Building a cool life

zappbrannigan

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
May 25, 2019
Messages
129
Hi all,

So if you've seen my introductory post, I've moved into a place of my own last year and am starting to actually work on getting women into my life. Not much luck so far, but I have seen a ton of improvement over the past year. When living with my parents, I just had solitary hobbies and never went out much anymore. My circle of friends dwindled, with only the closest of friends still keeping in touch once in a while. In retrospect, I was a total loser. I refer to that part of my life as the "old me". This is a mental hack to make me feel cooler already, now. But I fear sliding back.

Now, I still have solitary hobbies, but I've also taken up a martial art like an insane person (going from zero exercise to 3 or 4 days a week). With a taxing full-time job, sometimes a bit of freelancing on the side, and this much training in the evenings, I barely have any time left during the week to do anything else I would find interesting, much less meet women. In the weekends I sometimes plan things with old friends, but that's not bringing any new people into my life. I tend towards the geeky things, but I find that, for example, board game nights are usually sausage fests. Besides, I used to think geeks are "my people", but I find that many geeks have personal demons. They aren't the happiest people. Many are arrogant (possibly as a coping mechanism), most seem depressed. They often like to put other people down to feel better about themselves.

Over time, I've noticed that the people I get along with best are often a bit "different", but not geeks. Probably that's why I tend to go for foreign women. Ironically, I find less educated people to actually be much more down to earth and laid back, less competitive and more friendly and outgoing than highly educated ones (I'm highly educated myself), especially as we get older. Back in school, those used to be the bullies, the annoying types. I think they've learned to be humble as they aren't as successful in later life while the geeks notice that now they are ruling the world, and "it's payback time, bitches!". Really not a pretty sight. Maybe it's because I recognize myself in this and I don't like it.

Anyway, my parents weren't the most social people either and they didn't really have a sense of humor and didn't express a lot of affection for each other (or me and my sister), so I never learned how to be funny or loving. I would've probably discovered this sooner if I'd left home earlier, but what's done is done, I must look to the future. The thing is, that I never really learned how to live life from my parents. I'm just wondering, how to go about building a cool life that I can actually look back on and think "yeah, that was worth it" when I die.

I've occasionally joined meetup groups, which helps a bit in socializing with people, but so far I'm still lacking a "spark" that brings joy to my life. The martial arts are really cool and I fully intend to keep it up, but I want more. I'm having some trouble actually planning my days ahead, and when the weekend rolls around I often find myself without plans. Sometimes I go to exhibits or fairs in town, but they usually fail to interest or impress me.

Sometimes I walk around in nature which I find soothing, but that's also pretty solitary and not exactly exciting. Doing cool things will also (hopefully) make me more interesting to women, as I will have some stories to tell and so on.

I know it's a broad question, I'd just like some hints and ideas on how to get started. I can't be the first person to struggle with this around here!
 

Alcman

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Oct 28, 2017
Messages
122
Location
Paris, France
Four words: cold approach day game. Problem solved, a pastime with enough excitement for three lifetimes.
 

Fuck This

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Jul 24, 2015
Messages
1,395
I'm reluctant to be too specific. I'm still wary of whether the OP's married woman thing was real or fictional....

But, for the person who wants to broaden their social circle...
Develop a social circle from your hobbies. For example in an individual sport, find an event to train for with your fellow competitors. Many of them might be more advanced and in different classes than you. The practices set a baseline familiarity, and that can lead to group platonic meetups after practice (for drinks or dinner) and travel together to a culminating event (like a big competition). At that competition, you have the support of your fellow teammates, and can meet other people who share your interest. Further broaden your network with social media on that topic.

Interested people of the opposite sex come as a byproduct of that network. I recall a state championship where my buddy spent the night with our mutual friends sister in law. I've been to a national level competition in Vegas where the after hours hookup vibe was palpable.

Develop a SOCIAL skill. Something that will get you invited to parties. Have a giant Jenga set? Are you good at grilling a special bbq item? Make a good risotto or other large volume crowd feeding soup or stew? You can do it at someone else's house if they will host the party. This is the Musician approach.

Be cooler online. Post pictures of your adventures. People you interact with that have interest in those things will engage with you about those places and activities.
 

MWall

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Sep 6, 2019
Messages
27
I'm reluctant to be too specific. I'm still wary of whether the OP's married woman thing was real or fictional....

But, for the person who wants to broaden their social circle...
Develop a social circle from your hobbies. For example in an individual sport, find an event to train for with your fellow competitors. Many of them might be more advanced and in different classes than you. The practices set a baseline familiarity, and that can lead to group platonic meetups after practice (for drinks or dinner) and travel together to a culminating event (like a big competition). At that competition, you have the support of your fellow teammates, and can meet other people who share your interest. Further broaden your network with social media on that topic.

Interested people of the opposite sex come as a byproduct of that network. I recall a state championship where my buddy spent the night with our mutual friends sister in law. I've been to a national level competition in Vegas where the after hours hookup vibe was palpable.

Develop a SOCIAL skill. Something that will get you invited to parties. Have a giant Jenga set? Are you good at grilling a special bbq item? Make a good risotto or other large volume crowd feeding soup or stew? You can do it at someone else's house if they will host the party. This is the Musician approach.

Be cooler online. Post pictures of your adventures. People you interact with that have interest in those things will engage with you about those places and activities.
hey FT, this is really cool, it sounds like how jocks get things done. how did you learn about this way of doing things?
 

Tony D

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Joined
Jul 26, 2018
Messages
103
I agree that you should learn daygame. You want to be in a high urban density location, preferably with lots of hot girls. But you don't need a lot of time. Maybe an hour in between work and the gym perhaps?
 

MWall

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Sep 6, 2019
Messages
27
I agree that you should learn daygame. You want to be in a high urban density location, preferably with lots of hot girls. But you don't need a lot of time. Maybe an hour in between work and the gym perhaps?
Tony D, good afternoon! I have just moved to Houston from a small country town in Texas for exactly that purpose. I’ve been hitting up a lot of Starbucks and some night clubs. Not sure exactly where to do a day game except for the mall. And how many approaches should A guy execute in one hour?
 

M_Ronin

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Aug 3, 2019
Messages
34
Dude. Do what I did and join yoga classes and one of the Latin dances. They are filled with athletic and gorgeous women. Besides the activities themselves are very rewarding anyway. You dont even have to try to talk to women, just go there and do the activities. Close exposure to women without even needing to talk with them, made me actually talk with them on ease after a while. Besides, yoga in general attracts people like you. Better friendships with both men & women.
 
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