Developing Assertiveness

Richard

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I was writing upon this topic originally to post on the main site, but my writing had gotten shoddy since I haven't written for the main site in a while so I'll be posting it here for starters.

Something I've seen a lot of guys lacking is an demeanor of assertiveness, and while it is something that tends to develop on it's own as you get better with women: I feel like a proper write up on the subject will definitely help everybody regardless of skill level.

With Franco's recent compilations of "The Best Of" for each board section, you can see the changes that have taken place in my PU career and style, but more importantly, you're able to see the development of assertiveness, and the ascension from "nice guy" to "sexual, and assertive guy." I'm saying this because I know fully well how hard it is to properly be assertive and tell a girl you think she's cute, or that you want to kiss her. I used to be a guy who did arbitrary tasks for girl friends who had become my focus in the hopes that she'd one day see the good in me... Kind of depressing for me to think about ;)

Fellas! Time to batten down the hatches, and make the change!

With developing assertiveness, I've noticed a few changes in my life, like:
-I vastly improved the quality of relationships and friendships
-I developed a load of self confidence and self efficacy
-I could communicate more effectively
-I had the freedom to live as I wanted because I could assert myself

Developing assertiveness takes time, focus, and conscious effort - as well as adaptation to a new lifestyle.

So how do you actually do it?

-Cut off the relationships that are going nowhere and don't support you.
-Start to focus more on yourself and the things that are important to you
-Start to say no.
-Starting expressing yourself more (which helps alot with women)
-Establish foundations in your life, or boundaries in your life that you will not stray from for anyone.

Let's dive a bit further!

"I" Statements - Something I picked up after reading more and more communication books and things of that nature. I statements are pretty self-explanatory, and simple but are immensely powerful because they put the power in your hands.

What's the difference between:
"You make me feel unwanted when you decide to party with friends without inviting me."
vs.
"I feel unwanted when you party with friends without inviting me because it's showing me that you don't care about my company..."

I statements allow you to take responsibility for your feelings instead of blaming others or giving the credit to others. Women are far more receptive to men who take responsibility for their feelings as well. Which sounds more attractive to you?

"You make me feel like my heart's on fire when you're around."
vs.
"I feel like my heart's on fire when you're around because you..."

Now, a personal favorite of mine!

Being Direct - I absolutely love this. I, like a lot of women, respect people who get to the point and state their intentions rather than cloaking them in 5 minutes of speech. I know too many people who feel like they have to explain and explain and explain their piece to get a point across or reduce the weight of their point. Just say it.

"Can you babysit on Friday?"
vs.
"Are you available of Friday because XYZ has to work from 8-5, and I doubt I'll be home in time to watch him myself, plus I gotta run to the store and do XYZ, and ZYX, and after that..."

The former is much more respectable than the first, and this notion is true with women as well.

"How about we grab coffee sometime soon?"
vs.
"You're really cute, and attractive and I'd love to take you out for coffee sometime, but not Friday or Saturday because I'm busy with..." (and yes... I know guys who still do this)

Don't Apologize - Apologizing for how you feel is like apologizing for being real. If you feel something then don't apologize or be sorry for feeling it. What I find funny now, is how "nice guys" will feel guilty and sorry for asking for something that's already perfectly justified.

"I'm sorry Celestina, but I really want to kiss you."
vs.
*Manhandle Kiss*

I know that saying you're sorry is more of a way for guys to justify a rejection they feel is coming anyway, and it works as a defense mechanism, but, if you are a guy who apologizes, then understand that it's probably your apology that's causing the rejection.

No Explanation Needed - You absolutely do not have to justify your reasons for doing anything. Throughout my time on the site, I've seen guys give lengthy explanations for flaking or for doing whatever.

"Hey Christen, I'm not going to be able to make it on Friday because my boss decided to be a dick and give me the night shift, and switch my schedule with James because he asked for..." NO! Don't do it.

Just be direct and straightforward, and if you absolutely have to, offer a small explanation, like so:
"Hey Christen, I can't make it on Friday."
or
"Hey Christen, my boss has me working Friday now so I won't be able to make the date."

As an assertive man, it is not your job to take responsibility for anyone's feelings expect your own. It's not your job (and I had a hell of a time letting this notion go) to make other people feel anything whether it be happy or sad or attracted.

