FR Back in the field - First time in months

[LemurKing]

Getting back into the game​

I've been out of the Game for a while due to handling my approach to anxiety and mental health. Can't say they're both completely fixed but who can honestly. What I can say with confidence is that on my low days, I can approach about 70% of the sets I'm interested in whereas before, my low days were marked by wandering about for hours and going home without a single approach only to binge eat my shame away.

Anyways, I was bored and lonely and decided to do approaches. Drove about an hour to a nearby large city in order to get more volume. Hit up a mall and then a Target. I'm only detailing the approaches of note and not every single one. This is my first FR so please give me suggestions on better writing and what I should and should not be detaling.

My Style​

I was dressed in black jeans, a black short-sleeve button-up with white flowers on it, and a white undershirt. Had a ring, necklace, and some bracelets on. Overall, very fuckbuy look to me except for my glasses.

First Approach​

After getting 2 high fives as a warmup in Best Buy, I walk into a Barnes and Nobel nearby at the mall. I see her sitting reading a magazine and bail because I'm worried she's too young and her father is nearby. After a few minutes of wandering, I decided fuck it, grab a book to use as my indirect opener, and approach her from the side. The entire time she remains seated and me standing

I open by asking her for advice saying that my diabolical ex stole my pet and I need a good book that will help me. She laughs and says she doesn't understand so I repeat it slowly. The whole time my eye contact and vocal pace and depth are strong. After some conversation, I come out and outright say I thought she was cute and just needed an excuse to approach. She seems very receptive the whole time.

We exchange names and shake hands. I hold her hand longer than usual in an attempt to physically escalate and she seems receptive to it; she doesn't pull away at all but after a while, I get a bit uncomfortable and drop the hand.

After I go direct she states that she thinks she's a bit too young for me and says she's 17. I leave it at that and exit

Interaction Pivot​

I should have held her hand longer and tried to sit next to her. I also should not have hesitated to approach her at first. Regardless though, she was too young

The Uncomortable Girl​

Heading into the mall I wander about in a clothes store for a bit contemplating if I should approach this girl in the store or not. I finally pull the trigger and approach her from the side with an indirect opener turned direct. She was browsing some clothes.

I ask if I could have her opinion. She said yes and I respond by telling her I'm a male model going for a semi-gay look and I'm wondering which of these clothes (The ones around use) would be good for me. She's taken aback and a bit unsure of what to say and I continue with a cold read saying I chose her because she has an interesting "look" to her.

She seemed uncomfortable or a bit shy. After my cold read, she says the store worker behind me could help me. I ignore the suggestion, go direct, and then she says she has a boyfriend. I end the interaction by trying to disqualify her by saying to "slow down" after she mentions a boyfriend as if I was interested at all.

Interaction Pivot​

The disqualification at the end after she stated she had a boyfriend was pointless. I don't really know about this one though I feel my tonality may have been coming off as needy

Spencers Duo​

Two girls at Spencers. Once again, I browse for a bit before pulling the trigger.

I opened them both from the side indirectly with an opinion. They both turn to face me and one of them moves behind her friend (the older one moved behind the younger one. Also, during the interaction, my arms were crossed.

From there we banter and chat for a bit. In the middle of the banter, I ask if they're in high school. One of them is still in high school, and the other just graduated and is in college. I imidatly turn all my attention to the one in college (she's behind her friend) as her friend keeps browsing. There is a physical distance between us that I feel got in the way.

During the whole interaction as we banter and flirt, she seems nervous and anxious though receptive. In an anxious attempt to close, I ask her what she does for fun and she mentions her boyfriend. I stop it there and move on.

Interaction Pivot​

• My crossed arms and closed body language
• My flirtation and banter sucks
• Distance between us
• I disengaged her friend and just focused on her

I feel like I had a chance with this one but somewhere in the interaction, I lost her and she brought up her boyfriend to get rid of me

Target Green Sweater Girl​

Inside target. Blonde girl with a very green sweater on her and a shopping car with clothes in it near the men's section. Looks like a Christmas sweater. I pass by her then look back and make an indirect opener based on her sweater. I cold read saying she has some sort of Christmas grinch vibe to her. She was very receptive at first and laughed about my cold read. She explains that it was for a college project and I think then was one I made one of my first mistakes.

