TLDR: Cold Approached a girl at a mall, got her number, met for coffee, had sex. Really textbook seduction.
People
Me: 30y/o Asian Male, stylish/sophisticated outfit
Her: 30y/o Korean, stylish tight-fitting dress that reveals her good athletic figure
Background
I was spending a day Cold Approaching, but wasn't having much luck. I wasted $25 and 2 hours trying to approach girls at a Museum. But I mostly saw couples and older women. I only approached ~3 girls in the whole museum, and had zero hooks.
I then walked over to a nearby shopping mall, to use the restroom, and hopefully get some additional approaches in and build some momentum.
The Meet
As I was at the entrance to the mall, I spotted a cute asian girl walking in. I followed her in, but she immediately took the escalator down and got in line to return some Amazon items at Whole Foods. I couldn't think of a way to smoothly approach a girl waiting in line for something I'm clearly not waiting in line for, so I abandoned this set.
I walked around the mall for the next 30 minutes, making another 1 or 2 approaches. I was feeling down and about to head home, when I see the Whole Foods girl waiting at the mall entrance on her phone. I thought for a minute or two, then approached her.
I casually walked to the side of her, and said "Are you waiting for an Uber too?" She gave me some polite response, and I kept the momentum going by asking her if Ubers stop here. And then slipping in a compliment about her outfit. I then continued asking if she works in fashion, we then got talking about work and her job, apparently she's starting a new job tomorrow at a company I used to work for. At a natural point in the conversation I ask if she wants to get a coffee sometime, and that we exchange numbers. She says okay, and then immediately after her Uber arrives and she leaves. Funny because I went for a hug, but we sort of awkwardly joined hands and waved them a bit. This was awkward, but it didn't seem to hurt things.
Followup
I gave her an icebreaker "hey nice to have met" text, and she responds almost immediately "nice to have met you too", which I took as a good sign. Later in the day I casually pinged if she has a busy day today, or if she's free before her first day of work tomorrow. She says she's not too busy, which I take as a sign to try to get a same day date while the lead is fresh. She declines because she has a dinner with friends, but in the same text suggests we meet on Sunday (7 days later), which I take as a good sign.
I agree to the Sunday date, and say we can confirm the details later in the week (I've recently learned not to confirm details until a few days before, so as not to seem too eager, and also to have something to "keep the fire warm" with throughout the week).
Usually in these situations, the girl and I both go sort of silent until the date gets closer, but this girl started asking me about my day and trying to keep the conversation going over text. So I very carefully texted her casually throughout the week, ensuring that the frequency and length and investment of my texts was about 80% of hers. I also heavily used Chase's suggestion of randomizing my response times (sometimes respond instantly, other times respond a day later).
First Date
Met for casual coffee at a location nearby both of us. We ordered up front, I paid, because it was so cheap, I didn't want to look like a cheapskate. I tried to pay in a very casual way and make it seem like no big deal at all.
We sat together, and chatted for ~20 minutes. I then suggested we go for a walk. And I led her in the direction of my neighborhood. Towards the end of the walk, I talked about a really cool musical instrument I had. And she seemed interested in it. I then suggested I show it to her. And I could see her mood immediately change because I was putting her on the spot about coming to my place. And before she could reject my offer, I smoothly said... "or maybe we can grab a bite? Are you hungry?".
She agreed, and we went to grab some food nearby, which she paid for (the food cost like 8x as much as the coffee I bought for us!). She sort of just immediately reached for her wallet when it was time to pay, and I just let her do so, then said "thanks! I'll get the next one". We ate and chatted more. Then I suggested we go get ice cream, which she agreed to, and I paid for. At this point, due to my conversation and building kino, she was sort of leaning into me when we were choosing ice cream flavors.
We ate ice cream, then I suggested we take a walk outside.
Haha so many venue changes! But I knew that she wasn't ready to go back to my place, so I intentionally used a bunch of venue changes to increase her comfort.
