abundance -> absolute abundance blueprint

[DoWhatWorks]

Background​

Spoiler: Summary of story so far

I googled how to get girls at 13 and the rest is history. Was always friendly and likeable but leaned too nice guy. Couple optimizations and years later, I went from friend zones to keeping girls in FB zones. Now in a nice position to where I can reliably get laid when I decide to and have done across all games: day, night, social circle, online etc.

Something was missing​

Took a hiatus to focus on other things and couldn't articulate it but something was missing. New lays weren't as fun... FBs were simply annoying, I got bored of it all. Tried more out-there experiences, going outside my comfort zone but nothing really hit.

Missing Piece​

Realized after a lot of meandering vents (thanks to those of you who listened and helped... you know who you are), self-reflection, and chat GPT conversations (wish I was joking) I uncovered that lays with pretty girls didn't do it for me anymore. I wanted to more consistently date girls who were attractive AND very compatible personality-wise. It had happened before but I felt like I had no control and

the whole "sleep with loads of girls and let the numbers work out" seemed a half-truth. Volume matters, but you need to fish in the right waters.

From my experience offline > online and daygame > nightgame.

Things I've Tried (and Why They Didn't Work)​

• Screening harder early on: Doesn't work. Comes across too serious / boyfriend-like. Better to stay playful and non-judgmental and let the right girls float to the top. Otherwise, girls start shape-shifting into what they think you want.
• 
  
• Cold approach hard: Gets exhausting a lot of pure daygame guys I know do it in blitz, very few sustain it indefinitely and it's because it's taxing. Nightgame's a little better due to volume (when you select good venues) but for me wastes time even without drinking due to tiredness

What I Want to Avoid​

• Being 50 and still in a club. No disrespect to man like Skills who I've learnt a lot from and cleans up, but I'm already getting tired of it before 30 so that can't be my story
• Being 40+ and pounding pavements to hit on strangers as my sole way of meeting women... God forbid
• Online dating: I've seen the shift from purple hair, to hairy armpits, to now "spicy neurodivergent" — no fucking thank you. Decent girls are on apps but are harder and harder to find.
• Social circle: Red pill oversells this as a silver bullet. There's politics, limited pools, and not enough volume.

My Solution So Far (W.I.P)​

• Cold Approach: Unavoidable but less spam focused and more embedded into my lifestyle. Working from cafes 2-3x a week with minimum approach numbers during breaks. Having no girl bites when you're walking from cafe to cafe on your lunch break is chill but Saturday afternoon when that's my sole reason to be out? Pisses me off. Would rather be working, with friends, enjoying a hobby etc etc.

• Targeted Nightgame: Selective. Art gallery events open until 10pm, hotel rooftop parties closed by midnight. Interesting international crowds. I tried brunches as a potential solution but the girls there felt too basic for me unfortunately. Not a long-term compatibility fix.

• Different Group Events: Go to group events I genuinely enjoy and become a top guy within them. Warm intros and inbound that takes the edge off pure outbound cold approach. Also likely to get girls you're compatible with due to the pre-filter of shared interests. This is a key part of what makes the cold-approach side of things sustainable and life more enjoyable in general.

Cold approach brings sustainable volume and variety. Having several different groups brings me more consistent compatibility and prevents me burning any one group to the ground.

Group Event Types​

Definition: Group events are environments where there’s a substantial amount of women I can talk to with little effort i

Different types:

• Physical Events: hiking groups, rock climbing, infamous running clubs, yoga, sports, dance classes etc.
• Artsy Events: Painting, drawing, pottery, crochet, cooking classes there's actually a lot here that I was unaware of before,
• Intellectual Events: Book clubs, chess clubs (you'd be surprised), supper clubs, wine clubs, business networking etc.
• Third Spaces: Venues and areas where people go to chill, study, socialize e.g. [redacted not giving away my hard earned secrets], cafes in galleries, hotel lobbies, parks, food markets, vintage clothing markets

The hardest is finding the events/venues that have the cross section of:

1/3 things I'm genuinely interested in

2/3 high volume/turnover so I can sniper without building a rep

3/3 environments that naturally encourage interaction.


It's been a lot of research/trial and error but feel like I'm slowly but surely buiding up my personalized shortlist. TikTok is by far the best thing I've found for this, with Instagram and eventbrite distant 2nd and 3rd

Why This Makes Sense For Me​

This approach is very scalable. I could be 60 in Cannes partying at a rooftop restaurant in Cannes or a Yacht if I really wanted to. Same for hiking, cycling trips or Yoga retreats. Clubbing until 4am in a sweaty club or approaching girls in Oxford Street as my only ways to meet girls? I'd lose my mind.

I also know myself, when my social life is active and filled with things I can't wait to attend, my cold approaches are effortless, more enjoyable and I'm more magnetic which means I'd get good results with lower volume too. The better sleeping pattern gives me more longevity as well.

Closing Thoughts & Understanding your type quicker​

This is DWW's existing plan for absolute abundance, not yours. This is a work in progress and will probably evolve. Thought I'd share because I think this topic is disgustingly under-discussed.

Would love to hear from @MuST0BtA1NSkR1Lla and @Chad Tyrone @West_Indian_Archie as they're the few guys I've seen touch on the lifestyle side of embedding game.

