OR Approach anxiety at the gym

[average_daygamer]

Just to revisit this gem of a thread, I was at the gym today and say 2 potential approaches.

The first issue I noticed, was that I had just walked in and saw a girl I would really like to talk to doing the cables.

I couldn't do it right off the bat as I had just walked in as it would seem uncalibrated. So I hesitated and put my kit into the locker room and came back out.

I "sniffed around" her a little bit and got a look at her face, but then I worried that she was maybe a bit too young. However, the uni's have just come back online so chances are if it's a young looking girl that they are atleast uni aged or above. But the gym chain officially allows as young as 16 but I think this chick was early 20s, although my judgement has been off before.

I then got a band and walked around the machine's area doing band stretches overhead so straighten my posture whilst also scoping out the girl.

I then went into a sectioned off area of the gym for stretches and flexibility when this other guy came in wearing headphones.

I thought he said something like "Bro, are you on that, go get it". I might have imagined it, but I think he might have noticed me sniffing around the girl but not approaching and he was encouraging me to approach her. I didn't figure this out until minutes after, however.

So anyway, I went to the pullup station and did a set of pull-ups then thought about approaching her again, with the guy's (potentially imagined) encouragement ringing in my ears. Just as I was working up the courage to do it, I see her walk off the cable machine and directly into the female changing area. About 5 minutes later, she walks out, bag in hand and leaves the gym.

I do never learn my lesson, do I? If you snooze, you lose.

Potential approach number 2. I see this hot Scandinavian looking athletic blonde on the exercise bike, perfect figure, pretty face, late 20s, so no age anxiety.

I look at her for a tad longer than a glance, taking her appearance in. Now here is the interesting bit, she looks back at me. Possible approach invitation?

She does a long shift on the exercise bike, but when she comes off, she is doing friggin' handstands.

Now, two things with both of these approaches: imposter syndrome.

Potential Approach 1 "why is a 20 year old girl going to be interested in a middle aged creep approaching her at the gym who just wants to get laid"

Potential approach 2 "Hmm, a late 20s in shape Scandinavian stunner who can do friggin' handstands probably has a ripped chiseled jawed Chad boyfriend with a house and a car, why would she be interested in an Asperger's guy with dark hair and brown eyes.

I know this is bad and I've got to fix it. But the question is how. I over thought both approaches and they never got off the ground.

The gym is my favourite place to approach as I feel I will automatically have something in common with the girl but I am auto rejecting myself before I even get a chance.

The next gym post will be an infield. I must get more approaches in at the gym, it really is an untapped gold mine.

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MODERATOR'S NOTE: this post was split off from @MrVariety's gym pickup guide to prevent a thread derail.

 

[MrVariety]

I know this is bad and I've got to fix it. But the question is how. I over thought both approaches and they never got off the ground.

This post is meant to be about gym specific advice and what you're asking is more about negative self talk in general. But I'll respond anyway.

I don't know why you are asking people including myself for advice when you don't act on the advice. When I realized your head is already determined, there's no much I can do for you.

For example, everyone on here have told you that you need to stop doing direct approaches. Especially in the gym. And what do you do? You keep doing direct approaches, and then make field reports about getting rejected. Then you justify yourself about the reasons, completely forgetting you have no results.

My take is that you need to fundamentally change your strategy if you actually want to have success with women. I've already given my take in this thread:

https://www.skilledseducer.com/thre...-in-daygame-approach.30838/page-2#post-193104

My take is that you need to stop approaching women and build a life in which you're able to give. Appraching does nothing positive for you or anyone. I suspect you're in a such dark place that the motivations for continuing to approach them have become so perverted it's not longer about actually succeeding.

Now, two things with both of these approaches: imposter syndrome.

You don't have Imposter syndrome. It is a psychological pattern where individuals doubt their abilities and accomplishments despite evidence of their success.

Potential Approach 1 "why is a 20 year old girl going to be interested in a middle aged creep approaching her at the gym who just wants to get laid"

Anyway, even though I'm not inclined to assist in you approaching women, I will say that your inner-talk is probably right here. Negative self-talk isn't entirely to be brushed away.

Potential approach 2 "Hmm, a late 20s in shape Scandinavian stunner who can do friggin' handstands probably has a ripped chiseled jawed Chad boyfriend with a house and a car, why would she be interested in an Asperger's guy with dark hair and brown eyes.

Again I do think you're right in that she probably has no reason to be interested in you, but not for the reasons your inner talk comes up with. The dark hair, brown eyes, lack of car or house, inability to handstands, your non-scandivanianness or Asperger's is not the real reason. It's because you're coming from a place of taking, not giving.

Mr Variety

 

[average_daygamer]

This post is meant to be about gym specific advice and what you're asking is more about negative self talk in general. But I'll respond anyway.

I don't know why you are asking people including myself for advice when you don't act on the advice. When I realized your head is already determined, there's no much I can do for you.

For example, everyone on here have told you that you need to stop doing direct approaches. Especially in the gym. And what do you do? You keep doing direct approaches, and then make field reports about getting rejected. Then you justify yourself about the reasons, completely forgetting you have no results.

My take is that you need to fundamentally change your strategy if you actually want to have success with women. I've already given my take in this thread:

https://www.skilledseducer.com/thre...-in-daygame-approach.30838/page-2#post-193104

My take is that you need to stop approaching women and build a life in which you're able to give. Appraching does nothing positive for you or anyone. I suspect you're in a such dark place that the motivations for continuing to approach them have become so perverted it's not longer about actually succeeding.


