- Joined
- Nov 14, 2017
- Messages
- 305
I had a bit of a vibe, but then I lost it.
Going from pretty near zero, I only had to do about 61 cold approaches, mostly day game, in order to get laid, which happened this time last year. There were also two other dates from those approaches that I expect probably couldʼve led to lays if handled better.
That seemed like fairly encouraging numbers, except for the fact that those approaches took a damn year to accumulate, due to a combination of shitty demographics and approach anxiety. (And probably some lack of motivation to go out to a mall to wander around for hours for only 1 or 2 approaches; approaching is fun, but that fun is diminished greatly when it means having to wade through a sea of non‑black girls and then chicken out on most of the black girls I do see.)
So, my ratio of successful approaches didnʼt look all that bad, if I could just up the number of approaches. But then, something happened.
The lay was a catatrophic failure due to a deadly combination of genital mutilation, performance anxiety, and other factors, as described in some depth here. Iʼd had a similar failure on my only prior lay, although in that case my lack of arousal was easily justified. There had also been a couple way, way prior more marginal sexual encounters in which I had again not been physically aroused, in those cases in part due to oneitides (they werenʼt the chicks Iʼd been devoted to). Well, this basically meant that my only sexual encounters had all been failures.
Rather ominously, my ratios after the lay seem to have changed way for the worse. In the 61 approaches before it, my expectation to at least get a number close (dead or alive) from an approach was about 1 in 5. Well, in the 28 approaches Iʼve done after the lay, Iʼve gotten zero number closes. In that number of approaches, my expectation based on pre-lay stats would have been to get about 5 or 6 number closes!
Itʼs like getting laid and then blowing it actually damaged my ability to seduce women!
Is it likely that on some unconscious level my doubts that Iʼll be able to satisfy a woman sexually are being projected into my behavior in a way that is perceptible to women, leading to an absolute failure to attract them?
I mean, Iʼm sure Iʼll be able to satisfy women eventually, but any given woman Iʼm talking to? Probably not.
And Iʼm thinking that may be creating a terrible catch‑22 in which I have lost the very means to fix the problem, because of the problem.
One thing I did do was to get myself a prescription for PrEP (pre-exposure prophylaxis against HIV — a very small risk but one that may be slightly larger for me because I gravitate towards girls from Africa; shout‑out to @Ree for giving me the idea), HPV shots, and contraceptive sponges, with the intention to try to fuck my next chick raw, since I feel condoms were contributing to my problems. Iʼve been really looking forward to fucking a chick raw! Iʼd figured that might give me more sexual energy towards them, but that doesnʼt seem to be playing out in the numbers right now.
(It does make me a little more picky about the women Iʼll hit on, since the pregnancy risk is higher.)
An alternative explanation for my now being unable to get closes, is that this past year I have been approaching even less than in the prior year; only about 28 approaches versus 61 in the prior year. So maybe Iʼm a little more rusty and have less momentum on a larger scale, even though actually I think Iʼve been doing more approaches per outing than before. Since thereʼs more time between outings, maybe shit isnʼt sticking in my head as much.
Iʼve actually been thinking about trying to find an escort I can get along with, to try to build some confidence and satisfaction in the sex act itself and hopefully have that rub off on my approaches. I actually think that could help me a lot. Iʼve already clean seduced a decently attractive chick half my age without spending a penny on her, so I donʼt think itʼd wreck my head. But there are some problems. I canʼt fuck her raw unless I can find one willing to go do STI screening together. (Actually, Iʼd be more comfortable fucking one raw right after a negative HSV test, than fucking one with a condom and no test, since condoms donʼt fully stop herpes!) And thereʼs also a female sexuality issue which I have asked about separately here.
I still think I should go back to my Africa plans. Increasing the number of women around me Iʼm interested in by a factor of ten can only do good things. Way more approaches. Way more at ease during approaches because Iʼm talking to so many that I can truly stop caring what happens with one. I thought of a way I might be able to make the kinda-sorta “move” less disruptive to my lifestyle; might post about that later.
DISCLAIMERS: Getting STI screenings with an escort, or any woman for that matter, is not a complete assurance that you wonʼt catch an STI from her. Obviously, if she has sex with someone else in the meantime — and this is very likely with an escort — then you could still catch something. Furthermore, most STIs have a “window period” right after initial infection, during which tests will come back negative, but she is infected; in fact, for some infections, including HIV and herpes, a person is highly contagious during the window period. This is why clinics normally advise spaced out repeat testing on top of mutual monogamy prior to unprotected sex. An additional complication is that HSV serum tests are often not administered in the course of routine STI screening, meaning that they will not pick up asymptomatic herpes, but there can still be viral shedding which can still cause an infection. In my case, Iʼd pay the extra to have that test done. Also keep in mind that Iʼd also be using PrEP, to minimize the chances of contracting HIV even if she is HIV infected. All considered, this approach would lessen my chances of contracting anything from the girl, but not eliminate them by any means. I am aware of this. Iʼm at a point in my life where I have accepted that I need to tolerate a certain amount of risk, in various domains, in order to fully enjoy life, because Iʼm not going to live forever anyway. Each individual needs to (i) understand his or her risks, and then (ii) decide the balance between risks and rewards that suits their own life priorities. Iʼm also not one to look at another human being as a virus trashbin, regardless of what her occupation might be, or for that matter what continent or ethnic group she comes from. Basically all STIs are at least usually treatable, and the majority are curable. With all that said I am obviously open to solutions that donʼt involve fucking with escorts!