Lastly A big part of my event groups and even targeted nightgame is based on me having a very clear idea of the girls I like. What helped me save months (possibly years) was

• Completing OCEAN personality Profile
• Completing Myers Briggs personality Profile
• Completing Enneagram personality Profile
• Star signs (if you're into that, I went from lowkey to shamelessly being into it)

Inputting all my results to chat gpt and asking it who I'm most compatible with. Shout out @topcat who put me on this. The results shocked me. It gave me profiles of very compatible girls in the past... Anyway ask it where these girls hang out in your city, what they get up to and you'll be able to build your own version of this if you want to.

Although to be honest if you don't have at least 20 lays then this whole exercise is mental masturbation and you just need to get your reps up.

Hope this helps someone, would have loved a thread like this 6 months ago

Onwards and Upwards x

 

[TomInHo]

Hmmmm this is really interesting

But I have to ask you... what type of girl are you actually attracted to?

I see you’ve got a lot of tactics laid out, and clearly a lot of experience

But when you look back at the women you actually had emotional connections with... what things did they really have in common?

Because it doesn’t sound like you’re just trying to rack up more lays anymore. It sounds like you’re more focused on meeting women you connect with emotionally more often

And I think the clearer you are about what you’re actually attracted to, the easier it becomes to design your life around attracting more of it

The personality test stuff was interesting too. But honestly, why not trust your own experience over theory about what you “should” like?

 

[Skills]

I think you should look for your path, and try different paths to see what is best for dww.... For me i tried all the stuff you talk about out, and field tested.... Unfortunately, i did not like it, and it was not for me nor do i envy any dude i know from my gen....

Everyone should try different paths and lifestyles and field test.... I love my lifestyle, after trying different ones..... And don't envy any other lifestyles...

field test and keep us updated..... But ultimately focus on what you want and makes DWW happy vs what other people are doing or want....

 

[Chase]

@DoWhatWorks,

Do you ever experience love at first sight? You know, the whole "wow OMG that girl; I must have her" lightning bolt out of nowhere?

I had a student (used to post here back in the day... @Laowai) who had a similar issue to yours. We'd go out, he'd meet girls, pick them up, shag, then the next time we'd talk he'd say, "That girl was nice but she just didn't do it for me," then, "This other girl was nice but didn't do it for me either," etc. etc. Other times we'd meet up, he'd flip through photos of all his lays since the last time we met, plenty of very attractive girls, but "none of them did it for him."

I asked him if he ever had love at first sight and he said he didn't think he ever had.

Hadn't even been in-love since he broke up with his first girlfriend a decade ago.

I wrote this article series at his request:

Falling in Love, Part I: How to Quit Fearing Romance

This one’s Part I of a 2-part special request for an old student of mine from Denmark. We had the opportunity to catch up, about a week ago, after not having spoken in a while. One of the things we discussed was love at first sight; in particular, how frequently we experience it and whether it’s...

www.girlschase.com

Falling in Love, Part II: Finding Love at First Sight

This is Part II of a 2-part series on reaching the point where you feel comfortable feeling emotion for women. You can read Part I, on ending your own fear of romance, here. In this article, we’ll discuss how to experience love at first sight... regularly. How can you train yourself to spot...

www.girlschase.com

LAFS is basically the "easy" way to find supremely compatible girls. At least IME.

I just interviewed @Devilicious yesterday and we talked about it a bit. He's had some LAFS lays and had amazing connections/relationships with those girls as well.

When LAFS is present, generally the "finding compatible girls" thing is straightforward.

When it's not it seems like it's like looking for needles in haystacks, if you ask me.

Chase

 

[empath]

@DoWhatWorks,

Do you ever experience love at first sight? You know, the whole "wow OMG that girl; I must have her" lightning bolt out of nowhere?

I had a student (used to post here back in the day... @Laowai) who had a similar issue to yours. We'd go out, he'd meet girls, pick them up, shag, then the next time we'd talk he'd say, "That girl was nice but she just didn't do it for me," then, "This other girl was nice but didn't do it for me either," etc. etc. Other times we'd meet up, he'd flip through photos of all his lays since the last time we met, plenty of very attractive girls, but "none of them did it for him."

I asked him if he ever had love at first sight and he said he didn't think he ever had.

Hadn't even been in-love since he broke up with his first girlfriend a decade ago.

I wrote this article series at his request:

Falling in Love, Part I: How to Quit Fearing Romance

This one’s Part I of a 2-part special request for an old student of mine from Denmark. We had the opportunity to catch up, about a week ago, after not having spoken in a while. One of the things we discussed was love at first sight; in particular, how frequently we experience it and whether it’s...

www.girlschase.com

Falling in Love, Part II: Finding Love at First Sight

This is Part II of a 2-part series on reaching the point where you feel comfortable feeling emotion for women. You can read Part I, on ending your own fear of romance, here. In this article, we’ll discuss how to experience love at first sight... regularly. How can you train yourself to spot...

www.girlschase.com

LAFS is basically the "easy" way to find supremely compatible girls. At least IME.

I just interviewed @Devilicious yesterday and we talked about it a bit. He's had some LAFS lays and had amazing connections/relationships with those girls as well.

When LAFS is present, generally the "finding compatible girls" thing is straightforward.

When it's not it seems like it's like looking for needles in haystacks, if you ask me.

Chase

Even I have never experienced love at first sight ever. Is there a reason why some guys don't experience it?

Atmost I have is feeling of appreciation.

Closest thing I have experienced to love is feeling of losing a girl. Where I was very close to laying her but couldn't because either I fucked up or situation was not conducive. Or I was unable to lock her down.

