Cultivating the X Factor

Indian Race Troll (IRT)

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It's weird. Contrary to leading me to push harder and harder, last weeks success actually lowered my motivation this week, and as a result the couple of approaches I have done (around 5-6 this week) have been really shitty and awkward - my heart hasn't been in them. I allowed my mind to stray to other things that I hadn't thought about in a long time, like video games, with a weird sense of nostalgia. It felt like I was giving myself a small reward of relaxation for the success. I can feel the drive coming back though, I can't let myself get comfortable and need to remember the overall goal of this journal, and this quote:

'Amateurs practice until they can get it right; professionals practice until they can't get it wrong'.
 

Beam

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Not too much of an update over the last two weeks. Motivation still running lower than it was at the start of the year and getting mistakenly banned from here somewhat contributed to that, but it's good to be back.

Daygame:

It's been almost three weeks since I slept with HB Hot Blonde but she has been putting off meeting again. I detail why here.

I have a pretty strong lead from daygame (a tall, pretty, short haired brunette outside a gallery (HB Gallery) that I approached when out with a wing. Her friend was there and told me that she was seeing someone, but HB Gallery squirmed when she said that - given how responsive and eager she has been over text, I get the feeling that this guy isn't doing anything for her and she finds me way more attractive which is why she didn't bring him up, which feels good. We had a date for Friday but she had to babysit last minute - she called me to apologize and we had a long conversation about the new 5 day lockdown which just got imposed in our state in response to a recent quarantine leak. This lockdown ends on Wednesday night.

Approach volumes have been low - only around 5 daygame approaches per week on average, far below the 20 I'd set myself.

Nightgame:

Have been going out consistently with my wings but haven't had any strong hooks. We are focused on night street game but have done some bar game. Attempted to isolate a few sets without success. Need to reassess my strategy and start writing proper night field reports again because what I'm doing now is still wishy washy with no clear goal.

Online:

Like a graveyard. No new leads, but I am getting new professional pics so we'll see how those affect my results. My intent is just to use online to keep the pipeline full while I focus on daygame and nightgame.
 
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Beam

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Note to self - research and use more of Gunwitchs work. Haven't really paid too much attention to it so far (only in passing), but after Bismarck linked me to this article: https://www.girlschase.com/content/what-tell-girl-get-her-interested-you it seems to be just what I'm looking for.

It's funny, because one of Gunwitchs lines in that article - "I can tell there’s something different about you — your vibe — and I want to find out what that is.” - is a line that I developed almost word for word independently last year!
 

Beam

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Reengaged HB Hot Blonde just now. Kind of agonized over what to send, it had been five days and what I sent had to be something that would force her to respond. Asking her how she had been with the new lockdown was value sucking. I wanted something fun, and value giving. I sent her a text saying I hoped she'd been well and then saying I was curious about what they had her doing during this new five day lockdown (she lost her job as a flight attendant and is now working various COVID related jobs), and said I imagined she was the head of a new strikeforce finding and beating people back into their homes... I'll see how this plays out but the general principle I need to remember - texts should always be focused first and foremost on setting logistics, but in general and especially when reengaging, they should also be fun and value giving, and easy for her to respond to with plenty of pick off points.
 

Will_V

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For me personally, if I've already banged a girl, the next time I message her it will be a bit sexual and referential to what we did. The way I see it, once a girl's had me inside her, there is no other validation of myself that will have the same amount of strength to pull her back into my orbit as reminding her of what we did and how much I enjoyed it - and the biggest question on a girl's mind after sex is always 'did he like it, was I good?' so I want to give her that validation while asserting our sexual relationship.
 

Beam

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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For me personally, if I've already banged a girl, the next time I message her it will be a bit sexual and referential to what we did. The way I see it, once a girl's had me inside her, there is no other validation of myself that will have the same amount of strength to pull her back into my orbit as reminding her of what we did and how much I enjoyed it - and the biggest question on a girl's mind after sex is always 'did he like it, was I good?' so I want to give her that validation while asserting our sexual relationship.

I find it challenging to do this because after sex, I try to be the same person I was beforehand, but a little bit warmer (read that in an article on this site actually) so that she feels I haven't changed just because we had sex. And beforehand the texting is generally not as sexual or flirtatious. But this will be solved as I become more of a sexual person in general anyway.
 

