A ray of light in the darkness

ray_zorse

Modern Human
Modern Human
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Aug 12, 2014
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1,986
Location
Australia
Just an update. Well the tourism was wonderful. I was in a great mood and I did a fair bit of approaching on the train and in the castle complex etc. Also because I had social momentum I was just walking around with a huge smile on my face and open body language and lots of people made friendly eye contact etc. It may be because I'm a tall blonde Westerner but I think it is somewhat easier to get eye contact here (other than by approaching) than at home. Although some JP are of the typical "eyes down, shy" mindset, many younger ones, especially schoolgirls, are quite curious about what's around.

I found it frustrating that several times a longer conversation on the train with a giggling younger hotty would just gradually die and we'd end up on our phones or whatever. It's a bit difficult to know how hard to push, if I just made sporadic conversation it's too casual and seems to lack commitment and doesn't make her invest, yet if I go for the strong eye contact and intense conversation it seems to be too much and she eventually retreats to her phone. I think the problem is I am asking too many questions and leading the conversation much too strongly, this is an automatic thing I do due to my bad Japanese which I need to stop. Unfortunately if I let her actually invest in the convo it's 90% likely I won't have a clue what she says, and this tends to kill interactions as well.

I think before I come back here I need to hit the books and CDs really hard and like double my vocabulary and practice listening a LOT (watch films and Manga too, currently I cannot understand anything when I do). Strangely I do get in the groove with certain people and understand without effort, but I cannot rely on this, and anyway as soon as I become self-conscious it wrecks my vibe and I cannot understand again.

I deleted a shitload of old contacts, numbers, conversations etc. Including Sayuri -- help me stay strong. I figure if I offer to go like 3hrs out of my way just to get coffee with her and catch up and she cannot give me a time it's just not going to work as friends. Although I didn't block her at this stage. Interestingly another deleted-but-not blocked contact got back to me this morning, pity she took her time since I was in Kobe yesterday and could have met up. Tokyo time-waster has been intensely messaging, but now she suddenly mentions a boyfriend?! WTF is this a test? Trying to make me a texting buddy? I responded with very long delays but I should not have even responded at all. If I go to Tokyo given all this investment on her part she might have been worth another try but honestly I doubt it. I think I should just block her now and move on.

Last night hung out with my friends -- bartender and owner who hangs out in her bar some nights. I thought I was getting signals from owner who has been investing quite hard in me, but I changed my mind, no real prospect there. But as usual the whole thing left a sour taste. I drank A LOT and bought them many drinks which I shouldn't have done. Tab came to $85 and I felt honestly like I had been paying for company. Perhaps I should've got "masaji" for my blue balls instead.
 

ray_zorse

Modern Human
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Aug 12, 2014
Messages
1,986
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Australia
Today I had some quite wonderful interactions. Last day so I can't really pull and little point swapping LINE. So I am just being outcome independent and enjoying the conversation practice. Walking around and making girls smile although lately I have not been doing street stops or going direct, I have preferred to come across as a more regular guy. An opener I ued a lot is "Hello! ... (smile) where will you go now?" ... seems to put them at a slight disadvantage and then I switch to Japanese "doko ni iku no?", they are a bit relieved and happily start filling me in on their plans. This probably needs good fundamentals to pull off, it does not work well for me in Australia for some reason but it's okay here. But it was actuallu in the ramen shop I scored my first hit with the waitress, I didn't open her till I'd finished and then we talked for half an hour or more as the shop was emptying out. I had to be a little creative but kept things going. She seemed nice, and keen to keep talking, I guess this might be more a function of the girl's attraction level than my conversation per se. I asked her finish time and told her if I wasn't damn leaving today (shimota! damn!) I would definitely have swapped LINE with her. I took her hand and pulled her in for a (cheek) kiss as I left. The next interaction was at the station lockers, opened "you've left your luggage? good, because I need an assistant", they took me seriously and although I explained it was "oyaji gyagu" (dirty old man joke) it turned out we were indeed going the same way, and they helped me with my luggage into the subway haha. Mega cute, both from near Sayuri's province and come to Osaka to meet a traveller friend and party for a night. One of them a dental nurse, the other one I am not sure. I was very familiar with the route they had taken to get here and the place they were going, so I looked like quite a boss haha. Maybe they have country-girl attitudes (insofar as anywhere in overdeveloped Japan can be called "country") as they were very kind and open despite being cute and beautifully made up and dressed to impress. So happy, pity I couldn't party with them later. The next few interactions involved cute staff in Osaka Aquarium, I highly recommend this place. I went direct with ticket booth girl "O namae wa?" (shows me her badge) "XXX chan wa kawaii!" with a flirtatious smile. She was really happy. We chatted briefly before I moved on. Inside I talked for 20min or so with smartly attired guide lady about the animals, does she enjoy her work and so forth, added a lot of touch etc. Right now I am pretty tired (3hrs sleep) so didn't have the energy to game coffeeshop girl or other visitors even though some are quite cute. Will head to the airport in next hour or so.
 

ray_zorse

Modern Human
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Aug 12, 2014
Messages
1,986
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Australia
So I was on fire the last few days, since the last post (I was in the aquarium) I was chatting to a cute (but slightly overweight) JP girl and her family about the slipperiness (nurunuru) and stickiness (betabeta) of the fish you can touch, then I had another long conversation with staff, very cute and smart attendant who was greeting people by the exit, in fact I thought it was the first girl again and went to resume the conversation, but quickly recovered haha. Then I approached another girl on the walk back to the station and she was quite nice and receptive, but I left her to get an earlier train since I had to go to my locker and the toilet. The train was as funny as fuck, a cute 16yo in a school uniform looked over as I climbed on with my many bags and packages, so I said to her "I need an assistant... I'm taking applications" (the JP just rolled off my tongue... "tetsudai ga hitsuyo... moshikondara ii") then, "ohh, you have Elmo [Erumo]... my youngest son used to LOVE Elmo. Now he's into lego (I indicate all the lego I'm carrying)... forgot Elmo haha", at this point some of the students in the group are like "wow his Japanese isn't too bad" so I whisper to my girl "bochi bochi" (means "so so") and she laughs. She's apparently been to Australia and she speaks a little bit of English. Then I start asking her a bit about herself, where does she live, what about her studies, her family, etc. I also chat with the other students, one of them I thought was a teacher but he was just tall and wearing a jacket. Anyway, we come into a major station and they go to get off, they want to help me with my bags but with some difficulty I explain I'm continuing on and it's okay (broke my heart to do this, they were so lovely). As she puts my bag down I lean in and kiss her on the cheek haha. I talk to another pair of girls that gets on shortly after, grab some basic info from the less-cute one, but they seem a bit put off, and cute one moves away from me when the other gets off. I don't care. I take a breather, there's a hotty looking over at me and I plan to casually approach when we get off the train but unfortunately she gets ahead of me and disappears. Damn, that one got away, though I could've done a higher risk approach.

So in the airport I chat with checkin assistant in Japanese, she is Korean and I ask about how long she's been living in Japan and did she move here with her family and so on. I say "wow, working for a Japanese company... I respect that, sounds pretty difficult" (she has to learn the respectful speech and so forth)... every checkin this year from a Japanese airport I have tried to speak JP with varying success, I don't actually have much vocabulary for things like "did you pack any dangerous goods" or "can the baggage be checked through" but I am getting by. It really is getting easier, this girl didn't really question things, she did explain a few things in English but basically spoke JP to me. Good. In the duty free shop there's a cute flight attendant from my flight in front of me, I'm wondering how to approach but I don't because I'm behind her. However, she leaves her purchase on the counter while she adjusts her bags and it's a perfect opportunity to open but I'm too slow to grasp it. Fuck. Anyway, so she rejoins her colleague and we wander over towards the shuttle. However, as we get off the shuttle I come up beside her and say "hi there... what did you buy?" and we have a longish conversation. My fundamentals are quite on point, although my conversation was only about 7/10. As I got on the plane she was greeting people and I could have touched her elbow, looked deep into her eyes and said "hi darling"... but instead I've said casually "nice to see you again" with bad eye contact and probably ruined things, anyway I don''t care. She was working in the aisle opposite mine and I had to be careful not to make creepy eye contact. Didn't get a chance to talk to her after that unfortunately.

