- Joined
- Jul 6, 2014
- Messages
- 489
Background
Her: Korean, 23yoHow we met (instant date):
I spotted a girl walking later in the evening—she had long black silky hair, yoga pants, and a nice figure. When I approached her, she was receptive, so I moved her to the side. While working on being more flirty and incorporating touch, I gave her a hug at a high point. She hesitantly hugged back but thought I was ending the interaction and started walking away. I stopped her again and continued the conversation with more questions. When I suggested getting boba tea, she agreed, so I found the nearest spot.
(Note: In my reports I tend to do boba quite a lot which might seem odd but actually they're a great instant date spot logistically—they're open later than cafes, which usually close around 7, and they're a good alternative when bars aren't an option. Depending on the city they can be very common too)
At the boba place, I continued flirting and made some light touches. When she asked if I'd tried learning Korean, I replied, "No, I've never met a cute Korean girl from [her city] before who could teach me"—which made her blush. Earlier, I'd done Sinn's hand test (holding her hands in mine) while asking about the craziest thing she'd done. Her hands were stiff, indicating she wasn't fully comfortable yet. She shared that coming to the US to study English was her craziest experience. When she asked me the same question, I mentioned hooking up with my ex in the college library. We also talked about living alone, and when she asked why I liked it, I said "because you can do whatever the fuck you want"—which she took sexually.
Since she lived closer, I suggested going to her dorm to listen to music, but she firmly shut that down. I tried getting up in her grill and building tension while pacing + leading, but it wasn't doing anything. Interestingly, while she wouldn't leave with me, she also made no move to end the interaction—she seemed content staying there. So I suggested moving to a nearby park, where I arranged for us to sit close together. I whispered romantic things in her ear while she talked about what she liked about the city, which she clearly enjoyed. I stroked her arm but couldn't play with her hand since she was holding her phone.
At 11, the park closed. While saying goodbye at the subway, I suggested showing her my favorite bar in my neighborhood sometime, which she enthusiastically agreed to. I gave her my number, and when she texted me, I went for a hug. She was awkward and turned her face away, but since I had a challenge from @Devilicious to go for the kiss on one instant date this month, I went for it anyway. She squealed "nooo!" so I laughed and playfully pushed her away. She said "byeee
" and I waved goodbye as I caught my train. She texted me immediately after.
Since she lived closer, I suggested going to her dorm to listen to music, but she firmly shut that down. I tried getting up in her grill and building tension while pacing + leading, but it wasn't doing anything. Interestingly, while she wouldn't leave with me, she also made no move to end the interaction—she seemed content staying there. So I suggested moving to a nearby park, where I arranged for us to sit close together. I whispered romantic things in her ear while she talked about what she liked about the city, which she clearly enjoyed. I stroked her arm but couldn't play with her hand since she was holding her phone.
At 11, the park closed. While saying goodbye at the subway, I suggested showing her my favorite bar in my neighborhood sometime, which she enthusiastically agreed to. I gave her my number, and when she texted me, I went for a hug. She was awkward and turned her face away, but since I had a challenge from @Devilicious to go for the kiss on one instant date this month, I went for it anyway. She squealed "nooo!" so I laughed and playfully pushed her away. She said "byeee
" and I waved goodbye as I caught my train. She texted me immediately after.First date
A few days later, I set up another date. The texting was mildly flirty and promising. We met at a central spot and walked to my favorite date bar. The conversation was unremarkable until I started asking deeper questions. We weren't sitting close enough, so whenever she showed me something on her phone, I'd scoot closer until our knees touched.When I asked about her dreams, she said she wanted to live in this city with a family. When she asked about mine, I described wanting to own my business or be far up in my career and to live in a big house—like my own little castle. She said "you're so cool," and I replied "you're not so bad yourself," making her giggle. I took her hand, and she started caressing it back. When I asked what pets she'd want, she said "if I live in your big house then I would get two dogs." I played along, whispering in her ear about our hypothetical life together.
The vibe between us was solid, but then the bar got too loud from an event. I suggested getting mochi and dumplings from a nearby store—my usual move to transition home. She picked out some mochi, and we walked to my place, occasionally holding hands.
At my place, I gave her the tour, showed her my fragrance collection since she was interested, and used the bathroom. When I returned, she was absorbed in her phone. I put on a movie and tried escalating, but she was hesitant.
She was fine with me kissing her neck and hold hands, but would immediately remove my hands if they strayed near her chest or the bottom of her shirt, even accidentally. She wouldn't let me give her a massage or touch her back.
The most she was comfortable with were neck and cheek kisses, turning away shyly for anything more. I moved us to my bed for comfort but didn't push further. Instead, we talked about sex and what she likes, though she didn't share much. When it was time for her to leave, I called her an Uber.
She was fine with me kissing her neck and hold hands, but would immediately remove my hands if they strayed near her chest or the bottom of her shirt, even accidentally. She wouldn't let me give her a massage or touch her back.
The most she was comfortable with were neck and cheek kisses, turning away shyly for anything more. I moved us to my bed for comfort but didn't push further. Instead, we talked about sex and what she likes, though she didn't share much. When it was time for her to leave, I called her an Uber.
She was affectionate while walking to the car, holding my hand and giving me a hug. She texted right after getting home saying she had a good time, and we had some nice back-and-forth. Things seemed promising.
