Disqualifying yourself as a boyfriend in the initial interaction

[Beam]

Does anyone have any resources/strategies for disqualifying yourself as a boyfriend in the initial interaction you have with a girl, for instance, in a DG approach? This came to mind today when I approached and number closed a 19yo. I don't really have any intention of being in a relationship with girls this young (in general, there are always exceptions to the rule of course), but I feel they may not know that and may assume I'm after a relationship. And that some girls who may be open to casual no pressure sex may reject me based on that. I know there are a lot of resources out there around doing this however I've not seen anywhere (perhaps I have missed it) about how to do it in a short 5 minute window if that's all the time you have, for instance during a DG approach.

This girl, I told her that I was not looking for anything serious in particular when going for the close, but I wonder if there are more socially savvy ways of expressing that.

Still working on the long term solution of course, which is upping pure lover value, but curious about how to handle these situations in the meantime.

Cheers!

 

[Baron]

Have you tried being more sexually direct? We had a debate on this on a previous thread https://www.skilledseducer.com/threads/mode-one-alan-roger-currie-direct-vs-indirect-debate.24971/

 

[POB]

You never tell, you show through actions.
Verbalizing this stuff from the get go is gonna make a lot of them reject you right away.

Just talk about sex in a non-judgemental way and always present yourself as secret society (meaning you know what's going on with girls enjoying casual sex behind the scenes, but you never talk about it in the open).

If you want examples, check this post where Teevster posted all his sex-talk gambits:

STICKIED: Sex Talk Gambits Compilation (And more)

Hey guys. So this is a compilation of my sex-talk gambits. I write this primarily because I sometimes forget some of the great gambits myself. I have been doing sex talk since late 2008 and trust me, using the same material over and over does get old. So what happens is that I will change my...

www.skilledseducer.com

 

[Baron]

You never tell, you show through actions.
Verbalizing this stuff from the get go is gonna make a lot of them reject you right away

How do you define "from the get go"? OP gave a 5 minute timeframe. 5 minutes is actually quite a lot of talking (time it yourself and you'll see).

Also, depends how you do it, tonality, etc etc. I find it works better with a bit of wit, but at the end of the day I don't know another way to erase any doubt in a younger girl's mind as to what your intentions are. If you get rejected by a few, so what? There are so many of them out there and at least you won't end up with an angry, scorned woman. However, if women are in short supply where you are, then I don't know, maybe a change of tact is needed.

 

[POB]

How do you define "from the get go"? OP gave a 5 minute timeframe. 5 minutes is actually quite a lot of talking (time it yourself and you'll see).

"Hi, My name is POB and I do open-relationships"
(I'm joking btw)

Don't know man, I never talk about this subject until they are really "in".
Heck, once I've had a under 25 chick staying with me for 3+ years (sleeping together and all) and we never ever even mentioned it
(we both knew we were seeing other ppl btw)

I just talk about sex with them, present myself as a very sexual man and let them decide if they want to bang.
There's not much more than that really.
Some stay for a while, others a lot longer, and some vanish without warning once they get that I'm not changing.

 

[Vision]

Does anyone have any resources/strategies for disqualifying yourself as a boyfriend in the initial interaction you have with a girl, for instance, in a DG approach? This came to mind today when I approached and number closed a 19yo. I don't really have any intention of being in a relationship with girls this young (in general, there are always exceptions to the rule of course), but I feel they may not know that and may assume I'm after a relationship. And that some girls who may be open to casual no pressure sex may reject me based on that. I know there are a lot of resources out there around doing this however I've not seen anywhere (perhaps I have missed it) about how to do it in a short 5 minute window if that's all the time you have, for instance during a DG approach.

This girl, I told her that I was not looking for anything serious in particular when going for the close, but I wonder if there are more socially savvy ways of expressing that.

Still working on the long term solution of course, which is upping pure lover value, but curious about how to handle these situations in the meantime.

Cheers!

How are you doing your approach? Are you doing direct or indirect?

Also, it sounds like these are just assumptions YOU have... are you sure this is a problem? Do you think you come off overly as a boyfriend? Have you had women tell you they thought you were coming across like you wanted a relationship?

You don't need to verbalize everything, as POB mentioned... if you have a sexual clothing style, sexual body language, sexual behavior, sexual language, you don't need to verbalize that you're just looking to bang... and you certainly don't need to do it at the beginning.

I'll also say this... it's not her being certain about you and what's going on that creates attraction... that creates boredom. It's her not being sure about you, what's going on, what you're doing that creates that attraction... it's mystery, uncertainty, polarity that creates attraction and desire and passion.

I had a conversation with Karea (he's another guy who used to be on this forum) recently about the sexual direct thing and he brought up some questions about what type of a woman that would attract... ie. potentially women more stuck in their masculine since they're doing a man thing, which is going straight to sex with you and agreeing to it.

I'd need to have more experience with sexual direct to really know though... but I guess if you're just looking to bang anyway, I'm not sure how much it really matters unless you're really into very feminine women.