As an assertive man, it is your obligation to live your life for yourself while understanding the wants and needs of others. You should put your wants and needs first, but not at the expense of another person's harm or extreme discomfort. I'm asking you to be assertive, not be a jerk ;)

I hope you all enjoyed this,

-Richard
 

Pato

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Richard,

This is perfect. I definitely feel like I haven't been able to express myself enough around women, mainly to fear/anxiety about getting rejected and stuff. I have been trying to be more assertive for awhile, and I've gotten a good amount better at it, but I think this could help me get to an even higher level. I'm definitely past the point of doing things for girls hoping that it would make them like me (oh how middle school me was so lost), but I can still improve. I can totally see how "I" statements and being direct work much better than "you statements" and not being direct enough.

As an assertive man, it is not your job to take responsibility for anyone's feelings expect your own. It's not your job (and I had a hell of a time letting this notion go) to make other people feel anything whether it be happy or sad or attracted.

As an assertive man, it is your obligation to live your life for yourself while understanding the wants and needs of others. You should put your wants and needs first, but not at the expense of another person's harm or extreme discomfort. I'm asking you to be assertive, not be a jerk ;)

I think this is where I might be having some problems. I do get what your saying, but I think I'm having trouble balancing it all out. A lot of times when I do say no, which I've been doing a lot more often now, I feel like the other people and girls think I'm selfish or a jerk. It's almost like they expect me to do stuff for them even if I haven't set a bad precedent. I used to get people and girls I was talking to asking me to do things quite frequently, and I wouldn't really know how to refuse without making myself look bad. How would you go about balancing my needs and how assertive I am, with the needs of others and not looking like a jerk? Do you think I should just stop doing things for other people that they could do? Sometimes when I don't do something asked of me by my friends, they'll call me an asshole or a jerk, which they would only be half-joking about at best.

Anyways very helpful post.
-Pato
 

Richard

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Pato,

used to get people and girls I was talking to asking me to do things quite frequently, and I wouldn't really know how to refuse without making myself look bad. How would you go about balancing my needs and how assertive I am, with the needs of others and not looking like a jerk?

Ohhh I love this, and you've asked such a great question!

Some people walk around with the notion that people will only like them if they say "yes" to everybody, and the reality of things is that when you can effectively deliver a "no" properly people actually see you as a respectable and likeable guy. So how do you do it?

Don't make it seem like it's the other persons follow and instead let them know that you're following you're own rules - that you're not breaking your own rules for their sake. I'll give you an example:

"I can't go out to the movies tonight because XYZ night is always a study night for me."


You can also let them know that you wanted to say yes but have a real reason for not doing whatever it is that they're asking, like so:

"I would love to go with you guys to the city because you know I love swimming at the beach but I'm completely swamped with school work and I have absolutely no time."


Also take the time to think about their request before denying it, instead of brushing it off. You can do this by explicitly stating that you mulled it over, or you can implicitly state it by connecting with them.

I understand that you want me to go to the concert this week especially because X,Y, and Z will be performing but I'm still saving money up to buy the brakes for my car.

Exposing under the surface details about the request shows that you actually looked into it that your "no" was said after careful thought.

All in all Pato, these methods soften the "no," but not in a push-over way. These won't always work, so I have two more things to say.

If a person doesn't respect you, or if they will not accept the fact that your softened no is honest, then you have to deliver a stern "no," with no explanation added and no softener added either. This is a last resort and usually people will accept your wishes and you won't use this much, but still... it's something to keep in the back of your head.

Friend: "Hey Rich, you coming to the car show with us this weekend?"
Me: "Unfortunately not. I'd really like to because they're showing a '69 Camaro and you know I love that car but it's not in my budget right now."
Friend: "C'mon dude, stop being a pussy. It's $35.00 entry"
Me: "Again bro, it's not in my budget right now. That's $35.00 that can go towards a new pool cue."
Friend: "Rich, stop making a big deal out of this..."
Me: "Chris, unless you want to pay that $35.00 for me, I'm not going. Plain and simple."

My closing thought is this though:

Regardless of the "no" you use, you have to remain firm and confident as well. Just because you are softening your no doesn't mean you soften your tone or your stance ;)

-Richard
 

Pato

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Richard,

Thanks a ton for clearing some of this up for me.

Don't make it seem like it's the other persons follow and instead let them know that you're following you're own rules - that you're not breaking your own rules for their sake.
You can also let them know that you wanted to say yes but have a real reason for not doing whatever it is that they're asking
Also take the time to think about their request before denying it, instead of brushing it off. You can do this by explicitly stating that you mulled it over, or you can implicitly state it by connecting with them.
If a person doesn't respect you, or if they will not accept the fact that your softened no is honest, then you have to deliver a stern "no," with no explanation added and no softener added either.

