Cultivating the X Factor

[Beam]

I've changed my username and have decided to start a new journal for a few reasons.

My last journal (here) had no specific goal in mind. I just mentioned that I “wanted to track my progress” but I didn’t really know what I was progressing towards besides “getting better with women”. In that journal which I started in June last year I slept with 5 new women (three from online, one from nightgame and one from social circle) all on the first date, and had countless more experiences with women for better or for worse. Not bad especially considering I was out for months due to COVID, but I don’t think I left these women better than when I found them. None of them turned into regulars. I also hardly cold approached up until the end of the journal, despite talking about it a lot my approach numbers sucked. It’s only in the last few weeks that I upped the volume considerably – in the last couple of weeks I approached over 150. A lot of whiny bitchy moments in that journal.

But I think it has helped me hone in on what I actually want (at least from women). And the sort of man I want to be. When I started that journal I think my hope was still that I would hit it off with a girl using the material and then would be able to call it a day. I think I've had enough experiences (detailed in the journal) dealing with girls who might have made good girlfriends consistently leaving after one, two dates or the first time having sex to realize that I need to go deeper or they will never stick around longer. That my positive, upbeat attitude which is initially attracting them is not being counterbalanced by my sexual nature. I’m failing to connect with these women in a real way.

That is the focus of this journal. Rebuilding my very core.. Becoming a grounded, masculine individual, a charming asshole with a heart of gold, a man women fantasize about rather than just another clueless AFC beating his head against the wall. Becoming a positive force of energy for everyone I meet, man, woman, old, young. Having a magnetic, warm presence that people can just sense and are irresistibly drawn to and, more importantly, want to stay around and follow. Having a rock solid frame. Being attractive to young women well into my 50s and beyond. Dripping sexuality with every word I say and action I take. Having beautiful women in my life at any one time. And being able to fuck them so well that they keep coming back for more. And having this just be the sort of person I am, from waking up in the morning to going to bed at night, without relying on alcohol (fake confidence). In “The Alabaster Girl” Zan mentioned two types of men on their deathbed – the first man is alone, he may have family and they cry when he dies, but the whole thing is solemn, and he will soon be forgotten by all but his family. The second man is surrounded by family, friends and women from all walks of life. He touched them all in some way, and they’re all here crying and laughing together, celebrating the amazing life he had. He has a smile on his face as he remembers all the memories he made, and how he feels he didn’t miss out on anything. That’s the man I want to be.

This is why I chose this username. It has a lot of different meanings, and all of them represent some part of who I want to be. Beam means a smile – I’ve struggled with depressive episodes, and I would like to become a happy person. A beam shines bright and show the way forward. Beams of light can be warm, and penetrate into peoples bodies. Beams can be solid, supporting structures. They can support a strong frame.

This is what I want. To break myself down, ego and all, and build up a rock-solid, unshakeable frame. I want to be a warm and empathetic person. I want women (and men) to bend to my frame willingly and with awe. I want to control every interaction, understand what is happening with her emotions at any point, and know what to say/do to bring her to the emotional state I want her in. I don’t ever want to feel out of control or blindsided by a “I see you as a friend” or “we should take a break” ever again. And while I’ll get a lot more of them no doubt as I shed the nice guy bullshit that has been drilled into me a lot further than I’d realized, I want to recognize and stamp it out in its tracks.

This is pretty much what Chase has been saying all along. But I didn’t quite “get it” and thought I could still take shortcuts, that women would forgive me for my mistakes and everything would be Gucci. I now realize due to some bad experiences that that is not going to happen, the margin of error is razor thin, and it is only through doing this shit again and again that I'll get what I want.

Before I wasn’t approaching this as a skill to level up with. Now I realize that I’ll spin my wheels if I don’t.

Sucking with women is the single biggest thing that has sapped my confidence for years, and it has spilled into every other area of my life. So I would like to make it a priority and set aside most other endeavors for a while. That means keeping the 9-5 for now as a bit of stability (and focusing on making my own business further down the track – I originally wanted to start one before 30 but it can wait). Setting aside music and comedy for a few months, with the hope to return to them so I can eventually perform. Fitness is a tough one – I’m in good shape, not elite shape. But it will go on maintenance mode for at least a few months.