The girl sitting next to me on the plane is a cute JP-girl who appears to be travelling with a boyfriend, I introduce myself to both, bf seems kind of shy and sleeps for most of the flight. JP-girl for some reason seems super nervous and awkward, not sure why but maybe because I initially tried to speak to her in English? Anyway I make various attempts at casual conversation each of which turns into a major big deal (like when I asked her the name of the movie she's watching and she doesn't know and spends ages trying to figure it out through the menus etc)... however, where before this would have made ME nervous and awkward as well, I just keep my cool and keep persisting (I'm finding her behaviour a little bit amusing in fact)... and eventually she relaxes. I'm quite a high value man because, for instance, when flight attendant serves her coffee and then moves on before she can ask for something else I dominantly grab flight attendant's elbow and bring her back. Since JP are very polite and shy this makes me look a boss. Last I saw of her was immigration queue, she spots me after I bought perfume for Leticia and enthusiastically greets me, I ask "how are you feeling now... managed to sleep a bit?" and thereby gathered a lot of attention from other JP passengers, but didn't capitalize since I was a bit tired.

After immigration I'm walking to the domestic terminal and I casually open girl walking beside me, well we end up spending 2.5hrs together as we drink coffee and I deep dive, then I move her around the airport and so on, I attempted to isolate and escalate but it was a bit heavy going, I'm pretty sure she wanted my cock but I had to built a little bit more comfort, as far as I got was massaging her back but she politely started saying "it's okay it's okay.. thank you it's okay" so I stopped. This might have been because it was a semi public place, since she seemed otherwise receptive. Anyway, got email, we can meet up next time I'm in Osaka (she's from Wakayama but works in Kobe, I am starting to build up a small circle of friends in Kobe so I may spend a bit more time there next time). Umm so after this I really was pretty tired and took it easy a bit, just a little chat with cute Aussie flight attendant on my flight. I liked her colleague's looks (Thai girl with very cute makeup) but colleague was a bit rude so ignored her. My girl seemed very receptive, but unfortunately working in a different section so just spoke to her before and after the flight and engaged in a little eye contact flirting.

The next interesting thing that happened was in the car when my mum picked me up (had some complicated childcare arrangements so my mum took me to the school from the airport)... we have had a huge family drama because my sister is pregnant and there have been some problems with the pregnancy, seems like the baby might not survive... so my (typical male) reaction was "well we don't know for sure, she has the best possible care so let's just hope for the best and wait for some news"... this is a very LOGICAL way of handling it, however not compatible with the FEMALE thinking style... while we were driving my mum called my sister-in-law on speaker and I had quite a lesson in the FEMALE communication style... although their conversation was absolutely devoid of any informational content (as I said we do not have much information yet), the EMOTION was "OMG what is going to happen... will she be okay... will baby survive... OMG how will the doctors handle it... OMG what can we do / nothing / OMG waiting it's so difficult OMG OMG"... they were happily babbling on about all the different things that could happen and possible consequences and so on, and I observed that although the emotions were predominantly negative, they seemed overall just as comfortable with negative emotions as positive... very interesting. Women just like EMOTIONS. Anyway if I could learn to communicate in that way it would be quite good, because my own response, while logical, just didn't address my mother's emotional needs in regards to this event. Anyway, as I write this, baby has been born by Caesarean last night, 2mths premature, and is being treated. No more news but it doesn't seem to have been a disaster. I hope they can get his heart rate and fluids down.

So then I made some typical polite conversation at school (I find this difficult although a few of the mums I hit it off with... I also tried talking to one of the dads but couldn't understand him very well, some shit about his wife's business trip or something, but after several attempts to get clarification I gave up)... and then took kids to the shopping centre because of picking up my youngest son from a movie birthday party there... and we went around and did some shopping, and I reckon a lot of girls wanted my dick. Very surprising. Warmed up in the sushi shop, getting introduced to Chinese girl assistant, although I couldn't even grab basic info before we finished, she seemed receptive. Then in the toyshop I went direct with cashier... big smile "You have MANY PIERCINGS! You look WONDERFUL!" and I think the genuine emotion in my voice really turned her on. So we made some typical fluff talk and I deep dived her a bit about her job and studies... had to go unfortunately, so then we stopped at the cupcake shop and tall yummy Australian blonde seemed very into me, was really carrying the conversation quite by herself and she also gave us some freebies... I was caught a bit by surprise because I wanted to say "thanks! you get a kiss for that!" and lean in and kiss her, but counter was slightly too tall so ended up just awkwardly saying goodbye... another funny thing that happened was a very cute Chinese or Korean shop girl with pink lipstick caught my eye while we were walking past her shop and we made mutual eye contact and smiled... she was standing behind a Christmas tree so I called out "are you my Christmas present" and she giggled.

I'm really interested to know why girls were so receptive to me yesterday, must be the power of warming up over the last 3-4 days? Or possibly it was my fundamentals and vibe, I was wearing Chelsea boots, jeans, a white t-shirt with black designs on it, and a silver-grey blazer/suit jacket... but I think overall it's simply mental, if you go around looking for interest and being happy and outgoing you will find it, whereas I was in a really miserable mental state the last 3-4 months, just trapped in my mind and not approaching (ostensibly because of my relationship but more because of AA) and feeling shit about it. So I'm really keen to keep this momentum, although it will be difficult since it will be hard to get dates and lays with my current logistics. Will just have to keep persisting and opening and being friendly, since it's a good feeling that girls want my dick even if I am not capitalizing on it.
 

Smith

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Sep 14, 2013
Messages
1,017
Hey Ray,
ray_zorse said:
I'm really interested to know why girls were so receptive to me yesterday, must be the power of warming up over the last 3-4 days? Or possibly it was my fundamentals and vibe, I was wearing Chelsea boots, jeans, a white t-shirt with black designs on it, and a silver-grey blazer/suit jacket... but I think overall it's simply mental, if you go around looking for interest and being happy and outgoing you will find it, whereas I was in a really miserable mental state the last 3-4 months, just trapped in my mind and not approaching (ostensibly because of my relationship but more because of AA) and feeling shit about it. So I'm really keen to keep this momentum, although it will be difficult since it will be hard to get dates and lays with my current logistics. Will just have to keep persisting and opening and being friendly, since it's a good feeling that girls want my dick even if I am not capitalizing on it.

I think it's definitely a momentum thing and your mental state. Recently, I have lost some momentum due to working a lot, and I do notice I get blown out more (there were cases when I barely said a word) even though what I'm doing technically isn't that much different to what I did before, so it definitely has something to do with your vibe. I like what you said about going around looking for interest and being happy. I watched Tyler's video's on having fun yesterday (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j72PZY_rzU4), and it definitely pulled me out of my shitty mental state. I felt like I was stuck in depression for the past week. Momentum is so key, and sometimes it takes days to build it back up. Good work and keep it up man!
 

Bboy100

Cro-Magnon Man
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Jan 2, 2015
Messages
1,107
Location
The Milky Way Galaxy
I like this journal. Some of your interactions have really showed me that it' ok to stay on small talk/relatively irrelevant topics for a while and the interaction can still go smoothly. This has actually been a big sticking point for me. I always feel super uncomfortable when I'm on the "small talk" phase with a stranger cause I always feel like it was super awkward.

I particularly liked your conversation with Chloe a few posts back. It seems like it was nothing but what I would consider "small talk". But it seems she was still totally into you. Very educational. :)
 

ray_zorse

Modern Human
Modern Human
Joined
Aug 12, 2014
Messages
1,986
Location
Australia
Thanks for the feedback guys!

Smith, yes, momentum operates on many levels... like how many approaches I did and how did I feel about them, in the last 10 minutes, the last hour, the last day, the last week... luckily if one has a bit of experience and an awareness of how momentum operates it is possible to encourage oneself and to force oneself to bang out a few practice approaches to get things moving again.

Bboy100, I am glad you liked my conversation samples, I haven't posted as many complete conversations lately because honestly I have the same conversations over and over again :) This is process and demographics in action, haha :) Although Chloe is actually Aussie thus outside my normal demographic and my game probably suffered a bit as a result. Also I still see her a lot but not at times I'm really in control of things... one thing I find annoying is when I lose control of the process, like bumping into girls I like socially or at the school and not being prepared with sparkling wit and conversation, I would often bump into Chloe at 7am in the coffee shop near the shopping centre, and about a third of the time I'd be in a flirtatious mood, other times I'd be tired and uninspired and make boring beta conversation. So I got friendzoned after a few episodes of this, ehh well I still like her, she's a nice girl and she usually greets me when she sees me at school. Things would have been different if I had MEMORIZED HER NUMBER, a valuable technique I've used a few times but lately haven't got off my ass to do.