Having run out of things to say, I ask about her class and the topic of the sweater. I then transition to direct (you're cute, but I'm not sure about the vibe...) and she says thank you but she has a boyfriend. I do that thing again where I try to disqualify on my exit and leave it there.

Interaciton Pivot​

• I think by this approach, my vibe was turning needy and unmasculine
• Switched to bearing topic about school
• My flirtation/banter was not on point

Lessons/Sticking Points​

• It's very likely that all the girls who said they had "boyfriends" legitimately did and there was nothing I could do
• Venue and time selection could be better. Not as many women out as I'd like and I definitely need more numbers in order to practice more and get more data
• I started out very strongly focusing on my voice, posture, eye contact, and physical closeness (fundamentals) but as the session went on, I lost focus and became demotivated
• No need to disqualify after she says she has a boyfriend. Just exit and move on
• Act faster
• Maybe I should be looking for IOI or approach invitations i.e. better screening
• I'm nervous and freeze up on conversation sometimes so I move to direct in an effort to move things along
• I feel like I'm not maintaining a good vibe and frame through the interaction or even when it starts. Not sure how to do this

 

[Don Giovanni]

After getting 2 high fives as a warmup in Best Buy, I walk into a Barnes and Nobel nearby at the mall.

This is great!

First Approach

I open by asking her for advice saying that my diabolical ex stole my pet and I need a good book that will help me.

Not a bad opener mentioning your diabolic ex and pet, all good. But how’s a book going to help you with it haha

It’s very emotionally charged opener, but I just don’t uderstand what you ment with it, maybe it’s context…

I hold her hand longer than usual

It doesn’t look bad here, but be careful with milking handshake it can be awkward if not calibrated. I’ve certainely done it haha

tried to sit next to her

Yup - “mind if I sit with you real quick?” - time contrain can be useful here.

The Uncomortable Girl

telling her I'm a male model going for a semi-gay look and I'm wondering which of these clothes (The ones around use) would be good for me

This one I just don’t know what you tried to accomplish. Even if you are a male model why go about telling this and why do you need help with your style if you work in fashion and why would you want to look gay…

It maybe that this one was fucked just with the opener.

It’s good though you’re trying to be inventive and going indirect, you’ll find what works and what doesn’t with time

The disqualification at the end after she stated she had a boyfriend was pointless.

It wasn’t, it was a good move, but you were doing damage control and the damage was too big.

Spencers Duo

Also, during the interaction, my arms were crossed.

I probably don’t need to tell you this is not the best body language.

During the whole interaction as we banter and flirt, she seems nervous and anxious though receptive. In an anxious attempt to close, I ask her what she does for fun and she mentions her boyfriend.

I think you could handle this one better with just better more fun vibe. I mean she was staying there and talking to you… You’ll get there. Teasing, storytelling, deep diving or gambits help - you want to provide her with good vibes.

It would help to know what you were bantering about, word for word. I have a feeling that it’s interview like… I may be wrong.

This might help.

Also if you have time it’s generaly better to try instadate them instead of number closing for many reasons.

Target Green Sweater Girl

I cold read saying she has some sort of Christmas grinch vibe to her.

Nice!

Having run out of things to say, I ask about her class and the topic of the sweater.

It’s best to talk about her, personal stuff. She doesn’t really care about that class…

“so what are you passionate about in life besides sweaters”

Check out the articles above.

Lessons/Sticking Points

It's very likely that all the girls who said they had "boyfriends" legitimately did and there was nothing I could do

Very likely indeed. Also, do you notice a pattern?

After I go direct she states that she thinks she's a bit too young for me and says she's 17.

go direct, and then she says she has a boyfriend.

I then transition to direct (you're cute, but I'm not sure about the vibe...) and she says thank you but she has a boyfriend.

…

By direct you mean throwing stuff at the wall and hope it sticks as you don’t know what to do.

You should state intent carefully as a form of reward of her good behaviour (she stops to talk to you, you compliment her outfit, she moves with you, you say you kinda like her, when you say you’re a musician she says she’s an artist of a kind herself - tries to qualify - you say good, were gonna get along). You don’t give away free validation. And avoid validating her solely on her looks, that you can do to any girl, compliment her personality or something unique about her.

