not completely there, but had I tried closing I would have known for certain.

The good things
- trying to gauge the type of girl she is instead of just assuming

- talk about my sport when she asks what I do. It opened the door to talk about the politically incorrect stuff and setting a non-judgemental frame

Old lessons I have to relearn:

- Strike while the iron is hot. Seal the deal sooner, not later. Windows might be shorter than you think.

- Ask for compliance. Me going to the bathroom actually ruined my chances. Had I asked her to wait for me, maybe odds were more in my favor. Instead she got distracted, and I was impatient because I have plans in the morning. Left even without saying goodbye and getting contact info :/
 

Lover

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Jan 7, 2015
Messages
749
Rules following a breakup:

Tell the girl you're still friends...

Conversations afterwards:
1) only if it's important, I can contact or answer her. Never engage in nonsense conversation
2) Keep it to the point.

Relationships are conditional, but you owe her nothing after the breakup. She's a grown up. No matter if you're her first long term partner and/or her first fuck, you don't have to be there for her.

And don't give her the illusion you're still into her - you will fuck you both up. You fuck her up because she thinks something's still going on. You fuck yourself up because... just WTF are you doing.

I guess I am getting more attached to the girls in my life now than ever because of good sex and good relationships overall. I need even tighter boundaries because of that.. otherwise, it's just delaying the inevitable: that we might end things on bad terms anyway.

Move on right away. That might be the most empowering you can do for you both post-breakup
 

Lover

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Jan 7, 2015
Messages
749
What a year... this has probably been the year where I have learned the most in many ways. Let's break it down to different parts, and conclude it with goals for 2020!

Studies/work
6 months until I graduate. Just wow. Can't believe I'm typing this. It's been a long journey and overdue. But I feel that it has been necessary. I could have been out on the work force now and not being ready for it.

Every job I applied, I got. Currently I'm part of two researches, and I am leading my own projects in one of them. Then I'm also working two other jobs relevant to my studies + my job as a instructor. I'm enjoying every minute of it. Part time jobs rock when you can do so much different and prepare for some of the same things post-graduation. In one of my jobs, I have this awesome supervisor that I really look up to. Can't remember when I had someone like that the last time.

I had to quit another job though because there was no more time I could put into it. I just realize how absurd it is to write this out since basically, I'm doing things that are rare for the average person. I'm proud I got this far.

Also, I have never saved up this much money. People might say money is the root of all evil, but when you do have it, you don't complain. It gives you opportunities and another kind of freedom. And if you know how to not overspend, it's like you own a kingdom. I regret not caring a bit more about money sooner.

Health
This has been a mixed bag because of my second knee surgery some years ago. I can't do my own martial art properly anymore unless I slow down the speed of my kicks. Not once, but TWICE I had the same muscle fiber torn last year, and I didn't dare get back for good. Slowly I'm letting go more of my martial art as a trainee until I can manage it again. Would be awesome to add some more black belt degrees to my name.

I have been wanting to go more to the gym, but I have always wandered around aimlessly doing exercises without an overall purpose. I decided last month to get some inspiration by Masculine Development and purchased his e-book Body of an Alpha. So my goal was at this point to be healthy and look sexy at the same time. I love Jon's book and I would recommend it to anyone dedicated to get a sexy body. However, after two weeks I realized that I'm not getting things done because of 1) my diet and 2) the time I have available for working out. My muscles were so sore for days and wouldn't recover despite stretching out and drinking water like crazy. I needed to do things differently.

I found another routine on his site only consisting of compound exercises. With this routine, I can hit the gym less, and the routine itself can be done in 30 minutes or so per session. Now I'm combining that routine with another routine for abs. This seems much much more manageable for now, both in time and the number of exercises. Now I'm just three weeks into the compound routine, and I finished my second abs day yesterday.

Regarding my diet, I began tracking my calories and nutrition since yesterday. To my surprise, I eat less calories than recommended. But not surprisingly, I don't eat much protein. I also woke up late these days and ate only two meals because of a late shift and went out the day after. Let's see on days with three meals.

Another thing regarding health: I tried some of the recommendations in the Body-Oriented Therapy post by Carousel like TRE. I tried TRE once, and damn, I gotta say it removed a lot of the tension inside my abdomen! But doing this alone and imagining what it looks like to have a seizure, I'm not sure I like that picture :p

Social life
I have been hanging out with friends more than ever, also new friends. Mostly it's one on one. I have played a lot of pool haha! I'm usually meeting people from my studies or my sport. I don't think I want to change this right now.

Since beginning my other journal about improving my social skills, I can see that, just like with my health, I have lacked a goal. I think that my only goal in this regard is to be the cool guy. This is usually about everyday settings like work, school, family etc. But it doesn't hurt to be cool to strangers and friends too lol.