Second Date
On our second date, the texting was even more flirty. I suggested a different café with another interesting theme (doing a second 3-bounce as suggested by Skills —this is a much better structure than trying to get her back to your place immediately). When we met, she was dressed sexy in a low-cut top, crop jacket, and tight-fitting pajama pants with lettering across her butt. However, she greeted me stoically, just standing beside me as we started walking. She was quiet while ordering drinks at the café, and I thought things were going badly. But she opened up while discussing a flight she was booking, and the vibe between us improved. I took her hand, and we were back to where we started.
I suggested we grab our drinks and keep walking, planning to stop at a park before trying to pull in case she resisted. When we got near my apartment (which was on the way to the park), I noticed her body swerve toward me, so I decided to bring her up. I put on another movie, and while the escalation was better, she was still holding back. Her kisses were measured and controlled. On the bed, I discovered that kissing her chest would get her more passionate, but she suddenly snapped out of it, zipped up her jacket, adjusted her top, and I knew I'd pushed too far. I shifted to building more comfort through deeper conversation, occasionally flirting and whispering in her ear. We ended up spooning, with her in the "Koala" position, which felt intimate.
We both talked about how much we enjoyed this position and how amazing it felt. She said things like "you're my dream" and "you're my type," while playfully teasing that I was "a red flag... because you lie!" Her protests to my advances were more cranky than serious—"noooo" and "stop itttt!" and "keep your hands to yourself!
" hard to explain. Since we had built up such a good vibe cuddling and talking, I went for another makeout when it was time for her to leave. She wasn't making any move to go, so I took this as a sign she wanted more. I kissed her deeply and removed her jacket—more than she'd allowed before—and started kissing her chest, but like before, she suddenly pulled back and seemed irritated. The vibe dropped, and she seemed in a hurry to leave.When I walked her to her Uber, she didn't even hug me goodbye, just said "bye" and got in. I thought it was over, but she texted me that night, so I set up another date.
Third Date
Took her to a fast casual spot to show her some local food, but we’d both eaten late lunches, so neither of us was really hungry — we just picked at our food. She was stoic again during the initial meet-and-greet, not giving me much, but warmed up a bit once we sat down. It only started to feel “on” when I took her hand and she laced her fingers with mine and started playing with them. I figured my read from the night before was off and we were back in a good place.I took her back to my place again, and this time the vibe was way better. Her protests were playful — lots of “noooo
” and “stoppp ittt )” — so I ran my plan: anytime she protested, I’d immediately stop, lie down next to her, and just playfully look around like I had no idea what was going on. It threw her off. She’d look confused, then immediately start koala-ing me. Plus, she was already taking off more clothing than last time, so I knew we were in a good spot.We threw on a movie (again), did our usual cuddling, and it got more intimate. I asked if she liked it when I called her “baby,” and she lit up: “Yea!!!” We asked each other what we like to be called. She mentioned things felt fast (referring to the phyiscal escalation not the emotional escalation), and I just said, “Yeah, I’m a passionate man and my relationships are passionate” (we had talked before how we both lived life passionately)
During the makeout, I tried to bring in some dirty talk — asked her to say stuff like, “Tell me, daddy, this feels so good.” She refused playfully, but later asked, “Why do people say ‘daddy’ in the U.S.?” I told her it’s a dominance thing. She asked, “What’s dominance?” So I took her hands and pinned them above her head. She squealed, “OK OK OK I got it!!”
Then randomly she asked, “Do you like cats?” I asked why, and she said she just had an intuition. Then, very suggestively: “Can I be your cat?” I asked what she meant, and she replied, “You know what I mean” so I just went in harder with the makeout (still no idea exactly what she meant, lol).
Brought back the dirty talk — asked her to say things like, “I like the way you make me feel, daddy,” and started ramping it up to “I want to be your baby, daddy.” She suddenly goes, “I want your babies, daddy,” and I was like this is hot, so I followed that thread amping up the pregnancy dirty talk (risky, I know). Eventually I said, “Say ‘daddy I want you inside of me’ ” and she repeated it. I asked if she meant it. She said yes — but also that it was too fast. We kept making out, grinding hard, and at one point I just ordered her to take her pants off while I grabbed a condom.
We had sex — and it sucked
. 100% my fault. I’d been doing nofap for 2 weeks and was way too horny, so I barely lasted a couple minutes. I’ve had this issue before with nofap and condoms. The obvious conclusion: just don’t do nofap if I want decent first-time sex. But yeah, complicated tradeoff.After, she put her panties back on but left the pants off, and we spooned and cuddled deeply. Still haven’t seen her bare ass yet (annoying), and honestly, the whole sex part was a blur. She stayed super long but didn’t want to sleep over — even though I’d invited her earlier with the plan of morning sex. She left around 3 a.m. but, as usual, texted me right when she got home.
What I did well
- Whispering stuff in her ear to escalate the vibe when touch didn't seem viable.
- Overall making it a point to just be more man to woman ( I realize this is vague af unfortunately, but really the best way is to ‘just do it’)
What I could do better / Learnings
- If facing LMR doing 2 steps forward and then just pulling back playfully can work better than 2 steps forward 1 step backward.
- If chilling back in response to resistance doesn work, get her objections(got some advice on it from @TomInHo)
- From @Skills - don’t do the same kind of escalation on her if she blocks the first attempt