Now to the point of my post, well as of yesterday I'm 40, an old fucker and I'd probably be quite depressed about this if I didn't have GC and realize that every wrinkle actually increases my value... hahaha, well anyway I have a beautiful sexy girlfriend whom I love, and I'm pretty happy with where my life is at right now.

So in the morning I was secretly having sex with Leticia under the covers while the kids were going in and out of the room and bringing me my breakfast in bed and their handmade cards etc, it was a wonderful morning. I couldn't quite get there but very very close. I wish I had more mental control, because as soon as I start feeling like I'm about to come I just overthink and mentally sabotage myself, the only way I have to get around this is to fixate powerfully on some part of her anatomy or an image/scenario in my mind. I would like to get better at experiencing without analyzing, i.e. Presence. Rereading "The Power of Now", although I must say that I like "A New Earth" (or "A New Ass" in Japanese, haha) is much better for me, I struggle to concentrate with TPoN due to its more scattered style.

Then I went to Yum Cha with Leticia and kids and my mum. My mum wanted to invite my sister and her son, but I said NO, and this is something I have gotten better at since learning seduction. I invited my sister to my party in the evening, and since she couldn't be bothered coming to that (doesn't like bars I suppose), I didn't see why I should make special arrangements for her. She needs to conform more. I'm also mindful of certain incidents in the past, like for instance the other day we had a playdate where I arranged for my nephew to attend, but strangely my sister did not even acknowledge me in the hour or two we spent together (I'm getting better at matching people's investment levels, I did try to catch her eye a few times to say hello, but otherwise I didn't sweat it). My sister is also a major freeloader, she's quite wealthy from performing, but acts like she cannot even afford a cup of coffee, so I didn't want to TREAT her to Yum Cha.

In the Yum Cha I chatted up the waitress, it was only really warmup, and I think she was being polite because I was a paying customer, but she did share some basic information about herself. The encounter started very well, when she approached our table for the first time I noticed she was cute and immediately gave her laser eye contact for longer than was comfortable, and started getting introduced, but I wasn't unfiltered enough (wanted to compliment her eye makeup and tell her she was beautiful in Chinese but I was a bit shy), so eventually I went a bit beta. It was also another case of my not being in control of the interaction, since she was quite busy and coming and going a lot with the trolley. Leticia was pretty tolerant of all this, she knows about my journey and doesn't disapprove, at least she doesn't disapprove of my conversation practice, haha. I did some other approaches throughout the day, complimenting gorgeous women and so on. Getting a number or a date in such circumstances (while out with Leticia and the kids) would be a tough gig, but I'm happy with reactions not results right now.

The rest of the day was a bit of a blur, as I made final arrangements for my party (prepare the door list, clean the house for the babysitter and so on), but a fun thing that happened was the kids cleared all the furniture out of the lounge, covered all the electronic gear with towels, and then staged a waterfight, awesome.

So now about the party, well it was absolutely awesome. I put a lot of effort into this party. Although this site is mainly about seduction, it's also about socializing and I want to share a bit of the background to this party. Well when I turned 30 it was a bit of a depressing day, I wasn't seeing anyone and hadn't in a long time, I was still smoking a fair bit of weed and spending a lot of time alone working on my projects at home (I had housemates on and off, but it never worked out well since I didn't have good boundaries, something I am better at now). On my 30th I hadn't made any preparations, so eventually I just decided to treat myself to a steak dinner and I went out to the restaurant alone and reflected on my life, I maybe chatted to the owner of the restaurant a bit, but basically I spent it alone. :( Other times I made no real preparations for my birthday and then, like the day before, tried to arrange some birthday drinks, and ended up feeling like my friends did not really value me, since they were either busy or didn't want to go or something. But I recognize most of this was due to my poor preparations/short notice.

So moving to more recent experiences, well last year I had a party in which I put A LOT of effort (more so than this one). I had been reading the stickied post here about how to build an amazing party social life and I decided to give it a try. I did amazing decorations and I prepared for like 50+ guests, but where I fucked up was I didn't cold approach to build the guest list (approaching girls was somewhat in my comfort zone, but approaching groups and guys still isn't). So as the party approached I got a bit desperate and resorted to mass inviting people from my past who I hadn't kept in touch with, and overall the whole thing was a bit random. Attendance was so-so, some people from uni and some other close friends attended, and I had a good time, but it didn't justify all the preparations etc. What DID HAPPEN was that I learned A LOT about having a party, how to promote it to make your guests feel special, how to get people to come, etc. So the practice run was REALLY HELPFUL in making my birthday party a success, I no longer want to build a party social life, but I did want a GOOD BIRTHDAY.

Another VERY USEFUL experience in organizing this party was my wedding, going back about 8yrs now (2007). We had an okay venue, and we were quite well prepared. My ex-wife made the whole thing a pretty big deal, with a massive guest list and limousines and an expensive photographer and flowers and blah blah blah, the whole thing cost about $30,000 and I think I got somewhat suckered into it, since it would not have been my preference to do it this way, but I didn't question her decisions, and I put about 6 months work into the planning and preparations and became quite enthusiastic in the process... however, it was a complete waste of money, I wasn't careful about the guest list, it involved a lot of people from my past from social circles that I'd basically moved on from (although I didn't realize this at the time), and many of the people there, I haven't even seen since that day. Well, you live and you learn. Anyway, so we had a good venue but you had to use their caterers, and frankly they were shit. Also, my organization was shit, since I didn't think ahead about order and timing of service, speeches and so on. I learned a lot, and used this experience to work with the staff at yesterday's function to make sure they knew my expectations.

So in order to get people to come to this party, I firstly was careful not to mass invite, I was happy with a smaller party where I could actually socialize with everyone, and this is what occurred... having said that, I was also careful to invite enough people since I knew the response rate would be no better than 50%, it is Christmas and many people are away or busy, also it was also a weekday (Tuesday)... I texted "save the date" a few months back, and then I personally called everyone a few weeks before (many did not answer so I resorted to a personally written text message, not cut/pasted, in those cases), to tell them I was having a party for my 40th and it would be an intimate occasion and I would really appreciate their presence. Then I followed up with everyone telling them I was preparing the catering and that I needed a definite yes/no from each person, thus getting buy-in from them. Quite a few didn't respond at this stage, but after several attempts at follow-up, I ruthlessly culled them from the list. I invest in my friends, but I won't chase or let them take value. I also ruthlessly culled anyone who would not give a commitment. Then on the day, I texted everyone who I hadn't already talked to in the previous few days "don't forget the party tonight, I have put your name on the door as "John X + Jane Y". I also called various people who had complicated plans, to check if their name should be on the door.

The whole event ran like clockwork, I chose the venue very well and the staff were extremely kind and friendly and efficient, there were 4 staff (bar manager, owner/catering manager, and 2 bartender girls) and they offered the food around for me and so on. I had said no speeches because I was mindful of not interrupting the food service, however bar manager who is a fucking cool dude hassled one of my best friends to tell him I had to be forced to give a speech and I did so. Haha. The speech was roughly as follows: "Hey, I wasn't going to have speeches because I enjoy just socializing and I didn't want to interrupt your good time, but I am being forced to give one so here goes... well, in my 20s I got up to some very colourful things, with a lot of you guys and YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE... (lots of people put their hands up and start laughing)... and, more recently I have been part of a wonderful social circle at my uni [note: this is a group of 6-8ppl mostly from my office and some of their partners/housemates etc and we regularly organize social events], so I am incredibly happy that everyone can come and support me on my special day... and not to mention my family, well the last 3-4 years I went through a pretty hard time [I meant my divorce and legal battles] and my family got the arse end of that, it's amazing everything you've put up with and continued to support me... and finally there is LETICIA, well my life in the last year has been simply incredible because I met Leticia. I saw her, and I liked the look of her, and AMAZINGLY I had the balls to talk to her and invite her on a date, and I am SO HAPPY about this. Leticia is a wonderful person, for example I was listening to a conversation between Leticia and my grandmother the other day, and I was struck by how Leticia always seems to know exactly what to say in a situation. She's also very humble and respectful of her elders... including me [everyone laughs]. Just kidding, but Leticia has really impressed everyone around me. She has integrated very well into my life. [I hug her... I should mention she's looking absolutely stunning in a new black dress and heels with beautiful hair and makeup etc]. Um, now that I've talked about all the people who are important to me, I do not really know what to say. I really like my life right now. Thank you everyone for helping me to celebrate it. [I sit down]".