Its something you mentioned in this article.

How to Let a Girl Go

Are you stuck pining for or pursuing a girl you can’t get or have? Then you need to let that girl go. Easier said than done right? Well here’s HOW to do it. It’s not an uncommon position for men to find themselves in: there’s this girl a guy’s fallen for, and he just can’t let her go. I talked...

www.girlschase.com

I am yet to experience love one that triggers something positive in you.

 

[DoWhatWorks]

The personality test stuff was interesting too. But honestly, why not trust your own experience over theory about what you “should” like?

interestingly the girls I liked the most based on real life experience had 90% overlap with the theory:

Inputting all my results to chat gpt and asking it who I'm most compatible with. Shout out @topcat who put me on this. The results shocked me. It gave me profiles of very compatible girls in the past...

The reason why that's important to understand the theory (IMO) is because if you understand why things click you have more control on how re-create them. Whereas if you just depend on experience you're unconsciously competent and never consciously competent.

But when you look back at the women you actually had emotional connections with... what things did they really have in common?

Didn’t want to make the thread too long but mostly (NF) types in Myers Briggs: INFJ, ENFJ, almost exclusively.

This was consistent across a decade based on my real experience and girls from very different backgrounds.

You're right to emphasize Real world experience though as in theory I should click with ENFP but in practice these types don't do it for me long-term romantically. INFP works too but need more volume, I've had a couple (S) type girls who in practice worked out but in theory not meant to mesh but with those types long term I spotted gaps in them being more day to day and not getting my abstract way of looking at the world.

The girl I like is very nuanced and most guys would overlook her as being boring on the surface. Dresses classical and in trend without overly trendy, intelligent (one of the few attractive girls in her profession or education) whether that be engineering, or masters yet still has a creative touch to her E.g. photography, drawing, fashion, just as comfortable travelling solo as she is with close knit friends and would rather go to a gallery then a bar but can do both. May works as a UX designer, does Yoga & sells hand painted ceramics on Etsy.

Independent to a fault but melts for the right guy. Submissive with good frame but testyyyy if you slip.

I could go on and on lol but I’m very clear now. Also stastically my favourite type INFJ makes up 1-2% of the population which again backs up why I don't run into them often.

I know this forum dismisses theory and planning as overthinking but my contrarian view is a little thinking (in combination of plenty of action) leads to way better repeatable results.

field test and keep us updated..... But ultimately focus on what you want and makes DWW happy vs what other people are doing or want....

100% agree. I approach life this way in general. Will keep everyone updated.

I think it’s rarer for someone to document this part of the journey so filling the gap.

Most guys work it out in private or just compromise in a major way.

We also have a forum that’s filled with people who figured this out so long ago they can’t relate to it and new/intermediates so very few people at this stage right now.

Do you ever experience love at first sight? You know, the whole "wow OMG that girl; I must have her" lightning bolt out of nowhere?

This is the kind of insight of why I share this. Forgot about it, yes and when it does go well they become LTRs who stay in my life at least a couple of years.

First LAFS was from my breakthrough GF who was INFJ and I remember thinking how comparatively “easy” things were. She naturally did and acted 90% in the way I like. Very assortative mating because she even commented how I was "easy" too.

Very weird but only person I looked at and with full 100% confidence knew she'd become my GF. Not "try" I just "knew".

Second LAFS was an amazing MLTR who I've written about here before but who unfortunately I got bored of 3 years in.

Been getting it way less in recent years but I think while racking up lays I re-wired my brain to focus on “highest probability play” vs who gets me excited with no other variables. So will open up myself to that.

Also with more experience it just takes a lot more for girls to excite me. If I see a girl I really like I just logically break down what she’s done to her hair, outfit & make up almost like I see past the veil and "illusion" of this amazing girl.

Still a mindset shift I can make though, I probably get it more frequently based on energy vs looks alone.

Will check out @Laowai ‘s stuff as sounds he was in a similar boat and figured it out. Don’t think I’ve seen that yet.

 

[Chase]

@DoWhatWorks,

Very weird but only person I looked at and with full 100% confidence knew she'd become my GF. Not "try" I just "knew".

Yeah, I know what you're talking about.

It's like LAFS on steroids. Not just "gotta have that girl" but "I will have that girl."

I'm a believer in fate/destiny/etc. so can easily resolve that down to "well it was just in my life script and somehow a bit of it leaked through and I glimpsed it."

But if I wasn't I'd probably just chalk it up to ultra resolve; want something bad enough, and there's a fair chance you can will it into being.

Second LAFS was an amazing MLTR who I've written about here before but who unfortunately I got bored of 3 years in.

That can happen.

Not every girl is equipped to keep up with / keep challenging you when you're going places.

Been getting it way less in recent years but I think while racking up lays I re-wired my brain to focus on “highest probability play” vs who gets me excited with no other variables.

Yes. They're two different systems.

I would say IME it depends to a degree on what energy you're putting out.

When you put out a lot of "I'm a stud, looking to fuck now" energy, it's detectable... in your walk, eye contact, expressions, other body language. Girls on the same wavelength see it, signal, you pick those signals up subconsciously, then feel drawn toward them.

LAFS energy is more "I'm looking for an incredible girl I connect with on every level." That's when you start attracting more of those girls who are incredible and looking for a high level guy who is equipped to appreciate that.