I have been to the city in the nighttime with a friend since Summer. I'll post an FR soon about our last outing.

One of my other friends - a former colleague - invited me to his birthday, and I got to meet his current colleagues (all male) and fiance. I felt like his girl was giving me the cold shoulder. I realized she might just have been shy herself despite being the kind of girl that looked confident on the outside. I decided to keep it chill. My ex texted me during the night, and I used that as a way to open her one on one. That got the conversation started. I felt like the night ended pretty well before I had to go to another friend's housewarming. But my friend contacted me a couple of days later and asked me what the hell I was thinking and such, talking to his girl about a sensitive topic. The short story is that something unfortunate had happened between them a long time ago which I only I knew about besides them. And during my conversation with his girl, I happened to talk about something related to that unfortunate event, and apparently she couldn't help but associate. I apologized and explained myself since he's one of my best friends. He accepted the apology, and everything seemed good. But we haven't been talking since (this was two months ago), and I will reach out to him in the holidays. I learned the hard way not to violate trust like this. He was trusting their secret to me, and lacking attention for just a single moment led to this. My first thought was that they overreacted. And I just hope he told her that it must have been a misunderstanding because he knows me better than her. Yet again, if he cares about it, he cares about it. I hope she doesn't make him too blind in the future.

Girls
I had an epic year with my ex. But we broke up as already stated in a previous post. We slept two or three times after the breakup. Eventually she crossed some lines, and instead of ignoring her, I tried to make things verbal - bad move. Now we don't talk anymore. We really tried to make things work out post breakup, but I don't know. I have moved on. Now it's all about observations. And there is only one observation to mention: We saw each other last week with our social circle and didn't speak one word to each other.

I'm still sleeping with the FWB once in a while. I just got a boner thinking about her...

Then I tried to seduce a girl at a friend's housewarming, I wrote about this some posts ago. My friend slept with her instead xD He didn't know I tried to pull her until he and I met the next time haha!

And like I said, I'll post an FR soon regarding my last outing. It was great to see how things are going on a baseline level.

Anything else
Hopefully, I will move out in 2020
. I know some apartments with cheap rent, and they come with more benefits than just the cheap rent. Close to the beach, easy logistics for pretty much anything, close to some dorms and the gym. And even the girls look better and more stylish on average than the ones close to my current place. I couldn't ask for more! All I have to do is cross my fingers and hope that my first work place post-graduation will be close - which is somewhat out of my hands though. Otherwise I will have to move faaar away. This might also be okay, being completely anonymous in a new city and all that ;)

I'm still working on my fashion. There are still things to work on in order to catch the attention of the women. I will use more colors since black and white don't really work that great for me + it's too mainstream here. Fun fact: a friend told me that I looked like a faggot with my new scarf. I guess my new rule will be "If I don't get told I look like a faggot with my current style, it's not gonna get girls attracted badly enough" haha!

Pour conclure - my goals for 2020 so far
  • Graduate and move out
  • Continue my current workout routine. Evaluate in June.
  • Balance my diet and get enough calories. Evaluate in a month.
  • Meet friends whenever opportunities arise.
  • Night game at least 1-2 times per month. Develop goals to test every outing. Report back on the boards.
  • Don't start anymore new goals/activities/habits until I graduate! And know my limitations
Merry Xmas and happy new year!
 
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Lover

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Jan 7, 2015
Messages
749
Last Saturday in a bar
Some girl was about to drop my drink when she accidentally walked into me. I find her outside later and tease her about it, but somehow fall into conversation with her friend. The friend was really nice, and I noticed a tattoo between her collar bones. She shows me she has a lot of tattoos on her body. One tattoo was a short quote about the challenges she went through to overcome the situation with an abusive ex. That literally turned me off despite our hand-holding and positive vibes. Then some guy in a car drop a cartridge with nitrous oxide on the street, and she gets distracted immediately. He backs away for a bit (afterwards I thought that I should have gotten her inside and isolated her if things should have moved anywhere.) He comes back again shortly after, now he's also smoking weed, and she wants to smoke some too lol. I figured with her backstory and current behavior that she's too much of a mess for me to deal with, and go back inside.

One thing that worked to get girls' attention on the dancefloor was the highfive and spin them around. But they're usually with their friends and leave eventually. Not sure exactly how to move things forward from there. There has to be some chemistry while dancing in order to move her to the bar or a seat eventually. Otherwise, it's let her go. Let me test this on the next outing.
 

Carousel

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Joined
Nov 11, 2019
Messages
576
One thing that worked to get girls' attention on the dancefloor was the highfive and spin them around. But they're usually with their friends and leave eventually. Not sure exactly how to move things forward from there. There has to be some chemistry while dancing in order to move her to the bar or a seat eventually. Otherwise, it's let her go. Let me test this on the next outing.