Beam

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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I'm still letting validation affect my emotional state and drive too much. Case in point, the loss of motivation after sleeping with HB Hot Blonde which lasted quite a while. I enjoyed the validation and telling my buddies/wingmen about it. I loved the validation, I thought I was the shit. And I hardly approached after that, coasting on it. Lazing around at home not doing much (part of that was feeling a bit lost after having reached this milestone too, I was confused about where to go next, despite the roadmap being right here in my journal)

And then! When she started getting slower with the responses and I was hardly getting any matches online, it swung the other way. Lazing around at home thinking "man, it feels impossible making something that will last, I'm probably going to die alone" not in a despairing way but more in a matter of fact way. Literally pissing time away browsing the internet in my bed.

Yesterday I made a funny post on facebook about covid and was sitting there waiting for the likes to come in. I felt antzy when I didn't have any after a couple of minutes. I got a decent amount in the end (like 30) with likes and comments from some cute girls. Why do I care about this so much? Part of it is because I want my social media presence to be stronger because even girls you cold approach will sometimes just give you their insta and if yours isn't semi decent, they'll bail (happened to me a few times around December last year, I've almost doubled the number of followers and instagram posts I've made since then). But it's still dangerous, how quickly you become obsessed with the validation.

But, I digress.

Two ends of the spectrum - feeling like a fucking winner and feeling like a loser - same result - loss of motivation and drive.

I thought I was past letting these things affect me but apparently not.

Have to keep perspective. And remember that situations can change quickly. I've done it before, I can do it again. And if I'm going through a rough patch where I'm not getting anything, it doesn't mean the end. You've gone through many like this before and have come out of it. Keep perspective. Decouple your emotions from the current state of affairs and keep playing the long game.
 

Will_V

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Just keep approaching, don't stop. The way I think of it is that other women can smell the pussy for days on me, and it's my best chance to keep momentum going.

Other thing is focusing on lifestyle. Think to yourself "I want to be the guy that can approach a girl anywhere anytime" so then a hotshot lay means little in that context. For example, my lifestyle goal right now is to afford a good-sized apartment in the heart of the city, be seeing 2 or 3 beautiful women regularly while meeting new ones regularly, while building (not maintaining) my business and quickly ticking off all the other things on my bucket list (well over 200 right now). So a great ONS is just a drop in the ocean of what I'm aiming for, just a taste of the good life.

Anyway good to see you back, I read your lay report before the shemozzle and you definitely came across as legit, keep working on yourself and moving forward!
 

Beam

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Thanks man, I appreciate the comments. I actually read a couple of your posts in between my accounts and wanted to like them but couldn't - Some of the stuff you've written has really resonated a lot - you get your point across in a really clear easy to understand way.
 

Beam

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Lots of updates to come from this weekend. Had three opportunities to pull which I messed up Saturday night (will write up a detailed FR). Main reason for the mess up in all three cases was being too afraid to be more persistent (new sticking point). Got a same day cold approach date to mine today (Sunday) but LMR.

I leave on the work trip tomorrow for two weeks - to a small town with 150 people and nothing to do. Kind of coming at the worst time since I'm getting some real momentum which I'm kinda bummed about but hey, that's the situation. Wouldn't be able to afford the lifestyle I'm living without it, it's a sacrifice I have to make.
 

Beam

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FR from last Saturday here.

Got a same day cold approach date to mine today (Sunday) but LMR.

This was actually a pretty big milestone for me (first time I've had a daygame lead over to mine the day I met her and gotten intimate) and I haven't given the full story of what happened:

Sunday morning, I was driving home from the shops, still looking fly in the previous nights denim jacket, black pants and black t-shirt. On the way back home, I spotted a tall, black haired girl with a sexy bod in white activewear walking. I couldn't see her face yet but there no way I was missing out on this, car be damned. So I pulled into a side street and quickly got out, and then walked back out onto the main road. I passed her and got a glance of her face. Goddamn. Pale, Mediterranean looking, she was super sexy. I looped back, delivered my standard direct opener and she seemed shocked. Had a fun short interaction, found out she was on a long walk and number closed, and seeded the idea of having a drink that night since she seemed open to it.

After leaving and heading home, I realized what an idiot I was. This girl was on her own, just going for a long walk. This would have been the perfect opportunity for an instant date. And I was leaving the next day. I had no time to waste.

