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- Feb 13, 2013
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So I haven't shared anything lately, and this one was really fun so I figured I'd type it up for you guys and I found a little free time this afternoon to do it. So here goes:
I walked in a parade this past Saturday for a friend of mine who’s running for a local political position, and met a beautiful young blonde we’ll call BumblebeeTuna, but maybe we’ll just refer to her as B-Tuna for short.
I arrive at the parade lineup at 10:30 AM and we have one of those little tricycle things like from the 1920’s because we’re going to hand out freezer pops. It’s about 93 degrees out, so this is a wonderful idea. My buddy DoctorWood gets to ride this sumbitch:
Fuckin’ dope, right? I know.
So the other folks walking in the parade are MeanJean, who is the girl we’re walking in the parade for, her friend B-Tuna and some other family and friends of hers.
I say what’s up to DoctorWood and MeanJean, and then introduce myself to all of the rest of them, including B-Tuna, who is about 5’1” with long, bleach blonde hair. Her lower body and legs are powerful (I’d later find out she does crossfit 3-4 days a week), and she has an ass that’s out of this world.
MeanJean is going through everything and figuring out who does what and she tells me to walk behind B-Tuna. I look at the both of them and tell B-Tuna that I’d planned on walking behind her anyway. She thinks I’m funny, but I’m not funny. I just say sexual shit and women think I’m joking until I have my dick inside of them.
Anyway, we get this parade going and DoctorWood is rocking the tricycle and I’m throwing candy and B-Tuna is holding one side of the big banner thing while MeanJean runs around and says hi to people and hands out business cards. After the parade is over MeanJean invites all of us over to her place for some cold beers and some food.
DoctorWood and I head over and we’re talking in the kitchen and B-Tuna comes in and we are all chatting in the kitchen. We all talk about how hot it was and how handing out the ice pops actually wasn’t a huge failure.
I tell them I think I have swamp-ass from walking in the parade and B-Tuna laughs and says I’m gross. I’m like naw it’s not gross at all actually, it’s just part of the deal. I wipe my hand across the small of my back and then reach out and wipe it on her neck and she freaks the fuck out and is laughing hysterically. She punches me in the side and a bit of ruckus and wrestling ensues. I pick her up and walk into the living room and fling her down on the couch, and then point at her and say “Stay there. Don’t move. You’re in timeout now.”
Then she looks at me like this:
She laughs and gets up and we go back into the kitchen.
We talk (there’s now about 6 people in the kitchen) and hang out for about another 30 minutes and MeanJean and B-Tuna decide they’re going to go up to the beer tent and watch people play volleyball (there’s a sand volleyball tournament). They ask DoctorWood and I if we want to go, so we hop in B-Tuna’s ride and head over there. We do this for a while and B-Tuna and I get some time to ourselves.
We sit at a picnic table and chit chat about her career and hobbies (this is when I’d find out she does crossfit). We both enjoy working out, but we have completely different careers. She’s a teacher and I do web development. This goes really well for about 30 minutes until MeanJean quickly gets bored with the volleyball tournament. She wants to drive to t-ville (about 15 minute drive) to some bar there.
We all drive separately this time and head over to this bar. It’s about 3 o’clock in the afternoon at this point. The bar is pretty empty other than a few older guys who start talking political stuff with MeanJean.
This guy we know comes in, NoCounts. And I’m not just calling him that in this story, we actually call him NoCounts in real life. B-Tuna has never met him so DoctorWood introduces her to him and tells some fabricated story because he’s a fuckin’ nut.
I have weird friends. Anyway.
So we’re hanging out and B-Tuna has had probably 5 drinks by now, so she’s having a good time. I forget exactly what was said but some middle-aged lady thought we were a couple and said how cute we were.
Middle-Aged lady and B-Tuna and I are all laughing. The next thing that happens is NoCounts has this thing he calls the Camaro Shed, and he invites the four of us to come out and have some beers there. He’s like a Camaro enthusiast or something, so he has this big machine shed with a full bar and pool tables and stuff. Anyway, he has like 15 or 20 cars in it, mostly older Camaros but he has a body from a drag racer hanging in there and a couple other things like that too. It’s a really cool place.
So we all head out there and hang for a while. B-Tuna and I shoot a couple games of pool. I tell her she has a nice butt and she whips around and points it at me and says “You wanna touch it?” I’m like fuck yeah! Haha. I start rubbing her ass really hard, and she laughs and says “Ok, this is weird haha”
I look her in the eyes and say, “It’s only weird if you make it weird” and for about 3 seconds we just look at each other and smile and finally I realize I’m still clutching her right ass cheek.
