Dealing with Sly Remarks from other dudes/ racial stereotypes

[andersen09]

I'm going to get this out of the way. I'm a minority. I'm an Asian guy and probably the only Asian in my school.

Women in my class tell me, "I've never been so attracted to an Asian guy before".

And I'm getting head in the movie theater and fucking em after
"You're so dominant in bed.. I didn't expect that... It's so intriguing"
"I've never even.. considered opening doors for an Asian.. you're the first guy I've cheated on my boyfriend with" (He was a male model)
I get stares ALL THE TIME when I'm out with another race woman in public

My life is improving but.. I'm running into a bit of a block lately.

It's other men around me.

1. Sly comments + Snickering (Talking amongst each other)
"He's too much"
"Who does he think this kid is"
"That dudes Asian, why is she with him?"

2. Envious looks
When I'm out in public, I also get envious looks from dudes who are the race of the girl.
(I.E if I'm with a hispanic girl, I get hate from hispanic men. White women/white men hate. Black women/Black hate. Asian women/Asian dude)


3. Boyfriends whispering something about me to their girlfriend and laughing
4. Weak attempts from dudes trying to tool me
"Ching Chong Man"
"Yo, what you wearing?"
"She don't even like you bro"

5. I'm talking to like 3 girls and this happens alot too.

Guys in group with women throwing sly comments my way because they notice girls in their group looking at me. (Strangers)

"Look out, we got a bad motherfucking Asian" (Sarcasm)
"He looks like Chao from Hangover" to the girls in their group trying to make fun of me within their social circle

When I was 22, 23 I used to just catch each guy when he was alone and separated from their friends. I would just tap him when he's alone and vulnerable and just confront the guy.

Me: "I just wanted to ask, you seem like a you have a problem with me to solve do you, cause I can assure you, we can solve it right now"
Guy: "Nah man i was just playing bro"
Me: "Nah i dont play that, let's solve it. Come outside"
And usually the guy backed out or we fought. But this is a very immature way of handling things.

6. Guy's girlfriend sitting next to me while working in class and flirting with me. I go to the bathroom and her and her boyfriend switched seats so that he's next to me.

These things happen here and there.

With that being said I have one main question.

Asian men are perceived to be "weak and unattractive" yet when they see an Asian guy actually succeeding that's different from what they're programmed to believe by mainstream media, they start feeling insecure. They believe because they're certain race they should be superior and I shouldn't be able to be do this, hence, they start making certain comments. They also believe an Asian guy who they deem inferior should not be this confident.

So when you're dealing with ignorance of people who you have to face daily in class or work settings, what's the best way to face it?
I've read all of chase's articles all related to tooling/interruptions but applies mostly to strangers. However, these are coming from people who I see and when I do put them in their place, it starts over when I get into a new class or new environment, and honestly just tired of it a bit.

What's the best way to deal with this?

 

[Inbocca]

Aside from the fights, it sounds like you're handling it like a champ. Which is totally warranted in self defense. These dudes can't come up with anything better to talk shit about than your race, they're obviously just mad.

Short of befriending them, you're already dismissing that childish bullshit and going about your business; that's the best thing you can do. Haters are a sign that you're doing something right. Keep it up.

 

[andersen09]

Aside from the fights, it sounds like you're handling it like a champ. Which is totally warranted in self defense. These dudes can't come up with anything better to talk shit about than your race, they're obviously just mad.

Short of befriending them, you're already dismissing that childish bullshit and going about your business; that's the best thing you can do. Haters are a sign that you're doing something right. Keep it up.

Hey Inbocca,

Thank you for your kind comments. And yes I also believe that people in general will try to find a reason to pick apart aspiring people who are improving in general which for me, is my race. It doesn't only happen to me but alot of others who are starting to succeed as well.

I think the problem with dismissing and confronting is that they're on two sides of extreme equations. And I agree haters are sign that you are doing something right. BUT there are skilled haters who CAN really ruin you socially if not taken seriously.

Here's the weaknesses

1. Dismissing - It's very strong strategy for strangers who you won't come across again, as in that moment, you are strong and not letting this stranger break your frame, which to a girl it is very attractive.

Weakness: When you're faced with people like this in a setting where you run into them over and over, they start to gain strength in numbers. What I mean is, one person usually starts with a snide comment and more people start to join together to form bands with a sole purpose of taking you down. Strength in numbers. At this point you can't really dismiss these types of people as "they're just insecure" as insecurity fuels MANY people to do great things and it can be of taking people down who you consider a threat.