So I did something I'd never done before - I called her. And told her that on her way back from her walk we should grab a coffee. She seemed surprised but objected, saying "I'll be too sweaty! When you came to talk to me I was so surprised because I felt gross! How about we catch up when you get back?". No, this would never happen. So I went back and suggested my original in person plan of meeting for a drink that night. She agreed.

I texted her the plans later on, and we met at my usual spot at 7. She came in and honestly, this girl was fucking sexy. Like a 9. Her teeth were a bit banged up though, but the rest of her was so sexy that I didn't really care.

Date went well, teased her about her lack of geography knowledge (she was really, really clueless about it. I found out she was mixed - a quarter Jamaican, a quarter Maltese and half white, but she didn't even know where Jamaica and Malta were). Deep dived, the standard. Played the three favourite animals game but it sort of fell flat. She was pelting me with questions and I was trying to divert it back to her as much as possible, but it was hard at times.

Had one drink and changed venues. At the second venue she sat in a position which made it easy for me to sit next to her. I didn't like how I relied on her sitting in this position, she could have easily taken another chair which would have had us sitting opposite each other, I got lucky, but I don't want to rely on luck.

We grabbed another drink, I seeded the pull by talking about how I didn't watch many movies and only liked watching them with other people (the same way I seeded the pull in my last LR) and asking her what her favourite genre was (horror). Told her about another personality game that I wanted to play with her later but didn't tell her what it was to keep her intrigued. It worked (as I'll come to later).

She continued to pelt me with questions, my face was getting closer and closer to hers until I eventually just told her to shut up and kissed her. She was delicious. I pulled away and she seemed stunned. "I don't know what to say. I haven't kissed anyone in a billion years". I was surprised, but it made me realize again how few men a lot of these sexy girls are actually meeting. I tend to assume they are constantly out there meeting guys the same way I am meeting girls, but this is not always the case...

Half an hour later, I suggested we watch a horror movie at mine. She paused for a short while, I promised her that we wouldn't do anything she wasn't comfortable with, and she agreed. We left the venue and started walking to her car (she was going to drive me). I noticed many guys ogling her on the way - it felt good.

She drove me to my house (she had only had two drinks so it was fine) and came inside. I showed her around and then we sat on the couch to watch the movie. We were sitting next to each other so it felt awkward and forced escalating from this position. To make things easier, I suggested we lie down. Now were were spooning, it was a lot easier to start kissing her neck. Soon after doing this, she turned her head around and we started making out.

She was so delicious. I could have just kissed her for hours. It felt like we were. I gently guided my hand towards her pussy but she gently led my hand away. "Lets watch the movie". I didn't want to be too pushy, played it cool and said sure. We continued to watch it but it kind of sucked, and then she said she wanted to play the personality game I'd teased earlier. This game was actually our good old friend the cube! And it actually worked. Her cube was small and transparent which I found adorable. Her horse was tame and off doing its own thing. This routine is powerful, I always dismissed it as cheesy but now I've used it twice and both times it has been pretty accurate (even the girls have said so) and will be using it going forward. Soon after we stopped playing we started making out again. Started sucking on her tits this time. She was closing her eyes and smiling. Again, my hand started going down there. She guided it away again. She verbally objected. I don't remember what exactly she said but I played it cool, saying "you can't blame me". I didn't push too hard, I played it cool, we made out for about half an hour when the movie ended. I was the one to end it. "I should probably pack up, I need to be up early tomorrow" which was true. She got up to leave, we shared a passionate kiss, and I told her to text me when she got back. She texted me saying she got home and telling me not to forget my charger for the flight. I thanked her for reminding me, told her that was fun and that we should hang again when I got back. She agreed and wished me a safe flight.

I texted her something funny today, a week later and she responded enthusiastically. I feel like this girl is kind of inexperienced despite being 24, and am fairly confident I'll be able to get her out again, especially since she isn't meeting many guys apparently (since her last kiss was "a billion years ago", before COVID.
 
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Nicko

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FR from last Saturday here.



This was actually a pretty big milestone for me (first time I've had a daygame lead over to mine the day I met her and gotten intimate) and I haven't given the full story of what happened:

Sunday morning, I was driving home from the shops, still looking fly in the previous nights denim jacket, black pants and black t-shirt. On the way back home, I spotted a tall, black haired girl with a sexy bod in white activewear walking. I couldn't see her face yet but there no way I was missing out on this, car be damned. So I pulled into a side street and quickly got out, and then walked back out onto the main road. I passed her and got a glance of her face. Goddamn. Pale, Mediterranean looking, she was super sexy. I looped back, delivered my standard direct opener and she seemed shocked. Had a fun short interaction, found out she was on a long walk and number closed, and seeded the idea of having a drink that night since she seemed open to it.