 

[Baron]

I'd need to have more experience with sexual direct to really know though... but I guess if you're just looking to bang anyway, I'm not sure how much it really matters unless you're really into very feminine women.

Having experimented with sexual direct, sexual indirect and non-sexual indirect, I find the more authentic you are about your desires, the more you will bring out their authentic (sexual) side. As you mentioned in another thread, 30-35% of women you polled would be up for a purely sexual relationship, and you implied the actual figure could be even higher since your community of women are generally LTR-oriented. If a woman belongs to this category and has an inkling of attraction towards you, you're going to bring out that side of her. The challenge is in being sexual direct, seductive and charming at the same time. And dealing with the girl's social conditioning and other factors like her being drunk in a nightclub and having a state crash later on (but that's not relevant to this thread as we're talking day game).

potentially women more stuck in their masculine since they're doing a man thing, which is going straight to sex with you and agreeing to it.

I've rarely met a woman who "agreed to it" off the bat. More often than not, they'll act like you're turning them off but later admit they slept with you because "you made it obvious what you wanted", whatever that means. So the point about masculine/feminine women ... if you said "I want to get to know you intimately" after a few minutes of convo and she responds "yeah, let's fuck", you could say she was more masculine, but that's rarely what happens, at least in my experience, but probably I'd need to experiment with it in different countries.

You don't need to verbalize everything, as POB mentioned... if you have a sexual clothing style, sexual body language, sexual behavior, sexual language, you don't need to verbalize that you're just looking to bang... and you certainly don't need to do it at the beginning

Yeah, if you want her to see you as a fuck buddy, that can work too. You always need some sexual language even if it's indirect, as long as it comes across as authentic. We've discussed the specific advantages and disadvantages of direct v indirect ad nauseum on other threads.

 

[Zoro]

One thing that I find funny about the way we use the word "boyfriend" in regards to game, is that we tend to use it to refer to safe, boring, unattractive, unsexy behaviors.

When actually, who would be fucking her more than her boyfriend? Who would be more familiar with her and touching her warmly and slap her ass randomly or tease her playfully than a boyfriend?

Probably one of the best ways to dismiss yourself as a "boyfriend", is to act like you're already one.

PS To be fair, there are boyfriend behaviors to avoid if you're wanting to keep it casual: talking about relationship stuff, boyfriend type dates (movies, sports games, dinner), seeing each other too often, though this is later stuff and I know you're asking about the initial pick up.

Just move fast my brother and mind the fundamentals.

 

[trashKENNUT]

One thing that I find funny about the way we use the word "boyfriend" in regards to game, is that we tend to use it to refer to safe, boring, unattractive, unsexy behaviors

Quick response because Girlschase has been awesome in content depth recently. Going to cry now because Will V wrote a great response on my other post.

So.....

It has been a millenia and it is still happening. Making things simple is common. This is because it is to compartmentalize and keep the conversation, going.

But Girlschase articles and post have been awesome recently because we getting aware of this issue that you said.
I seem to notice this patterns of trying to expand the conversation.

SIdenote

I recommend all Girlschase members to have a TikTok and see this happening in real time.

what is happening in Tiktok is a quick market read of where society is.
My analogy of what is happening right now.

Society wants McDonald's to be quick.
Society also wants every employee to feel happy doing the burger or he stops flipping burgers.

REsult: Chaos of Society.

Generation Z, Liberal Left, Upper Middle Class, Middle Class.....

their cognitive dissonance is kinda funny. As they realize that throwing shit around the net. You will get shit too. The world is complex. You can't just tweet and watch Netflix and the world changes.

z@c+

 

[Beam]

You never tell, you show through actions.
Verbalizing this stuff from the get go is gonna make a lot of them reject you right away.

Just talk about sex in a non-judgemental way and always present yourself as secret society (meaning you know what's going on with girls enjoying casual sex behind the scenes, but you never talk about it in the open).

If you want examples, check this post where Teevster posted all his sex-talk gambits:

STICKIED: Sex Talk Gambits Compilation (And more)

Hey guys. So this is a compilation of my sex-talk gambits. I write this primarily because I sometimes forget some of the great gambits myself. I have been doing sex talk since late 2008 and trust me, using the same material over and over does get old. So what happens is that I will change my...

www.skilledseducer.com

I am slightly confused - you say never tell and show through actions, but isn't talking about sex and using the gambits "telling"? Or in this context, do you mean "telling" in the context of coming out direct with what I'm after (not anything serious), as opposed to having a free flowing conversation and steering it towards sexual topics naturally, as quickly as possible?

 

[Beam]

How are you doing your approach? Are you doing direct or indirect?

I usually do direct. Or, if opening indirect, very quickly switch to direct "I actually thought you were cute as well", very quickly so my intentions are clear.

Also, it sounds like these are just assumptions YOU have... are you sure this is a problem? Do you think you come off overly as a boyfriend? Have you had women tell you they thought you were coming across like you wanted a relationship?