Pull
Finally, while walking outside, it was colder and breezier than expected. I suggested we hangout and sunbathe on my building's rooftop (the implication being that this triggers less ASD/FSC than going directly to my place). She finally agreed to this. And as we were walking, she said "can we bring drinks up there?" and I said sure. In my head I was thinking "So we're going straight to my place!".
Escalation
When she came to my place, I showed her around a bit, poured her some cool whiskey, we chatted and drank for a bit, before I kissed her. As I kissed her, I sensed nervousness, so I immediately changed the topic, moved around the place a bit, made her another cocktail, etc.
I then proceeded to escalate over the next two hours. There were multiple times when she nodded her head no, and said "not today" in a flirtatious way. And so I honestly didn't think this was going to happen, but I kept persisting anyway. The progression went as follows:
- kissing
- lying on the couch and dry humping
- tried sucking her nipples but she didn't let me
- flipped her over so she was prone on the couch, and I told her I want to show her my favorite sex position (me on top of her prone)
- more dry humping in this position, eventually I managed to get my finger to rub her clit over her panties (luckily she was wearing a summer dress, so there were no jeans to unbutton)
- She kept reaching her hand down to move my hand away, but I kept my finger there, and didn't let her move it away, because I knew she was loving it from the moans she was making
- Eventually slipped a finger in and massaged her G-spot
- Got her to put her hand in my pants on my dick
- Moved towards penetration, but she stopped and said "Condom!". I kept pushing for penetration anyway, because from experience she might LMR up when I get up and get the condom. Eventually I decide to take the risk
- I get a condom, and luckily there's no additional LMR, and we finally have sex
Funny because I had a time constraint, in that I was supposed to meet another girl at 6, and we were half-way into the escalation at 5:30. I decided to persist, and try to move things quickly, rather than just "accepting defeat", and ending the escalation and going to see the other girl. It was 5:45 when we finally had sex, and I finished relatively quickly, and decided it was okay to be late to see the next girl.
After Sex
Afterwards, she joked "just a normal Sunday afternoon".
Walked with her outside for a bit, talked about seeing each other again, and hugged goodbye.
Keys To The Lay
I'm honestly really proud of this lay. I used ALOT of new techniques that I adapted from recent failures, and I also used a lot of old techniques, that together honestly made the difference for this lay.
Go for same-day date, but ping for schedule carefully. I had the evening free after I got her number, and I know the sooner the better. So I casually pinged for her availability that evening, without seeming too eager about it (I lost 1 or 2 recent hot leads because I seemed too eager for the same day date). It seemed to have worked, as although she rejected my same day date offer, she immediately counter proposed the following Sunday.
Being flexible about texting more for a girl who wants to text. It happened to me twice previously where the girl seemed to want to text a bunch to establish more comfort even though we weren't going to meet for 7 days+. In the past, I would kind of go silent until a few days before, thinking it was good to imply scarcity. But in both those previous cases, the girl went cold/flaked. So in this case, I was much better calibrated, and made an effort to text this girl regularly throughout the week, ensuring I was investing only ~80% as much as she was, and trying to remain mysterious/build intrigue, and bait additional investment out of her at every chance I could (like leaving casual tidbits that get her to ask me questions about those tidbits).
Venue hopping - in the past, I would go straight from first date venue, to invite home. Which often wasn't nearly enough comfort for her. In fact, I made this mistake again today, but recovered from it by suggesting a venue hop before she could reject my home invitation. We hopped from coffee shop -> food place -> ice cream -> outside -> back to my place. Definitely the most venue hops I've ever done, but I think even 1 less hop would have resulted in her not having enough comfort.