After leaving and heading home, I realized what an idiot I was. This girl was on her own, just going for a long walk. This would have been the perfect opportunity for an instant date. And I was leaving the next day. I had no time to waste.

So I did something I'd never done before - I called her. And told her that on her way back from her walk we should grab a coffee. She seemed surprised but objected, saying "I'll be too sweaty! When you came to talk to me I was so surprised because I felt gross! How about we catch up when you get back?". No, this would never happen. So I went back and suggested my original in person plan of meeting for a drink that night. She agreed.

I texted her the plans later on, and we met at my usual spot at 7. She came in and honestly, this girl was fucking sexy. Like a 9. Her teeth were a bit banged up though, but the rest of her was so sexy that I didn't really care.

Date went well, teased her about her lack of geography knowledge (she was really, really clueless about it. I found out she was mixed - a quarter Jamaican, a quarter Maltese and half white, but she didn't even know where Jamaica and Malta were). Deep dived, the standard. She was pelting me with questions and I was trying to divert it back to her as much as possible, but it was hard at times.

Had one drink and changed venues. At the second venue she sat in a position which made it easy for me to sit next to her. I didn't like how I relied on her sitting in this position, she could have easily taken another chair which would have had us sitting opposite each other, I got lucky, but I don't want to rely on luck.

We grabbed another drink, I seeded the pull by talking about how I didn't watch many movies and only liked watching them with other people (the same way I seeded the pull in my last LR) and asking her what her favourite genre was (horror).

She continued to pelt me with questions, my face was getting closer and closer to hers until I eventually just told her to shut up and kissed her. She was delicious. I pulled away and she seemed stunned. "I don't know what to say. I haven't kissed anyone in a billion years". I was surprised, but it made me realize again how few men a lot of these sexy girls are actually meeting. I tend to assume they are constantly out there meeting guys the same way I am meeting girls, but this is not always the case...

Half an hour later, I suggested we watch a horror movie at mine. She paused for a short while, I promised her that we wouldn't do anything she wasn't comfortable with, and she agreed. We left the venue and started walking to her car (she was going to drive me). I noticed many guys ogling her on the way - it felt good.

She drove me to my house (she had only had two drinks so it was fine) and came inside. I showed her around and then we sat on the couch to watch the movie. We were sitting next to each other so it felt awkward and forced escalating from this position. To make things easier, I suggested we lie down. Now were were spooning, it was a lot easier to start kissing her neck. Soon after doing this, she turned her head around and we started making out.

She was so delicious. I could have just kissed her for hours. It felt like we were. I gently guided my hand towards her pussy but she gently led my hand away. "Lets watch the movie". I didn't want to be too pushy, played it cool and said sure. We continued to watch it but it kind of sucked, so we started making out again. Started sucking on her tits this time. She was closing her eyes and smiling. Again, my hand started going down there. She guided it away again. She verbally objected. I don't remember what exactly she said but I played it cool, saying "you can't blame me". I didn't push too hard, I played it cool, we made out for about half an hour when the movie ended. I was the one to end it. "I should probably pack up, I need to be up early tomorrow" which was true. She got up to leave, we shared a passionate kiss, and I told her to text me when she got back. She texted me saying she got home and telling me not to forget my charger for the flight. I thanked her for reminding me, told her that was fun and that we should hang again when I got back. She agreed and wished me a safe flight.

I texted her something funny today, a week later and she responded enthusiastically. I feel like this girl is kind of inexperienced despite being 24, and am fairly confident I'll be able to get her out again, especially since she isn't meeting many guys apparently (since her last kiss was "a billion years ago", before COVID.
have a safe trip man, keep us updated on her lol
 

Skjöldr

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Dude awesome! Good shit that she was still compliant after the failed escalation to sex and responded to her text. This one is an 80% chance of a lay! Where are you located?