On high buying temperature and with few logistical blocks, you may try to directly escalate towards extraction - hit or miss, but sometimes works.

On lower buying temperature and with more logistical blocks, try to drag her off the dance floor to some quieter seated area or even outside to the smoking area and run verbals to solidify and defuse blocks.

Moving her around usually helps solidifying shaky pulls.
 

Lover

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Jan 7, 2015
Messages
749
Out again yesterday
Went to the same bar as the last two weekends. I love the intimate atmosphere of this bar. But I notice a major downside: it's a small venue. A small venue with few tables and no quieter areas. Furthermore, all tables were booked last night. For next outing, it will be a different location.

I do some highfive-and-spin, but nobody bites for more than 1 spin tonight.

I talk to a guy sitting at a table close to the dancefloor. All his friends are dancing. They are a handful of guys and one girl. He asks me if I was out to pick up girls, and I tell him that I got single recently and taking things at my own pace. He tells me that his female friend also got single recently, and he can wing if I want to. I decline politely under the disguise of not looking for a hookup. In reality, she wasn't physically attractive to me. Yet, she had this confident demeanor about her if anything.
And maybe that is just one of the problems: not doing things purely for reference points. Recurrent trouble. It's not like the girl wasn't objectively okay looking, just not my type.

I see a group of 4 girls on the dancefloor dancing dirty with each other. I accidentally bump my hip into one of them, and the eye contact between us tells me to dance with her. I dance with her and her friend for a bit. My intuition tells me they're here for the energy and not a hookup, and this puts me a mode of "how the hell do I make anything happen". We separate eventually. I meet two of them outside and engage in conversation - I should be more lighthearted though. They seem closed off to conversation, and we didn't reach a hook point. Instead of forcing further conversation, I decide enough is enough and tell them to find me inside. And much later, they do find me on the dancefloor by eye contact and pointing their finger towards me. However, I remind myself of what my intuition told me before + the closed off conversation. The result is I can't make myself engage in more dancing with them.
The ending is bad. Maybe they needed to get some space, and they might dig my energy more than I was aware. And now that they had that space and even tried to get my attention, I might have had another shot. But I didn't give myself a chance to find out.

Another note
When I was out in the day time yesterday, I did pass by a woman waiting for a bus. My first thought when I saw her brown hair and colored clothing was "she is lovely". Her outfit was well put together. And I could feel I wanted to tell her. But when I passed by her, I just had a stone face looking at the sky. All I wanted to do however was to let go of my stone face, smile at her when I was close to her (I had to do the smile afterwards because I couldn't contain myself haha) and compliment her. My muscles got tense, and I didn't breathe properly lol. I managed to compliment another middle-aged woman in my apartment building some days ago about the same thing, and she ate it up. It's not like I can't do it - I just proved I can. Let that be the learning lesson for now
 

Lover

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Jan 7, 2015
Messages
749
Rules following a breakup:

Tell the girl you're still friends...

Conversations afterwards:
1) only if it's important, I can contact or answer her. Never engage in nonsense conversation
2) Keep it to the point.

Relationships are conditional, but you owe her nothing after the breakup. She's a grown up. No matter if you're her first long term partner and/or her first fuck, you don't have to be there for her.

And don't give her the illusion you're still into her - you will fuck you both up. You fuck her up because she thinks something's still going on. You fuck yourself up because... just WTF are you doing.

I guess I am getting more attached to the girls in my life now than ever because of good sex and good relationships overall. I need even tighter boundaries because of that.. otherwise, it's just delaying the inevitable: that we might end things on bad terms anyway.

Move on right away. That might be the most empowering you can do for you both post-breakup

A little followup to this post:

My friend calls women psychopaths because their words are based on the emotions they're feeling in the moment, and not something noble and unconditional. He's facing some challenges in understanding women. I get where he's coming from, although I think he's taking things too far by calling women psychopaths.

Today I realized that for a couple of days, my ex (Cherry) didn't show up at the regular places on Facebook that she used to do. She has unfriended me. I am still trying to understand today why she cut contact at all a few months back. It's hard to comprehend what is going through another person's mind when that person used to be your lover, friend and girlfriend. She used to say she loved you. She thought about moving in with you and making babies. And now? She's just someone you don't talk to anymore. She crossed some lines, I confronted her about it and set some boundaries, and then she went no-contact herself. Well, something is still going on in her mind since she's taking measures now to distance herself further from me, months after we split.

