AI/IOI - what more can be done and does attainability also apply to girls?

[Mensa Reject]

Hi all

I know guys get advice on what they are doing wrong when meeting girls. In the reverse I'm not sure if I am doing anything wrong here/what I can do better.

I've been going to a few social events lately in a bar and I get a quite a lot of attention from the guys at the events (although most just look and don't approach etc). Anyway the past couple of events, there have been a couple of guys that I've been interested in. However these guys just don't approach - even after I have made eye contact numerous times with said guy (at times specifically looking in his direction and making eye contact) and positioned myself in his eye line, gone off and stood by myself for a few mins etc (to allow space for him to come say hi etc) but the guys just seem to stay in their own circle with another bunch of guys and girls which seems to be social circle/friends as opposed to girls that guy is interested in - I don't see the same guys approach any other girls at the events (so not sure if its an archetype thing and I'm not that guys type).

I know approach anxiety is a big thing (as is often said many things) but from my perspective and actions I'm taking, I'm not really sure what I'm doing wrong (if anything). A number of guys have recently said to me I'm well put/look like I have my s**t together and pretty, hot - does attainability work in the reverse (a guy thinks your attainability is too high) so does not approach?

The other thing is that the guys that do approach (which some are objectively attractive but I'm not personally attracted to) just circle/stick around talking to me and then close asking for my number or say they want to be friends but then make their intentions known after (they are interested). I don't play games but if a guy does message asking you out and you aren't interested, is it better to respond politely declining or not responding at all (personally not a fan of ghosting etc as it shows immaturity and I don't like when it's done to me) but from a guys perspective is not responding better than a 'rejection'?

Thank you!

 

[KJ Francis]

does attainability work in the reverse (a guy thinks your attainability is too high) so does not approach?

This would be "low" attainability... Meaning you are not attainable to him, out of reach, etc.

It is for sure a thing. The typical guy does not have the reference experiences to feel confident in his ability to replicate a successful approach with a beautiful girl. Guys here will approach quite literally hundreds of girls to get past this and build a proof of concept in the mind.

And it's very funny because the most beautiful girls are often the most friendly and receptive.

How do you feel about opening guys? I know no one wants it to go like this... But all you need is the opener "Hi, how's your day/night going?". That will immediately make you attainable to a guy who felt hesitant.

I had a hot girl open me like this in an elevator recently and then we were off to the races in conversation.

Approach anxiety may be based in some real fear somewhere deep down, but it is incredibly irrational. I say "how's your day going" to elderly ladies in elevators all the time and there is no hesitancy because there is no sexual interest or tension or worry about the future.

 

[KJ Francis]

Also I see you are in London... There are a few VERY skilled guys here in London. Guys who would have enough abundance with women in their lives to be able to handle winging with you.

Having a wingwoman/pivot who reads GC and understands seduction concepts could be incredibly mutually beneficial.

@topcat
@DoWhatWorks
@alleniverson

 

[S.S Can]

This would be "low" attainability... Meaning you are not attainable to him, out of reach, etc.

Think she means the opposite, does a guy look at you and think that you are too obtainable and so he doesn't go up.

That's definitely a thing, attainability a lot of the time correlates with value. Think of if you see a guy that you think is hot/sexy or mysterious, and you start to talk to him and he's all over you and gushing about how amazing you are in a way that doesn't fit his stature. You start to think there's something wrong with the courtship. Perhaps this is your problem, but honestly, I think girls tend to overestimate how obvious they're being.

A more likely situation is that they are just too terrified to approach. Try the hover if you can since it seems to be effective for girls, just go stand over by the guy looking around or pass by his area. If girls are doing it it must be working!

 

[gameboy]

yes, almost 100% sure it is approach anxiety. I used to be only able to approach girls in clubs when I was drunk, and/or they were very clearly looking at me.

Thing is, one of you two is going to have to make a move, or nothing will ever happen. Some girls have been known to send a friend to approach the guy... that's kind of lame though.