You don't have Imposter syndrome. It is a psychological pattern where individuals doubt their abilities and accomplishments despite evidence of their success.

Anyway, even though I'm not inclined to assist in you approaching women, I will say that your inner-talk is probably right here. Negative self-talk isn't entirely to be brushed away.

Again I do think you're right in that she probably has no reason to be interested in you, but not for the reasons your inner talk comes up with. The dark hair, brown eyes, lack of car or house, inability to handstands, your non-scandivanianness or Asperger's is not the real reason. It's because you're coming from a place of taking, not giving.

Mr Variety

I'm not a fan of this rant at all, I'm afraid to say. There is no way for me to "build a life" I am just tyna' get laid out here. It can't be this hard.

I'm not sure how you "give" in an interaction, I am just approaching because I am a male to her female, if I do that enough times, there must be a horny enough girl to accept my approach.

But this was meant to be an encouraging post you have have taken it the wrong way. I must defeat my negative thoughts, in order to get enough reps to gain a result.

Also, my approach is indirect in the gym. Well, my opening line is indirect, anyway. It's a variation on "you look pretty dedicated".

I don't know your huge objection, but this is a departure from your previous posts on gym game.

 

[Ratata]

You didn't fail because you "hesitated." You failed because you entered the gym as a hunter instead of a man training. Women feel that.

When you orbit a girl, scanning angles, "sniffing around" (your words, not mine), your vibe screams predator, and worse, a predator searching for validation, not man in his element.

The paradox: The more you want to approach, the less she wants you to.

Your frame: "Why would she want me?"

Correct frame: "Why wouldn't she? I'm already in motion! If she can keep up, maybe she's worth a hello."

That's what "giving" means. Not "being nice." It means sharing your momentum. And it means that you're in the state where you would socialize with everyone just for the sake of making the world a better place. Make people - in general - feel better about themselves. In the process that makes you super attractive and well liked.

A man of purpose radiates give energy. He gives experiences, presence, banter, fun. A man seeking validation radiates taking energy. He sucks up attention, approval, and the desperate escape from loneliness. And right now you approach from hunger. That's why your vibe collapses before you even open.

Ask yourself: How can you give experiences? How can you make the whole room smile? How can you smile yourself, just cuz?

Here's some gym-Specific Advice

1. No orbiting.

She either fits into your workout flow or she doesn't exist. If she's cute at cables and you're near, quick smile + situational open. If all else fails, say "Hi" or nod and say "Whatsup". Then go back to lifting. The longer you linger, the more your balls shrink.

2. Zero premeditation.

You don't "plan" a gym open. You react to a real-time micro-moment. She makes eye contact? You smirk and go "Careful, you'll mess up my rep count looking at me like that." (This is flirting.) Say it, hold eye contact, go back to set. Done.

3. Stop using "indirect."

"You look pretty dedicated" is not indirect. It's a weak direct. Indirect means you're not even playing the seduction frame yet. You're just social, joking about form, machine queue, anything non-flattering first.

Direct is "I like you" or "I just had to come over and say hi." But when it comes outta nowhere, you're gonna get rejected. Every time. Direct comes from sexual tension, where a mere "Hi" makes her blush, or where the conversation is thick and nervous, but she lingers because all she wants is for you to ... But this never happens to you, does it, because you're too busy being needy?

4. Gym is maintenance ground, not hunting ground.

You build reference experiences here, not closes. Think of it as social stretching: eye contact, micro-smiles, casual remarks. The win is relaxed dominance, not numbers.

You keep saying "there must be a horny enough girl to accept me." That's porn logic. You're trying to win the lottery instead of becoming the casino.

Girls don't sleep with you because they're horny. They sleep with you because you make them feel safe being horny around you. And that only happens when you're already full, and not when you're starving.

1. Three warm socials per session.

Male or female. "Hey, how many sets left?" "You using this?" "Nice form." Your goal is effortless vocal tone + relaxed eye contact. Not outcome. In fact, for now you should go for good vibes first. If you made a good vibe, strike it up as a success. Don't even try to close for now. Instead visualize horny women around you, naked. Meditate and affirm that all women love you, and all people - also men - greet you like a superstar. Tell yourself this: "I deserve love."

2. Train like you're being filmed.

Not for vanity but for awareness. Move with rhythm, control, posture. Most men don't realize they look cramped and hesitant. Presence is half of seduction.

3. No mental chatter.

If you catch yourself debating whether to approach, you already lost. Do another set instead. That's your reset button. Then focus on social momentum. FFS speak to some dude first! Or some ug. Focus on vibe, and making their lives better. It's hella attractive. And if you want to learn more about mental chatter, and how to "win" over it, read this book: The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. Find it now!

But for now do this: Meditate. Affirm. Visualize. And see your wildest dreams manifest. Sometimes they're not even dreams. Just because you get in a state of bliss, miracles start happen, stuff you couldn't even dream about. I'm only telling you this, because that's my own experience. Shit most muggles write "nice fantasy" about on places like Reddit. But fuck them! You're better than that. You're on SkilledSeducer! But half the battle is seducing yourself first. But in order to do that, you have to feel good about yourself.

Do it now!