We shoot a couple more games and we get into this verbal sparring match about what Flaming Lips album is the best and I invite her over to my house to check them out. She says we should definitely do that. (it’s on
So we eventually all head back into town a couple hours later. Instead of heading back to my place we run into this other couple that happen to be mutual friends of ours. For some reason (alcohol-induced decision-making process + peer pressure) we decide to go on a road trip out by the river with them.
B-Tuna is in the back seat with me and scoots close to me. We start making out. She is a great kisser and stops every once in a while and gives me some really sexy bedroom eyes.
We stop at the river and get out and chuck some rocks and shit and dance and play banjo around a bonfire or whatever hillbillies do. Just kidding.
Anyway we hang out and talk for a bit and then decide to get back in the car. This is really cool because B-Tuna and I just met but we’ve both known the couple we’re with for years and they’re good friends of ours. I wonder why I’ve never met B-Tuna.
We start to make out in the backseat again and she says I’m turning her on. B-Tuna whispers something into the girl’s ear (she’s driving) and the girl laughs and says “ok!”
B-Tuna initiates another makeout session with me and it gets pretty hot and heavy. She stops and takes her shirt off. I know where this going now, we’re going to just fuck in the back of this car while they drive us around in the country. Awesome.
So that’s pretty much what happens, we fuck in the backseat for a while but eventually the girl drives back into town and we’re both still buck-ass naked humping each other in the back seat and didn’t really notice until we hear people talking outside the car.
We’re both thinking: holy shit.
We’re parked outside the bar, and we’re naked, and people can see us, and my penis is inside of her vagina. I’m going to be a local celebrity now. But no, this seriously isn’t good. At all.
Both of us yell into the front seat and our friend (the girl) pulls out of the parking lot and we start getting dressed. Eventually, once we have all our clothes back on she takes us back to the bar and we get our cars and she heads over to my place with me and we finish what we started there.
When I was in high school I fucked a girl at a party in front of about 5 or 6 people who watched us, so it wasn’t necessarily a first for this type of thing with me. But, still… now I’m going to be known as the guy who was fucking the girl in the car haha. Could be good? Could be bad?
J.J.
I walked in a parade this past Saturday for a friend of mine who’s running for a local political position, and met a beautiful young blonde we’ll call BumblebeeTuna, but maybe we’ll just refer to her as B-Tuna for short.
I arrive at the parade lineup at 10:30 AM and we have one of those little tricycle things like from the 1920’s because we’re going to hand out freezer pops. It’s about 93 degrees out, so this is a wonderful idea. My buddy DoctorWood gets to ride this sumbitch:
Fuckin’ dope, right? I know.
So the other folks walking in the parade are MeanJean, who is the girl we’re walking in the parade for, her friend B-Tuna and some other family and friends of hers.
I say what’s up to DoctorWood and MeanJean, and then introduce myself to all of the rest of them, including B-Tuna, who is about 5’1” with long, bleach blonde hair. Her lower body and legs are powerful (I’d later find out she does crossfit 3-4 days a week), and she has an ass that’s out of this world.
MeanJean is going through everything and figuring out who does what and she tells me to walk behind B-Tuna. I look at the both of them and tell B-Tuna that I’d planned on walking behind her anyway. She thinks I’m funny, but I’m not funny. I just say sexual shit and women think I’m joking until I have my dick inside of them.
Anyway, we get this parade going and DoctorWood is rocking the tricycle and I’m throwing candy and B-Tuna is holding one side of the big banner thing while MeanJean runs around and says hi to people and hands out business cards. After the parade is over MeanJean invites all of us over to her place for some cold beers and some food.
DoctorWood and I head over and we’re talking in the kitchen and B-Tuna comes in and we are all chatting in the kitchen. We all talk about how hot it was and how handing out the ice pops actually wasn’t a huge failure.
I tell them I think I have swamp-ass from walking in the parade and B-Tuna laughs and says I’m gross. I’m like naw it’s not gross at all actually, it’s just part of the deal. I wipe my hand across the small of my back and then reach out and wipe it on her neck and she freaks the fuck out and is laughing hysterically. She punches me in the side and a bit of ruckus and wrestling ensues. I pick her up and walk into the living room and fling her down on the couch, and then point at her and say “Stay there. Don’t move. You’re in timeout now.”