You can run both systems at once. But "incredible girl" has to take precedence. No horny girl is going to turn you down because "he's looking for an incredible girl first, but he's a stud and he's picking up on my DTF signs." But incredible girls who pick up that your top level vibe is "let's fuck" just get turned off.

Might be what's happening with you lately.

Also with more experience it just takes a lot more for girls to excite me. If I see a girl I really like I just logically break down what she’s done to her hair, outfit & make up almost like I see past the veil and "illusion" of this amazing girl.

Still a mindset shift I can make though, I probably get it more frequently based on energy vs looks alone.

The looks part is kind of irrelevant to love at first sight, IMO.

Every girl you get LAFS for passes your looks threshold with flying colors.

Well, ALMOST every one... occasionally I'll get the ones where I'm like "This girl is not classically good-looking but I am incredibly attracted to her for some indefinable reason."

Most girls are wearing hair, makeup, fancy clothes, etc.

Good to look past that but with LAFS you're mostly focused on that magnetism you feel toward her.

Will check out @Laowai ‘s stuff as sounds he was in a similar boat and figured it out. Don’t think I’ve seen that yet.

He's got some stuff on the forum, but I'm pretty sure all our conversations about LAFS came over email or in person. So likely not too much on that here.

I think last we talked he had a girlfriend he was pretty into. So it did seem like he finally cleared that hurdle.

Gotta touch bases with him... there's a lot of folks I need to check back in on...!

Chase

 

[Chase]

@empath,

Even I have never experienced love at first sight ever. Is there a reason why some guys don't experience it?

It's always been somewhat of a mystery to me.

The closest I have been able to get to it is it is related to the energy / nonverbal signals the man is putting out, that the woman is then responding to somehow subconsciously.

But I'm not even certain about that, because I've had LAFS with girls I was 97% certain had not seen me. But perhaps they had and I just hadn't noticed (or had only noticed peripherally/subconsciously).

Anyway, you can see my remarks to DWW above... about what vibe you're going out with, and different girls reading that and responding to the vibe differently.

When I used to talk with @Laowai about it, I recall noting that he was a very laid back guy who did not really have a strong "mission focus" emanating off of him. I think we talked about that and he wasn't really sure how to cultivate it. Was part of what we talked about when we were talking about getting him sexier IIRC.

I dislike focusing too much on inner game, because it's harder to give actionable items on than outer game, but this is probably one of those areas that you really just need to approach from an inner game standpoint to solve.

You can't fake the signals of "looking for a truly awesome chick, and won't settle for less in a GF, because I know I'm worth it"; it just emanates off you from what you've got within.

Same with not being able to fake signals of "looking for a girl who's DTF & ready to pounce on that 100% and rail her brains out like there's no tomorrow"... either you're in that state or you're not. It's very detectable.

Chase

 

[empath]

@empath,



It's always been somewhat of a mystery to me.

The closest I have been able to get to it is it is related to the energy / nonverbal signals the man is putting out, that the woman is then responding to somehow subconsciously.

But I'm not even certain about that, because I've had LAFS with girls I was 97% certain had not seen me. But perhaps they had and I just hadn't noticed (or had only noticed peripherally/subconsciously).

Anyway, you can see my remarks to DWW above... about what vibe you're going out with, and different girls reading that and responding to the vibe differently.

When I used to talk with @Laowai about it, I recall noting that he was a very laid back guy who did not really have a strong "mission focus" emanating off of him. I think we talked about that and he wasn't really sure how to cultivate it. Was part of what we talked about when we were talking about getting him sexier IIRC.

I dislike focusing too much on inner game, because it's harder to give actionable items on than outer game, but this is probably one of those areas that you really just need to approach from an inner game standpoint to solve.

You can't fake the signals of "looking for a truly awesome chick, and won't settle for less in a GF, because I know I'm worth it"; it just emanates off you from what you've got within.

Same with not being able to fake signals of "looking for a girl who's DTF & ready to pounce on that 100% and rail her brains out like there's no tomorrow"... either you're in that state or you're not. It's very detectable.

Chase

Well thanks.

I don't have that I'm stud, I want to pounce now system with me.

Initially, its just running a process and see where it goes. Basically putting myself out there.

If during the conversation girls give a go ahead/ signals, like she is horny or dtf. Then I go into pounce mode. Gotta make it tonight. Mostly happens after a dry spell or if I run few bad dates where I knew I almost had that girl and I fucked up, so its now like when I have chip on my shoulder.

Can't releate with both.

I think its each man for his own.

Sidenote- i think it might be related to how present the guy is and confident on his skills level.

I'm mostly in my head. Issue unrelated to game are affecting my game. (Like not feeling manly enough because I can't win a physical fight against a dude, totally unrelated to game, tbh other girls don't know this, but I know it so I think why will she want me as a LTR it I can't protect her)

So maybe its headspace thing as well, you need to be in right headspace.

 

[Chase]

@empath,

Sidenote- i think it might be related to how present the guy is and confident on his skills level.

I'm mostly in my head. Issue unrelated to game are affecting my game. (Like not feeling manly enough because I can't win a physical fight against a dude, totally unrelated to game, tbh other girls don't know this, but I know it so I think why will she want me as a LTR it I can't protect her)

So maybe its headspace thing as well, you need to be in right headspace.

I got love at first sight when I was clueless with girls, unconfident in my ability to win fights with men, and in my head pretty much all the time.

It's something that stirs at a completely below conscious level. You're just minding your own business, depressed at life (I mean, I was back when I was clueless with girls and unconfident about fighting men), then SUDDENLY! OMG SHE'S PERFECT! MY DREAM GIRL!!!