These are all really good ways of saying no that I hadn't really thought of doing. I'd usually apologize before saying no, like "I'm sorry, but I can't do X" or "Sorry, but I'm not going to do Y" and I wouldn't be as firm or confident as I would have liked. Recently I thought that I might have been going overboard, where I'd almost be kinda rude to them if I thought it was a stupid/unreasonable request. I just need to find that middle point, and this will help me for sure. I'll definitely start implementing this into my daily life.

Another question I have is in general, how should I get more assertive, direct, and sexual with girls? For example, I feel like in social circle situations I'm usually "hiding the banana." Whether it's because I feel like other people are going to judge me, I'm afraid of being shot down in front of people, or I think the girl will react badly to it, I'm not sure. All I know is that I'm not too good at showing interest in girls in my social circle (whether it's extended circle or closer circle), which usually leads me to not trying to close/pull at all and me feeling that I've already been friendzoned before taking a chance. So at parties I'm usually not being sexual enough with the girls I talk to and I wind up getting nowhere. I don't think I'd have this problem as much with new girls, which is also why I'm going to start cold approaching once spring break arrives, but for girls at school and that I kind of know, this seems to be my problem. On the other hand, I don't want to be super blatant where everyone can see exactly what I'm doing. Any suggestions or advice?

Thanks again.
-Pato
 

Richard

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Being sexual in your social circle ;)

This is definitely an all or none type gamble, as well as a huge hit vs huge reward game BECAUSE when you're known as a sexual man within the social circle you remarkably increase attraction from those girls while if you are seen as a sexual creep... you get blown out of the water every time.

Being sexual and direct with women comes with being confident about yourself and being confident in your fundamentals (i.e. knowing women are receptive to sexual frames, and chase frames, and dominance.) Nine times out of ten I see guys not using sex frames because they don't believe that they work, or are convinced that introducing any kind of sex to conversation with girls will cause her to reject you, and that simply isn't true. Again though, you can use sex frames, and be sexually assertive when you are confident.

Anyway Pato, in your social circle, if you are trying to be sexual... you have to introduce it, and stick with it - if you are a sexual man... YOU MUST OWN THAT IDENTITY.

Also, I've dealt with communication apprehension as well because I used to feel like people would be judging me negatively... and all of that bullshit. Two things:
-Most of the time people don't care enough to judge you
-Even if they are judging you, why should you care? It's not within your power to make every single person in the world like you and not judge you. People will be people, and people who judge will always judge.

It's entirely up to you to develop the confidence and bold mindset required to become sexual with women whether it's in social circle or cold approaching.

All I know is that I'm not too good at showing interest in girls in my social circle

Furthermore, you shouldn't be the one showing interest in the girls... unless they are showing interest first. That's not how this game works ;) Once a girl is interested though, you've got the reigns and you can drive that attraction anywhere you'd like - whether it be into the ground or into your bed.

My advice Pato is for you to develop more self-confidence, and work on your fundamentals =P

Questions, comments, concerns are welcomed!

-Richard
 

Pato

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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More good stuff here, Rich :)

Being sexual and direct with women comes with being confident about yourself and being confident in your fundamentals (i.e. knowing women are receptive to sexual frames, and chase frames, and dominance.) Nine times out of ten I see guys not using sex frames because they don't believe that they work, or are convinced that introducing any kind of sex to conversation with girls will cause her to reject you, and that simply isn't true. Again though, you can use sex frames, and be sexually assertive when you are confident.

Anyway Pato, in your social circle, if you are trying to be sexual... you have to introduce it, and stick with it - if you are a sexual man... YOU MUST OWN THAT IDENTITY.

Ahhh this makes perfect sense. I see exactly how confidence in myself and my fundamentals would make it much easier for me to be direct and sexual. So how would I go about introducing this sexual side of me if I haven't already been very sexual around my circle? Should it be pretty gradual, or can I just become more sexual around them pretty quickly as long as I keep it up? I think if it came up too quickly then it might be a bit weird, but maybe it's better just to get to that point sooner? I think I also need to get better at just being sexual by nature instead of having to turn it on like a switch, as I seem to fall out of the sexy, confident, and sexual guy category the longer I'm around the same girls.