And the problem with ignoring/dismissing is that when I'm sitting and chatting with a girl (and she's clearly attracted), they'll start to make comments. The first few times it's okay as I can easily dismiss. But what starts to effect me is the fact that they will CONSISTENTLY try and tool me harder and harder the more I ignore as they gain confidence around their friends. And as the girl that's sitting there and days pass by, she starts to get uncomfortable for being associated in a situation like this and I'm just ignoring. She slowly starts to lose attraction and starts avoiding me. (This has happened few times years back)

2. Confronting - What I used to do before was confront the leader of this so called "loser crew" in person behind closed doors. As usually these types of guys are cowards alone but find refugee in strength. And this works to a certain degree and has a ceiling of effectiveness.

Cowards are one of the most dangerous types of guys out there, as they are driven by fear and very intelligent in finding strategies to position themselves and find the right timing to try and tear you apart with should I say "male supporters" And as these guys mature they get smarter and smarter.

Weakness:
Because I'm 5'9 and just regular average guy, there are times when I've came across guys that are naturally huge, and I attract a lot of meathead types because I have the image of a pretty boy. They are 6'3, 6'4, built, work out religiously, but fall in the lines of "insecure guys". I've had instances where I faced these guys and instinctually my body submitted to him physically, which looks really bad in public settings to people who are watching.

1. I have to look up to confront these guys
2. They can literally just pick me up with one hand.

I will be working out religiously again and taking jiu jutsu to combat these fears I face. But there has to be certain strategic thinking involved in how to deal with these types of guys when you're alone with a girl, and there are groups of guys trying to tool you in numbers or they have a few girls (kind of basic) in their social circle and try to tool me to look "cool" in front of their girl.

Whether it's when they see you talking to a girl on college campus, in class, or any other scenario.

Any advice or discussion would be appreciated in learning new perspectives and insights I have yet to consider.

 

[Marcellus]

The lion does not concern itself with the opinion of sheep

-Tywin Lannister

 

[andersen09]

The lion does not concern itself with the opinion of sheep

-Tywin Lannister

If I wanted a quote for inspiration, I would've googled.

 

[Bete Noire]

Well now it's easy to see why you get snide comments, you're a dickhead. If you treat other guys in social circle like this, of course they will try to tool you back. If you're a chill guy, who's not 'trying to be alpha', which you clearly are because you get offended by the smallest slights to your ego, then you'd have their respect and you wouldn't be tooled.

 

[andersen09]

Well now it's easy to see why you get snide comments, you're a dickhead. If you treat other guys in social circle like this, of course they will try to tool you back. If you're a chill guy, who's not 'trying to be alpha', which you clearly are because you get offended by the smallest slights to your ego, then you'd have their respect and you wouldn't be tooled.

Social Circle? Far opposite, these guys are the ones that are excluded from my 'social circle'. They're the one who happened to be within my class or nearby and watching with envy, rationalizing reasons why I shouldn't be confident yet it's caused by their own insecurities. And if you think I'm a 'dickhead' for the one comment above, you should see me when I'm in a guy's face and I wonder what you'll say then.

1. The problem with guys replying with mainstream quotes like "Wolves don't bother with the opinions of the sheep" is equivalent to "Just be confident with women and be yourself". It's effortless and almost disrespectful. If advice like that truly helped guys who are serious about improving, there wouldn't be a whole website by Chase that's broken down to a T that helps thousands. Social interactions are all about subtleties and micro-second interactions that happens between people. Go look at my history, I ALWAYS reply with as much thought and details as possible within the framework of knowledge and experience I have. I'm not a lady killing machine like the top guys, but I do kill and try to give best value I have available. It's respect for people's self improvement.

2. People will ALWAYS try to tool you regardless of if you're chill or serious. Have a look at Donald Trump, Kayne West, Obama, Floyd Mayweather. NO MATTER how successful, they will find reasons on why you shouldn't be there. In FACT, if people DONT try to tool you, it's because you're irrelevant and don't inspire any types of emotions in anyone. For every envious guy I get, there's a woman who's attracted. For every guy 10 envious guys, there's a guy that respects what I try to do and truly provide me guidance.

Being chill has a time and place. There's also a time and place where you need to address things without going to the extreme I.E getting in people's face ESP when you're improving. And that's where social grace and subtlety comes in, which is what I'm working on.