Also, i totally beat myself up over number closing girls and not taking them on an instant date when they are just out walking. Goddammit. Every time im like "FUCK!" and just hope to god she comes out. Yesterday i had this very good set. I ask for her plans tomorrow because i have become way better at seeding dates and digging her schedule on the spot (Often times they don't know, but sometimes they have sort of an idea). She said she would be back in town next weekend so i asked her if she was free tomorrow (today) and she said she wasn't. Then i got that "bruh" because i forgot to ask if she could do today (yesterday). Anyways she hit me with a message saying she doesn't wanna meet up with me in the wall of text girl talk way, but still. Logistics are so fucking key.
 
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Beam

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Dude awesome! Good shit that she was still compliant after the failed escalation to sex and responded to her text. This one is an 80% chance of a lay! Where are you located?

Hey dude! Yeah I'm happy she did, it's exactly what I was trying to achieve by ending the night on my terms while keeping the whole interaction chill and without too much pressure on her. Had a feeling this would make her want to see me again. 80%, I hope so but we'll see. This shit is so unpredictable sometimes. I'm in Australia, you're in Europe aren't you?

Also, i totally beat myself up over number closing girls and not taking them on an instant date when they are just out walking. Goddammit. Every time im like "FUCK!" and just hope to god she comes out. Yesterday i had this very good set. I ask for her plans tomorrow because i have become way better at seeding dates and digging her schedule on the spot (Often times they don't know, but sometimes they have sort of an idea). She said she would be back in town next weekend so i asked her if she was free tomorrow (today) and she said she wasn't. Then i got that "bruh" because i forgot to ask if she could do today (yesterday). Anyways she hit me with a message saying she doesn't wanna meet up with me in the wall of text girl talk way, but still. Logistics are so fucking key.

Yeah man I feel you. Do you think there's an underlying reason for why this happens to you? For me my brain tries to tell me "if you try to go on an instant date now she'll think you have nothing going on right now". I always need to think of excuses to make it ok, like "I'm meeting friends later so we can just chill in the meantime". In this case the only reason I was bold enough to call and go for the same day meet is because I had a plausible reason for since I was leaving for two weeks, but situations like this can't be relied on. These limiting beliefs have got to get out.
 

Beam

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Heading back home today, finally. The good leads I have still look to be warm so going to be focused on getting them out.

I've gained a bit of weight in the last two weeks, can see it in my face and belly from working 12-15 hour days 6 days a week and limited healthy options. Hope it's not too noticeable. This work trip was interesting and I learned a lot, but I also learned it's not something I want to do often.
 

Beam

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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What are the chances! Came home, walked outside to go to the shops and who is the first girl I run into walking down the street? The girl who I had over to mine the day before I left (who I'll be calling HBHiker from now on because she goes on these massive 20km walks) . Still as sexy as I remembered. Had actually just texted her like half an hour beforehand. Think she was a bit nervous - she told me (again, the same as when I approached her) that she looked gross and she didn't want me seeing her like that, and that she should start walking another way (this was the same main street I approached her on). She texted me just now saying she was down for my plan of making cocktails.

But a problem - I noticed today that I've got massive eczema all over my neck. It honestly looks gross and is spreading. It started when I was away and think it might have been the cold and wet conditions that had made it this bad. I felt it when I was over there but it's only now after coming home that I realize how bad it is. I joked about it to HBHiker when I ran into her to make her aware of it but honestly it makes me feel insecure since it looks disgusting and definitely not kissable...

Another interesting thing happened that I forgot to mention - last week the girl I slept with the day after my LR with HBHotBlonde texted me out of the blue asking me how I was going. For a bit of context, I did not enjoy the experience of sleeping with her at all and didn't text her after that. It had been over a month since we'd slept together. I responded saying I was good and asking how she was politely - after this she sent me a long text with pictures of all the things she had been doing and then asked me if I wanted to catch up again next week. I politely told her that while I had a great time getting to know her, I wasn't feeling it so was going to say no to catching up. She thanked me for the honestly. Felt a bit weird being the one on the other end for once - the text I sent her was almost exactly the same as ones I had gotten frequently towards the end of last year. Her cool response made me a bit embarrassed about my needy responses to the girls from last year.
 
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Beam

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Life, uh, finds a way. To fuck shit up.

That rash on my neck that I thought was eczema? I went to the hospital today and turns out it's actually shingles, which is basically a reactivation of chickenpox in the body. It got particularly bad last night, I could barely sleep because it was so uncomfortable. I think the bad conditions I was working in over the last two weeks ran me down and made it easier for it to spread.