Sometimes my head is calculating how I should initiate contact with her. Seeing she unfriended me intensified those calculations for a few minutes. But I can't contact her. I made a rule in that previous post that I can contact exes if it's important. I have nothing important to tell her at all. My calculations are gonna stay in my head until they disappear. We might see each other from time to time in our social circle, like we did before Xmas holidays. We spoke zero words to each other, and I was okay with that. I only feel bad if it affects the people around us, and it didn't that day.

Unless something exceptional like sleeping with her again happens, my upcoming posts will be about new women. I am dedicating enough time to her through my weird calculations, that must be enough.

Thanks to the GC/SS team. I might have fucked up my life if I didn't know about this site. Another part of the journey to mastering yourself is moving on and dealing with your irregular thoughts and the emotions that make you want to do stupid shit. Still another 3,5 billion women on this Earth, right :cool:
 

Carousel

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Joined
Nov 11, 2019
Messages
576
My friend calls women psychopaths because their words are based on the emotions they're feeling in the moment, and not something noble and unconditional. He's facing some challenges in understanding women. I get where he's coming from, although I think he's taking things too far by calling women psychopaths.

Yes, this is incorrect on at least three levels:

1) Psychopaths aren't only impulsive, they are also by definition malicious or motivated by suffering of others. A lot of female in-the-moment decisions are not motivated by malice but by self-preservation (ASD, FSC, not losing social status, not getting involved with the wrong guy etc).

2) Would your friend say that an overly emotional or impulsive man by necessity is a psychopath? Probably not.

3) This talk about women being "irrational" and men are "noble", "moral" or "rational" is something I take issue with. This is usually a result of 1) men not understanding why women act as they do and 2) projection of male interests onto females. For example, female flakyness is rooted in that women usually have more accessible mates than men, and that women are more risk averse in who they hook up with, for obvious reasons. People are in general also very good at rationalizing that THEIR interests are in EVERYBODY'S interest, something which is rarely true. The same goes for moral judgements. Actually I tend to regard people who utter such things as ignorant of their own workings (at best).

Today I realized that for a couple of days, my ex (Cherry) didn't show up at the regular places on Facebook that she used to do. She has unfriended me. I am still trying to understand today why she cut contact at all a few months back. It's hard to comprehend what is going through another person's mind when that person used to be your lover, friend and girlfriend. She used to say she loved you. She thought about moving in with you and making babies. And now? She's just someone you don't talk to anymore. She crossed some lines, I confronted her about it and set some boundaries, and then she went no-contact herself. Well, something is still going on in her mind since she's taking measures now to distance herself further from me, months after we split.

This is also a male bias. I think Chase mentioned something along the lines that men evolutionary may father a child with a previous fling at little cost so they tend to think more about their exes than women, who are generally more invested in one mate. Women may then cut contact or not, it is somewhat random and there are multiple factors at work here, haven't really analysed it much yet.
 
Last edited:

Lover

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Jan 7, 2015
Messages
749
2) Would your friend say that an overly emotional or impulsive man by necessity is a psychopath? Probably not.

This might the argument I need next time I see him. I actually tried to explain your point #3 to him already, but he wasn't in the right mindset to digest it. He knows how to get laid, but he hasn't studied any material about female psychology. You can imagine his shock when he realized how crazy women seem (from a male perspective) when one minute she's head over heels about him, and the next minute she hates his guts because he did something she didn't like.

This is also a male bias. I think Chase mentioned something along the lines that men evolutionary may father a child with a previous fling at little cost so they tend to think more about their exes than women, who are generally more invested in one mate. Women may then cut contact or not, it is somewhat random and there are multiple factors at work here, haven't really analysed it much yet.

It sucks to be a stereotype like this :) Must be the male comfort zone of not wanting to meet new girls now that you've already found one.

However, you made me realize something. Even if we didn't cut contact, what would happen the day that one of us got into another LTR with another person? In all likelihood, all the comfort of still having contact with each other would not be so comforting to me anymore. I feel kind of strange that I ever wanted to keep contact with her at all lol. I learned yet another lesson tonight! Thanks Carousel
 

Lover

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Jan 7, 2015
Messages
749
In regards to social development: I think I understand now DEEP DOWN that people don't see me as the funny type. It has taken some time (a lot of years) for me to realize this. This could help me make better first hand impressions. To be continued...
 

Lover

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Jan 7, 2015
Messages
749
Wow, girls don't usually take their hands up to their neck when/after we talk. Wish I had tested facial expressions earlier.

This week I have been practicing the cute and sexy look. Some people give me a second look if they saw me from a distance. Some look like they are trying to keep themselves together.