Seeding the pull - Not something new for me, but something that was critical nonetheless. Throughout our date, I gave soooo many reasons for her to come back to my place, such that when I made the actual pull, she agreed pretty easily:
- I have a cool musical instrument she should check out
- I have a special whiskey collection, and she's into whiskey
- I have a really cool apartment layout and furniture selection that is similar to her own
- I have a super zen like bedroom space that she should check out
- I have a view she should checkout
- Later on, during the escalation, she made the flirtatious comment "It really seemed like all paths led back to your place"
Make her feel special
- I theorized on why this previous one and some other previous escalations were failures. I had enough value and sex appeal to get them to come back to my place. And I thought that was enough, but ran into LMR. I initially thought the issue was I needed to tone down provider, and increase lover sex appeal more. Though this is something I should generally work on, but it isn't the issue I've been running into recently. I realized these recent girls gave me LMR because they liked me, but thought I might be just using them like hunks of meat. So toning down provider and increasing lover actually hurts my chances in this case.
- So, throughout this entire date, I tried to make her feel special. I talked about how nice it was for two strangers to meet up, and I repeatedly told her that I'm having a good time. I told her I enjoy her vibe, and that we have surprisingly similar interests and viewpoints. I regularly complimented her on her athletic body, the shape of her legs, her fashion sense, etc. When escalating, I made sure she felt and heard how much I thought she was sexy and hot, and that I could barely hold myself back. All these compliments and statements carefully made with a lover tone/sexual gaze, so as not to make her think I'm a simp nice guy.
- I'm pretty sure this analysis (my issue isn't not enough lover, but not enough attainability), was correct, because I ended up with the lay this time
Sex talk
- while outside on the date, I mentioned sex or fucking casually once or twice in our conversations. This was to indicate sex is at least on my mind, and have her associate me with sex. But also to show a cavalier attitude towards sex, and therefore non-judgmental, because sex is just no big deal for me. I'm getting good at spotting moments when I can casually reference sex in conversation.
- while in my apartment (but before heavy escalation), I talked about more explicit sexual stuff, like favorite sex positions. When I was on top of her and heavily escalating, I described to her the way I like to make girls cum, which really turned her on. This is the first time I used this technique, and it was critical to turning her on enough for the eventual lay
Push-pull, 2 steps forward 1 step back, fractionation - Also not something new to me, but these techniques were critical for moving past her LMR.
Persistence in a non-needy way - when she refused to let me suck her nipples (LMR so early in the escalation!), I thought this was probably not going to happen today, and if so, it would be a mountain of effort. It really wasn't that bad, probably 2 hours total from entering my apartment to having sex. Continuing to persist in a non-needy way was required to get this lay.
Rub her clit until sex - used a suggestion from this article, where I make it to clitoral stimulation, and then hold onto the clit like my life depended on it (for like 5 minutes straight she kept moving her hand down to remove my hand, but I held on, and used my other hand to move her hand away).
Be willing to Skip Steps - She wouldn't let me suck her nipples. She never took off her dress. She never took off her panties either. If I was rigid in the progression, I would have had to move mountains to get her top off, then bra off, then her panties off. Instead, I just skipped steps, and went straight for her vagina by pulling her panties to the side. This worked to my advantage, because she was "only prepared mentally to prevent me from taking off her top", and so she was "unprepared to resist" when I went straight for her vagina. I was kind of surprised at the end, when I got out of her, and she stood up, and she looked fully dressed like she was ready to walk right outside, despite the fact that we had just had pounding sex.
Handle LMR with compassion + passion - Man, I loved this article and this article. They both say a similar thing which is that when a girl gives LMR, don't act hurt or disappointed. That only confirms her frame test that I'm only into her for the sex, and so if I'm not getting sex, then I'm a sad little boy (not a man). Instead, every time she gives me LMR, I give her a genuine smile, and tell her it's totally okay, and I'm just really loving being with her right now, and that we don't have to do anything. God, this worked like MAGIC, I used it probably 4 times, and each time I used it, I was able to progress further in the escalation subsequently.
So, honestly feeling really good to see a culmination of so many things I've been working on recently actually work out. I'm also excited to see this girl again, and also excited to go on more dates and hopefully see these techniques work again soon.