So yes I can be a dick, asshole, cocky as well as I can be humble, sweet, and serving. It's all part of the equation.

So I'm kindly going back to my question now

What are some strategic ways when someone gives you some rationalizations on why you shouldn't be a certain way, what are some effective ways to shut it down subtlety when you're constantly surrounded by 'naysayers or haters' without taking it to the extreme on either spectrum?

My way now is

1. Consistently Improve to where they realize they can't win no matter what they do.
2. If it gets extreme, get in their face.

 

[Marcellus]

I apologize for my post not adding any value, seems that I wasted both my own and your time as well.

I was simply advocating you change your mindset, all I see is a bunch of jealous losers trying to get what you have in deceitful and rude ways. And what I was suggesting is that you not worry about them, perhaps even laugh at them! Shows that you not only don't care about these people but you now what they''re doing and you find it funny.

There's been plenty of times where guys have been trying to tool me or yell at me for not staying in line, whatever that means and all I've done is simply hold eye contact and just laugh. It's not even about being chill, it's just not even

I had a big reply thought up but I'm not gonna bother, all I'm gonna say is this.

1- Random men talking amongst each other is not a problem.
2- Envious looks is actually pretty cool and definitely not a problem
3- Boyfriends whispering things to their girlfriends is not a problem.
4- Like you said " weak attempts" at trying to tool you is not a problem. You yourself said they were "WEAK". Seeing how much success you're having I find it hard to believe that you can't handle WEAK attempts at tooling with relative ease
5- Now this a problem. But if you laugh at the guy, give him a wink and a blow him a kiss, he'll get weirded out most of the time and you got no problem, or you can just laugh at him.
6- Boyfriend was threatened by you and switched seats. Good problem to have, he's afraid of you cucking him.

And men feeling insecure around you, that's awesome. You should probably hang out with some higher level people tho

-M

 

[andersen09]

I apologize for my post not adding any value, seems that I wasted both my own and your time as well.

I was simply advocating you change your mindset, all I see is a bunch of jealous losers trying to get what you have in deceitful and rude ways. And what I was suggesting is that you not worry about them, perhaps even laugh at them! Shows that you not only don't care about these people but you now what they''re doing and you find it funny.

There's been plenty of times where guys have been trying to tool me or yell at me for not staying in line, whatever that means and all I've done is simply hold eye contact and just laugh. It's not even about being chill, it's just not even

I had a big reply thought up but I'm not gonna bother, all I'm gonna say is this.

1- Random men talking amongst each other is not a problem.
2- Envious looks is actually pretty cool and definitely not a problem
3- Boyfriends whispering things to their girlfriends is not a problem.
4- Like you said " weak attempts" at trying to tool you is not a problem. You yourself said they were "WEAK". Seeing how much success you're having I find it hard to believe that you can't handle WEAK attempts at tooling with relative ease
5- Now this a problem. But if you laugh at the guy, give him a wink and a blow him a kiss, he'll get weirded out most of the time and you got no problem, or you can just laugh at him.
6- Boyfriend was threatened by you and switched seats. Good problem to have, he's afraid of you cucking him.

And men feeling insecure around you, that's awesome. You should probably hang out with some higher level people tho

-M

Hey Marellus,

Thanks. When you labeled the numbers and put it as "not a problem" or "problem" something clicked in my head. I was getting confused because it seemed like I should be stopping the tooling attempts at smaller stages while it was at numbers 1-4 so that I don't have to run into #5 when comments are starting to become stronger with people that are REALLY getting insecure.

I'd say 80% of the guys stop at 1-3 and being ignored and the 20% goes over 3 as he starts to get support from the other losers and starts feeling social validation from these guys for being 'brave' and standing up to me which in return starts to effect the people who are associated me if I don't do anything. (This was the portion I struggle with)

"Blow him a kiss" - That's a perfect example actually. You're not showing aggression as in you're being "reactive, but not passive either to a point where it seems like you don't know how to stand up for yourself.

I'll play around with this principle more, it gives me confidence that I'll be able to handle it more gracefully now that I understand it a bit more.

Sincerely,

 

[Big Daddy]

If I wanted a quote for inspiration, I would've googled.

This actually shows a lot on how you deal with the very points you raised yourself; had you really thought you had more value to add and your points deserved more than what he offered as an answer, you'd have just ignored it, as it was clearly unworthy of your time -- instead of repaying it with the same coin.