Probably a bit of speculation on my part. But I think I may. My lover value is not too high during the day (at night I dress like a fuckboy but during the day, not so much). I have occasionally had women attempt to flake but then when I said I was not particularly looking for anything serious they changed their minds and came out with me - from that I'm guessing I came across relationshipy but need more reference experiences.

I'll also say this... it's not her being certain about you and what's going on that creates attraction... that creates boredom. It's her not being sure about you, what's going on, what you're doing that creates that attraction... it's mystery, uncertainty, polarity that creates attraction and desire and passion.

Interesting. On the uncertainty front, I think I do come across as not much of a challenge/sold on her too quickly/ perhaps too much on her level rather than a mystery. Not someone she can learn from - this judgement seems to be being made quite quickly. Guessing this ties back to your previous point - being/looking more sexual and demonstrating sexual authority will help alleviate these problems.

I had a conversation with Karea (he's another guy who used to be on this forum) recently about the sexual direct thing and he brought up some questions about what type of a woman that would attract... ie. potentially women more stuck in their masculine since they're doing a man thing, which is going straight to sex with you and agreeing to it.

I'd need to have more experience with sexual direct to really know though... but I guess if you're just looking to bang anyway, I'm not sure how much it really matters unless you're really into very feminine women.

I do love feminine women, but the younger girls I really want (at least right now) are the super hot ones with great bodies and fiery personalities. Which I guess means going sexually direct is the way to go.

 

[POB]

having a free flowing conversation and steering it towards sexual topics naturally, as quickly as possible

^^^ This ^^^

but isn't talking about sex and using the gambits "telling"?

Yes and no.
Remember, women are not literal creatures.
They "get it" much faster than we think just by observing our behavior.
When you tell something that goes strongly against her disney (like "I do open so I fuck a lot of women") you destroy it and she is forced to put you in a box too quickly ("he is just after sex so I might get hurt with him").
Gambits are there to present sex as natural as possible and as part of a healthy behavior between man and woman, not as something you want "take" from her (which most guys do).

The ideal scenario?
The lasting impression from that first date is that you are 80% player, 20% provider.

She concedes that you are a very sexual non-judgemental man, so it's ok to go to bed with you....but at the same time she has a splinter at the back of her mind that some day maybe, maybe you might be "convertable" to a serious BF if things go well.

 

[Baron]

I usually do direct. Or, if opening indirect, very quickly switch to direct "I actually thought you were cute as well", very quickly so my intentions are clear.

That's not direct man, and your intentions are still unclear. Giving a compliment and being (sexually) direct are two different things. Direct would be to let her know what your intentions are. You want to fuck her? So, tell her, using whatever words you're comfortable with. A bit of wit might help and non-judgemental attitude as has been pointed out. If she's in any way attracted to you, she might act like you turned her off but later if/when you do fuck her, she'll tell you something else (often it's something like "You made it obvious what you wanted so I thought why not", whatever that actually means).

It's a bit complicated at night when their state is altered due to the club environment and the booze so if you don't manage to SNL the girl she's more likely to flake, but this is a separate discussion and not relevant to day game.

I realise this contradicts the "show, don't tell" advice, but take whatever resonates with you and matches your experience.

 

[Fuck This]

I don't think the First meeting approach is different really...Reason being in both scenarios you need rapport and comfort . Where the difference comes out is sexual closing. Your overall frame should be non-judgmental. As opposed to extensive courting.

 

[Rakehell]

Sexual sub communication and just being sexy will have her slot you out as a boyfriend anyway. Until you start showing potential boyfriend cues. Some other ways are telling her you don’t plan on “sticking around” too long. Tell her you’re fresh out of a relationship. Emphasize freedom and adventure in certain topics like traveling or passions.

& thats just if you want to be smooth about it. You can tell a girl directly that you aren’t looking for anything serious. I think we underestimate the amount of girls looking for flings.

 

[TomInHo]

Dressing with an edgy style, touching and using sexual frames will instantly communicate that you're talking to her because you prefer banging rather than enjoying long walks on the beach while eating ice cream.

Also when texting to setup a date. I love to always pitch the first date straight to the house. This makes it obvious what the interaction is about and if she gives resistance I can always pivot to meet at a park or bar close to the crib.

 

[DonGately]

POB nailed it in my mind. But yes, how you dress how you touch her all that can communicate sexual intent inside of 5 minutes.
Of all the dozens of 19-24yr old girls I've banged since leveling up, only 1 ever thought she could get me as a 'serious boyfriend' and that's because she really, really was into older guys and super kinky. She was fantastic sexually and pretty face but was not looking to settle down with a 20/21yr old at that time. [and did marry a guy 20 years older]
She sees a well-dressed older guy looking at her body, talking to her, touching her, she knows what's up. And it's not that you're looking to be her bf.

After all, she decided inside 15 seconds of seeing you if you were fuckable or not.