People
Me: 30y/o Asian Male, stylish/sophisticated outfit
Her: 30y/o Korean, stylish tight-fitting dress that reveals her good athletic figure
Background
I was spending a day Cold Approaching, but wasn't having much luck. I wasted $25 and 2 hours trying to approach girls at a Museum. But I mostly saw couples and older women. I only approached ~3 girls in the whole museum, and had zero hooks.
I then walked over to a nearby shopping mall, to use the restroom, and hopefully get some additional approaches in and build some momentum.
The Meet
As I was at the entrance to the mall, I spotted a cute asian girl walking in. I followed her in, but she immediately took the escalator down and got in line to return some Amazon items at Whole Foods. I couldn't think of a way to smoothly approach a girl waiting in line for something I'm clearly not waiting in line for, so I abandoned this set.
I walked around the mall for the next 30 minutes, making another 1 or 2 approaches. I was feeling down and about to head home, when I see the Whole Foods girl waiting at the mall entrance on her phone. I thought for a minute or two, then approached her.
I casually walked to the side of her, and said "Are you waiting for an Uber too?" She gave me some polite response, and I kept the momentum going by asking her if Ubers stop here. And then slipping in a compliment about her outfit. I then continued asking if she works in fashion, we then got talking about work and her job, apparently she's starting a new job tomorrow at a company I used to work for. At a natural point in the conversation I ask if she wants to get a coffee sometime, and that we exchange numbers. She says okay, and then immediately after her Uber arrives and she leaves. Funny because I went for a hug, but we sort of awkwardly joined hands and waved them a bit. This was awkward, but it didn't seem to hurt things.
Followup
I gave her an icebreaker "hey nice to have met" text, and she responds almost immediately "nice to have met you too", which I took as a good sign. Later in the day I casually pinged if she has a busy day today, or if she's free before her first day of work tomorrow. She says she's not too busy, which I take as a sign to try to get a same day date while the lead is fresh. She declines because she has a dinner with friends, but in the same text suggests we meet on Sunday (7 days later), which I take as a good sign.
I agree to the Sunday date, and say we can confirm the details later in the week (I've recently learned not to confirm details until a few days before, so as not to seem too eager, and also to have something to "keep the fire warm" with throughout the week).
Usually in these situations, the girl and I both go sort of silent until the date gets closer, but this girl started asking me about my day and trying to keep the conversation going over text. So I very carefully texted her casually throughout the week, ensuring that the frequency and length and investment of my texts was about 80% of hers. I also heavily used Chase's suggestion of randomizing my response times (sometimes respond instantly, other times respond a day later).
First Date
Met for casual coffee at a location nearby both of us. We ordered up front, I paid, because it was so cheap, I didn't want to look like a cheapskate. I tried to pay in a very casual way and make it seem like no big deal at all.
We sat together, and chatted for ~20 minutes. I then suggested we go for a walk. And I led her in the direction of my neighborhood. Towards the end of the walk, I talked about a really cool musical instrument I had. And she seemed interested in it. I then suggested I show it to her. And I could see her mood immediately change because I was putting her on the spot about coming to my place. And before she could reject my offer, I smoothly said... "or maybe we can grab a bite? Are you hungry?".
She agreed, and we went to grab some food nearby, which she paid for (the food cost like 8x as much as the coffee I bought for us!). She sort of just immediately reached for her wallet when it was time to pay, and I just let her do so, then said "thanks! I'll get the next one". We ate and chatted more. Then I suggested we go get ice cream, which she agreed to, and I paid for. At this point, due to my conversation and building kino, she was sort of leaning into me when we were choosing ice cream flavors.
We ate ice cream, then I suggested we take a walk outside.
Haha so many venue changes! But I knew that she wasn't ready to go back to my place, so I intentionally used a bunch of venue changes to increase her comfort.
