FR Can a 1 SECOND hesitation lose you the girl?

[TrailBlazer]

I really don’t get this. I met a girl on the dance floor in a club, very hot Latina. She bumped into me a couple of times. So I “stole” her from her group and immediately she danced super close to me. After a while she started grinding on me HEAVILY.

So mid song I said “come” and lead her to a secluded hallway of the club. There I hesitated where to take her to make out - the couch, or pin her against the wall? But I hesitated for like 1 second max!

So I took her to sit down and then told her to come here and tried to kiss her and she said no!! After heavy grinding and our lips touching during the dancing? Crazy.

Again, no idea where I went wrong. Maybe the hesitation, but come on, no one’s game is THAT tight to never ever hesitate.

After a brief convo she just left and went back to the dance floor. Without me, not even looking back.

I came for her one more time like 10 mins later but she was leaving already and said no. So no second chance whatsoever.

I’m certain she wanted to fuck, from the grinding and looks it was obvious. I could have pulled her in like 1 minute. I know this stuff isn’t difficult. It’s nature after all. So I don’t know why I have to go through so many missed chances.

I will learn from this because it hurts like hell, but I didn’t want a lesson, I wanted the girl. I may never be in such situation again. I wonder if this happens to others.

 

[Skills]

the dynamic on dance floor is different from dynamic off dance floor...

When you take her off dance floor, the state will drop a looooooot, so you have to be chill and game almost from 0 in isolation... vs assume is a done deal due to the dance floor interaction...

 

[TrailBlazer]

the dynamic on dance floor is different from dynamic off dance floor...

When you take her off dance floor, the state will drop a looooooot, so you have to be chill and game almost from 0 in isolation... vs assume is a done deal due to the dance floor interaction...

Maybe you mean a different situation, because I’ve pulled girls from the dancefloor a few meters to the wall, and made out with them immediately. There was almost no state drop.

Or took them to the restrooms and again could just resume where I left - didn’t have to go from 0 again.

And in my situation, it was like 5 meters to the hallway, so I believe that if I just had been a bit more intensive, dominant and pinned her against the wall, it would have worked.

I guess it depends on how ready to go the girl is and how far we’re taking her?

 

[Skills]

Did you read were you said " i took her to sit down" or maybe my English compression classes failed me again... Re read my response

 

[TrailBlazer]

Did you read were you said " i took her to sit down" or maybe my English compression classes failed me again... Re read my response

Yeah no you’re right, although the couch was right next to the dance floor, in a hallway (extremely close), I guess sitting down changed the vibe from intense to social. And it was a bit clumsy yes.

But a whole series of events changed just because of this small 0.1 s decision to sit down. Life is brutal in this regard.

 

[Skills]

Yeah no you’re right, although the couch was right next to the dance floor, in a hallway (extremely close), I guess sitting down changed the vibe from intense to social. And it was a bit clumsy yes.

But a whole series of events changed just because of this small 0.1 s decision to sit down. Life is brutal in this regard.

is not brutal is called a stage change, maybe i will write an updated post on that...

 

[TrailBlazer]

is not brutal is called a stage change, maybe i will write an updated post on that...

At the same time when you make out with a girl and push her into your bed or on a couch, it’s not a state change. Like it’s a natural thing.

In this case I believe sitting down was incongruent with how intensely I was dancing, I should have been more intense.

And by brutal I mean that a seemingly small mistake like this has cost me a possibly great night with a girl. Most other areas of life are more forgiving I’d say. But I guess that’s how it is.

 

[Rancorous]

I've found in life people are extremely weird.

But yeah how you described the situation is you two were standing and the energy was good and flowing and then you sat down with her and that's what changed the dynamic.

It went from fun and sexy, to oh let's just chill here for a bit.

But I think you were correct to pin her against the wall. This shows your dominance and puts her in a more submissive position.

I also like to lift up on one of her legs. By doing this she has to balance and put all her weight on the one leg which makes it more difficult for her to move and escape ( not that she'd want to). It just feels more submissive for her.

So try that next time.

And try to have the entire interaction be nice and smooth, like you know what your doing. Women dislike hesitation. They see it as a form of weakness.

Tl;dr is be smooth, don't hesitate, and make her feel submissive.

I've found these to be the main ingredients that make women follow your lead.