It does not seem to be headspace-related, I don't think.

I think it is more drive than anything.

The more driven the man, the more LAFS he seems to get.

The less driven the man, the less LAFS (or he may get none at all).

I do not know why that would be, except perhaps that more driven men may have some kind of constant "opportunity search" program running that shifts into high gear the instant a promising opportunity registers, whereas less driven men do not have that enabled and so do not notice promising opportunities, instead letting them pass by without registering them.

Chase

 

[empath]

@empath,



I got love at first sight when I was clueless with girls, unconfident in my ability to win fights with men, and in my head pretty much all the time.

It's something that stirs at a completely below conscious level. You're just minding your own business, depressed at life (I mean, I was back when I was clueless with girls and unconfident about fighting men), then SUDDENLY! OMG SHE'S PERFECT! MY DREAM GIRL!!!

It does not seem to be headspace-related, I don't think.

I think it is more drive than anything.

The more driven the man, the more LAFS he seems to get.

The less driven the man, the less LAFS (or he may get none at all).

I do not know why that would be, except perhaps that more driven men may have some kind of constant "opportunity search" program running that shifts into high gear the instant a promising opportunity registers, whereas less driven men do not have that enabled and so do not notice promising opportunities, instead letting them pass by without registering them.

Chase

Drive makes sense.

Well I have been not a driven man for most of my life.

But now I am building drive in me so lets see if I get LAFS.

But I think you have mentioned being a romantic. I do not consider myself as such, so maybe that might be.

And I have drive for PU (but it was driven from insecurities till now) not for anything else.

So I am curious what would you consider drive.

I don't have drive for material things or getting respect etc or suceeding at work place.

Though I love creating good memories and experience for myself.

Also, Whatever I have experienced till now might be pair bonding.

Have you felt difference in falling in love with a girl who had LAFS vs falling in love with one you did not had?

 

[Chase]

Drive makes sense.

Well I have been not a driven man for most of my life.

But now I am building drive in me so lets see if I get LAFS.

I'll be intrigued to hear if you do!

But I think you have mentioned being a romantic. I do not consider myself as such, so maybe that might be.

And I have drive for PU (but it was driven from insecurities till now) not for anything else.

So I am curious what would you consider drive.

The burning need to do or achieve or experience something -- anything, so long as the fires of that need burn within the man.

Have you felt difference in falling in love with a girl who had LAFS vs falling in love with one you did not had?

Haven't had the experience of falling in love with a girl I didn't have love at first sight with.

I've always thought life was too short and my time in it too limited to spend it on girls I wasn't wildly excited about, at least in terms of long-term relationships.

-C

 

[Definitely_not_a_gymrat]

Question for @Chase or anyone who has any reasonable input on love at first sight. In the article it mentions that you feel compelled to approach a girl who is “love at first sight,” although I feel compelled to approach many girls who are definitely not love at first sight, how do I differentiate whether I find something special about the girl in my gut instinct, or it is just my drive to meet new women and improve my skills?

Also, how to make sure a “love at first sight” girl doesn’t go cold?

 

[average_daygamer]

Background​

Spoiler: Summary of story so far

I googled how to get girls at 13 and the rest is history. Was always friendly and likeable but leaned too nice guy. Couple optimizations and years later, I went from friend zones to keeping girls in FB zones. Now in a nice position to where I can reliably get laid when I decide to and have done across all games: day, night, social circle, online etc.

Something was missing​

Took a hiatus to focus on other things and couldn't articulate it but something was missing. New lays weren't as fun... FBs were simply annoying, I got bored of it all. Tried more out-there experiences, going outside my comfort zone but nothing really hit.

Missing Piece​

Realized after a lot of meandering vents (thanks to those of you who listened and helped... you know who you are), self-reflection, and chat GPT conversations (wish I was joking) I uncovered that lays with pretty girls didn't do it for me anymore. I wanted to more consistently date girls who were attractive AND very compatible personality-wise. It had happened before but I felt like I had no control and

the whole "sleep with loads of girls and let the numbers work out" seemed a half-truth. Volume matters, but you need to fish in the right waters.

From my experience offline > online and daygame > nightgame.

Things I've Tried (and Why They Didn't Work)​

• Screening harder early on: Doesn't work. Comes across too serious / boyfriend-like. Better to stay playful and non-judgmental and let the right girls float to the top. Otherwise, girls start shape-shifting into what they think you want.
• 
  
• Cold approach hard: Gets exhausting a lot of pure daygame guys I know do it in blitz, very few sustain it indefinitely and it's because it's taxing. Nightgame's a little better due to volume (when you select good venues) but for me wastes time even without drinking due to tiredness

What I Want to Avoid​

• Being 50 and still in a club. No disrespect to man like Skills who I've learnt a lot from and cleans up, but I'm already getting tired of it before 30 so that can't be my story
• Being 40+ and pounding pavements to hit on strangers as my sole way of meeting women... God forbid
• Online dating: I've seen the shift from purple hair, to hairy armpits, to now "spicy neurodivergent" — no fucking thank you. Decent girls are on apps but are harder and harder to find.
• Social circle: Red pill oversells this as a silver bullet. There's politics, limited pools, and not enough volume.