Today was the first time to try and keep the look in a conversation. I did it with a cashier in a clothing store. As a result of that facial expression, my whole vibe changed. The vibe felt more intimate from the get-go. And... She was almost fumbling her words when she wished me a good day, then she took her hand to her neck. Might have been a coincidence, but I will assume I did that to her ;) Cute girl
 

Lover

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Jan 7, 2015
Messages
749
In LTRs, be the one in charge. But don't be so powerful that you're not acknowledging your partner's wants and needs... As long as she's not stepping on your toes without reason, you'll be fine. Set limits if she's attacking you or your core values. But don't be so stuck up that she has to feel like the one-down every single time she tries to bring up issues.

In the recent years, I became the bad kind of asshole not just to partners, but also friends and family. I sometimes crossed lines without reason. And whenever I could feel a sense of powerlessness, whether small or important things, I would reclaim my power without regard for the other person. I did that too in my last relationship to the girl I have loved the most ever. It became a toxic relationship because I didn't want to feel powerless.

I feel ashamed. Ashamed of having becomed a kind of person I despise the most. Ashamed of becoming that person without realizing. And now the damage is done... Sorry everyone.

But shame is a powerful motivator too. I know now that I must be more aware of when it's okay to let things slide, and when to fight for yourself.

And maybe that feeling of powerlessness is what has really driven me in other ways too.. Maybe it has caused avoidant and passive behavior when it came to meeting new people. Maybe I didn't dare meeting new people because I was afraid of losing power by taking initiative. But it is really the opposite, isn't it... A lot of my actions can be explained by the amount of power I must have felt I had in any situation.

It will all be okay though. I have been through terrible life situations before and survived that. I take full responsibility for my actions, but I didn't know better.
 

Lover

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Jan 7, 2015
Messages
749
Two nights ago, I talked on the phone for the second time with this Middle Eastern girl off Tinder.

The first time we talked, I learned that she was virgin and was rebelling against her upbringing/culture under the radar because of some experience with a guy. We connected and got into the deep stuff. Also talked about sex and love, how she thinks she can't have sex without love although I told her I wasn't looking for a girlfriend (the "just got out of a relationship" works well when it's true). I recall she asked me if I could be in a relationship with a girl and not have sex at all, to which I was just silent. She fixed her question almost right away and asked if I could be in one with no penetration. It could have gone a lot of ways, but since she had claimed she wants to save her virginity for after marriage, I decided to just tell her that I have never had a girl home where we didn't have sex, and I couldn't imagine that changing at all. She appreciated the honesty (I felt like the narrator in Alabaster Girl when he states something along the lines of "why hide your interest when girls can see through you anyway")

So two nights ago, I told her I was moving to a city far away next month. Now she's aware that other girls might catch me first (she said so herself haha!). We talked about one of her childhood stories that she admitted she hadn't told anyone else. Later on we talked about her virginity again lol. Since we were connecting so well and she seemed comfortable talking about sex anyway, I took it one step further. I simply asked her "Okay, but I am under the impression that you have some fantasies then?" and boy, was I right. Like any other girl, she loves to be dominated and shared some examples. She asked about my fantasies. I just kept it at vanilla domination to match her level and talked about a random girl. I could vaguely hear her panting (yes, she was indeed masturbating). At one point she asked if I was turned on! :D "Well I'm not sure... what about you?" And yeah, sure she was. And then I realized that while sharing my fantasy in great detail, I was turned on too hahahaha. When we talked about meeting up she was resisting in this "I can't believe we're having this conversation" because she was still having some ASD (even though I set a non-judgemental frame early on). We involved each other in the fantasies after that, unfortunately she fell asleep when I was telling my last one haha.

Not sure where to go from here. On one hand, I feel like inviting her over, but she's afraid of Corona of course and apparently living with her parents. I'm not sure how much to persist in such a case. On the other, I think of inviting her for a walk close to my place to inevitably end up there. But now that the frame is set, it wouldn't make sense to invite her for a walk first...

but definitely an interesting experience!
 

BigPapa

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Jan 12, 2020
Messages
601
I will share a field report tomorrow , as right now I am just too tired to write it as it is a long one & still have some "business" to attend to , but I think that you will find it very interesting ;)
 

Lover

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Jan 7, 2015
Messages
749
I will share a field report tomorrow , as right now I am just too tired to write it as it is a long one & still have some "business" to attend to , but I think that you will find it very interesting ;)

@BigPapa ;)

b67032cedc56524ef19fed544badb5aa.jpg
 

Lover

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Jan 7, 2015
Messages
749
my goals for 2020 so far
  • Graduate and move out
  • Continue my current workout routine. Evaluate in June.
  • Balance my diet and get enough calories. Evaluate in a month.
  • Meet friends whenever opportunities arise.
  • Night game at least 1-2 times per month. Develop goals to test every outing. Report back on the boards.
  • Don't start anymore new goals/activities/habits until I graduate! And know my limitations

  • Graduation: check
  • Moving: will be done this weekend
  • Workout routine: just started over now that gyms are open. Didn't stick to a new workout plan that did not involve the gym.
  • Diet and night game: postponed
  • Meeting friends: did that for sure and still am before moving
Once corona shut down my country, I put all my focus on my thesis. And FINALLY I graduated. I will enter the working world instead, but the constant reminder of examinations has disappeared.