 

[Mensa Reject]

Think she means the opposite, does a guy look at you and think that you are too obtainable and so he doesn't go up.

No @KJ Francis is right, I mixed up the concepts (I'm defo not giving too obtainable vibes).

 

[Mensa Reject]

Hi @KJ Francis thanks for your response.

I am fine to open a guy but there is an element of me that thinks that if I have made eye contact and positioned myself and he is still not opening, then he isn't interested. Without derailing my own thread I do think enough is not said about people's type/archetype in that some people simply have their kryptonite and you may not be it etc (without it taking anything away from your own attractiveness).

The guys that I have met at events and I've not been into, I have actually winged them and got them speaking to girls they wanted etc (but alas they have little game or the girls weren't interested). I was actually encouraging one of the guys to cold approach but the shock look I got from him that I was saying this and the fear in him of thinking of doing this was palpable (he made a comment that what if the girl is filming him etc or she is very harsh in rejecting etc). My response was any girl who harshly responds to an approach says more about her (and frankly in my view he should walk away).

I have actually seen @DoWhatWorks abundance blueprint and he has it down to a T (funnily enough when I'm at events or when I've been opened on Oxford Street a couple of times by guys doing cold approach, I do think in my head if any of the guys read GC).

 

[Mensa Reject]

Thanks @S.S Can and @gameboy - will try and be more obvious and if needs be open - at times ignorance is bliss, once you know all this game stuff you realise how much the majority of the guys just don't have it etc.

 

[KJ Francis]

there is an element of me that thinks that if I have made eye contact and positioned myself and he is still not opening, then he isn't interested.

Oh man, say it louder for the guys in the back... this is something we all need to drill into our heads... You girls are like open world video game characters just waiting for the player to walk up and start the side mission. Just like extension cords have male and female named sides inspired by our genitalia, female is the receptive gender. I described this to @Lilly as natural selection weeding his genes out of existence.

I can tell you it is a thousand percent not true though that it means he is not interested. Approaching women is outside the reality of so many men. And most are completely oblivious to signals and hints.

As for your archetype points, it's true if you are the guy's type it might help bump his motivation over the threshold to get him off his ass, and this may impact if he wants to turn a fuck buddy into a relationship. But for short term dating, if you exclude the super faithful guys in relationships and the ones who are too worried you're going to mug them, you could go up to any guy in a bar and open with asking him to take you home and fuck you, and you'd have like a 99% success rate.

 

[Skills]

Hi all

I know guys get advice on what they are doing wrong when meeting girls. In the reverse I'm not sure if I am doing anything wrong here/what I can do better.

I've been going to a few social events lately in a bar and I get a quite a lot of attention from the guys at the events (although most just look and don't approach etc). Anyway the past couple of events, there have been a couple of guys that I've been interested in. However these guys just don't approach - even after I have made eye contact numerous times with said guy (at times specifically looking in his direction and making eye contact) and positioned myself in his eye line, gone off and stood by myself for a few mins etc (to allow space for him to come say hi etc) but the guys just seem to stay in their own circle with another bunch of guys and girls which seems to be social circle/friends as opposed to girls that guy is interested in - I don't see the same guys approach any other girls at the events (so not sure if its an archetype thing and I'm not that guys type).

I know approach anxiety is a big thing (as is often said many things) but from my perspective and actions I'm taking, I'm not really sure what I'm doing wrong (if anything). A number of guys have recently said to me I'm well put/look like I have my s**t together and pretty, hot - does attainability work in the reverse (a guy thinks your attainability is too high) so does not approach?

The other thing is that the guys that do approach (which some are objectively attractive but I'm not personally attracted to) just circle/stick around talking to me and then close asking for my number or say they want to be friends but then make their intentions known after (they are interested). I don't play games but if a guy does message asking you out and you aren't interested, is it better to respond politely declining or not responding at all (personally not a fan of ghosting etc as it shows immaturity and I don't like when it's done to me) but from a guys perspective is not responding better than a 'rejection'?