I am not too hungover considering everyone got smashed including myself. (Bar tab was not quite finished at the end, but I did not ask for a refund, so it's a nice tip for the owner and/or staff). Back at home I paid the babysitter and walked her out and kissed her on the cheek as I usually do (I was a bit shy to follow my normal practice when she arrived since I hadn't seen her for a year or so). I then tried to fuck Leticia in the 5min or so remaining before midnight, I had drunk dick but I didn't let it worry me, we had some fun. Leticia wanted to watch porn and be fucked with the vibrator, I have told her many times that I do not watch porn but I relented in this case. I started to put on some Asia porn but she searched "phim sex au my" which means "western sex film" [literally "film sex europe america"]. I told her I'm not really attracted to Western girls but I watched the film she selected for a bit, and fucked her a little and it was quite good. I drunkenly told her "I enjoyed chatting up some girls today on my birthday, you didn't make a big deal of it and I'm grateful for that"... a bit later "yeah as I said I'm not really attracted to Western girls, but I have been thinking when I reach the point I can get a new Asian girl every week then I plan to force myself to talk to some"... and "I suppose I still want to do some game occasionally, I am continuing my journey, but VERY SLOWLY, since I really value the time we spend together and I don't want to interrupt that"... she was, I suppose, a little put out by these confessions, but it wasn't too bad. I felt good at having been honest with her at any rate.
 

ray_zorse

Modern Human
Modern Human
Joined
Aug 12, 2014
Messages
1,986
Location
Australia
Hey SG, thanks for the shout out :)

There hasn't really been much to report, umm Leticia's pretty much moved in with me so my logistics suck, but on the other hand I feel like it is my responsibility to care for her whilst she is pregnant. Anyway, I like having her around. My routine at the moment is get up at 6:30am, have coffee, go to the gym at 8am, get home at 9.30am and prepare breakfast (lately scrambled eggs or tofu and lots of leafy green vegetables), and then work on my computer until about midnight, with breaks obviously. I must say Leticia has been absolutely fine with this, she does housework, cooks for me, doesn't hassle me for attention... it's such a change from my marriage... but I am also mindful that this good behaviour needs to be consistently rewarded, and so I make sure I put my work aside and spend some hours with her each day, and at least one day of the weekend. In this time we either watch movies together, or I take her on a date, or we just make love on the couch. She remains very horny nearly all the time.

Christmas went very well, Leticia came over and I enjoyed spending time with the family. Family didn't try to AMOG me or do anything embarrassing and it was a really good time. 2 days after Christmas we had a family reunion in which all my mother's cousins etc came from places like Sydney, Brisbane, United States, Canada etc. I didn't know everyone but I used my GC social skills and did a little deep diving and so on, and it went very well. Everybody enjoyed meeting Leticia and I felt like a king with Leticia on my arm. She was very beautiful with careful makeup and a summer dress. We had the photographer take some shots of us together. Very nice. This reminds me I should send some text messages to a relative I met there and set up a dinner as I promised. He seems like a really good guy and his wife is away atm.

New Year's Eve I worked until about 5pm and then Leticia cooked me an amazing meal of umm Singapore noodles with prawn, or something like that, lots of vegetables and chilli. So I decided to take her to the beach in Port Melbourne, it was still really hot and we had a swim and hung out. After the swim I ordered her to get me a coffee from the nearby kiosk which she did. Lovely. We then went to a pub and had some drinks and I approached a family of 5 who turned out to be from the country and visiting for the NYE fireworks, we joined them for a few hours and chatted about their kids (3 boys slightly older than mine) and this was nice. So then we went back home and changed into some schmick threads and went out to see the fireworks. My leadership wasn't great since I'd never been to the fireworks on NYE before (it is a bit famous in Melbourne so I wanted to see it, umm $400,000 of fireworks or some such), but I got us to a good spot eventually. Took a tram and then walked around to the other side of the harbour, where we were lucky because we were right next to the fireworks although the locations are secret and not announced before.

There were absolutely ridiculous numbers of stunning women out and about, and I felt like a total pussy for not approaching (even though I was with my gf). I was quite in my head and I spoke to one woman on the tram which quickly died, so then I approached a dude to get some warmup and he turned out to be pretty cool, a Vietnamese guy so I practiced some Vietnamese with him and his friend and introduced him to Leticia who is also Vietnamese. They peeled off to look for their friend before we walked around the harbour, we planned to meet up and go clubbing afterwards but it didn't happen. Leticia didn't have her passport and we had to go home and get it after the fireworks (which were amazing), but after we bumped into some friends from my uni and took a ridiculous detour to get home (because I didn't understand the layout or the public transport in the harbour area, I do now), it was already 1.30am and we were pretty tired. I messaged the dude the next day but no response. Sigh. This happens a lot when I grab dudes' numbers when I'm out. I think women are more motivated to reply when there's a sexual motive, guys are useless. Or maybe my perceived value is not high enough. I also need to work on my texting technique a bit, although I don't think I fucked this one up as much as other times.

Since then nothing much. We went to my brother's houseboat for one night and I discovered that he hangs out with my buddy from my teenage years (buddy's wife's family has a houseboat and ski boats etc and they like to park near each other and let their kids play together etc), this dude is a good guy but I don't hang out with him for a number of reasons. We had a falling out while travelling and he also tends to AMOG you a lot, which I find annoying. Anyway I was quite nervous for some reason. I wasn't really mentally prepared for this encounter. I would have preferred to meet him on my own terms. Luckily, he's met Leticia because we bumped into their family at a festival a few months back, and he also came to my 40th birthday with his wife where we chatted briefly. Anyway, we were supposed to have some drinks together after putting the kids to bed but it got late and we didn't end up doing it. I consider this a lack of investment on his part. Anyway, we did some wakeboarding together and I was again a bit nervous, I didn't manage to get up out of the water, but I managed it easily the next day when my buddy wasn't watching. This might be psychological, or it might just be that I've never wakeboarded before. Hmm it's hard to be dominant all the time... I guess sometimes humble is okay.

Nothing else interesting has happened except for a test Leticia gave me whilst on the houseboat, which I have written about in another post in Beginners board but I will include here for completeness:
her: lately sex has been very difficult for me, I really tried hard to enjoy it but it hasn't worked [I am thinking WTF she is a horny little bitch who demands sex 3 times a day, gotta be a test]
me: oh really?
her: it's because I'n pregnant [yes she is 4mths pregnant to me], pregnant women have a drop in sex drive in the first X months
me: news to me, I am pretty sure it is case by case
her: no it is true
me: where did you read or hear this?
her: everybody says so [yep -- it's a test]
me: so you can't orgasm right now?
her: that's right [she looks really sad, I am flabbergasted she would think I'd fall for this bullshit, I give her orgasms every day]
me: I see [I kiss her and start to nuzzle her neck]
her: mmmmmnnnhh [sighs]
me: [I move down and start kissing her belly, her legs, around her panties etc]
her: [puts her hand over her pussy]
me: [continues to escalate, gently removes her hand, her shorts, her panties, etc]
her: mmmmmnnhh [starts to moan, breathe heavily, rock her hips etc]
me: yes, I agree... nothing seems to be working... what can we do?
her: [giggles]
TEST PASSED... WE HAVE AMAZING SEX
I must say I have felt a little bit beta lately, might be hitting a relationship slump but I think it's basically just that I've been working really hard and being in my head quite a lot and not being the dominant male around Leticia that I should be. I know that I should be aggressively throwing her down on the bed and taking her whenever I feel like it, but I haven't really felt that horny since we are having quite a lot of sex, so it's basically just settled into a routine of enjoying each other's bodies using the positions and techniques that we are familiar with. She initiates quite a lot and although I don't exactly let her choose when we have sex I feel I should be a lot more aggressive. What would work best would be to get her to go away for a bit (stay in her room which she still rents) and I do a bit of other dating, and then when I see her I'll probably feel a lot more horny for her body. But that will be a bit hard to arrange at the moment. I really hope I don't beta slide into a boring married sex life though. One issue that I have is, I don't get instantly hard, so I think I might need to work on my confidence a bit. I'm planning to have some public sex with her, this should mix things up a bit. Recently we were driving and I scoped out a really good spot and took her there on the return journey from where we were going, but when we got there I realized I had been there before, while texting to Sayuri before I fucked her, and sent her a picture of the view. So this put me in a reflective mood and was a bit of a downer, we didn't end up having the public sex although admittedly there were lots of people there in their cars and no privacy at all, haha.