As per your OP, the only points that need being addressed are #3 and #4 and the answers are here: https://www.girlschase.com/content/5-way ... situations

His advice applies for all the remaining ones.

 

[andersen09]

If I wanted a quote for inspiration, I would've googled.

This actually shows a lot on how you deal with the very points you raised yourself; had you really thought you had more value to add and your points deserved more than what he offered as an answer, you'd have just ignored it, as it was clearly unworthy of your time -- instead of repaying it with the same coin.

As per your OP, the only points that need being addressed are #3 and #4 and the answers are here: https://www.girlschase.com/content/5-way ... situations

His advice applies for all the remaining ones.

Everyone's entitled to their opinion and in a relative sense I respect it. But either way I disagree, as if you see above, he offered more advice in return. Had I just ignored it, there wouldn't have been further discussion aside from a quote, which was really helpful for me. And i don't remember stating it was unworthy of my time, I simply stated a quote can be found anywhere online and what I'm looking for is perspectives I may not have.

've also explained that I've read all of Chase's articles and stated out reasons for creating this article in the first place.

 

[Big Daddy]

You may have not stated it explicitly, but the snarkiness of your response communicated so. If your goal was to clarify what you were looking after, there are ways and ways going about it. Sure, being amongst fine gentlemen here, Marcellus went on and gave you some more; that probably would not be the case if you were somewhere else.

 

[andersen09]

You may have not stated it explicitly, but the snarkiness of your response communicated so. If your goal was to clarify what you were looking after, there are ways and ways going about it. Sure, being amongst fine gentlemen here, Marcellus went on and gave you some more; that probably would not be the case if you were somewhere else.

Again, that's your opinion. You have a certain idea of how 'things should be communicated' which I'm assuming is polite and courteous. If those are your values that's great, hold on to them. It's not my cup of tea. How you feel about how I communicate is irrelevant to me personally. What is relevant is solid advice with practicality or principles to help each other to achieve a result or get a better understanding. And finally, this is a forum where people come together to learn about social intelligence, seduction, and becoming an improved men which is already unusual as it is, so I'm not sure where you speak of when you say 'not anywhere else'. Bottom line is no matter where I go, my attitude is the same and if you don't like it, I'm sorry you feel that way.

 

[Big Daddy]

That would be a false assumption.

You are the one who went through the work of opening a new thread because are bothered about irrelevant things people do/think of you, not me.

I'm just saying that you are quasi-mirroring the behavior of those who you are being bothered by, and taking his response as evidence that "your way of communicating" better and the reason why you got a better response would be a false assessment, given the place we're in.

 

[andersen09]

That would be a false assumption.

You are the one who went through the work of opening a new thread because are bothered about irrelevant things people do/think of you, not me.

I'm just saying that you are quasi-mirroring the behavior of those who you are being bothered by, and taking his response as evidence that "your way of communicating" better and the reason why you got a better response would be a false assessment, given the place we're in.

I think you should really read what I write, before just reacting to defending your ego and writing what on out on top of your head. I stated before what matters to me is practicality and principles to help me achieve a result. So do how people perceive me in my social circle scenario matter? of course they do. If YOU think perception is 'irrelevant', that's great, again opinions are irrelevant to me.

So let me break it down for you. The truth is perception matters to a certain extent in a social circle scenario where reputation plays major factor. Or else why would there be articles about social status and reputation? Why did I open this thread? To learn about how to respond to situations where HOW YOU RESPOND effects the perception of you from the girl that you're attracting, close friends of hers, and people that matters. Which leads to how they treat you and whether or not they want you as a man.

Second, I've never stated 'my way of communicating is better.' Please read what you're writing.
1. If your panties are getting tangled because of the way I communicate on this forum, that's your problem.
2. I'm all about conveying practicality. When you write quotes such as "wolves don't lose sleep over the opinions of sheep" okay that sounds great. So, how do I know when it's a wolf disguised as a sheep? So is this quote saying I should never respond to any challenges? Okay I'm a WOLF and everyone else is a sheep!!! But I don't remember saying 'my way of communicating is better?" Maybe you can quote it somwhere above before creating things up.
3. Actually, it is evident why I got a response, because, well, I got a response. LOLLLLL

What I want is effective strategies, not quotes, and again, if you feel hurt about how I communicate, I'm actually not sorry.
So unless if you can reply with logic and practicality to the reasons I've listed, please, I'll be going about improving my life, because thanks to the practicality of chase's articles, it's great. Your opinions might have more weight if you can explain with practicality before just stating your ideals.