And speaking of the working world: I'm finally moving far away for work. I didn't have a choice. But it's good for two things:
  1. I really needed this challenge in order to not rely on my home base for social capital. At least for me, it's like it has made it next to impossible to really push beyond my comfort zone socially speaking. I don't think it's impossible for me to meet new friends anymore because I usually get along with people. I must have been underestimating myself. Because whenever it's time to part ways with new acquaintances, nothing happens further. I think the "issue" is: Just as I'm a leader when it comes to dating, people also gradually expect you to be the leader when it comes to friendships. So when I deep dive and some kind of connection forms, it would be better to lead towards a close instead of relying on the other party to close things. One thing I can't help but thinking is I may be using the "he's not like the rest of the minority" factor to my advantage without knowing it. So let me play with this for a bit when I meet new people

  2. Now that I'm going to have a fresh start, I'm going to invent my new place more along the lines of what was described here. For some reason, I never got around that in my current place.

And now that I don't have any exams to worry about anymore, I may actually listen carefully to what people say instead of pretending I am. It's even like my short term memory has improved from graduating.

The gyms just opened a few days ago, and I'm gonna work my way up to shape again. I will watch my diet and sleep meanwhile. Can't wait to get this routine back on track.

During lockdown, I have also had time to rethink a few basic things. The most important ones:
  • Make the approach be about the approach, and not the potential end goal of laying the girl I approach. This is way overdue anyway, but it's important where I'm at now. I am still more passive than active (and this is not counting online apps), and I can't rely on girls to approach me. However, with night shifts being a part of my upcoming work schedule, I'm questioning if I can do night game constantly.

  • Ultimately, routines are more efficient to get the results you want than just trying something for a little while and quit. And I will aim to create routines from now on.

So new goals for the next couple of months:
  • Get acquaintances in the new city to show me around and introduce me to new people. This has already been done through Tinder, and tomorrow I'll contact my new coworkers as well.
  • Get back into my gym routine
  • Continue my skin care and hair routine (I didn't write about this here, probably will in another post)
  • Create a routine of closing people I connect with
Before I figure out whether day or night game is the most feasible option for me, let me move first. I'll be living a 5-10 minutes walk from downtown, which will open up a lot of possibilities. And perhaps it's better to create an approach routine in one type of game before moving to the other.
 

Lover

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Jan 7, 2015
Messages
749
Already been a month since I moved. Fucked a girl from Tinder when I got here, but online lays doesn't really count anymore. But I wanted to get my d wet and try my new bed - it has been approved.

I also went out to have dinner with a neighbor recently, simply for the sake of socializing and expanding my network. She's a bit older than me, and then because of my age, I joked that I was full of energy (if you know what I mean). Overall we connected really well, and she even commented that she never opened up to anyone so fast.

a week later we both happen to be in another city which is a one hour ride. She offers me ride back home and also invites me to her place. We drink tea and open up more. At one point the tension is sky high, and I've actually never felt something like that for quite a while. We dance salsa for a few minutes before sitting back on her couch with her in my arms. I didn't consciously realize her attraction towards me before this point.

We start to kiss a bit, and just when I wanted to escalate things, she pulls the "we should take it slow" and "it's getting late, I have to get up early" lol. I persist a couple of times, and she won't budge. At this point, I get too sleepy anyway and tell her "remember when you told me you thought I seemed like the kind of guy who knows what he wants with his life? *She looks intensely in my eyes* I also know what I want in this regard" - implying that I won't take it slow, and that I'm okay with leaving this for good. She sticks to her guns, and I decided to call it a night. This was a week ago and we haven't been in touch since.

if I wanted to do something differently I should have told her about my views on sleeping with someone fast. Maybe she had some ASD I didn't realize. I didn't think about that until I woke up the day after. If anything, I may try that, should an opportunity arise.
 

Lover

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Jan 7, 2015
Messages
749
In LTRs, be the one in charge. But don't be so powerful that you're not acknowledging your partner's wants and needs... As long as she's not stepping on your toes without reason, you'll be fine. Set limits if she's attacking you or your core values. But don't be so stuck up that she has to feel like the one-down every single time she tries to bring up issues.

In the recent years, I became the bad kind of asshole not just to partners, but also friends and family. I sometimes crossed lines without reason. And whenever I could feel a sense of powerlessness, whether small or important things, I would reclaim my power without regard for the other person. I did that too in my last relationship to the girl I have loved the most ever. It became a toxic relationship because I didn't want to feel powerless.