Specific action plan to come.

 

[Beam]

This article is my starting point. Keeping things simple so I don't get overwhelmed.

It defines the three pillars of dating success as follows:

1. Your looks
2. The "X-Factor"
3. Your "Game" - Body language, verbal skills, etc)

Contrary to the title, my immediate focus is on number 1 and number 3 as they are things I can immediately work on.

 

[Beam]

Looks

Where I am: Intermediate Level
Where I want to be: Elite Level

Five main aspects:

Fashion

My current fashion ok but inconsistent. I have a lot of good outfits, but I only wear them on special occasions and they get a lot of attention. However I have a lot of other items of clothing that are "meh" that I put on when I need to run to the supermarket.

I found over the last few weeks that I would get stressed out thinking about what to wear going out, because I wanted to look good. But sometimes good clothes would be in the wash so I would put on something I didn't feel confident in. Need to get to the point where everything I own is good, down to the t-shirts, so that no matter what, I can always throw something on and look good.

Yesterday I had a friend of a friend come over to mine and we went through my wardrobe, sorting them into piles (from "burn it" all the way to "fuck yes" and he pointed out some other common mistakes I was making. He recommended some items of clothing I could buy to make me stand out more. For my skin tone, that means more whites, light blues and light greys.

My focus is always on "fuck yes". That means, getting to the point where I don't own any items of clothing that aren't "fuck yes".

I will also need an ironing/washing schedule and plan what I am going to wear in advance.

This is an immediate priority.
Action: Research and buy new scoop neck t-shirts, pants, shirts, belts, shoes.

Body

My body is decent. I am fairly lean. Have already eliminated sweets for years and I don't eat shit. But I'd like to gain more muscle mass as it doesn't pop. It used to years ago when I was bigger but my face was also fatter then and not as good looking.

This is less of an immediate priority.
Action: Leave on maintenance mode for now (4 times a week)

Diet

Diet is decent. I have a multi, fish oil and Vitamin D tablet every day. I've already eliminated shitty foods for years but need to incorporate a lot more greens.

I also need a schedule to plan what I am going to eat in advance. I've always struggled to do this.

This is less of an immediate priority.
Action: Leave on maintenance mode for now, focus on it when fashion is sorted.

Skin

I use sunscreen, moisturizer, and "the ordinary buffet" anti wrinkle cream every day.

Not a priority
Action: None, maintenance mode.

Hair

Currently have highlights. I like them and they make me look a lot younger (like 5 -6 people from 17-23 have guessed I was 23 in the last couple of weeks alone). But not sure whether to get them again or not. Use a standard clay I've been using for years but am not happy with it now. I bought Goldwell Roughman on Teevsters recommendation to get more control over it.

This is less of an immediate priority.
Action: Waiting on product to arrive

 

[Nicko]

Looks

Where I am: Intermediate Level
Where I want to be: Elite Level

Five main aspects:

Fashion

My current fashion ok but inconsistent. I have a lot of good outfits, but I only wear them on special occasions and they get a lot of attention. However I have a lot of other items of clothing that are "meh" that I put on when I need to run to the supermarket.

I found over the last few weeks that I would get stressed out thinking about what to wear going out, because I wanted to look good. But sometimes good clothes would be in the wash so I would put on something I didn't feel confident in. Need to get to the point where everything I own is good, down to the t-shirts, so that no matter what, I can always throw something on and look good.

Yesterday I had a friend of a friend come over to mine and we went through my wardrobe, sorting them into piles (from "burn it" all the way to "fuck yes" and he pointed out some other common mistakes I was making. He recommended some items of clothing I could buy to make me stand out more. For my skin tone, that means more whites, light blues and light greys.

My focus is always on "fuck yes". That means, getting to the point where I don't own any items of clothing that aren't "fuck yes".