So now I have a week at the family beach house with my kids (they were with their mother from Christmas until yesterday). Well, I'm always really excited about this until I get there, and then I realize how much I detest hanging out with family and end up swearing never to do it again, and then doing it again at the first opportunity. Haha well we had a family birthday dinner for my son in which I chatted with a waitress briefly (although she was older and not that attractive, she had nice makeup and a nice smile so I wanted to reward her), anyway after getting back to the house I was chatting with my sister-in-law in the kitchen as follows:
(fluff talk, catching up shit)
her: so I've got XX baby sleeping in this room and YY has ZZ baby sleeping in that room, we need to keep things nice and quiet
me: that sounds like an impossible dream [actually I don't know what she's on about since she has one of the best rooms in the house and it's relatively isolated]
her: particularly in the mornings, YY and I have been making sure our kids don't get up and wake everyone up, they're allowed to watch a DVD quietly in their room etc
me: I see, well if I can prevent my kids getting up while it's still dark I consider that an achievement [I don't particularly want my kids watching a DVD in the mornings as I believe it rots their brain, I want them to get up and play]
her: please make sure your kids don't wake anyone up in the mornings
me: I can't promise that, they get up very early
her: but can't you make sure they stay in your room, give them an activity to do etc
me: no I can't, I have tried that before and it's impossible
her: it's important that they don't run around the house and wake all the other kids up
me: right, well if you're saying that the public areas of the house are off-limits at certain times then I'm not okay with that [battle lines drawn]
her: there's A LOT of people in the house and it's really important that we look after each other and all try to get on together [a bit rich, I'm not the one making demands here]
me: not going to happen, unless I get up and police the children very closely which I'm not going to do
her: so you're saying you're not going to parent your children? [my brother] and I get up when the kids get up and we this and we that [la la la, I'm a wonderful parent, you're shit]
me: (strong eye contact... a long pause) *I* will be the judge of whether I'm parenting my children. (another long pause). Not you.
her: (gives up and turns away)
YEAH! Honestly I've had this kind of conversation many times and ended up being forced into commitments I couldn't keep, and then been the butt of a whole lot of criticism about my parenting and how my kids aren't getting attention and blah blah blah. WELL FUCK THEM. Thanks GC, I think I handle this encounter pretty well. :) Incidentally I got up at 7am this morning (my kids were already up and probably had been for hours), feeling I should make some sort of an effort to parent them... and guess what, my brother was up making pancakes for the kids while her highness was snoozing away... what a fucking ball breaker, I'm so glad I'm not married to her :)

Thing is this kind of criticism / insinuation does sting a bit because I have a fairly laissez faire parenting style, and there have been genuine issues because of it, but I have come to realize that was never the REAL issue, if you act weak and beta and people-pleasing then it's an invitation for people to AMOG you and demand compliance which they feel boosts their status in the social hierarchy. I had above conversation many times with my wife, for example, and got shamed into doing more than my share of parenting even though I was bringing the $$ home to support the family and she was a housewife. Anyway, brother's wife is a real status jockey in my opinion.

Thing is I no longer get my validation from externally as I did before. So previously this would've made me angry and defensive, qualifying myself and my parenting style to her and thus cementing her position as the alpha dog. I wanted her (and everyone else) to like me, and of course to think I am a good parent. Now, I just couldn't give a shit what she thinks (she does not provide much value to my life and is essentially a value taker), and I accept that not everyone will like me or agree with my parenting decisions. However *I* like me and I am basically comfortable with my parenting decisions even though there is room for improvement as there always is.

Note Leticia overheard this interaction which I am happy about. It did unsettle me a bit (still unused to conflict) and I wanted to run to her for comfort and validation "did you hear that! what a bitch! I can't believe XXX YYY blah blah". But I restrained myself and just continued to act like a boss. :)

In other news trouble is brewing again with ex-wife. I want to obtain a partner visa for Leticia and consequently I must finalize my divorce. But, ex-wife refuses to cooperate, fundamentally she does not want to move out of my house, she wants to continue to use 100% of our marital assets and income therefrom, instead of the 60-80% she will get after settlement (she contributed nothing except her pussy, the house was mine and is in my name and is quite valuable). She also wants to "win", being cluster B and an antisocial bully she is enjoying refusing to let my certified valuer see the house and the fact there's nothing I can do about it. I've written to her 3 times and she has refused every time with every kind of excuse and delaying tactic, and now asks me not to communicate with her on the topic again (a clear threat that she can seek Family Violence orders restraining me from communicating with her if I continue). After a number of months of this crap I have had enough, I wrote her a legal letter giving her 14 days to comply with the valuation or else I will file for a contested divorce settlement. I have not posted the letter yet, and the last one I wisely did not post.

I know this is exactly what she wants me to do -- waste months or years in proceedings that put her and her needs in the spotlight as the centre of attention while forcing me to invest and invest in her mentally and temporally, however I honestly do not see any other choice, she only settled the other matter after I spent years to prove I wouldn't be bullied. This will be the same -- settled on the courthouse steps, just prior to the final hearing, on terms very favourable to her, that I would have agreed to in the beginning. Unfortunately it is not just the outcome that she is attached to, it is also the process. Since her behaviour has been good since settling the other matter in July, I had hoped to get the divorce finalized by Christmas (I was happy to be generous to make this happen, and have arranged finance to buy out her share), but it seems not. As an antisocial bully and anger addict she needs to stir up trouble on a regular basis to get her fix and return to a calm state (Patricia Evans describes this phenomenon in her book).
 

Seppuku

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Ray,

Happy new year to you!

ray_zorse said:
I really hope I don't beta slide into a boring married sex life though.
Vigilance, constant vigilance! It's in her instincts to make you beta again. Check the ways she will try to make you depend on her. Always make sure she feels she doesn't own you (or your mind) 100%. Give her a bit of what she wants, but never all the way. One example (among many, you know best), seemingly harmless and innocent, is the "cooking for you". Yes it's nice and sweet, and she has all these nurturing instincts. Makes you feel the King. But in the long run, you become lazy to cook, maybe lose your cooking skills, etc... and depend on her for eating. Then same for other domestic things, like clothing, or house furbishing. Progressively you're a guest in your own life and she's the host. Sounds stupid I know, but I was there before. Accept it to some extent, just don't let this become a habit.

For sex, I would try to maintain some occasional secondary women. It's important that she knows that you do not depend on her for that, too.

Remember, she seeks monopoly power on the relationship by means of dependence. What you should aim at is: You live with her, she's welcome with you, but you do not depend on her and you can walk anytime.

YEAH! Honestly I've had this kind of conversation many times and ended up being forced into commitments I couldn't keep, and then been the butt of a whole lot of criticism about my parenting and how my kids aren't getting attention and blah blah blah. WELL FUCK THEM. Thanks GC, I think I handle this encounter pretty well. :) Incidentally I got up at 7am this morning (my kids were already up and probably had been for hours), feeling I should make some sort of an effort to parent them... and guess what, my brother was up making pancakes for the kids while her highness was snoozing away... what a fucking ball breaker, I'm so glad I'm not married to her :)

Thing is I no longer get my validation from externally as I did before. So previously this would've made me angry and defensive, qualifying myself and my parenting style to her and thus cementing her position as the alpha dog. I wanted her (and everyone else) to like me, and of course to think I am a good parent. Now, I just couldn't give a shit what she thinks (she does not provide much value to my life and is essentially a value taker), and I accept that not everyone will like me or agree with my parenting decisions. However *I* like me and I am basically comfortable with my parenting decisions even though there is room for improvement as there always is.

Well handled the sister in law. This seems to be an example of woman who's so used getting her ways. And not necessarily more happy because of this.

Incidentally I would just explain my kids to be quiet in the morning because of sharing the house with others. But then, let them live their own life as they see fit. And certainly not wake up in the morning to give them activities and things to do. I'm very much a laissez faire style too, and it's alright.