Also, I've dealt with communication apprehension as well because I used to feel like people would be judging me negatively... and all of that bullshit. Two things:
-Most of the time people don't care enough to judge you
-Even if they are judging you, why should you care? It's not within your power to make every single person in the world like you and not judge you. People will be people, and people who judge will always judge.

This. Excellent point. I don't know why I always seem to care what other people might think about me, but it's a bad habit I've had for awhile. It probably came from my nice guy days when I was always trying to please everyone. I think I should start worrying about myself first before worrying about what others are going to think. Because if they do judge me, that's their own damn problem, and I'm going to keep living the way I want to live.

Furthermore, you shouldn't be the one showing interest in the girls... unless they are showing interest first. That's not how this game works ;) Once a girl is interested though, you've got the reigns and you can drive that attraction anywhere you'd like - whether it be into the ground or into your bed.

My advice Pato is for you to develop more self-confidence, and work on your fundamentals =P

Yeah, that's kinda what I meant (after getting a girl's interest), but I'm not so good at picking up on signs of when a girl is interested or when she is just being friendly, and if I do see something I usually doubt myself and hold back... Definitely something I need to get sorted out. Anyways, which fundamentals do you think I should focus on? Right now I have fashion down pat as I get compliments very frequently from the girls I know on what I wear, and I'm definitely the best dressed guy in the group (and one of the best in the school). I also have facial hair down nicely, and I think my haircut works well too. Any particular things you think I should be focusing on that would be more helpful?

I know I'm kinda bombarding you with questions, but you've been such a huge help to me. Thanks a ton =)
 

Richard

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No worries bro, I'm here to pass on information =P

Ahhh this makes perfect sense. I see exactly how confidence in myself and my fundamentals would make it much easier for me to be direct and sexual. So how would I go about introducing this sexual side of me if I haven't already been very sexual around my circle? Should it be pretty gradual, or can I just become more sexual around them pretty quickly as long as I keep it up? I think if it came up too quickly then it might be a bit weird, but maybe it's better just to get to that point sooner? I think I also need to get better at just being sexual by nature instead of having to turn it on like a switch, as I seem to fall out of the sexy, confident, and sexual guy category the longer I'm around the same girls.

Again, this is something else I've tackled before as well. Basically reversing the precedent that's already been set. It's pretty tough, but I still consider it to be fun. You have to show them that you've changed while still showing lingering signs of the common you that they know. Dramatic changes are usually the result of a life changing experience like studying abroad in another country and coming back a new man. But because I assume you can't do that, you will have to take a different approach (a harder and more focused approach).

You'll have to ween off seeing them so much, and instead work on meeting new women then returning to the social circle. I'll give you my example:

In high school I was an AFC orbiter who was smart (blah blah blah nice guy bullshit) and always helping women out who I wanted to fuck... trying to trade my help to them for my pleasure from them... this continued until my senior year of high school summer where I decided to cut off the relationships I had with those girls and I focused on new women. After getting better and better with women I didn't notice how my personality changed and became more sexual and attractive naturally. When I saw old friends again I had "changed" and there was "something different" about me.

When you can't have a life changing experience, you have to cut them off, create a new or improve "you" then return to them and show them a new you. After sleeping with new women, old flings and old crushes will seem pretty meaningless (giving you instant pre-selection and allure ;))

Because if they do judge me, that's their own damn problem, and I'm going to keep living the way I want to live.

Exactly this my friend. It's not what's wrong with you, it's what's wrong with them. Apply this mindset to jerky, rude and ignorant people, and to unreceptive women as well.

Anyways, which fundamentals do you think I should focus on?

In my opinion, the most important fundamentals are eye contact, smiling, and tone of voice. I won't get into the specifics of what I think of each of these, but I've covered each of these three in my article: here

Enjoy Pato, and feel free to reply if you've got more questions,

-Richard
 

Bacchus

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Richard! You're back!!! It's a pleasure,

I have a couple questions about over-asserting

Z Vaunswa said:
This is definitely an all or none type gamble, as well as a huge hit vs huge reward game BECAUSE when you're known as a sexual man within the social circle you remarkably increase attraction from those girls while if you are seen as a sexual creep... you get blown out of the water every time.

Being sexual and direct with women comes with being confident about yourself and being confident in your fundamentals (i.e. knowing women are receptive to sexual frames, and chase frames, and dominance.) Nine times out of ten I see guys not using sex frames because they don't believe that they work, or are convinced that introducing any kind of sex to conversation with girls will cause her to reject you, and that simply isn't true. Again though, you can use sex frames, and be sexually assertive when you are confident.