I feel ashamed. Ashamed of having becomed a kind of person I despise the most. Ashamed of becoming that person without realizing. And now the damage is done... Sorry everyone.

But shame is a powerful motivator too. I know now that I must be more aware of when it's okay to let things slide, and when to fight for yourself.

And maybe that feeling of powerlessness is what has really driven me in other ways too.. Maybe it has caused avoidant and passive behavior when it came to meeting new people. Maybe I didn't dare meeting new people because I was afraid of losing power by taking initiative. But it is really the opposite, isn't it... A lot of my actions can be explained by the amount of power I must have felt I had in any situation.

It will all be okay though. I have been through terrible life situations before and survived that. I take full responsibility for my actions, but I didn't know better.

... and then once you get back into your regular mindset, you are disgusted and entertained by the things you wrote back then haha. Who was that guy???

I was ranting about my ex. I didn't provide anything specific I could work with. I did feel turn apart because of her claim that I abused her. I did feel ashamed and like an asshole.

But LOL! If anything, I have actually become less of an asshole these years haha. + I never felt powerless, I maintained my boundaries.

I will say this though: In some ways, I'm looking forward to the next breakup caused by auto-rejection. She wasn't the first this happened with. Now that I understand the mechanisms and consequences of auto-rejection a lot better, this will be a great challenge to see if I can handle it in the future.

Next step
Set goals about my sex life down the road, and write down the necessary steps to get started. Too much focus on career and workout these days...

For the future
With this post being #99 in this journal + it's the ending of the year, I think it is time to shut this journal down and make a new one. I have to get over the temptation of getting girls in my circle god dammit

I'm looking through this journal one last time, and now I will quote some of the most memorable notes/moments and a little comment to them haha

I have never worked this hard for my sex/love life. Can you believe that? I'm not used to being the approacher. Sometimes I wish I found more pleasure in meeting girls back in the days, but I figured the right game for me back then was to let girls come into my world and let them do the leading as well. My primary way to meet women now should be on my terms. I can meet the women I want, when I want it. And chances of any woman ever approaching me is so damn close to 0, it's not even worth it to be waiting for them.

Oh god I already said that in 2017... not much has changed, and I'm not getting any younger

Still feeling that low energy. Only thing that makes me do anything these days, is willpower. And weird thing is: I feel I'm in my head, but I also feel I'm not O.O Weird shit

I must have suffered from "going out" fatigue hahaha

Anyway, at the bus stop tonight, I greeted the woman in her 40's sitting there with "good evening", before I sat down beside her. The bus would be arriving in 20 minutes. I enjoyed the silence for 5 minutes before taking a piece of gum and asking her if she wanted some. And from there we ended up talking until I had to get off the bus. She was an interesting one. Highlights from the conversation

- When I told her what I study, she replied "That's funny. I thought you might study that!" And I ask "It is funny. I wonder what gave you that impression?" Of course, she didn't know haha! I have concluded that her intention was simply to build my value up. But it's a fun and different way to do so!

- She mentioned that she could connect me with her daughter since I hadn't found a long term partner yet despite my efforts ;D That's sweet haha. Whether she was being serious or not, she talked about her daughter's studies and internships, but I wasn't impressed and steered the conversation away from it.

With cold approach, you never really know what you get. Doesn't matter who you're talking to.

You really don't know what you get. And women are the best wingmen out there, hands down

Right now there is something about my sexuality I'd love to find out: why did sex yesterday, after a dry spell lasting three months, relieve me of all my frustrations?
Because you got laid
Oh, the irony

I opened 3 different girls on Tinder on Friday, I had been matching them in the span of 2 weeks. They all replied throughout the weekend. I was about to answer them yesterday, but got an urgent call and forgot about them afterwards.

Guess what? Today, ALL of them are gone :'D They must have collectively decided to unmatch me! Never had this happen before. Interesting!
I guess some girls synchronize other things than their menstruation patterns...

I had my FWB over sometime ago, but we had to move our meeting because of logistics. We made it a short session, but when she left, I was left with a funny feeling. It seemed like she wanted to get it over with, and that was the only thing I saw immediately.

The next day, I tried to suppress my emotional response in order to think clearly about it. And then it hit me:

We couldn't make the nice, long foreplay because we were short on time. Not late into intercourse, she even wanted me to cum. This messed me up while I was at it. I couldn't enjoy it as I'm used to.

But as I was thinking more about it, it made sense. She just wanted a quickie. We were used to these long sessions, and I haven't had a quickie for years. I took it personal, yet it might have been anything but personal. She didn't want me to get it over with because of me, but because of the time.