I will also need an ironing/washing schedule and plan what I am going to wear in advance.

This is an immediate priority.
Action: Research and buy new scoop neck t-shirts, pants, shirts, belts, shoes.

Body

My body is decent. I am fairly lean. Have already eliminated sweets for years and I don't eat shit. But I'd like to gain more muscle mass as it doesn't pop. It used to years ago when I was bigger but my face was also fatter then and not as good looking.

This is less of an immediate priority.
Action: Leave on maintenance mode for now (4 times a week)

Diet

Diet is decent. I have a multi, fish oil and Vitamin D tablet every day. I've already eliminated shitty foods for years but need to incorporate a lot more greens.

I also need a schedule to plan what I am going to eat in advance. I've always struggled to do this.

This is less of an immediate priority.
Action: Leave on maintenance mode for now, focus on it when fashion is sorted.

Skin

I use sunscreen, moisturizer, and "the ordinary buffet" anti wrinkle cream every day.

Not a priority
Action: None, maintenance mode.

Hair

Currently have highlights. I like them and they make me look a lot younger (like 5 -6 people from 17-23 have guessed I was 23 in the last couple of weeks alone). But not sure whether to get them again or not. Use a standard clay I've been using for years but am not happy with it now. I bought Goldwell Roughman on Teevsters recommendation to get more control over it.

This is less of an immediate priority.
Action: Waiting on product to arrive

Hey Beam ☺
Glad that see your grinding and pulling ur shit together, props for u. For fashion i think you might be interested in taking a look into 'street wear'. Street wear is composed of all kinds of clothing from all sorts of genre (sport, casual, high fashion, dapper and ect.) and putting them together to fit a aesthetic thag you like. There is no 'rules' to streetwear that you have to follow you can but some general rules like when putting ur clothes together to make more aesthetic and not just eye cancer to everyone that walks past you xD. Generally you mess around and see what works. its more like find the pieces of clothing(tee, pants, sweat pants, jeans, jackets, coats, shoes and accessories like rings, watches bags of all colors) and putting them together! (you have all the freedom to) in a congruent way to make it aesthetic and more eye appealing. Street wear pretty much combines all the clothes in the fashion industry and mixes them to suit ur sense of style. There is certain 'styles' you find will find street for ex. Tech wear, Athlisure, eboy, skater aesthetics and ect . You can look at them as a sense of style/aesthetic in streetwear like a branch(a style from streetwear) from a tree(tree being streetwear itself) but you can still mix and match to see what fits.

Here is a good place to wrap ur head around streetwear

And here is for you to find ur sense of style in streetwear

Frugal aesthetic is a good place to dive into street but usually his videos are more memes then the actual content but still gets the point across and teaches you thr basics of how to style streetwear and make it congruent and aesthetic and what you should with certain clothing.

At the end of the day don't feel boxed to a specific part of street wear like some rules you can't match this clothing against this clothing and they call it distasteful r street wear itself. Find what you like and style it how ever you want <(￣︶￣)>

~keep grinding ╭( ･ㅂ･)و ̑̑
~nicko

 

[Beam]

Game

Where I am: Beginner Level (as much as I hate to admit it, I kind of suck)

Where I want to be (short term - 3 months) – Intermediate Level. To me this means getting to the point where my process from the approach to the bedroom is refined to the point where I can at least one girl of decent quality into bed from daygame/nightgame a month. Assuming 20 approaches a week, this would work out into about 1 in 80 approaches converting to a lay. Modest but achievable.

What I need to do: Focus on the overall picture of what I am trying to achieve and a lot of the other pieces will fall into place. I am currently getting overwhelmed by mechanical details.

Main aspects to focus on (immediately):

Volume

More volume is crucial. I work full time so time is limited now. I kind of miss the amount of time I had when I was unemployed.

Action: Approach a minimum of 20 girls per week. I will also take time to review the approaches every week, and not get stuck in a "need to hit my quota today so don't have time to sit down and review" trap that I fell into the last week of the 4 a day challenge. This can be done four days a week at 5 a day (doable) but obviously want to do more.