I had above conversation many times with my wife, for example, and got shamed into doing more than my share of parenting even though I was bringing the $$ home to support the family and she was a housewife.
a.k.a "the walking wallet". Never again!

Note Leticia overheard this interaction which I am happy about. It did unsettle me a bit (still unused to conflict) and I wanted to run to her for comfort and validation "did you hear that! what a bitch! I can't believe XXX YYY blah blah". But I restrained myself and just continued to act like a boss. :)

Very good. Never seek validation to your woman. If you face issues (work, personal life...) and need to talk, talk to a male friend.

In other news trouble is brewing again with ex-wife. I want to obtain a partner visa for Leticia and consequently I must finalize my divorce. But, ex-wife refuses to cooperate, fundamentally she does not want to move out of my house, she wants to continue to use 100% of our marital assets and income therefrom, instead of the 60-80% she will get after settlement (she contributed nothing except her pussy, the house was mine and is in my name and is quite valuable). She also wants to "win", being cluster B and an antisocial bully she is enjoying refusing to let my certified valuer see the house and the fact there's nothing I can do about it. I've written to her 3 times and she has refused every time with every kind of excuse and delaying tactic, and now asks me not to communicate with her on the topic again (a clear threat that she can seek Family Violence orders restraining me from communicating with her if I continue). After a number of months of this crap I have had enough, I wrote her a legal letter giving her 14 days to comply with the valuation or else I will file for a contested divorce settlement. I have not posted the letter yet, and the last one I wisely did not post.

As men we got to ask ourselves, why, why would we ever marry. For her, she gets a little guy she can boss around and who's legally obliged to take her drama, bullshit and crap. And feed her in the process.

But for us guys, what's in it for us? Never again.

Cheers,
Seppuku
 

ray_zorse

Modern Human
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Hey so I did some approaching with PrettyDecent and Smith, big shout out to you guys ;) Took a bit of time to warm up but I had some great interactions towards the end of the first day, the second day we met up in the morning and I was being a bit too cocky / self amused so didn't get any results but still had a funny time haha. One approach that stuck out was Smith and I were passing a couple of girls talking in the street, I stopped in front of one who was cute and gave her a lingering touch / caress on the shoulder but she was still talking so we continued on. I looked back and gave her a cheeky wave and got a big smile in return. I love making women smile. Haha. I also introduced the guys to Leticia and they seemed to hit it off. Well, after much agonizing I told Leticia last night that I had some solid numbers and planned to follow up on them. Drama ensued. Not sure what will happen but I am cautiously optimistic that things will work themselves out.
 

ray_zorse

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Ehh having some problems... things seemed to be in an okay place with Leticia, she wasn't happy but it was just your standard-issue drama, then we had a party in which I tried to have a drunken makeout with my best friend, very bad plan which only occurred because we were both sloppy drunk (although she passed out immediately we entered my bedroom, the damage was done as far as Leticia was concerned), and now Leticia is being cold and distant and says she will move out tomorrow. Ehh well shit happens, I think the main thing is that I countered the beta-ization process (for the time being) by making it appear that I have options. I will see what progress can be made today, but honestly at this point I'm a bit jack of her behaviour. I apologized for the drunkenness and the bad decisions I made, and offered to make it up to her by taking her somewhere she would like, in order to spend some quality time with her (something that hasn't been in abundance now that the yearly routine is starting up again). Now I wonder if this is too chasey. At this point, it is looking like a takeaway is the best option. Anyway, I don't want to have to do these things, but the fact is, if I settled into a boring married life with her, attraction would quickly drop in any case.
Ray
 

ray_zorse

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Update -- sanity appears to be restored, I didn't have to do the takeaway for very long, I was preparing to go away for one night which I had booked for her (so that we could spend quality time together), but since she was being aloof I decided to just go by myself... came home around midday to pack my bags, after carefully planning how I could handle the various scenarios that might arise... she greeted me as I walked in the door but I just acknowledged her with an imperceptible nod and went about my packing, in the course of which she went out (I knew she had an appointment of some kind)... I didn't think she'd be back, so I figured it was a lost cause, and I might as well just enjoy a trip away by myself and just catch up on some work and/or spend time alone or do some approaching... then, surprisingly enough I get a text message "hi Ray, I was on my way to XXX YYY when they called and said no need... you wanted to go somewhere?"... responded "come home and we can discuss it. i was going to leave soon". So the conversation at home went as follows, first I made her wait for a while while I prepared my lunch, so as not to seem too eager... then finally I said "you understand that I'm sorry about what happened?" and she nodded. "have you stopped punishing me now?"... she said yes... "so we are on the same team?" she said yes... so I hugged her... and told her to pack an overnight bag... and here we are. She was a bit reserved in the car on the way down, and when I fucked her on arrival she looked angry at herself for being so turned on, haha, but eventually just gave in and enjoyed herself. (And made a lot of noise, I realized afterwards that we hadn't closed the door properly and could be heard in the lounge haha). It all just shows that if you be a boss and never supplicate... just acknowledge any fault on your part and try to make it good, but otherwise be impervious to any anger/drama... she really cannot resist... and that if she catches you with another woman... it's only going to make her hornier really, even though the drama implies otherwise.
 

ray_zorse

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Hey!

Well I had some reasons for wanting to lie low for a bit, wasn't too sure who might be reading this journal but anyway.

I wrote here about an issue I have been having. But it's not really the full story. Really done a lot of thinking lately. Well I feel pretty codependent at the moment -- spending too much time with my gf and also feeling quite hemmed in -- I want to express myself and my needs honestly and clearly, but it seems like it would cause too much offence and trouble. Damnit. I will probably go to the codependents group next week for the first time in a while, but I'm not really sure what good that will do. As to my gf's behaviour well I guess I'm not in the business of making excuses for people's behaviour, because that's codependent, but at the same time blaming other people for your problems is also codependent. Anyway I suppose she's having a hard time with pregnancy hormones and so I decided not to worry too much about the recent incident, but I am thinking of putting some harder boundaries in place next time. It's a tricky compromise really..

But speaking honestly I really feel at the moment that I hate being in a relationship especially a live-in relationship. Despite recent incident I really don't think that's her fault but it's something about me. Kind of like if you open Pandora's box (gain acess or partial access to the millions of beautiful sexy women out there) you basically can't close it again. I really feel very low at the moment and I'm struggling with something that resembles depression, but when I briefly did a bit of seduction the other day FUCK I FELT ALIVE AGAIN. I can't really account for it, you know, did a bit of texting, ironed a shirt and brushed my hair, made myself look really good and went off to work knowing I'd set up a lunch date... well the reactions I got were stupendous, nearly EVERYONE I MET had these hundred watt smiles for me and told me I was looking GREAT and so on... I bought food for picnic and lady in supermarket deli like saw me at the back of the queue and burst out into a huge smile, maybe I'd chatted her up previously but whatever. Then after date didn't go as planned I kind of slid back into depression again.

I had a long sex session with my gf and took her out to try to feel better, we had karaoke in which I sung in Japanese... I drank and made friends and chatted to a very cute, tall and gorgeous Japanese lady from Sydney whom we adopted and who got on very well with my gf... but basically I feel it's hard to breathe. I just want to spend a lot of time alone, followed by a lot of time approaching and dating... but that's basically not on the cards for me right now. You know I keep telling myself that sometimes you have to take a hit for the team but it's ringing a bit hollow. I have absolutely no idea what a high value man would do in my situation. Fuck it. I'll update later. I have to go to some meetings now. Maybe it will lift my mood. At least I'll have a bit of breathing space, supervisor probably won't be happy with progress (I feel like my mood is a strong determiner of how much bullshit uni work I get done in the week). Perhaps my mood will improve if I get the thesis done or nearly done... I really do not know.
 

ray_zorse

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So, just want to report that I did quite a lot of approaching tonight in my normal IDGAF style, I went to several different events/clubs, my gf was there but we were invited by a girl I had cold approached some months back and hadn't managed to organize anything with in the meantime, TBH she's not that friendly, she hardly invests at all but she's still texting me so I figured there was nothing to lose by going along. Anyway, if I had just stuck to my group it would've been super boring so I approached everybone in sight and had an amazing night. I think this really boosted my value a lot in the eyes of the group, I kinda teamed up with a Turkish dude who did some approaches and got lukewarm reactions, I liked this guy although he wasn't all that clued in about seduction, just a regular dude. Throughout all this I also took quite good care of my gf and I think it should be more or less effortless for a high value man to take care of everyone's emotions while doing pretty much what he wants. I feel like that's probably my best shot of getting some 3-way etc going. I must say that in the last club (which I went to a few years back under a different name and management) there was like about 70% women of which almost all of them were absolutely stunning, Asian with incredible tight dresses and amazing hair and makeup, I reckon the potential for picking up was very high but these girls were all pretty high value and not just going for anything with a dick. It would have been very easy to get intimidated so I'm quite proud of myself that it was just business as usual.