 

[The Emerald Archer]

So when you're dealing with ignorance of people who you have to face daily in class or work settings, what's the best way to face it?
I've read all of chase's articles all related to tooling/interruptions but applies mostly to strangers. However, these are coming from people who I see and when I do put them in their place, it starts over when I get into a new class or new environment, and honestly just tired of it a bit.

What's the best way to deal with this?

Judging from your original post, it seems like you are asking for advice on handling these situations with people you see regularly (i.e. over and over again in repetitive environments) which would make it more of a social circle-esque concern. If I am wrong and that is NOT the case, then Chase's articles on dealing with these types of situations should be more than sufficient in helping you deal with these encounters. I won't link those since you claim you've already read them.

I'm not sure how these situations are playing out exactly since I would have to be there with you in person in these situations when they occur. I can tell you this though, based on some of your responses in this thread to some of the other members, it is clear that YOU must be an influence in bringing out these remarks in people. I'm not saying or implying that your actions towards these people are the ones instigating and causing these people to say these things to you the very FIRST TIME IT HAPPENS, but if my interpretation of your OP is correct and that you encounter these remarks from people you see regularly then your attitude and behavior in reacting to these people and their remarks is clearly a large factor here. Thus, you are bringing some of this on yourself to a certain degree.

I think you should really read what I write, before just reacting to defending your ego and writing what on out on top of your head.

What I want is effective strategies, not quotes, and again, if you feel hurt about how I communicate, I'm actually not sorry.
So unless if you can reply with logic and practicality to the reasons I've listed, please, I'll be going about improving my life, because thanks to the practicality of chase's articles, it's great. Your opinions might have more weight if you can explain with practicality before just stating your ideals.

Completely unnecessary. This is exactly the kind of attitude and behavior that leads to people saying those types of remarks that you stated in your OP. You asked for what the best way to deal with your dilemma is, and that you want practical steps to implement so here you go: communicate with people in a socially graceful and savvy manner whenever and wherever possible. There are times to be assertive and come off as a bit of an asshole (depending on the situation), but if it is your default response, then expect those remarks from people because that's how humans behave.

If you don't wish to communicate in a courteous and graceful way like Big Daddy is suggesting, that's fine. Don't. But you had better develop your patience and the ability to handle ALL sorts of challenges across all types of social situations to the highest levels possible, and better learn not to complain or get upset because you will encounter "sly" remarks from people consistently when you communicate in the way you have been throughout this thread, especially if they are people you will be seeing on a regular or semi-regular basis.

My .02

 

[andersen09]

So when you're dealing with ignorance of people who you have to face daily in class or work settings, what's the best way to face it?
I've read all of chase's articles all related to tooling/interruptions but applies mostly to strangers. However, these are coming from people who I see and when I do put them in their place, it starts over when I get into a new class or new environment, and honestly just tired of it a bit.

What's the best way to deal with this?

Judging from your original post, it seems like you are asking for advice on handling these situations with people you see regularly (i.e. over and over again in repetitive environments) which would make it more of a social circle-esque concern. If I am wrong and that is NOT the case, then Chase's articles on dealing with these types of situations should be more than sufficient in helping you deal with these encounters. I won't link those since you claim you've already read them.

I'm not sure how these situations are playing out exactly since I would have to be there with you in person in these situations when they occur. I can tell you this though, based on some of your responses in this thread to some of the other members, it is clear that YOU must be an influence in bringing out these remarks in people. I'm not saying or implying that your actions towards these people are the ones instigating and causing these people to say these things to you the very FIRST TIME IT HAPPENS, but if my interpretation of your OP is correct and that you encounter these remarks from people you see regularly then your attitude and behavior in reacting to these people and their remarks is clearly a large factor here. Thus, you are bringing some of this on yourself to a certain degree.

I think you should really read what I write, before just reacting to defending your ego and writing what on out on top of your head.

What I want is effective strategies, not quotes, and again, if you feel hurt about how I communicate, I'm actually not sorry.
So unless if you can reply with logic and practicality to the reasons I've listed, please, I'll be going about improving my life, because thanks to the practicality of chase's articles, it's great. Your opinions might have more weight if you can explain with practicality before just stating your ideals.