My Solution So Far (W.I.P)​

• Cold Approach: Unavoidable but less spam focused and more embedded into my lifestyle. Working from cafes 2-3x a week with minimum approach numbers during breaks. Having no girl bites when you're walking from cafe to cafe on your lunch break is chill but Saturday afternoon when that's my sole reason to be out? Pisses me off. Would rather be working, with friends, enjoying a hobby etc etc.

• Targeted Nightgame: Selective. Art gallery events open until 10pm, hotel rooftop parties closed by midnight. Interesting international crowds. I tried brunches as a potential solution but the girls there felt too basic for me unfortunately. Not a long-term compatibility fix.

• Different Group Events: Go to group events I genuinely enjoy and become a top guy within them. Warm intros and inbound that takes the edge off pure outbound cold approach. Also likely to get girls you're compatible with due to the pre-filter of shared interests. This is a key part of what makes the cold-approach side of things sustainable and life more enjoyable in general.

Cold approach brings sustainable volume and variety. Having several different groups brings me more consistent compatibility and prevents me burning any one group to the ground.

Group Event Types​

Definition: Group events are environments where there’s a substantial amount of women I can talk to with little effort i

Different types:

• Physical Events: hiking groups, rock climbing, infamous running clubs, yoga, sports, dance classes etc.
• Artsy Events: Painting, drawing, pottery, crochet, cooking classes there's actually a lot here that I was unaware of before,
• Intellectual Events: Book clubs, chess clubs (you'd be surprised), supper clubs, wine clubs, business networking etc.
• Third Spaces: Venues and areas where people go to chill, study, socialize e.g. [redacted not giving away my hard earned secrets], cafes in galleries, hotel lobbies, parks, food markets, vintage clothing markets

The hardest is finding the events/venues that have the cross section of:

1/3 things I'm genuinely interested in

2/3 high volume/turnover so I can sniper without building a rep

3/3 environments that naturally encourage interaction.


It's been a lot of research/trial and error but feel like I'm slowly but surely buiding up my personalized shortlist. TikTok is by far the best thing I've found for this, with Instagram and eventbrite distant 2nd and 3rd

Why This Makes Sense For Me​

This approach is very scalable. I could be 60 in Cannes partying at a rooftop restaurant in Cannes or a Yacht if I really wanted to. Same for hiking, cycling trips or Yoga retreats. Clubbing until 4am in a sweaty club or approaching girls in Oxford Street as my only ways to meet girls? I'd lose my mind.

I also know myself, when my social life is active and filled with things I can't wait to attend, my cold approaches are effortless, more enjoyable and I'm more magnetic which means I'd get good results with lower volume too. The better sleeping pattern gives me more longevity as well.

Closing Thoughts & Understanding your type quicker​

This is DWW's existing plan for absolute abundance, not yours. This is a work in progress and will probably evolve. Thought I'd share because I think this topic is disgustingly under-discussed.

Would love to hear from @MuST0BtA1NSkR1Lla and @Chad Tyrone @West_Indian_Archie as they're the few guys I've seen touch on the lifestyle side of embedding game.

Lastly A big part of my event groups and even targeted nightgame is based on me having a very clear idea of the girls I like. What helped me save months (possibly years) was

• Completing OCEAN personality Profile
• Completing Myers Briggs personality Profile
• Completing Enneagram personality Profile
• Star signs (if you're into that, I went from lowkey to shamelessly being into it)

Inputting all my results to chat gpt and asking it who I'm most compatible with. Shout out @topcat who put me on this. The results shocked me. It gave me profiles of very compatible girls in the past... Anyway ask it where these girls hang out in your city, what they get up to and you'll be able to build your own version of this if you want to.

Although to be honest if you don't have at least 20 lays then this whole exercise is mental masturbation and you just need to get your reps up.

Hope this helps someone, would have loved a thread like this 6 months ago

Onwards and Upwards x

Most of this has probably gone over my head (I suffer from Asperger's) but, for what it is worth, I am finding a lack of volume on some days on daygame.

Although today I was spoilt for choice! Still let a few go where I had age approach anxiety but still put in the reps.

There was an incident at the club last weekend so I am not sure I am going to be allowed in for awhile (will find out on Saturday) but I think the benefits to the club is that you know everyone is atleast 18 so that is an obstacle removed.

Also in the club the girls are just...there. whereas in daygame you have a window of about 3 seconds to react, so if you are not sure she is overage, she is gone before you have decided.

 

[Will_V]

@empath,



I got love at first sight when I was clueless with girls, unconfident in my ability to win fights with men, and in my head pretty much all the time.

It's something that stirs at a completely below conscious level. You're just minding your own business, depressed at life (I mean, I was back when I was clueless with girls and unconfident about fighting men), then SUDDENLY! OMG SHE'S PERFECT! MY DREAM GIRL!!!

It does not seem to be headspace-related, I don't think.

I think it is more drive than anything.

The more driven the man, the more LAFS he seems to get.

The less driven the man, the less LAFS (or he may get none at all).

I do not know why that would be, except perhaps that more driven men may have some kind of constant "opportunity search" program running that shifts into high gear the instant a promising opportunity registers, whereas less driven men do not have that enabled and so do not notice promising opportunities, instead letting them pass by without registering them.

Chase

I agree.

The way I would put it is that love-at-first-sight has to do with self-esteem and pride - you have to really believe there is something valuable and powerful in your core to feel that a beautiful girl belongs to you, that her existence is a gift to you, that she is there for you to take and enjoy.