It's spreading pretty fast and is heading to my face and down to my chest (it's already covered one side of my neck, and the back of my head), and basically will cover one side of my face with little ugly red boils which will scar if left untreated. I've always had good skin so I never really thought about what it would be like to have bad acne, and now that I'm facing the prospect of something similar it scares the crap out of me and is making me sympathize hard.

I got a prescription for an an anti viral which I have to take for the next week. It only kicks in after two days so I hope that it doesn't spread to my face before then (right now it's on my lower cheek but that's covered with stubble). And I hope it actually works.

Also have to stay home for the next week. Before going to the doc, I messaged HBHiker and told her we might have to delay cocktails because I was going to check my neck out to make sure that whatever it was couldn't be passed on (I briefly mentioned it to her when we met up to get it out of the way). In the text I didn't go into graphic detail of course not to gross her out. I would have tried to have her over today. I feel like I've made a strong enough impression on her that she will understand but you never know. Attraction has an expiration date and she might think I'm a leper or something now, lol

Another strong lead who I met over a month ago can't meet up until Sunday, so that buys me a bit more time. Haven't mentioned this at all to her, we'll see where I'm at come Sunday.

I also won't be able to go out Friday and Saturday so I don't spread it.

One thing I want to say is I'm not happy with how I responded mentally to this. I let myself get angry and frustrated at the situation way too easily. When you look at guys like @Mr. Rob who have been out for years not being able to approach (or people who have dealt with actual acne for years), this seems like absolutely nothing. But I let it own me and revert me back to being like a child with a tantrum. Despite reading books like Endurance and Mans Search for Meaning, when I found myself in a situation which threatened my forward momentum I broke.

I'm trying to understand why. Part of it is because I feel like I am running out of time and so every week wasted feels like so much more now. This is unproductive thinking. I am still 28, and I am a man so my best years are still ahead if I keep working at it.

But even then, this line of reasoning has flaws. What would happen if I got hit by a bus tomorrow and became a quadriplegic? I've often wondered what I would do this was the case, and most of the time it ends up being "I'd ask my family to kill me because I wouldn't want to live like that". The thing I am most fearful of in that situation would be being trapped in my body, unable to fulfill my potential, always wondering "what if?". But I should be aiming to get to a point where I am mentally strong enough that even if I do become a quadriplegic and all chances of achieving what I want to with women (or anything else for that matter) are neutered, I can still be happy. And that means finding something to live for. And right now I'm not sure I have that, which is why my thoughts always go to wanting to be killed if that horrible situation ever arose.
 

Beam

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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A week on! Things are looking up and down.

The upside:

The shingles is getting better. It was at it worst on Tuesday/Wednesday but is now recovering. Still have a bunch of ugly scabs on my neck but I can deal with them.

Weight is back to pre work trip levels after a week of strictly eating and gym. Looking damn good again despite the neck.

HBHiker is still keen and responding quickly. Have her coming over to mine to make cocktails on Wednesday. Texting this girl is so easy - it's refreshing!

Went on a lunch date (couldn't do night) with a girl I cold approached way back at the start of Feb. Went to a boathouse and walked along a hiking track - physical contact but no kiss. She is a few months older than me but quite beautiful (pale with striking green eyes). Suggested grabbing a drink where I lived next date and she agreed in person but from her body language I'm not sure if she will still want to. I might have said a couple of things that made me come across as unintelligent that turned her off (jokes that fell flat) and also revealed a bit of a lack of knowledge about certain suburbs in my city which was a bit of a no-no considering I've lived here my whole life. We will see.


The downside:

I feel like I've lost focus of the original goal of this journal. Looking back at my first post from just three months ago it was filled with such passion. And the approach goals I had set myself (volume wise, meeting at least 20 new girls a week) I have fallen far far short of. Went out last night (Saturday) and made one half assed approach before heading home. Sunny day out today (Sunday) and could not bring myself out of bed. Disappointed that I am not pushing myself more, part of it is some old insecurities particularly during night game (the girls all look so young, I feel like I'm taking advantage) are rearing their ugly head. I need to set myself firm, concrete, small goals again to get me out of this unproductive rut.

Bonus: Also messaged HB Hot Blonde again with a throwback reference to when we first met and hoping she was well, didn't get a response so that one is dead for good I think. It's ok, life goes on!
 
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Beam

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Jan 17, 2019
Messages
773
Linking this article here as a reminder to myself - I am not acting with intent in night game. At all.

 
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