Completely unnecessary. This is exactly the kind of attitude and behavior that leads to people saying those types of remarks that you stated in your OP. You asked for what the best way to deal with your dilemma is, and that you want practical steps to implement so here you go: communicate with people in a socially graceful and savvy manner whenever and wherever possible. There are times to be assertive and come off as a bit of an asshole (depending on the situation), but if it is your default response, then expect those remarks from people because that's how humans behave.

If you don't wish to communicate in a courteous and graceful way like Big Daddy is suggesting, that's fine. Don't. But you had better develop your patience and the ability to handle ALL sorts of challenges across all types of social situations to the highest levels possible, and better learn not to complain or get upset because you will encounter "sly" remarks from people consistently when you communicate in the way you have been throughout this thread, especially if they are people you will be seeing on a regular or semi-regular basis.

My .02

Yes that's correct. It is about repetitive situation. It's a bit comical because you ignore the insecure guys in the beginning, and they begin to form a clique comprised of all insecure losers. And once they gain courage in numbers, one start making snide remarks while the fanboys are cheering on from the loser squad. So in a sense, it's hilarious, and yes I do handle it in my own way, as I said, sometimes I'll just get in the guy's face.

So you're overall is right, I am asking for ways to be socially graceful with technicality. And yes you have a point that sometimes I bring this on myself. But that's with anything. No matter how you choose to handle it, there will always be negatives. When I speak, I speak my mind without filter. And to my responses to Big Daddy's comments, that's the case, and I'm completely perfectly behind my comments. It's pretty simple. What I think is what I think, and how I express it is what it is.

you had better develop your patience and the ability to handle ALL sorts of challenges across all types of social situations to the highest levels possible, and better learn not to complain or get upset because you will encounter "sly" remarks from people consistently when you communicate in the way you have been throughout this thread, especially if they are people you will be seeing on a regular or semi-regular basis.

So are you saying you develop your patience and ability at the highest level by just ignoring every comment and/or sly comments? If that was the case man, everyone has the ability all of the sudden to handle all conflicts.

Everyone has a path they walk. And my personality is on the rougher edge of the side. For me it's about developing that to the maximum mixed with grace, not following some ideal character one person think should have.

I will always have a brash personality and sometimes if I feel like it, I will speak my mind to idiotic replies and same as well developed practical replies. Social grace comes with time and experience. And if there were someone who went through such phases and are on higher wavelength, I will definitely listen to em. But from people that's not on the wavelength complaining about how I SHOULD respond or saying I'm a jerk is irrelevant.

At the end of the day, for most guys social grace is "having patience and ignoring". Social grace actually comes from going through multiple experiences of conflicts or scenarios. And you start to develop EFFICIENT ways to develop conflicts. And that's who I'm targeting when I ask for advice, not opinions of how I should behave. I'll treat idiotic replies as idiotic replies as much as I'll treat replies with effort and input with much respect.

 

[Hue]

Yo,

Everyone has a path they walk.

Absolutely right.

And my personality is on the rougher edge of the side. For me it's about developing that to the maximum mixed with grace, not following some ideal character one person think should have.

Word. That's your human-given right.

I will always have a brash personality and sometimes if I feel like it, I will speak my mind to idiotic replies and same as well developed practical replies. Social grace comes with time and experience. And if there were someone who went through such phases and are on higher wavelength, I will definitely listen to em. But from people that's not on the wavelength complaining about how I SHOULD respond or saying I'm a jerk is irrelevant.

At the end of the day, for most guys social grace is "having patience and ignoring". Social grace actually comes from going through multiple experiences of conflicts or scenarios. And you start to develop EFFICIENT ways to develop conflicts. And that's who I'm targeting when I ask for advice, not opinions of how I should behave.

I used to think this way a lot, too. I had little to no filter, and called people out left and right - mainly to follow the principle of being real.

Sometimes, people would show their level of respect to me, then they'd make fun of or tool the person that I just called out. During those scenarios it felt slightly satisfying actually, delivering a quick, sharp-tooth comment at the first sight of blatant idiocy and other people getting on your side, but really that was mostly ego.

Sometimes it would also kill the mood for everybody in the entire room, and make me a massive buzz kill, and a flat out asshole. Exposing the idiocy of the comment jeopardized the cohesion of the group, and segregated the vibe to different wavelengths. (In your case, your fellow students is your group).