Gambits

Action: Create a "toolkit" of gambits to use in the initial approach to demonstrate who I am and who will help me find out who she is, and so I can consistently lead the interaction to where I want it. I already have a couple that have been pretty successful over the last week. Sorry @terminator92 for being slack with this.

Being a sexual being:

I am not a sexual person. My first dates that have ended in sex have been due to my logistics being set up well and leading the interaction. And alcohol has been involved. But being a sexual person is not me to the core, which is why I fail in the daytime or things don’t last. It must be drilled into me.

• Become a touchy feely person. I am currently not.
• Body language. I still walk quickly and erratically at times, especially when my mind is distracted.
• Be open about sex
• Create a sense of "us" with the girl, by her quickly finding out who I am, me finding out who she is, and creating this bond. Creating desire within her and making her feel allowed to act upon that desire.

Action: Focus on touching those around you at high points. I have already been doing this with friends, family and coworkers over the last week and it already is starting to feel a lot more natural. I’ve been doing it with girls I approach for around two weeks now, COVID be damned.

Focus on slowing down movements, deep breathing.

Talk about sex. Joke around about it, don’t be afraid to make others uncomfortable about it for now. Grandmaster style works for me. I have been doing this well over the last few weeks, it’s already starting to feel more natural. Chase framing, flipping the script everywhere you can.

Mindset:

From the approach, to the date, throughout the relationship. I am evaluating her. I am trying to find out who she is and making my decision on whether I want her in my life based on that. Doesn’t matter how cute or sweet she seems. Never think you “have” her and never let her “have” you. I am a challenge and not so easily won over.

Action: Focus on finding out who she is in every approach. Which means finding out what makes her tick, finding out what she feels about things and how she sees the world. Re-read my second last journal entry from my last journal where I went into this in detail. Will also add another point to emphasize in the interaction that I need to demonstrate to her - that I offer an escape from her daily life. I feel that I've been breaking through with this over the last week and have had good interactions with some really cute younger girls (who I could never break though with previously) by doing this. As in, they have been responding to my icebreaker texts.

Focus on investment:

You want her investing more and more and more over time. This is done with compliance demands, from first meet (example, telling her to stay for two more minutes). Match her investment level, perhaps show slightly more to push things further.

Flip the script

Chase framing, grandmaster style. Good example to use when she asks how old I am which happens a lot "Don't worry, I'm legal"

Eliminate noob mistakes

I can be pretty dense. I've lost a lot of girls over the last few weeks because of doing something stupid where I should know better. Going on a date and giving a girl a kiss on the cheek after dryhumping her on my couch the previous first date, thus ending up in the friendzone? Noob mistake.

How to eliminate these mistakes? If it feels wrong, it probably is. A lot of the time I've sensed that what I'm saying or doing may not be the best option but I do it anyway, whether it be due to being in a rush or whatever. Slow down. You can immerse yourself in this now. Focus on key principles of what you want out of the interaction and these noob mistakes won't happen anymore. Track all your interactions. Write everything done. Save your texts. Repetition. A problem I realized I get caught in is if I practice a certain technique repeatedly in an attempt to cement it into my brain, the minute I stop to practice a new technique I forget the old one (for instance I may practice qualifying, then I go on to practice talking about the date and forget to qualify her)

Social Media

Annoyingly, in the last week four girls have asked for my IG, and my IG honestly sucks. Some have stopped responding to my messages and I'm wondering whether that is playing a part. I hate social media but it looks like it's something that I may need to work on.

 

[Beam]

Also thanks @Nicko you absolute legend for putting that together, I've already checked out one of the videos on that channel and have gotten some useful tips out of it!

 

[Beam]

I can feel myself breaking through to some sort of next level. A lot of my approaches over the last week have been very warm, and girls have been responsive. The two main changes I've introduced that have been paying dividends is simple cold reads - taking what she says and then making assumptions about the sort of person she is based on that. And simply asking how she feels about certain topics (and combining the two, cold reading how things might make her feel). These two aspects alone have been really making the interactions feel much more personal. Again though, now that I've been focusing on this, sometimes I forget other basic things like screening if she has a boyfriend or not, like today where I only found out at the end of the 5 minute interaction.