Seppuku if you're reading this I appreciate your response in General board, I will consider your advice and write back soon.
 

Seppuku

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Hello Ray,

Yes I'm reading this. Your case sounds like very familiar and deja vu to me. In my opinion, it requires action now, or reaction later. Looking forward to your answer!

And glad to see you back on your journal!

Cheers,
Seppuku
 

ray_zorse

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Hi, just an update as I have not written in a really long time, have not logged into this site for as long as I can remember.

Well the obsessive energies that once went into GC and learning seduction are now going into some other areas, not really as useful I guess, such as collecting vintage computer chips, etc... yeah I know haha... also, I am trying to save money and time so my wardrobe and grooming has kind of gone backwards, I'm also a bit upset about losing a piece of jewellery that I constructed according to Chase's advice shortly after reading his book for the first time. Uhh well maybe it will turn up eventually? Sigh.

On the good news though, I will finish my PhD studies by about this time next month, time is really flying by and the dissertation is basically done, but I really wanted to add more experiments, and another whole chapter as well if things pan out. Sigh. Unfortunately, nothing got done the last week because it was school holidays, also two of my sons were sick with something they picked up from school, and now I'm sick again too with something horrible. It's been incredibly frustrating, since I've been really sick for the last 3-4 months, not so sick I can't work, but enough to be a real torture. Intermittently I catch a bad flu, and in between it's these horrible lingering infections...

My plan is as soon as I hand in my dissertation I will start going to the gym and dieting again, and also I will put into action some of the business ideas that I generated while reading "The Millionaire Fastlane" by MJ DeMarco (recommended by Chase... and myself... FABULOUS book). But, more likely what will happen is I will start doing some work for a dude who can give me interesting computer work, and it will expand to fill all available time, I quit working for him last time because we agreed on 1-2 days a week and shortly afterwards he got massive pressure from customer and transferred it to me, which was in direct conflict with my PhD work. Sigh well I need $$.

Anyway for those who haven't caught up, I now have a son who is 4mths, a beautiful little Vietnamese-Australian boy whose mother is Leticia who I wrote about a lot on these boards since I approached her and was dating her informally/casually (until she got pregnant and I had to make some tough decisions, resulting in my ordering her to move in to my home so I could keep an eye on her morning sickness). He is a real GC baby, since he is the ultimate result of cold approach and my efforts to make myself into a better man and be attractive to women which I wasn't before. Despite my attractiveness going backwards a bit, Leticia continues to be very committed to me.

Whilst I really miss the GC lifestyle I always had a feeling that continually dating and never being in a relationship is kind of selling yourself short, it's like planting a lot of seeds but never reaping what you sow. I really regret the fact that I'm now a lot less attractive to women than I was, but this is partly to do with my PhD studies and how it basically sucks all the energy and time out of your life, not only because of Leticia. Indeed when I was going out 3-4 times a week to approach like 30-40 girls over 10 hours, my PhD studies really suffered and that's part of the reason why I'm 6.5yrs into my course and have been given a lot of stick and told that I have to finish like NOW.

I feel very shy when I see an attractive woman at the moment. I definitely need to find a solution to this, so that I can integrate all sides of my personality and life. I don't necessarily want to cheat on Leticia, I just want to know that my skills are sharp and that I am the best man I can possibly be. Like even if you are in a relationship it should still be possible to flirt with girls and get them all wet over you. I guess I lacked the motivation to do this, since I quit approaching and failed to address the inevitable return of approach anxiety which is now really bad. Also I guess my eye contact isn't good, I am back to "scanning" and fantasizing about girls I feel I can't possibly have, haha.

Yaahh well anyway the nice thing about returning to GC after a long absence is that guys who were beginners when I was seriously tackling this stuff (and feeling like I was just about to break through to a new level) are now absolutely killing it, and that's really encouraging. When I finish my PhD and start trying to seriously address my issues again then I think I am gonna have to start the comp. again and try to give some of you dudes a run for your money hahaha... but will be starting from scratch haha.
 

ray_zorse

Modern Human
Modern Human
Joined
Aug 12, 2014
Messages
1,986
Location
Australia
So I submitted my dissertation last week. Now I have to pick up the pieces.

I had to focus single-mindedly on the dissertation the last 3-4 months. Although technically I could have continued my normal routine, dieting, gym, ironing my clothes every day and so forth... since this could have taken the place of various procrastination activities... I just didn't have the mental space, as I am sure that anyone who has done anything really stressful can understand.

So I quit the gym, ate whatever I wanted, wore old worn out clothes, didn't cut my hair, didn't bleach my teeth, anything at all... gained a fair bit of weight and felt quite fat and unattractive, with the result that I tried to avoid leaving home wherever possible. I did, however, continue with my executive position in the postgraduate society, and various other things that couldn't be avoided.

So the stress of the last months has not really gone away yet, I tell myself that things will improve in time. I have this kind of "sobbing breath" like this person describes, there are a few other references to it around the net. This is something that happens to me if I go through an extremely stressful experience such as a fight with a family member or whatever, but usually it's only short lived like maybe for a day, this has been with me for a number of months and it hasn't gone away.

I have restarted my diet and got a haircut and started to dress properly again, and I have also started to spend proper time with the family, particularly my partner Leticia, instead of trying to work all the time. I was planning to go to the gym on Monday but I slept in, I haven't been able to go since then because of my routine. Also I have to go to Court tomorrow, and then I will have my older kids all weekend, so I will attempt to restart the gym next week. I am hoping that the exercise will help to de-stress me to the point where the sobbing breath goes away.

Another problem I have, is the huge backlog of stressful activities that have been put off due to the dissertation.

For example the tax department some months ago gave me a fine of about $4000 for being late in submitting 4 years worth of tax returns, I wrote to them to explain my situation and asked for more time, and they have written back saying no. They have continued to send threatening letters every month or two, which obviously stresses me a lot, since I still hadn't submitted the returns they said they will give me a much larger fine and an assessment. Yesterday I got a letter saying this will occur in late November if I haven't acted. I have started to tackle this, now that I have time. But it's not something I can do instantly.

Another example is that I started spring-cleaning a number of months ago, I had pulled out mountains of shit, both my own and Leticias, from every conceivable place: basement storage, high cupboards, under the stairs, even my dad's factory... and started to advertise it on ebay... I sold a number of things. Then I got an email from the University giving the hard deadline for the dissertation... I managed to get a 2-month extension and pushed hard to get it done in time... meanwhile we've lived in an absolute shit-sty, whereas if I hadn't pulled everything out, it would have been OK... I now have to continue the project.

Yet another stressful matter is that even though I submitted the dissertation, I am actually not free yet, nothing has really changed: I still have to work full time at the university (well either that or working from home, but I have started to go into the office again now that I have time to iron a shirt and so forth)... I have to continue the journal submissions process for the dissertation chapters with various deadlines (which has been a bug on my back for years, it's really difficult, and easy to put off)... I have to finish some experiments we didn't have time for... fix up the prototype software into a releaseable form... etc.

My family has been a bit brain-dead about all this. They seem to think that now I've submitted the dissertation I'm just going to apply for jobs straightaway. They have never appreciated that my research is actually a job already, and they don't get that just because I produced one of the many deliverables, that doesn't mean the job is done. Well indeed, my supervisor offered me a job. I'm super flattered about this, but I don't want it, I am burnt out, and I hate our research institute since it got swallowed up by a much larger research institute. They really haven't respected me during the transition, and they're dismantling everything.

So my plan is I will just do some part time work for a dude who will pay me by the hour, just enough to support the family while I work on my money tree (see "The Millionaire Fastlane" recommended by Chase)... I haven't contacted him yet though, since I will be tied up at the university for probably at least 3 months... what I will do for money in the meantime I have absolutely no idea. Leticia wants to get a new waitressing job, but I feel this is a complete waste of our combined resources, since she can get only about $10 per hour, and I can get a large multiple of this while she looks after our baby. I just need to get a bit organized.