Maybe I should be looking for IOI or approach invitations i.e. better screening

This is not a bad idea. Screening is a skill by itself, makes everything easier.

I feel like I'm not maintaining a good vibe and frame through the interaction or even when it starts. Not sure how to do this

Yup. You get the frame and mouthpiece with time. In the mean time try reading the articles and applying them in field.

Simple relating back to what she says, then asking her open ended questions sprinkled with a tease here and there will be a good start (don’t worry, everything in those articles).

I look at game lineary:

open - hook - isolate - escalate - pull

You can open. Now you need to hook.

Looking forward for your next report,

Don

 

[LemurKing]

@Don Giovanni
Holy shit man your feedback is so helpful and constructive. I was literally depressed the whole time afterwards because I had no idea what I was doing wrong and what I needed to work on. Now I have a direction to go in.

Going to check out that article soon

 

[Rakehell]

I think you did a great job. Like Don said you should work on hooking next. I think your odds of hooking go up or down depending on how you open. Which means you’ll probably have to tweak the way you open so that the hooking techniques will land more often.

I think your specific focus should be on remaining in control. When you switch to direct like that and they immediately bring up the boyfriend I believe it’s because you may be feeling the pressure of intentions not being clear. So you lose control and abruptly compliment her. So she abruptly says she has a boyfriend.

The boyfriend thing is like when you walk in a store and get approached by a sales person. You spurt out “i’m just looking”. Try keeping your bodylanguage and tonality casual (don’t fully face her) when you open so that the approach isn’t full of pressure.

Hooking is banked on guaging her initial reaction (receptiveness) and leading her based on that. Gauging her receptiveness is how you’ll get away from piling on needless rejections. If she’s closed off switching to direct will force a rejection. Where as if you open and she’s cold, you can warm her up, and then go direct toward the end (in a controlled way) if that’s your preferred route.

I believe these should be your next steps.

All in all I think you did a good job.

 

[LemurKing]

I think you did a great job. Like Don said you should work on hooking next. I think your odds of hooking actually go up and down when you open. Which means you’ll probably have to tweak the way you open so that the hooking techniques will have the desired effect.

I think your specific focus should be on remaining in control. When you switch to direct like that and they immediately bring up the boyfriend I believe it’s because you may be feeling the pressure of intentions not being clear. So you lose control and abruptly compliment her. So she abruptly says she has a boyfriend.

The boyfriend thing is like when you walk in a store and get approached by a sales person. You spurt out “i’m just looking”. Try keeping your bodylanguage and tonality casual (don’t fully face her) when you open so that the approach isn’t full of pressure.

Hooking is banked on guaging her initial reaction (receptiveness) and leading her based on that. Gauging her receptiveness is how you’ll get away from piling on needless rejections. If she’s closed off switching to direct will force a rejection. Where as if you open and she’s cold, you can warm her up, and then go direct toward the end (in a controlled way) if that’s your preferred route.

I believe these should be your next steps.

All in all I think you did a good job.

Do you have any links to advise on hooking? How in the world does one hook?
Also, the shopper analogy makes great sense; I appreciate it

 

[Rakehell]

Do you have any links to advise on hooking? How in the world does one hook?
Also, the shopper analogy makes great sense; I appreciate it

Hooking is essentially getting her to stick around and invest in the interaction beyond the first few words.

opening body language
Pre Opening
Attention Grabs
Low pressure


These are gonna be fundamental to your opening process, and will make for easier hooking because the interaction will feel more organic.
Hooking can be as simple as making an interesting observation about her or the environment. The goal is to get her investing in the interaction and talking with you.

 

[Don Giovanni]

This article also helped me get on track in the past.

3 Very Different "Going Out to Meet Girls" Aims

Every man's actions when socializing are guided by 1 of 3 core aims. The wrong aim can sabotage him in social situations… but the right aim will give him wings. When a man goes out to meet women, he has a certain aim he takes with him. That aim might be a conscious one; an aim he knows he has...

www.girlschase.com