I think my upgraded fashion is helping too, have had a lot of compliments on it over the last week.

Something funny has started happening. I'm feeling "always on" now. Two examples over the last day:

Work Christmas Party:
Used the same general principles as above when talking with the partners of my coworkers. Was a bit of an ego boost. Two of the wives (who were quite hot for being in their 40s) seemed quite smitten - one I had a long chat with, hooked quite early and she kept maintaining the conversation, asking me questions, touching me. At one point she was sitting on her husbands lap and a seat freed up right next to me, on the side far away from the husband - she immediately got up and sat on it to be near me. Another woman asked if we were partners and she immediately said "yes we are!", was asking about me when I left and saying "he's going to be my third husband" (lol). The other one I enamoured in our own bubble, was flirting with her and at the end she tells me "I really like you, add me on fb". At some point when we were talking a gay guy came up and told me I was "really handsome"(she chimed in "he really is" with a girly giggle) and asked if I was gay. Told him I wasn't but was flattered.

Meeting with old coworker:
Met an old coworker for brunch and because I was late he brought his girlfriend since they were heading off somewhere later. Same thing, diverted attention to her to cold read/ask her about her feelings/experiences. I also joked around with my coworker like I used to. She went from being shy and not talking much to opening up, giggling at pretty much everything I was saying by the end (even if it wasn't funny)

Focus - Texting:
In addition to the above two posts, one of my main focusses now is on texting. I am losing so many girls over text now it's not funny. Main reason is, I think I am so focused on "logistics only" but a lot of girls nowadays expect some light back and forth first. So me going for the meet to soon comes across as needy and uncalibrated. This is coming from a place of neediness. I'm obsessed with crafting the perfect message to get her out as soon as possible that I'm stressing myself out. And because of this, the messages don't end up being perfect at all, but stunted and unnatural. Reason I'm doing this is I'm still afraid if I send off a quick conversational text she just won't respond, which is why I want to meet to set up plans as soon as possible. I should be aiming to do this of course, but in a less needy way. I'm still being needy and stressing out, thinking I've messed up if she hasn't responded within the same day. I'm now obsessing thinking "If the text was better, more engaging, she would have responded by now. I'm fucking up". Then she texts back the next day and all is good again. Rinse and repeat. Neediness, coming from a place of scarcity.

I'm making progress, but I'm generally feeling stressed out and burned out, along with massive feelings of FOMO every time I am not out there talking to girls, including when I am at work. Not a pleasant feeling. I feel like if I just had one FB right now it would be bearable. Right now the dry spell I'm on is honestly stressing me out. I'm on the 5th month of it now, and I'm comparing myself to this time last year when I got laid in June, November and twice in Jan this year. And thinking that this year, I last got laid in June and November has past, so I'm doing "worse" than last year. These thoughts are not productive 1. Because of COVID. Without I probably would have surpassed last year and 2. The girls last year were mainly from online game, which I've been neglecting due to daygame. Maybe if I focused on online again it would be different, but I've been focusing on daygame which is a lot harder, so of course my results won't be as fast. It's a long game - I've come so far and I've got to remember it will come with time.

 

[Nicko]

Hey beam looks like ur doing great☺,

its awesome that you found ur fashion has improved, thumbs up for you.
Quick question when screening girls for bfs does it effect the closes when you cold approach girls. Ex. Girl reveals she has a bf by 'oh my bf got me into this
hobby/work/perspective/whatever'' would u close either way and over come some of the possible resistance when she knows she is attracted to u or u just eject and move on?