But drive/libido is also a direct function of those things as well, and not separable. There is hardly a more ambitious man than the one who believes that fortune favors him, and that, as they used to say, he is loved by the gods.

 

[Chase]

@Definitely_not_a_gymrat,

Question for @Chase or anyone who has any reasonable input on love at first sight. In the article it mentions that you feel compelled to approach a girl who is “love at first sight,” although I feel compelled to approach many girls who are definitely not love at first sight, how do I differentiate whether I find something special about the girl in my gut instinct, or it is just my drive to meet new women and improve my skills?

Regular approach excitement is kind of like, "Oh nice, there's a cutie I can talk to! She's got a mean walk!"

Love at first sight is like, "Holy Mother of God, there goes the future mother of my babies." You just feel it in your bones.

Also, how to make sure a “love at first sight” girl doesn’t go cold?

You stick your dick in her.

-Chase

 

[ChrisXKiss]

I agree.

The way I would put it is that love-at-first-sight has to do with self-esteem and pride - you have to really believe there is something valuable and powerful in your core to feel that a beautiful girl belongs to you, that her existence is a gift to you, that she is there for you to take and enjoy.

But drive/libido is also a direct function of those things as well, and not separable. There is hardly a more ambitious man than the one who believes that fortune favors him, and that, as they used to say, he is loved by the gods.

This is interesting. I didn’t want to chime in initially, because I am not close to this level of abundance, but this made me think about something regarding love at first sight.

I had read these articles and what always perplexed me is the fact that Chase mentioned how most of the times this feeling seems to be mutual and how the girl you have love at first sight with seems to be really receptive to your approach.

At the same time I have felt the exact opposite throughout my life. First of all I am pretty sure I have had love at first sight, I can surely think of at least a few times that I went: Oh my God, this girl, yes!

What happens though is that there is a second thought coming even right after like: How would I even get with a girl like that? I’m not sure if it is a self-esteem issue, or purely a skill issue, but let’s say I have trouble seeing how a girl I consider really amazing will be convinced to be with me, instead of all the other options she has.

And the times I have approached and talked to these girls it almost never ends well. Even if they are warm to me, they never feel excited, it’s more a feeling of being nice, maybe a bit intrigued, but not reciprocating the love at first sight intensity at all.

And I’ve been thinking if the problem is really with how I project myself. Because honestly when I see a girl like that who I really like my mind goes into overdrive thinking how to strategise and approach and what techniques to use in order to pick her interest and get her.

So in a way I feel that I am starting from a place of thinking that there is no way I can just approach this special girl normally and be myself and she will be receptive and want to be with me, but I really have to do something about it.

And I understand this thinking is flawed, probably it also stems exactly from the fact that I have never had success with girls I like a lot, so it seems like it’s not natural for them to like me back unless I do something about it.

My question for all this would be what should I really focus on? Because I am approaching them, I will even go and approach these girls more than just cute girls, the moment I see them even if I am at a totally different headspace my whole body just goes: Oh no, I am not losing this one.

But especially the fact that I have not made it work with them in the past reinforces my belief that I really have to do something in order to make them see me in the same light.

So is it a case of just approaching more, noting how I act around them, and getting rid of all the behaviours that make it seem like I am treating them differently or I am really trying to do something with them because I like them a lot? Until I start getting wins and then truly internalise that yes I can be with them?

Or is there something else to focus on, maybe some visualisations that these girls are very into me and are responding extremely well, or something more practical like getting to know them first to see how they are day to day and demystify them in my brain?

I’ve got to say though that these girls are the worst ones for me to get very close and friendly with, it feels too much to be so into someone and then just hangout and get to know them, without making a move. When I see them I almost always just want to experience our energies and spend more time together romantically.

Or if any other approach could help I would appreciate it. I believe that figuring out how to make the girls you are more into the easiest ones for you is the most important thing anyway, and what truly matters long term. Even if I get to triple digits I will still be thinking that something is lacking without it.

 

[Adventurer]

@Definitely_not_a_gymrat,



Regular approach excitement is kind of like, "Oh nice, there's a cutie I can talk to! She's got a mean walk!"

Love at first sight is like, "Holy Mother of God, there goes the future mother of my babies." You just feel it in your bones.



You stick your dick in her.

-Chase

How do you manage to get together with your love at first sight though? It happens to me semi-regularly, like 2 times a year. But I always get too much pressure and make a mistake. Or she has a boyfriend. Or she ghosts me after sex (probably an emotional trough)

I know you're supposed to game the girls you're really excited about like they're any other girl... But it's easier said than done when they are those rare "love at first sight" girls

 

[Spike]

if any other approach could help I would appreciate it. I believe that figuring out how to make the girls you are more into the easiest ones for you is the most important thing anyway, and what truly matters long term.

This is basically all that I talk about but for some reason get push back for lol. With regards to triggering IOIs from the girls you really want.

But to answer your question. The reason your hesitant on approaching the girls you really like is because they aren’t sending you the mutual IOI that your sending them upon first glance. If you see that mutual IOI from them, then of course they are going to be receptive to your approach. What Chase talks about in his love at first sight article.

 

[Will_V]

This is interesting. I didn’t want to chime in initially, because I am not close to this level of abundance, but this made me think about something regarding love at first sight.

I had read these articles and what always perplexed me is the fact that Chase mentioned how most of the times this feeling seems to be mutual and how the girl you have love at first sight with seems to be really receptive to your approach.