Then she looks at me like this:
She laughs and gets up and we go back into the kitchen.
We talk (there’s now about 6 people in the kitchen) and hang out for about another 30 minutes and MeanJean and B-Tuna decide they’re going to go up to the beer tent and watch people play volleyball (there’s a sand volleyball tournament). They ask DoctorWood and I if we want to go, so we hop in B-Tuna’s ride and head over there. We do this for a while and B-Tuna and I get some time to ourselves.
We sit at a picnic table and chit chat about her career and hobbies (this is when I’d find out she does crossfit). We both enjoy working out, but we have completely different careers. She’s a teacher and I do web development. This goes really well for about 30 minutes until MeanJean quickly gets bored with the volleyball tournament. She wants to drive to t-ville (about 15 minute drive) to some bar there.
We all drive separately this time and head over to this bar. It’s about 3 o’clock in the afternoon at this point. The bar is pretty empty other than a few older guys who start talking political stuff with MeanJean.
This guy we know comes in, NoCounts. And I’m not just calling him that in this story, we actually call him NoCounts in real life. B-Tuna has never met him so DoctorWood introduces her to him and tells some fabricated story because he’s a fuckin’ nut.
I have weird friends. Anyway.
So we’re hanging out and B-Tuna has had probably 5 drinks by now, so she’s having a good time. I forget exactly what was said but some middle-aged lady thought we were a couple and said how cute we were.
Middle-Aged lady and B-Tuna and I are all laughing. The next thing that happens is NoCounts has this thing he calls the Camaro Shed, and he invites the four of us to come out and have some beers there. He’s like a Camaro enthusiast or something, so he has this big machine shed with a full bar and pool tables and stuff. Anyway, he has like 15 or 20 cars in it, mostly older Camaros but he has a body from a drag racer hanging in there and a couple other things like that too. It’s a really cool place.
So we all head out there and hang for a while. B-Tuna and I shoot a couple games of pool. I tell her she has a nice butt and she whips around and points it at me and says “You wanna touch it?” I’m like fuck yeah! Haha. I start rubbing her ass really hard, and she laughs and says “Ok, this is weird haha”
I look her in the eyes and say, “It’s only weird if you make it weird” and for about 3 seconds we just look at each other and smile and finally I realize I’m still clutching her right ass cheek.
We shoot a couple more games and we get into this verbal sparring match about what Flaming Lips album is the best and I invite her over to my house to check them out. She says we should definitely do that. (it’s on
So we eventually all head back into town a couple hours later. Instead of heading back to my place we run into this other couple that happen to be mutual friends of ours. For some reason (alcohol-induced decision-making process + peer pressure) we decide to go on a road trip out by the river with them.
B-Tuna is in the back seat with me and scoots close to me. We start making out. She is a great kisser and stops every once in a while and gives me some really sexy bedroom eyes.
We stop at the river and get out and chuck some rocks and shit and dance and play banjo around a bonfire or whatever hillbillies do. Just kidding.
Anyway we hang out and talk for a bit and then decide to get back in the car. This is really cool because B-Tuna and I just met but we’ve both known the couple we’re with for years and they’re good friends of ours. I wonder why I’ve never met B-Tuna.
We start to make out in the backseat again and she says I’m turning her on. B-Tuna whispers something into the girl’s ear (she’s driving) and the girl laughs and says “ok!”
B-Tuna initiates another makeout session with me and it gets pretty hot and heavy. She stops and takes her shirt off. I know where this going now, we’re going to just fuck in the back of this car while they drive us around in the country. Awesome.
So that’s pretty much what happens, we fuck in the backseat for a while but eventually the girl drives back into town and we’re both still buck-ass naked humping each other in the back seat and didn’t really notice until we hear people talking outside the car.
We’re both thinking: holy shit.
We’re parked outside the bar, and we’re naked, and people can see us, and my penis is inside of her vagina. I’m going to be a local celebrity now. But no, this seriously isn’t good. At all.
Both of us yell into the front seat and our friend (the girl) pulls out of the parking lot and we start getting dressed. Eventually, once we have all our clothes back on she takes us back to the bar and we get our cars and she heads over to my place with me and we finish what we started there.
When I was in high school I fucked a girl at a party in front of about 5 or 6 people who watched us, so it wasn’t necessarily a first for this type of thing with me. But, still… now I’m going to be known as the guy who was fucking the girl in the car haha. Could be good? Could be bad?
J.J.