 

[Beam]

Hey @Nicko I'm not an authority on this by any means, but I think it would depend on how she talks about him. If she's excited and happy when she talks about him, she's probably content and it will be difficult to overcome this so I usually eject. If she sounds unsure, Tony D recommended asking her if he made her happy as a way of gauging what she thinks about him. If she sounds like she is unhappy, you might have better odds going for the close. If it's not clear cut ie she's "seeing someone" but nothings official, I push on. In this case even if these two were unhappy there was no way I was going to jeopardize my new job by trying anything.. Again, probably best to ask others on the forum about this since it's not something I have too much field experience in!

 

[Beam]

Night game (inside bars) seems to be back in my city. Went out last night near my house around 11pm looking fly, but AA was back in full force since everyone was out with their groups and I didn't have a wing. As luck would have it I stumbled across an old coworker of mine who was out with a buddy of his (both early 30s, single). The place I ran into them was empty - until I got upstairs to the dance floor. Hoooly shit. Absolutely packed, social distancing be damned. I noticed some IOIs from girls on the dancefloor but honestly I was a bit awkward because I hadn't warmed up and was definitely not in the mood for dancing. I grabbed a couple drinks and approached a set sitting down. One had a boyfriend, the other was single but didn't seem that interested. I ejected. Talked with my coworker and his buddy some more. Honestly it was so packed and such a small venue, with everyone dancing, that it was very difficult for me to approach - I was looking for stationary sets sitting at tables but everyone was up at the dance floor. Maybe if I'd gone out earlier it would have been better. I stood around awkwardly with my coworker and his buddy, we shot the shit for a while and then the place closed. As I was leaving an attractive girl stared me down with the look, I went up to her and she straight up told me I was sexy. Turns out she was English. I told her she looked familiar and it was true - after a little while talking I realized I'd matched with this chick on Hinge a few months back but she had never responded to my opener. Of course I didn't mention this.

Quickly realized she was way too drunk which was a shame. When I (tactfully) said this she said we should hang sometime and gave me her number. I was trying not to be judgmental at all but maybe something in my body language was coming across that way because she kept saying things like "oh I'm so sorry, you must think I'm a mess, I'm not usually like this, have had a bit". And when her number didn't enter properly and I got her to enter it again saying "are you not interested in me ". Her friends were on my side and were telling her that I could come with them to the next venue. In retrospect, I should have just gone with them and used her for some preselection while I went for other chicks but at the time I was tired and very very sober, so I went home. On the way home I saw her walking with another dude. That kind of sucked that it wasn't me, but I knew how drunk she was so it would have been taking advantage.

On another note - after not drinking for so many months I'm really noticing how bad it's making me feel the next day. That could also be the back to back 2am nights. Only reason I drank so much on Friday was to build up the relationship with my new coworkers - I don't intend to make it a regular thing at all (despite the peer pressure)

 

[Beam]

More notes on texting:

Would like to get into the habit of asking if the girls have Whatsapp which will give me the ability to send video messages if I need for the reasons outlined in this article (which resonates with me cause I suck at texting): https://www.girlschase.com/content/video-messaging-girls-part-1-why-video-message-her

I can do it through MMS but they end up blurry which is not ideal. Another option in MMS is sending a link to a video stored in Google Photos - again not ideal since it's more effort for her and it'll be harder for her to respond with a video message of her own (though on the other hand, it might make her really curious). Just have to make sure she doesn't think it's a dick pic, lol. Another option is communicating through Messenger (these are options from the article) but I'm not really the biggest fan of giving women my Facebook (I guess you can do it without adding them) but another reason is I hate the "seen" feature on Messenger.

 

[Beam]

Went on a date with a sexy girl I cold approached after work last week (indirect open on the dress she was wearing). She had to leave at 9 which wasn't ideal, and didn't agree to my initial suggestion of drinks at a place near mine (I didn't specify it was near mine though) which she later mentioned was because "I'm not travelling out that far for a guy I barely know"

A few notes:

- This girl intimidated the hell out of me. She had a wide range of knowledge on quite a few topics and just seemed generally very socially attuned and experienced with life in general, particularly with travel and people considering she's 24. While I have similar life experience, the way she talked about it and carried herself made me lose frame. I felt.. a bit childish? Making sex jokes and shit around her but I have to remember that that is my frame and women actually love this shit as much as they may act shocked.