Thank you!

How long have you stayed in the venue??

There is nothing you are really doing wrong... Unless you open them yourself indirectly..

What you ate describing is exactly what I see when I go out... Pretty sad..

 

[Mensa Reject]

How long have you stayed in the venue??

Hi @Skills a few hours (this wasn't at a club), its mostly bars that people go to as social events to meet new people - the subtext is always people going to meet someone from the opposite sex (I've never met a couple there or someone who was already in a relationship). There isn't a culture of hookup at these particular events (certainly from what I've seen and the organisers have been doing it for years and come down quite hard on anyone seen to disrupt the atmosphere). I've never seen someone get that drunk that they are paralytic etc.

Some people did go to a bar afterwards around about midnight as did the guy in question (I think) but I was a bit disheartened so I went home.

 

[Skills]

Hi @Skills a few hours (this wasn't at a club), its mostly bars that people go to as social events to meet new people - the subtext is always people going to meet someone from the opposite sex (I've never met a couple there or someone who was already in a relationship). There isn't a culture of hookup at these particular events (certainly from what I've seen and the organisers have been doing it for years and come down quite hard on anyone seen to disrupt the atmosphere). I've never seen someone get that drunk that they are paralytic etc.

the culture of hookup is pretty much gone in my opinion for the last 5- 8 years... And now i days nobody "gets that drunk" anywhere... super rare...

Some people did go to a bar afterwards around about midnight as did the guy in question (I think) but I was a bit disheartened so I went home.

^ that was a mistake next time, go to the bar, we have been talking a lot of about the night game dynamics...

Please you are getting better, taking action, giving ais and open body language, BUT YOU NEED to learn the dynamics...

 

[Lilly]

Hi @Skills a few hours (this wasn't at a club), its mostly bars that people go to as social events to meet new people - the subtext is always people going to meet someone from the opposite sex (I've never met a couple there or someone who was already in a relationship). There isn't a culture of hookup at these particular events (certainly from what I've seen and the organisers have been doing it for years and come down quite hard on anyone seen to disrupt the atmosphere). I've never seen someone get that drunk that they are paralytic etc.

Some people did go to a bar afterwards around about midnight as did the guy in question (I think) but I was a bit disheartened so I went home.

Fellow woman here!

You’re so lucky that your area offers such singles events! I’ve been going out alone more as well and trying to find a long-term partner, and my observations of men staying around their friends/groups and not approaching any solo women match yours. Except in my case, I’m also surrounded by tons of couples in venues where “meeting new people” isn’t a goal, but just a chance happening. I wish I had events like that to go to here. At least then you’d know most people are single.

 

[OldGuy]

Hi @KJ Francis thanks for your response.

I am fine to open a guy but there is an element of me that thinks that if I have made eye contact and positioned myself and he is still not opening, then he isn't interested. Without derailing my own thread I do think enough is not said about people's type/archetype in that some people simply have their kryptonite and you may not be it etc (without it taking anything away from your own attractiveness).

The guys that I have met at events and I've not been into, I have actually winged them and got them speaking to girls they wanted etc (but alas they have little game or the girls weren't interested). I was actually encouraging one of the guys to cold approach but the shock look I got from him that I was saying this and the fear in him of thinking of doing this was palpable (he made a comment that what if the girl is filming him etc or she is very harsh in rejecting etc). My response was any girl who harshly responds to an approach says more about her (and frankly in my view he should walk away).

I have actually seen @DoWhatWorks abundance blueprint and he has it down to a T (funnily enough when I'm at events or when I've been opened on Oxford Street a couple of times by guys doing cold approach, I do think in my head if any of the guys read GC).

If he keeps giving you the eye, he is interested, but scared. He is only not interested if he ignores you (either sexless, gay, or has a gf).