At the same time I have felt the exact opposite throughout my life. First of all I am pretty sure I have had love at first sight, I can surely think of at least a few times that I went: Oh my God, this girl, yes!

What happens though is that there is a second thought coming even right after like: How would I even get with a girl like that? I’m not sure if it is a self-esteem issue, or purely a skill issue, but let’s say I have trouble seeing how a girl I consider really amazing will be convinced to be with me, instead of all the other options she has.

And the times I have approached and talked to these girls it almost never ends well. Even if they are warm to me, they never feel excited, it’s more a feeling of being nice, maybe a bit intrigued, but not reciprocating the love at first sight intensity at all.

And I’ve been thinking if the problem is really with how I project myself. Because honestly when I see a girl like that who I really like my mind goes into overdrive thinking how to strategise and approach and what techniques to use in order to pick her interest and get her.

So in a way I feel that I am starting from a place of thinking that there is no way I can just approach this special girl normally and be myself and she will be receptive and want to be with me, but I really have to do something about it.

And I understand this thinking is flawed, probably it also stems exactly from the fact that I have never had success with girls I like a lot, so it seems like it’s not natural for them to like me back unless I do something about it.

My question for all this would be what should I really focus on? Because I am approaching them, I will even go and approach these girls more than just cute girls, the moment I see them even if I am at a totally different headspace my whole body just goes: Oh no, I am not losing this one.

But especially the fact that I have not made it work with them in the past reinforces my belief that I really have to do something in order to make them see me in the same light.

So is it a case of just approaching more, noting how I act around them, and getting rid of all the behaviours that make it seem like I am treating them differently or I am really trying to do something with them because I like them a lot? Until I start getting wins and then truly internalise that yes I can be with them?

Or is there something else to focus on, maybe some visualisations that these girls are very into me and are responding extremely well, or something more practical like getting to know them first to see how they are day to day and demystify them in my brain?

I’ve got to say though that these girls are the worst ones for me to get very close and friendly with, it feels too much to be so into someone and then just hangout and get to know them, without making a move. When I see them I almost always just want to experience our energies and spend more time together romantically.

Or if any other approach could help I would appreciate it. I believe that figuring out how to make the girls you are more into the easiest ones for you is the most important thing anyway, and what truly matters long term. Even if I get to triple digits I will still be thinking that something is lacking without it.

I hope DoWhatWorks is ok with this slight tangent, else I'll split it off.

First of all, genuine LAFS is not, in my experience, something that only happens when you have a certain amount of lays. I can still think back to a girl I used to be absolutely crazy about when I was like 12, riding my bike up and down the road in front of her house for hours trying not to look like I'm peering into her bedroom window lol. I never did get her, despite her giving me lots of opportunities, but to this day I know she's exactly the kind of girl I like. Beautiful, great personality (but strong willed), a little bit tomboyish, ambitious (went on to become a lawyer, while her brother, who I was friends with, was in and out of prison - for some reason I always seem to end up with girls whose brothers go off the rails, but I digress). She is still my archetype.

Anyway, what do you do when you meet them? It's going to sound a bit trite but in my experience, you have to let go a bit of all this technique and strategy, and show her something of the way she makes you feel. That's not bad advice in general, but especially so for these women you genuinely fall for. Women just know when you are 'in love' with them, as opposed to just approaching her because she ticks some boxes. If you can express that without being needy, without being afraid or helpless, but with a sort of exhilaration and self-affirming force behind it, then the rest of the interaction - the words you say etc - are less important, because every word and movement you make is dipped in the sauce of your genuine desire and delight in having met her.

When she doesn't reciprocate, I would hazard a guess that you are hiding the way you feel, that she's not picking up on it, because you are wearing a mask designed to cover your fear, anxiety, and attempts to find ways to force things to go well, rather than having faith that if you only found a way to express how you felt in a non-needy way, then she would come to you.

I've noticed that when I approach girls I genuinely like - maybe you could call it LAFS, maybe not, but nonetheless girls I have strong chemistry with - I use a lot more silence, I use a lot more eye contact, I express a whole lot more with my body and my face, I'm willing to risk more because I feel that the foundation can handle it, and words just seem to be superfluous. And those interactions are the most enjoyable for both of us, even though on the surface it's not as 'smooth' or following some clear pre-determined flowchart of processes.

The way I look at seduction, a man is a mirror to a girl. What she sees on your face, what she feels as a result of looking at your face and eyes and the way you move toward her, is her concept of how you perceive her. When she sees anxiety or fear, she feels ugly, pushed away, not understood, insecure. When your face is wooden, because you're in your head, she feels ordinary, unvalued, undesired, a mere commodity at the supermarket you have decided to add to your basket. And of course she puts up all kinds of defenses to protect herself, and tries to stave you off in various ways.

But when your face is filled with exhilaration, with open, reckless delight, she feels like she is some kind of treasure you want to steal and enjoy. And every girl wants to be stolen, to be hustled out of the bedroom window of her everyday life by a thief, taken somewhere where everything that's ordinary fades away, and to watch you and share in your enjoyment as you take her and do all the things you want to with her. Your genuine desire for her, and your willingness to throw in your lot and risk everything on the basis of that desire, is her security - she knows exactly what to do with it.

I hope this comes across clearly. It's hard to talk about things like LAFS because of all of the pathetic stereotypes out there, and also because of all the resentment built up against the identities we used to have that failed to get what we wanted, but which were nevertheless - sometimes at least - not so far away from achieving what we most desired.

That's my 2c.