- She mentioned that she actually gets approached quite a bit and usually is usually rude about rejecting men - but she liked what I was putting down which is why she agreed to come out - my approach skills are getting more refined.

- Was clumsy with the touch at the end putting my arm around her as we walked away from the bar to get to her uber (she called me out on it "this is not smooth at all" with a laugh). I find that me putting my arm around her seems to be my way of making up for a lack of touch throughout the date (generally when we have been sitting opposite each other like in this case). When we touch or kiss throughout the date, I don't feel as pressured to do this. For instance a girl I had sex with at the start of the year, we touched and kissed during the date and on the 15 minute walk back to my place, we barely knocked arms and it just felt natural and... right. Anything else felt forced. I've got to cut out the arm around her while walking. Too childish and not manly. But should focus on more incidental touch (and protective obviously when crossing the road etc). Think of gambits to introduce walking away from the venue that aren't simply "I'm cold, I need someone to warm me up" bullshit.

- Kissed at the end, suggested we hang out again this Saturday and she agreed. Boneheadedly said "I'm not sure what we'll do yet but we'll figure out something" to which she responded "don't lead with that".

These last two comments were obviously shit tests. I didn't handle them well at all (I didn't get serious or anything, but laughed off her comments. But witty replies might have been better) The nerves honestly got to me. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure though - should have calibrated my touch properly and also had a plan for the second date ready to go given I knew she had to leave at 9. I mean, I have second date ideas but none came to the forefront of my mind in that split second so I defaulted to putting it off until I could sit down to think about it more.

- I've got a nice CBD venue to go to now that is close to the tram that goes straight to my house - so now if I'm on a city date and want to aim for the SNL, logistically it will be a lot easier.

 

[Velasco]

I find that me putting my arm around her seems to be my way of making up for a lack of touch throughout the date (generally when we have been sitting opposite each other like in this case)

Notice her hand, tilt your head and go, "hmmm. Can I see your hand real quick. When she gives it to you. Take her hand and inspect her nails closely (if she resist you touching her hand just, "I'm not gonna do anything weird. Just let me see it for sec"). Examine it for a couple seconds then go "interesting" as you let go of her hand.

Touch barrier broken + Curiosity bait.

Your a smart guy. I'll leave that for you to decide where you want to go with it.

Hand holding at the end where you guys are leaving the venue together should be natural (like you say, "come on" hold your hand out and know shes obviously gonna take it) assuming you did things right on the date.

 

[Nicko]

Hey! @Beam imma hit up the cities a few days, do you know any good spots. It will help alot if u know a couple where stationary sets are more common.Just imagine if we somehow if we somehow bump into each other it would hilarious xD thanks!

 

[Beam]

Hey! @Beam imma hit up the cities a few days, do you know any good spots. It will help alot if u know a couple where stationary sets are more common.Just imagine if we somehow if we somehow bump into each other it would hilarious xD thanks!

Hey man, sorry I missed the part when you said you were going in the next few days (which has obviously passed now). Been meaning to respond to this. Will PM you.

 

[Beam]

Notice her hand, tilt your head and go, "hmmm. Can I see your hand real quick. When she gives it to you. Take her hand and inspect her nails closely (if she resist you touching her hand just, "I'm not gonna do anything weird. Just let me see it for sec"). Examine it for a couple seconds then go "interesting" as you let go of her hand.

Touch barrier broken + Curiosity bait.

Your a smart guy. I'll leave that for you to decide where you want to go with it.

Hand holding at the end where you guys are leaving the venue together should be natural (like you say, "come on" hold your hand out and know shes obviously gonna take it) assuming you did things right on the date.

I broke the touch barrier at the start by kissing her on the cheek as she arrived and then taking her hand to inspect her rings, but yeah, didn't do it enough throughout the date and should have aimed to find a spot where we could both sit down next to each other, which would have been more ideal. I don't really incorporate curiousity bait very much, for some reason this always strikes me as kind of cheesy but I guess that's because I'm picturing myself doing it as a beginner, which will be obvious to her as me trying too hard to be mysterious.