It's almost become a game for me, where a girl would be saying something to me and I would put it in a sexual context. For example earlier today, a friend of mine stole the seat of a very cute girl while she was at the washroom. When she came back, she absolutely flipped out on me! It was quite amusing, but anyway since we were in class I opted to move for her so the teacher won't throw me out. So she sat in the middle, after a bit of flirting she decided she wanted to sit on the outside closer to me. My response: "I feel your pain, being sandwiched by two guys can be a rough way to start your day. No pun intended ;)"

Z Vaunswa said:
in your social circle, if you are trying to be sexual... you have to introduce it, and stick with it - if you are a sexual man... YOU MUST OWN THAT IDENTITY.

However, sometimes I feel like I start overdoing it. Mostly when its a group of guys and girls, it'd just be one after the other. My question for you, is how would you mix playful and serious without overdoing one or the other?



-Casanova
 

Richard

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Casanova,

However, sometimes I feel like I start overdoing it. Mostly when its a group of guys and girls, it'd just be one after the other. My question for you, is how would you mix playful and serious without overdoing one or the other?

I see that in my absence you've adopted some stuff from my good friend Tool =P because having that playful/serious vibe and tension is in our natural temperament. I'm not sure there's an easy answer to this because it's my personality not something I've ever had to work to get, but here goes.

When mixing playfulness and seriousness your fundamentals show up (via body language, eye contact, tone of voice... etc) and when you understand what your fundamentals are showing then you can truly use this style. Basically, when you are actually being overly playful it shows up, and when you're being overly serious it also shows up.

I find that the best way to remedy this is a simple laugh - say something serious (without being angry or coming off as angry) then at the end use a small light laugh to show that what you said should be taken seriously and that it deserves attention, but you're not over-dramatizing it nor undermining it's severity.

You'll see me use this most often when I'm being sexual with women (sex frames, chase frames, etc) where I'll throw out a sex frame and then laugh about it a little, so it's playful but underlying-ly serious and sexy.

Make sense?

-Richard
 

Pato

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Thanks for the help again, Rich. You've been a life-saver and everything's starting to make a lot more sense.

You have to show them that you've changed while still showing lingering signs of the common you that they know. Dramatic changes are usually the result of a life changing experience like studying abroad in another country and coming back a new man. But because I assume you can't do that, you will have to take a different approach (a harder and more focused approach).

You'll have to ween off seeing them so much, and instead work on meeting new women then returning to the social circle.

Hmmm, I was thinking I might have to cut down on seeing them so much, but I'm really good friends with the guys in the group so if I go to any parties with them, then all the girls will be there. I might be able to have a dramatic change over the summer since I'll be doing a ton of new stuff and it's possible that I'd be leaving the country (for my first time) with my brother, so then I could really turn up the heat. In the meantime however, I'll try to cut down on some of the facetime I have with them and focus on other girls, that way my change to an assertive, super-confident, and smooth man will not seem completely unnatural. Is it even worth trying to be more sexual and assertive around the girls right now when I do see them, or should I just really cut down the time I'm spending with them and when I am with them just not focus on them?

In my opinion, the most important fundamentals are eye contact, smiling, and tone of voice. I won't get into the specifics of what I think of each of these, but I've covered each of these three in my article: here

Brilliant article. I think my smile's actually pretty good, but I could definitely use some work in tone of voice and a little bit more in eye contact. There's just a couple things that I wanted to ask. Firstly, I can definitely see how combining a sexy voice with a sexual frame would work perfectly, but how exactly should I get that sexy voice? I'm not really sure how to give it that sexual flare that would turn girls on. And secondly, how do I learn to control pupil dilation? Right now the only way I can see any difference is if I dim the lights in my room to the lowest setting, or if I flex my abs and hold it the entire time. I can't seem to dilate them on my own yet just by thinking or trying to do it.
 

Richard

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FRANCO! How you been buddy? ;)

Lol. Okay, back to Pato.

Is it even worth trying to be more sexual and assertive around the girls right now when I do see them, or should I just really cut down the time I'm spending with them and when I am with them just not focus on them?

Alrighty, even if you go with your guy friends to parties and the girls are there, you don't have to spend extensive time with these women. If you want to become more sexual and assertive around these girls though (which is completely your choice), then as I said you can experience a life changing event, ween them off then suddenly re-appear, but because I know now that you'd probably see them frequently at parties, you have another option: pick up girls in front of them.