 

[KnownUniverse]

i went to a latin night a year ago. Had this chick grinding on me too for like 30 minutes or more. I think she was latina. I was groping her everywhere while we danced - run my hand up her thighs, squeezed her ass, rubbing top of pussy everything but every time i tried to kiss her she swerved me. I thought it was just something to do with her culture. Like the dancing can be extremely sexual but doesnt mean they are dtf.

 

[Rancorous]

Yeah some women just wanna dance

The key is to know when she wants to kiss is look at her facial expression and eyes.

If you two are dancing and she looks down at your lips or makes good eye contact and then smiles go for it.

Try not to force a kiss. Get a feel for when you should go for it.

I also try not to rub her pussy or touch her ass on the dance floor. It's OK to do that on the way back to your place in the back of the bar van/limo/taxi to keep the sexual escalation going.

But on the dance floor keep it light. Touch her thighs with the heel of your palms when your behind her and run them down her thighs.

You gotta ease into the sexual escalation with her. If you escalate too quick it comes off as needy and too aggressive.

When you two are off the dance floor go to the bar and get closer to her there. Do some shots and then when it's close to closing time seed the pull.

When you two are in the back of the bar van/limo/taxi increase the sexual escalation up a notch by touching her breast's and lightly rubbing her crotch area while your making out with her.

You gotta lead up to sex not just jump right into it.

 

[Will_V]

Yeah sounds like a state change when she left the dance floor.

When things get hot and heavy fast, it can be difficult to manage the pull or even a transition because her emotions already peaked and will easily come crashing down. You want to tease her a little, but pace her and keep her fairly cool so that she's anticipating that what she really wants is yet to come.

There's nothing in seduction I know of that depends remotely on a 1 second hesitation. Usually hesitation is a symptom of being generally confused/unsure/anxious about what is happening and what you should do, and that's what's really going to cause problems - especially if what follows the hesitation is nervous/reactive.

 

[Rancorous]

Yeah sounds like a state change when she left the dance floor.

When things get hot and heavy fast, it can be difficult to manage the pull or even a transition because her emotions already peaked and will easily come crashing down. You want to tease her a little, but pace her and keep her fairly cool so that she's anticipating that what she really wants is yet to come.

There's nothing in seduction I know of that depends remotely on a 1 second hesitation. Usually hesitation is a symptom of being generally confused/unsure/anxious about what is happening and what you should do, and that's what's really going to cause problems - especially if what follows the hesitation is nervous/reactive.

I think he toned down the interaction when they sat down. That's what killed it. This is why I tell guys to keep increasing the sexual tension.

 

[Will_V]

I think he toned down the interaction when they sat down. That's what killed it.

That's what I mean by a state change. Her state was very high on the dance floor, and then he's trying to sit down and talk and kiss.

This is why I tell guys to keep increasing the sexual tension.

That'd be ideal, but after all that grinding it's going to be hard to increase without actually having sex.

That's why you'll see guys who don't even advocate kissing before the pull. Not to say it won't ever work but it makes handling her state trickier.

In this situation @TrailBlazer really needed to find a way to reintroduce tension (i.e. UNrealized sexuality) into the interaction - pulling away gently without killing the mood. Not gonna be easy though.

 

[G_shp]

Yeah no you’re right, although the couch was right next to the dance floor, in a hallway (extremely close), I guess sitting down changed the vibe from intense to social. And it was a bit clumsy yes.

But a whole series of events changed just because of this small 0.1 s decision to sit down. Life is brutal in this regard.

You're looking at it from your point of view, try to think how the girl would think. It isn't about life being brutal to you.

Women are sensitive to very little details in life, much more than we are. It is not your hesitation that ruined this, it is the fact that you changed the setting. A small change like sitting her down was enough of a change. It wasn't a big change for you but it was enough of a big change for the girl, who sensed the interaction went in another direction. She was probably still having fun and not yet ready to be "closed", so after you changed her state she directly realized you wanted to sleep with her.

From there all you can do is be honest and just say what you need to say to save the situation...or the girl will be lost.

Given how concerned you are about it, I doubt that this was due to hesitation. though I never know if you got scared in the process and the fear appeared on your face or whatever, that's something else but this doesn't seem to be the case here at all.