On hand holding, isn't that too boyfriendy for the first date? I've been reluctant to do this for that reason.

Or is it like, taking her hand to lead her out of the venue, to lead to to other places like you're taking her on an adventure as opposed to just locking hands for a nice evening stroll not necessarily going anywhere in particular?

 

[Beam]

Update on this girl anyway - got the "didn't feel a romantic connection" text when I texted the next day asking if she was still on for Saturday:

She responded at 2pm on Friday with this

Hey B! Ah I'm not free anymore. I've made plans since Wednesday. I had a nice time with you however on reflection I'm not sure I felt that romantic spark, which is what I'm looking for. I wish you all the best, have a lovely weekend

On Tony Ds advice I didn't respond the same day, but waited until the next morning instead to not seem as reactive:

Hey, I really think that's a shame - we would have had a lot of fun together. It wasn't ideal that Wednesday ended early - I'm not the biggest fan of time limits when trying to get to know someone.

How would you feel about having another couple of drinks on a night when we both don't have anything on later? If you still feel the same way, we'll know for sure

That was almost 30 hours ago and no response.

Time to chuck this one in the bin.

 

[foggy]

Update on this girl anyway - got the "didn't feel a romantic connection" text when I texted the next day asking if she was still on for Saturday:

She responded at 2pm on Friday with this



On Tony Ds advice I didn't respond the same day, but waited until the next morning instead to not seem as reactive:



That was almost 30 hours ago and no response.

Time to chuck this one in the bin.

hey beam

lets look at this from an attainability standpoint....sounds like she did not feel a romantic spark because you were not enough of a challenge for her...your text back to her is indicative of that. it was too nice, too predictable...overall not challenging enough. i can see why she didnt respond.

she says shes looking for romance, but that still leaves hooking up and friends on the table. girls change their minds all the time. one thing you coulda done is reframed the context of your relationship into being friends with her. get her socials, follow her there. keep her in your pipeline for when you get to more advanced levels of game - maybe at some point thru her social sharings you will notice she is looking for just sex rather than a romantic connection. hit her up then

 

[Beam]

@fog, I recall Chase mentioning that sending these genuine texts can be a good way of getting women to come back when things have gone awry which is why I try them. So far the few I've sent have a 0% response rate (around 3-4) so yeah I obviously need to change something up.

For some reason, my ego prevents me from trying to get into the "friends" camp and keep in contact with women who I have failed to seduce. I feel like another orbiter doing that. I don't know, I always feel insecure that she has lost respect for me as a man for failing to attract her and seeing her on social media is a constant reminder of that (I still have a few girls on social media that I failed to bed that I see regularly on my feed and always feel pangs of regret when I do - not a good feeling), and this is why I prefer either trying to get her out again soon or cutting her completely. But what you're saying does make sense.

But... say I did want to maximize my chances of getting her out again without going down that route, what would you have changed in that text to increase the odds while still coming across as a challenge? Perhaps offering value of some sort, like saying "that's a shame, there's something I wanted to show you that I think you would have really loved" to build intrigue?

 

[Velasco]

I don't really incorporate curiousity bait very much, for some reason this always strikes me as kind of cheesy but I guess that's because I'm picturing myself doing it as a beginner, which will be obvious to her as me trying too hard to be mysterious.

cheesy because the examples you've seen of it, appeared that way to you.

But have you ever had someone say something to you, that made you go, "what do you mean?" (if it wasn't interesting, you'd probably not even care what they said to ask for clarification. you'd just nod, "yeah" as if you heard what they said the first time) or read something that seemed pretty interesting, that it made waste an entire afternoon, digging deeper into what they were talking about?

I'm willing to bet that whatever it was that was said to you...or read by you....that triggered that reaction outta you, you didn't once stop and think it was cheesy, right?

On hand holding, isn't that too boyfriendy for the first date?

Behave exactly as her lover would behave around her.

Razorjack: Rapport

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