I'm glad I didn't let my emotions completely ruin my day. And I hope she didn't sense anything weird about me. But if she did, then it is what it is.
Yes, analyze your thoughts and feelings first. Act on them later.
Last week, an anonymous girl adds my brother on Snapchat. She asks him if he's really my brother due to the similarity of our last name (which is a pretty common last name here). This creature claimed to be the sister of one of my ex's best friend and, not surprisingly, knew about my past relationship with my ex. But here's the caveat: her best friend has no sister. This shocked me because here is a person, contacting my brother since she has no way of getting through to me on social media (I don't use it), and she claims to be a person that doesn't exist. On some level, it's amusing, but on some level it's creepy as hell.

I would like to think it's someone from my ex's circle. But today, I met with my brother and asked about the username. Judging from that, the chances that it is my ex herself, are pretty high, like 99.9999 %. It's probably a fake account she made to let me know it is her, for purposes that will remain unknown.. however, I don't think it's a coincidence she told him "she was the love of his life". I've been going out with my girlfriend a couple of times now, and no one would doubt that we're a couple. She or someone that knows us both could have seen me with my girl and told her. Almost nothing is a coincidence with girls...

Cheers to all the girls that are silly and cute... and creepy
Girls are fucking creepy. If you're on social media, they can check out your accounts. If you're not...
I'm attending an introduction course for my new job, and guess who I will be working with? Juliet, the girl I slept with exactly two years ago. My god, I hate meeting girls from social circle right now.
Then stop doing it hahaha
Although I'm saying this on a whim, Cherry will hopefully be the last girl I will be intimate with from a social circle. Sometime in the future I will have to work on meeting girls cold again. Because when things end with a girl from no social circle, we will not have to meet each other on a regular basis.
YES STOP DOING IT! And now that we are not together, it's time to meet girls outside the circles again.

Two nights ago, I talked on the phone for the second time with this Middle Eastern girl off Tinder.

The first time we talked, I learned that she was virgin and was rebelling against her upbringing/culture under the radar because of some experience with a guy. We connected and got into the deep stuff. Also talked about sex and love, how she thinks she can't have sex without love although I told her I wasn't looking for a girlfriend (the "just got out of a relationship" works well when it's true). I recall she asked me if I could be in a relationship with a girl and not have sex at all, to which I was just silent. She fixed her question almost right away and asked if I could be in one with no penetration. It could have gone a lot of ways, but since she had claimed she wants to save her virginity for after marriage, I decided to just tell her that I have never had a girl home where we didn't have sex, and I couldn't imagine that changing at all. She appreciated the honesty (I felt like the narrator in Alabaster Girl when he states something along the lines of "why hide your interest when girls can see through you anyway")

So two nights ago, I told her I was moving to a city far away next month. Now she's aware that other girls might catch me first (she said so herself haha!). We talked about one of her childhood stories that she admitted she hadn't told anyone else. Later on we talked about her virginity again lol. Since we were connecting so well and she seemed comfortable talking about sex anyway, I took it one step further. I simply asked her "Okay, but I am under the impression that you have some fantasies then?" and boy, was I right. Like any other girl, she loves to be dominated and shared some examples. She asked about my fantasies. I just kept it at vanilla domination to match her level and talked about a random girl. I could vaguely hear her panting (yes, she was indeed masturbating). At one point she asked if I was turned on! :D "Well I'm not sure... what about you?" And yeah, sure she was. And then I realized that while sharing my fantasy in great detail, I was turned on too hahahaha. When we talked about meeting up she was resisting in this "I can't believe we're having this conversation" because she was still having some ASD (even though I set a non-judgemental frame early on). We involved each other in the fantasies after that, unfortunately she fell asleep when I was telling my last one haha.

Not sure where to go from here. On one hand, I feel like inviting her over, but she's afraid of Corona of course and apparently living with her parents. I'm not sure how much to persist in such a case. On the other, I think of inviting her for a walk close to my place to inevitably end up there. But now that the frame is set, it wouldn't make sense to invite her for a walk first...

but definitely an interesting experience!
This is just proof that emotions are the number one thing girls respond to. She claims to be religious and want to save her virginity for marriage, yet she is a sexual being and isn't disgusted with it if it's right.

Reached out to her lately but she has a borefriend now haha
Damn, I was sexually stuffed yesterday! All that sex was driving me crazy, glad I can finally take a few days off to focus on my studies again lol. These girls screamed loud as fuck once they got the D, and they were fucking wet. And experienced. I loved it.
the memories hahaha. Hot sex three days in a row... my god
- She gave an objection while escalating to sex about being on her period. I told her "so what?" while smiling and with a tone of "it doesn't matter". she was like "You serious? Wow, you're so cool".
Fuck the red river, fellas! Some girls love you for being casual about it

Thanks to everyone who read this far. See you on the new journal!
 
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