Anyway I think it's clear that I will have to work very hard for the next 3 months to get things back to an acceptable state. Sigh.

On the plus side, this will give me time to slim down a bit, given I continue the diet I have started, and bleach my teeth etc.

Although I'm not doing any pickup atm, I feel like girlschase is still the right place to put my goals and hold myself accountable, since I basically want to get my life in control and start/continue being the best man I can possibly be. Once I have things back to a basically acceptable level, I will be continuing with my previous goals such as voice training, posture, eye contact discipline.

Thanks for reading homes :) Ray
 

Chase

Chieftan
Staff member
tribal-elder
Joined
Oct 9, 2012
Messages
5,484
Ray, just saw this-

ray_zorse said:
Anyway for those who haven't caught up, I now have a son who is 4mths, a beautiful little Vietnamese-Australian boy whose mother is Leticia who I wrote about a lot on these boards since I approached her and was dating her informally/casually (until she got pregnant and I had to make some tough decisions, resulting in my ordering her to move in to my home so I could keep an eye on her morning sickness). He is a real GC baby, since he is the ultimate result of cold approach and my efforts to make myself into a better man and be attractive to women which I wasn't before. Despite my attractiveness going backwards a bit, Leticia continues to be very committed to me.

Hey, congratulations, man! Happy to see a GC baby come into the fold :D

I love baby news, because every time some guy is like, "Cold approach doesn't work," you can be like, "Oh yeah? Explain this man's son's existence!!!"

Seriously, kids are super cool - I hope you're enjoying being a dad.

Props too on getting your dissertation submitted. I know that's a huge amount of work.

Sounds like you have a plan for getting your income going, especially if you're turning down the work your supervisor offered. And agreed, much better for your child's mother to handle parenting than to go get a low-end job and try to pay someone even cheaper to babysit. Sounds like she was probably spitballing you ways on how she could best contribute, and you told her "I got the money, you raise the kid", which is probably going to be the best setup.

Lots of good things happening here. I know personally, whenever I go through a high stress period, what I always tell myself is this:

"All this is going to make you a heck of a lot better at handling stressful situations in the future."

And it's true, you basically build up a stress immune system. And then later on when everyone is panicking about something and you are just Zen, and they can't figure out how you can be so calm, you get to say, "I've had training."

Chase
 

Sophisticated Gent

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Aug 5, 2015
Messages
430
Ray,

I have to say I have seen a really transformaton in you. Look back at your post a year ago or so and you will see a real maturity you have developed. Life is tough but the tough times are what develop us as mature adults. Congrats on the son, your progress and life your in general.

Sophisticated Gent
 

ray_zorse

Modern Human
Modern Human
Joined
Aug 12, 2014
Messages
1,986
Location
Australia
hey guys :) :)

First post in a long time.

Yes, thanks SG, it is kind of you to write in my journal and it is possible that my maturity level did increase. I remember counselling you to ditch your marriage and pursue game wholeheartedly, but actually now finding myself in a somewhat parallel situation I have a deeper appreciation of the complexities involved...

There is a bit of news that I refrained from posting in the previous year or two, it involves a Court case so I was concerned that the other side could find my journal online and make a meal of it in Court. But since this is all done and dusted and I have somewhat recovered emotionally, I can post about it. I am still on a Good Behaviour Bond from the Court, so I decided not to do any approaches (or at least anything looking like an obvious approach) for the time being. I am also doing a compulsory re-education programme called the Men's Behaviour Change Programme (MBCP), I thought this would be complete bullshit but actually it is quite enjoyable. I didn't want to be in a room with loads of wife-beaters and aggressive prison guys, but in fact the other guys in the MBCP are more or less exactly like me, I can't imagine any of them being violent, although some of them have apparently lost patience with shitty situations and done things like yelling or throwing something in frustration I guess.

So what has happened is I approached a girl on the train, it was a few years back now, and I did more-or-less my standard routine, asked about her study, used a little touch and so on, although ironically I wasn't attracted to her and didn't feel any particular spark, so I did not ask for number. I felt a little guilty not asking for number so when I left I kissed her warmly on the cheek and thanked her for the conversation. After I got off the train some old biddy has gotten involved and asked her "is she all right" and she's apparently become all tearful and started texting her mum, and they have all advised her to go to the Police and report the approach. Which she did. The Police got the CCTV footage from the train, and from what they said, I gather they may have tracked me down due to some other woman making a similar report, perhaps it was some other woman that I gave my number to.

I believe the principal thing I did wrong was when asked what my job is. I don't like having to explain the highly technical things I do, and it is also a turnoff for people who are in the humanities field as this girl is. So I made a joke like "my job is to speak with beautiful women on trains", and apparently they have taken this "not as a joke" and gone to the Police to tell them there is a guy hassling beautiful women on trains. Well, it's a matter of calibration. A small thing that I won't do anymore. But I must say that being asked what I do has always been a stumbling block for me. I liked Mr.Rob's line "I breed kittens and sell them from a garbage bag in the boot of my car... would you like to see them?". I may have tried this once or twice but it did not fit my style. So I tried lots of other things but didn't find a response that I was wholly satisfied with. Well, it doesn't matter now.

The actual Court case then took years to play out, we put up a pretty spirited defence in the first hearing and got the charge of sexual assault thrown out, however I was found guilty of common assault (because I touched her basically) and fined $800. Not being happy with this I appealed the ruling, but I draw an unlucky judge (was a bit unlucky the first time but not as unlucky as the second time). I was also feeling very emotionally vulnerable and run down by years of the hassle and expense of dealing with this and the suspense of what might or might not eventuate... so we put up a pretty weak showing in the second hearing, I wasn't happy with my evidence which did not reflect the strengths of our case, and my barrister also dropped the ball in a number of ways, although to be fair it was partly the judge's fault for hurrying us through the evidence. (Barrister instead of sticking up for my right to present my case in full, toadied up to judge and tried to accommodate her schedule). Needless to say both judges were women (feminist women).

I can take a little comfort from the second judge's summing up "I find that you approached this vulnerable woman and touched her for your own gratification blah blah and you did this intentionally to dominate her and make her uncomfortable blah blah" since obviously she has gotten totally the wrong end of the stick, it is hard to see how she could draw this conclusion from watching the CCTV video which showed quite a friendly conversation with a kiss at the end. In one of the hearings the complainant did acknowledge she had done nothing to indicate to me that the conversation was unwelcome. However, this did not come out in the second hearing, or if it did it was glossed over. There was also the matter of how she said at about the 9 minute mark in this 12 minute conversation she looked out the window, and that I should have known the conversation was unwelcome. I didn't perform well in evidence when challenged on this point, although it is clearly bullshit when you watch the video. Oh well, anyway none of it really matters now.

So I copped another $800 fine and this time was ordered to attend the MBCP. I paid the fine. I feel better about things now.

I am focusing on my business as I have read the "Millionaire Fast Lane" by MJ DeMarco a long time ago, I couldn't act on it at the time due to my PhD studies, but since I now have my PhD I am building my business. My first product is pretty close to market. I'm pretty excited.

For ready cash what I do is to teach casually at the nearby University, and do programming contracts for people. Both are very slow payers. It is pretty humiliating spending months at a time with like $5 in your bank account, and having to borrow bits and pieces to get the kids to school or get petrol in the car. Oh well. But I do really enjoy teaching and I am very much developing my teaching style and my authority in the classroom. I got a mail from a student the other day saying something like "I really love how you are teaching us in XXXX(course name). Are you teaching any other classes that I could come and visit?". It was very flattering. I give 200% effort to develop interactive exercises for my students and try to compensate for the deficiencies in the lectures and the lab course. I'm good at getting class involved.

I did a little approach the other day which led to a long conversation at the park (while my kids were playing) and I got a phone number. She knows I am married but she seems moderately keen. She has recently moved to the city and made several hints about how her girlfriends are always busy with their boyfriends... hahaha. Dunno what I will do with this. But it was still fun. I texted her and she replied. We will see. Logistically speaking it's difficult except she lives near my parents so possibly if her logistics work out, something might be do-able. But I am actually more-or-less happy with my current partner and settled situation, so I dunno.

cheers, Ray
 
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