Pull
Finally, while walking outside, it was colder and breezier than expected. I suggested we hangout and sunbathe on my building's rooftop (the implication being that this triggers less ASD/FSC than going directly to my place). She finally agreed to this. And as we were walking, she said "can we bring drinks up there?" and I said sure. In my head I was thinking "So we're going straight to my place!".
Escalation
When she came to my place, I showed her around a bit, poured her some cool whiskey, we chatted and drank for a bit, before I kissed her. As I kissed her, I sensed nervousness, so I immediately changed the topic, moved around the place a bit, made her another cocktail, etc.
I then proceeded to escalate over the next two hours. There were multiple times when she nodded her head no, and said "not today" in a flirtatious way. And so I honestly didn't think this was going to happen, but I kept persisting anyway. The progression went as follows:
- kissing
- lying on the couch and dry humping
- tried sucking her nipples but she didn't let me
- flipped her over so she was prone on the couch, and I told her I want to show her my favorite sex position (me on top of her prone)
- more dry humping in this position, eventually I managed to get my finger to rub her clit over her panties (luckily she was wearing a summer dress, so there were no jeans to unbutton)
- She kept reaching her hand down to move my hand away, but I kept my finger there, and didn't let her move it away, because I knew she was loving it from the moans she was making
- Eventually slipped a finger in and massaged her G-spot
- Got her to put her hand in my pants on my dick
- Moved towards penetration, but she stopped and said "Condom!". I kept pushing for penetration anyway, because from experience she might LMR up when I get up and get the condom. Eventually I decide to take the risk
- I get a condom, and luckily there's no additional LMR, and we finally have sex
Funny because I had a time constraint, in that I was supposed to meet another girl at 6, and we were half-way into the escalation at 5:30. I decided to persist, and try to move things quickly, rather than just "accepting defeat", and ending the escalation and going to see the other girl. It was 5:45 when we finally had sex, and I finished relatively quickly, and decided it was okay to be late to see the next girl.
After Sex
Afterwards, she joked "just a normal Sunday afternoon".
Walked with her outside for a bit, talked about seeing each other again, and hugged goodbye.
Keys To The Lay
I'm honestly really proud of this lay. I used ALOT of new techniques that I adapted from recent failures, and I also used a lot of old techniques, that together honestly made the difference for this lay.
Go for same-day date, but ping for schedule carefully. I had the evening free after I got her number, and I know the sooner the better. So I casually pinged for her availability that evening, without seeming too eager about it (I lost 1 or 2 recent hot leads because I seemed too eager for the same day date). It seemed to have worked, as although she rejected my same day date offer, she immediately counter proposed the following Sunday.
Being flexible about texting more for a girl who wants to text. It happened to me twice previously where the girl seemed to want to text a bunch to establish more comfort even though we weren't going to meet for 7 days+. In the past, I would kind of go silent until a few days before, thinking it was good to imply scarcity. But in both those previous cases, the girl went cold/flaked. So in this case, I was much better calibrated, and made an effort to text this girl regularly throughout the week, ensuring I was investing only ~80% as much as she was, and trying to remain mysterious/build intrigue, and bait additional investment out of her at every chance I could (like leaving casual tidbits that get her to ask me questions about those tidbits).
Venue hopping - in the past, I would go straight from first date venue, to invite home. Which often wasn't nearly enough comfort for her. In fact, I made this mistake again today, but recovered from it by suggesting a venue hop before she could reject my home invitation. We hopped from coffee shop -> food place -> ice cream -> outside -> back to my place. Definitely the most venue hops I've ever done, but I think even 1 less hop would have resulted in her not having enough comfort.