One example would be this kid who was a virgin in the fraternity was annoying me and talking shit about how I loved black chicks, and that stanky purple pussy, and to watch out or you might catch jungle fever too. Ridiculous right?
A lot of the guys in the frat joked with me about it and I'd joke back, but this kid in particular really annoyed me and a bunch of the older guys.
At the time I took it as a slight attack, though. I was the only white kid in the pledge class who thought darker skinned girls could be just as hot if not hotter than white / [any other race] girls.
So, I called the kid (he was jewish) out on being a racist little bitch and to "go back to pornhub and wank it to some creepy bah mitzfah shit, so the rest of us can talk about pussy without feeling bad for you".

Well, that shut him the fuck up - same with the whole room.

Obviously, I took that way too far. The kid was annoying, talked a lot of shit, but I cracked the whip on him pretty hard.

I could have returned the assholery in a way that wasn't so intense, like:

"Haha! Yea I'd watch out. Say, ******, what's a white girl's pussy look like? I've never seen one!"
- he's a virgin and probably would have squirmed
- I'm accepting his "insult", thus disarming his "insult"
- using a humorous tone would have provided relief to me and sent positive energy to the room

"Purple pussy? You must be watching some kinky shit bro!"
- he's a virgin and watches a lot of porn, probably would have squirmed a bit
- I'm correcting his racist comment

-both deflect the direction to him

*Go over and mess up his hair* "Here's a big ol' dose of my jungle fever cooties, just for you bud" (;
- disarms "insult"
- makes a clear joke out of it
- being playfully physical still shows some dominance and frame control


Were I to go through an encounter like that again? I'd actually do exactly what many of the people have been saying here:

Ignore it. Maybe throw him a knowing little smile.

By ignoring it, you meta the situation, and see above the racism in the "sly remarks" of people, as one's character isn't defined by their race.

I'll treat idiotic replies as idiotic replies as much as I'll treat replies with effort and input with much respect.

Word. There's plenty of socially calibrated ways to respond, or to not respond to both.

Were it me I'd just try to acknowledge where the root of the person's comment is coming from.

If they say something that doesn't align with what I'm thinking, but are doing so out of kindness, it's not socially calibrated to be a correcting dick, or clarify in a way that belittles somebody.

If they say something that doesn't align with what I'm thinking out of hostility of some sort, best to just not give a fuck. Depending on how much of a threat their hostility is, taking action rather than ignoring it might be called for - it's up to you on assessing how much of a threat you're dealing with.


Hueman

 

[andersen09]

Sometimes it would also kill the mood for everybody in the entire room, and make me a massive buzz kill, and a flat out asshole. Exposing the idiocy of the comment jeopardized the cohesion of the group, and segregated the vibe to different wavelengths. (In your case, your fellow students is your group).

Yes.

One example would be this kid who was a virgin in the fraternity was annoying me and talking shit about how I loved black chicks, and that stanky purple pussy, and to watch out or you might catch jungle fever too. Ridiculous right?
A lot of the guys in the frat joked with me about it and I'd joke back, but this kid in particular really annoyed me and a bunch of the older guys.

The thing with bantering with jokes to 'act like it doesnt bother you' is that they start thinking you're all buddy buddy, which isn't my goal.

So, I called the kid (he was jewish) out on being a racist little bitch and to "go back to pornhub and wank it to some creepy bah mitzfah shit, so the rest of us can talk about pussy without feeling bad for you".

Well, that shut him the fuck up - same with the whole room.

Obviously, I took that way too far. The kid was annoying, talked a lot of shit, but I cracked the whip on him pretty hard.

Yes exactly, and that's why I started taking them aside if I could one on one behind the scenes. Either way is pretty effective and I'm also confident in a sense that, if I ever need to back to this 'tactic' where it fills up the whole room with tense silence, it's in my tools of skills, which requires some balls to do consciously. But the negatives are too much at times.

"Haha! Yea I'd watch out. Say, ******, what's a white girl's pussy look like? I've never seen one!"
- he's a virgin and probably would have squirmed
- I'm accepting his "insult", thus disarming his "insult"
- using a humorous tone would have provided relief to me and sent positive energy to the room

"Purple pussy? You must be watching some kinky shit bro!"
- he's a virgin and watches a lot of porn, probably would have squirmed a bit
- I'm correcting his racist comment

I like the first one. I like the idea of just accepting his 'insult' as it's not really an insult when coming from a virgin and turn it into a joke so that people watching can see that you're just kind of teasing his joke and making everyone laugh, instead of putting everyone in a tense situation.