If you grab a girls phone number, or escalate in any see-able way then your pre-selection within the group will spike up, and you'll have both implicitly and vicariously shown them a different side of you that they don't know.... yet ;)

Firstly, I can definitely see how combining a sexy voice with a sexual frame would work perfectly, but how exactly should I get that sexy voice? I'm not really sure how to give it that sexual flare that would turn girls on. And secondly, how do I learn to control pupil dilation? Right now the only way I can see any difference is if I dim the lights in my room to the lowest setting, or if I flex my abs and hold it the entire time. I can't seem to dilate them on my own yet just by thinking or trying to do it.

Getting a sexy voice takes practice, and you should find a famous actor who has a sexy voice and mimic it for the time being - in general terms though, a sexy tone of voice is slower, and a bit more deep than your regular speaking voice. When you speak more slowly you start to naturally speak from the diaphragm which also makes your voice deeper --> and the deeper the voice the sexier it is.

As far as eye contact, don't worry about being able to dilate your pupils at the moment, it's not important enough to yield a high change in results. With eye contact I simply mean holding eye contact while speaking, eye contact flirting (mutually looking at each other, look away, look back while you catch her looking... so on and so forth). I conditioned my eyes to naturally dilate when talking to women via psychology ;)

Enjoy,

-Richard
 

Bacchus

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Zphinx,

Laughing is something I'll definitely be working on,

I'd probably know a bit more if he posted more reports haha but yes, I have learned tons from both vaunswa's! Any word from Tool, will he be returning too?


-Casanova
 

Richard

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If you need examples of "laughing" while seducing check out some of my LRs ;)

As far as Tool goes, I talk to him every day, and he hasn't mentioned anything about coming back but whatever.
 

Pato

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you have another option: pick up girls in front of them.

If you grab a girls phone number, or escalate in any see-able way then your pre-selection within the group will spike up, and you'll have both implicitly and vicariously shown them a different side of you that they don't know.... yet ;)

I just had an aha moment here. I can definitely do this, as I feel working through my very extended social circle or even completely new girls at parties will be much better and easier for me than focusing on my actual immediate circle, while simultaneously giving me a reputation as a sexy, assertive guy who can get girls. I'm sure with spring break coming up there will be a lot of parties and therefore a ton of opportunities for me. For some reason I had the idea that I'd get a reputation as a player and only bad things would come from that, but I realize that even if I did get a player rep, it would still be a ton of pre-selection and would be better than how they probably see me now.

My group tends to gossip a lot about hookups and stuff and I think my rep could change pretty quickly if I got with a few girls in a pretty short amount of time. So should just let them talk about me and my hookups? I won't be telling anybody all the details or anything, but if they see me leave with or go into a bedroom/bathroom/closet with a girl, should I just let them gossip about it? I think it should help my rep and get the girls thinking about me in a different light. And if a girl from my group (especially one of the hotter ones) starts grilling me with questions, how would you respond? I'm thinking maybe frame it as she's asking questions because she's interested in me or something, but maybe I'm off with that thinking.

Thanks for all the help, Richard :)
 

Richard

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My group tends to gossip a lot about hookups and stuff and I think my rep could change pretty quickly if I got with a few girls in a pretty short amount of time. So should just let them talk about me and my hookups? I won't be telling anybody all the details or anything, but if they see me leave with or go into a bedroom/bathroom/closet with a girl, should I just let them gossip about it? I think it should help my rep and get the girls thinking about me in a different light. And if a girl from my group (especially one of the hotter ones) starts grilling me with questions, how would you respond? I'm thinking maybe frame it as she's asking questions because she's interested in me or something, but maybe I'm off with that thinking.

Pato,

You could not ask for a better opportunity than this. If they gossip, let them see you pick up women and tell their little stories to each other. Women who gossip usually exaggerate details which isn't bad in your case because a simple pick-up could turn into something complex and sexual.

If a girl in your group asks questions about it play stupid and aloof, and let her find out herself. Make her chase the answers.

;)
 

Verisimilitude

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Dec 20, 2012
Messages
463
Hey Pato, Z has got it completely right. Just play dumb or deflect and you won't have to say a thing, and it will up your value because of pre-selection and you're being mysterious. Both of those things, along with the gossip the girls do (especially if you're a good lover) will make you more attractive.

V
 
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