Seeding the pull - Not something new for me, but something that was critical nonetheless. Throughout our date, I gave soooo many reasons for her to come back to my place, such that when I made the actual pull, she agreed pretty easily:
- I have a cool musical instrument she should check out
- I have a special whiskey collection, and she's into whiskey
- I have a really cool apartment layout and furniture selection that is similar to her own
- I have a super zen like bedroom space that she should check out
- I have a view she should checkout
- Later on, during the escalation, she made the flirtatious comment "It really seemed like all paths led back to your place"
Make her feel special
- I theorized on why this previous one and some other previous escalations were failures. I had enough value and sex appeal to get them to come back to my place. And I thought that was enough, but ran into LMR. I initially thought the issue was I needed to tone down provider, and increase lover sex appeal more. Though this is something I should generally work on, but it isn't the issue I've been running into recently. I realized these recent girls gave me LMR because they liked me, but thought I might be just using them like hunks of meat. So toning down provider and increasing lover actually hurts my chances in this case.
- So, throughout this entire date, I tried to make her feel special. I talked about how nice it was for two strangers to meet up, and I repeatedly told her that I'm having a good time. I told her I enjoy her vibe, and that we have surprisingly similar interests and viewpoints. I regularly complimented her on her athletic body, the shape of her legs, her fashion sense, etc. When escalating, I made sure she felt and heard how much I thought she was sexy and hot, and that I could barely hold myself back. All these compliments and statements carefully made with a lover tone/sexual gaze, so as not to make her think I'm a simp nice guy.
- I'm pretty sure this analysis (my issue isn't not enough lover, but not enough attainability), was correct, because I ended up with the lay this time
Sex talk
- while outside on the date, I mentioned sex or fucking casually once or twice in our conversations. This was to indicate sex is at least on my mind, and have her associate me with sex. But also to show a cavalier attitude towards sex, and therefore non-judgmental, because sex is just no big deal for me. I'm getting good at spotting moments when I can casually reference sex in conversation.
- while in my apartment (but before heavy escalation), I talked about more explicit sexual stuff, like favorite sex positions. When I was on top of her and heavily escalating, I described to her the way I like to make girls cum, which really turned her on. This is the first time I used this technique, and it was critical to turning her on enough for the eventual lay
Push-pull, 2 steps forward 1 step back, fractionation - Also not something new to me, but these techniques were critical for moving past her LMR.
Persistence in a non-needy way - when she refused to let me suck her nipples (LMR so early in the escalation!), I thought this was probably not going to happen today, and if so, it would be a mountain of effort. It really wasn't that bad, probably 2 hours total from entering my apartment to having sex. Continuing to persist in a non-needy way was required to get this lay.
Rub her clit until sex - used a suggestion from this article, where I make it to clitoral stimulation, and then hold onto the clit like my life depended on it (for like 5 minutes straight she kept moving her hand down to remove my hand, but I held on, and used my other hand to move her hand away).
Be willing to Skip Steps - She wouldn't let me suck her nipples. She never took off her dress. She never took off her panties either. If I was rigid in the progression, I would have had to move mountains to get her top off, then bra off, then her panties off. Instead, I just skipped steps, and went straight for her vagina by pulling her panties to the side. This worked to my advantage, because she was "only prepared mentally to prevent me from taking off her top", and so she was "unprepared to resist" when I went straight for her vagina. I was kind of surprised at the end, when I got out of her, and she stood up, and she looked fully dressed like she was ready to walk right outside, despite the fact that we had just had pounding sex.
Handle LMR with compassion + passion - Man, I loved this article and this article. They both say a similar thing which is that when a girl gives LMR, don't act hurt or disappointed. That only confirms her frame test that I'm only into her for the sex, and so if I'm not getting sex, then I'm a sad little boy (not a man). Instead, every time she gives me LMR, I give her a genuine smile, and tell her it's totally okay, and I'm just really loving being with her right now, and that we don't have to do anything. God, this worked like MAGIC, I used it probably 4 times, and each time I used it, I was able to progress further in the escalation subsequently.
So, honestly feeling really good to see a culmination of so many things I've been working on recently actually work out. I'm also excited to see this girl again, and also excited to go on more dates and hopefully see these techniques work again soon.
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