I can adapt this idea to my personality which wouldn't be as 'jokey' but I would just make it serious and can see say something like "Yes, I have no idea what pussy looks like" - and just move on.

Word. There's plenty of socially calibrated ways to respond, or to not respond to both.

Were it me I'd just try to acknowledge where the root of the person's comment is coming from.

If they say something that doesn't align with what I'm thinking, but are doing so out of kindness, it's not socially calibrated to be a correcting dick, or clarify in a way that belittles somebody.

If they say something that doesn't align with what I'm thinking out of hostility of some sort, best to just not give a fuck. Depending on how much of a threat their hostility is, taking action rather than ignoring it might be called for - it's up to you on assessing how much of a threat you're dealing with.

Yes, I think how much hostility they're bringing to their tone is a fine measuring point. As if you ignore it could be perceived as not a big deal, yet other could make you look like a bit of a wimp.

I just want to point out for everyone reading on an extreme there are cases when ignoring doesn't help. When 50 cent was going after Ja Rule, Ja Rule tried to play it cool by ignoring his sly comments in rap disses. When he did start responding back it was way too late and look at where he is now. When you're in a social circle, ignoring only gets you so far. It's sometimes best to set a first impression by squashing the first person that says something to you completely to send a message.

I'm starting to get better with sending the message more subtly than more explicitly.

I.E I usually now just stare at someone with a dead serious face if they try to be funny about something serious. And they start squirming within 3-4 seconds of silence and just 100% staring without blinking. It's a very effective technique.

And finally

Ignore it. Maybe throw him a knowing little smile.

By ignoring it, you meta the situation, and see above the racism in the "sly remarks" of people, as one's character isn't defined by their race.

That's also very effective. THIS is VERY effective when you have alot of friends who knows you are the real deal. And some loser tries to make a sly comment, and you just stop doing what you're doing and SLOWLY turn your head towards him and just stare REALLY hard adding tension AND ignoring while freezing your body language. What this does is YOU change the mood of the whole ROOM, but it makes it seem like the comment was the cause of the sudden change in vibe of the room. And when you just freeze your body language and stare at something intensely, people start associating the comment to the change in tension. And the commenter usually feels the tension and goes back in the tension real quick.

Thank you for your reply! it just helped me think of some things I naturally do also and be able to verbalize it.

 

[Hue]

The thing with bantering with jokes to 'act like it doesn't bother you' is that they start thinking you're all buddy buddy, which isn't my goal.

Well, obviously banter between friends is different, but throwing in some well delivered sarcasm to someone you're not necessarily tight with can make it very clear that you're not all buddy buddy.

A point I should maybe reiterate is that showing you find humor in the situation (unless it's nervous laughter or some shit) typically means you're unfazed, confident, and think their attempt to bring you down is funny.

Depends what you're going for, but I personally think not making a big deal out of stupid criticisms shows the receiver has nothing to prove to anyone and is self sufficient.

I just want to point out for everyone reading on an extreme there are cases when ignoring doesn't help. When 50 cent was going after Ja Rule, Ja Rule tried to play it cool by ignoring his sly comments in rap disses. When he did start responding back it was way too late and look at where he is now. When you're in a social circle, ignoring only gets you so far. It's sometimes best to set a first impression by squashing the first person that says something to you completely to send a message.

Ah, Ja Rule's career... RIP.

Like I previously said, ignoring vs dishing it out is totally context dependent - those dudes were hard as shit.

Drake (btw fuck Drake) VS Joe Budden
Pop superstar VS admittedly washed up lyricist

Drake trolled the fuck out of him and ignored Budden's multiple diss track and many would agree he "won" the beef.

If these kids that are throwing you sly remarks are losers like you said, I'd think ignoring it might be a better card to play, more times than not.

A beef in the rap game is a far more complex display of dominance than not taking shit in an immediate social atmosphere, though.

I usually now just stare at someone with a dead serious face if they try to be funny about something serious. And they start squirming within 3-4 seconds of silence and just 100% staring without blinking. It's a very effective technique.

Since you referenced rap, watch this A$AP Rocky interview at 2:50 - 3:30.

Lol. I still get a kick out of that.

Notice though, that first he presents his frame, "What the fuck are you talking about?", tell's him to shut the fuck up, laughs, then concludes with a death stare before moving on. He basically combines a number of things that have been brought up here.
Also, the dude has very good control of his facial expressions which can communicate a wide range of info.

Hueman