That is true. Despite all I say and do (a lot of empathy, deep diving) they still don’t feel I relate to them in meaningful way. If you read book ”Personality adaptations” by Joins and Stewart my personality types are
creative dreamer/responsible workaholic. Most girls I meet were
charming manipulator/playful antagonist.
Difference in our personalities are because I am more focused on inner world, creative, honest and hardworking that
always want to accomplish job. On the other hand their characteristics are that are more outer focused, funny, passive aggressive, little bit manipulative and
don’t want to accomplish job but to enjoy in process. However, I have a lot of male friends from different personality types than me and we agree perfect. But women aren’t forgiving to any difference toward me. Based on my fundamentals a lot of time happened to me that women write me off since the very beginning.
I don’t know how to make myself more relatable on meaningful way with people that are naturally significantly different than me. I don’t know if this is possible. What seduction teaches us is to be a little bit closed off, build superficial similarity and take her to bed quickly.
But I wouldn’t say that it is the only problem. Two to three times I found a girl that is pretty much similar to me and they wanted me as a friend. They also told me softly that I am boring and unmasculine (they honestly perceived me so) but what I see is that their boyfriends are objectively even more boring and more unmasculine than me. Besides what we talked about above that problem is inner game and lack of spontaneity there are few more problems women cause and are not fully in my control:
- Women sense differences in our personalities through vibe and write me off from the beginning as not their type and even look for cues that I am boring to support why they don’t want me.
- I had higher social value from the most women I meet. I suspect they especially look for boring things that I could do so to have legitimate excuse to ditch me. Evidence is that many times they would be talkative and playful with me, even agree for date, but when they find out more information about me lose every interest. No matter what attainability tech I used it didn’t help me. They would just find some guy who is like they, and tell me it is my fault.
I can improve things I could do wrong, what guys above advised me. But I don’t know how to manage these things caused by women except classical things seduction teaches us and until now it wasn’t effective for me. Maybe if I improve myself in ways that were told to me it will make women more forgiving to our differences.
Hi, I have read the thread and I see some similarities in you with my past self. So I will share my perspective.
A) Years back, I thought as well that I have this sexy body language and slow movements that it means I am a "sexual man" or how it was called here. At the end of the day, it is good advice to move slower etc. but it means jack shit if your inner you does not match. It becomes a facade. Do you know who moves like that, speaks like that, behaves like that? People who are genuinly on another level, have immense wealth, fucked super models, provide etc. Until you do that or gather some indestructible social confidence, it will be just up there, first layer. And let me tell you how powerful women's intuition is. She can smell most of the shit rotten in you. Your insecurities, self-doubt, self-respect. I suspect there is an issue in these areas for you.
The mismatch in this will create a strange vibe and that is what the girls pick up on
B) as I touched upon above, a lot of what you mentioned sounds like techniques. What helped me was to completely get rid of sites like this and just go out there to the real world. Talk to people. In particular, people at my current job helped me because they are very real, open, friendly, inviting, non-judgemental... finding a good group of friends.
C) The "passions and goals" girls example - if they are not interested in those subjects that much, don't force it. If what motivates you to ask that and makes you think that it is the right approach is the fact that it is written on this or other sites, then you focus on wrong things. These are not conversation checkpoints to hit like "yes, I deeped dived on passions, so I am closer to my balls being on her chin". With some people you elaborate complex ideas, psychology and other topics, with others you need to joke around and never rarely get serious.
D) you say other dudes the girls go for are less masculine or more boring than you. If you judge based on seeing them when they already got the girl and fucked her like 5 times, that is not a good way to gather data. First of all, she is the judge of all that. Second, he may look just like her father and something in her just tingles when she speaks to him. Third, he may have done more masculine shit behind the scenes with her which you did not see and that is what raised him in her eyes. Point being, your perception seems based on your position and view point. And also may indicate you are more judgemental than you think you are.
E) as suggested above, I would get in touch with your inner self through meditation, cold showers, working out and quitting reading all the game related material. Get real feedback, not just your own perception and measurement based on what you read here or on other pickup sites. Record yourself, look at how you seem in photos and compare it with other dudes through the real world lens. Go talk to people. If the issues are the way you describe them, having girls fuck you would be a bit detrimental. Because I think you need to do a shift in your character and mindset. Of course it depends on what your ultimate goal is but for me it is more fulfilling if a girls fucks me because of who I am and not because I used the pants-wetter 3000 technique or the leg-spreading line or some master guru fuck boy facial expression success combo. You do those as part of who you are and not as a means to get what you want like a robot. Key point here, techniques are good, e.g. touching her when she says something relatable to you. But my point is you should do it naturally rather than as a result of an equation in your head that "she said X, it relates to my Y => commence touching her shoulder and smiling slowly".
Like attracts like, and attraction is based on who you are.
I really propose to gtfo these sites, looking for solutions and shit and just go out there. Not because it is bad advice, lots of it here is good advice, but you seem to be too focused on the wrong things. You sound like a smart guy, so with all you have learned so far, I am sure you can figure out what to do next in an interaction with a girl. For me, getting in touch with my emotions was a big thing because I suppressed them for like 20 years. Emotions have a wave length and that plays into the "vibe". And women tune themselves to that. People were telling me years back that I am always so serious. Now I am more chill. Part of it is my focus (serious topics vs. just joke around and have fun). Your thoughts create your emotions, your emotions influence your actions and give off your vibe. If you deal with that, it will make you more congruent - another trait women love.
And yea, quit porn. Quit masturbation. I went with no fap, your body deloads naturally at night, it will help you learn self control. And if you think about it, wanking it yourself looking at a picture on a screen or a video of a girl being dicked, is quite pathetic. You will have more energy and you can put that energy into other things like working out. Get to a shape you yourself are satisfied with, fet a haircut you yourself like, dress in clothes that look good on you but you yourself like on yourself. All this might sound unrelated to seduction.. but that is mainly because your problem is not a seduction problem.