Going from pretty near zero, I only had to do about 61 cold approaches, mostly day game, in order to get laid, which happened this time last year. There were also two other dates from those approaches that I expect probably couldʼve led to lays if handled better.
That seemed like fairly encouraging numbers, except for the fact that those approaches took a damn year to accumulate, due to a combination of shitty demographics and approach anxiety. (And probably some lack of motivation to go out to a mall to wander around for hours for only 1 or 2 approaches; approaching is fun, but that fun is diminished greatly when it means having to wade through a sea of non‑black girls and then chicken out on most of the black girls I do see.)
So, my ratio of successful approaches didnʼt look all that bad, if I could just up the number of approaches. But then, something happened.
The lay was a catatrophic failure due to a deadly combination of genital mutilation, performance anxiety, and other factors, as described in some depth here. Iʼd had a similar failure on my only prior lay, although in that case my lack of arousal was easily justified. There had also been a couple way, way prior more marginal sexual encounters in which I had again not been physically aroused, in those cases in part due to oneitides (they werenʼt the chicks Iʼd been devoted to). Well, this basically meant that my only sexual encounters had all been failures.
Rather ominously, my ratios after the lay seem to have changed way for the worse. In the 61 approaches before it, my expectation to at least get a number close (dead or alive) from an approach was about 1 in 5. Well, in the 28 approaches Iʼve done after the lay, Iʼve gotten zero number closes. In that number of approaches, my expectation based on pre-lay stats would have been to get about 5 or 6 number closes!
Itʼs like getting laid and then blowing it actually damaged my ability to seduce women!
Is it likely that on some unconscious level my doubts that Iʼll be able to satisfy a woman sexually are being projected into my behavior in a way that is perceptible to women, leading to an absolute failure to attract them?
I mean, Iʼm sure Iʼll be able to satisfy women eventually, but any given woman Iʼm talking to? Probably not.
And Iʼm thinking that may be creating a terrible catch‑22 in which I have lost the very means to fix the problem, because of the problem.
One thing I did do was to get myself a prescription for PrEP (pre-exposure prophylaxis against HIV — a very small risk but one that may be slightly larger for me because I gravitate towards girls from Africa; shout‑out to @Ree for giving me the idea), HPV shots, and contraceptive sponges, with the intention to try to fuck my next chick raw, since I feel condoms were contributing to my problems. Iʼve been really looking forward to fucking a chick raw! Iʼd figured that might give me more sexual energy towards them, but that doesnʼt seem to be playing out in the numbers right now.
(It does make me a little more picky about the women Iʼll hit on, since the pregnancy risk is higher.)
An alternative explanation for my now being unable to get closes, is that this past year I have been approaching even less than in the prior year; only about 28 approaches versus 61 in the prior year. So maybe Iʼm a little more rusty and have less momentum on a larger scale, even though actually I think Iʼve been doing more approaches per outing than before. Since thereʼs more time between outings, maybe shit isnʼt sticking in my head as much.
Iʼve actually been thinking about trying to find an escort I can get along with, to try to build some confidence and satisfaction in the sex act itself and hopefully have that rub off on my approaches. I actually think that could help me a lot. Iʼve already clean seduced a decently attractive chick half my age without spending a penny on her, so I donʼt think itʼd wreck my head. But there are some problems. I canʼt fuck her raw unless I can find one willing to go do STI screening together. (Actually, Iʼd be more comfortable fucking one raw right after a negative HSV test, than fucking one with a condom and no test, since condoms donʼt fully stop herpes!) And thereʼs also a female sexuality issue which I have asked about separately here.
I still think I should go back to my Africa plans. Increasing the number of women around me Iʼm interested in by a factor of ten can only do good things. Way more approaches. Way more at ease during approaches because Iʼm talking to so many that I can truly stop caring what happens with one. I thought of a way I might be able to make the kinda-sorta “move” less disruptive to my lifestyle; might post about that later.
DISCLAIMERS: Getting STI screenings with an escort, or any woman for that matter, is not a complete assurance that you wonʼt catch an STI from her. Obviously, if she has sex with someone else in the meantime — and this is very likely with an escort — then you could still catch something. Furthermore, most STIs have a “window period” right after initial infection, during which tests will come back negative, but she is infected; in fact, for some infections, including HIV and herpes, a person is highly contagious during the window period. This is why clinics normally advise spaced out repeat testing on top of mutual monogamy prior to unprotected sex. An additional complication is that HSV serum tests are often not administered in the course of routine STI screening, meaning that they will not pick up asymptomatic herpes, but there can still be viral shedding which can still cause an infection. In my case, Iʼd pay the extra to have that test done. Also keep in mind that Iʼd also be using PrEP, to minimize the chances of contracting HIV even if she is HIV infected. All considered, this approach would lessen my chances of contracting anything from the girl, but not eliminate them by any means. I am aware of this. Iʼm at a point in my life where I have accepted that I need to tolerate a certain amount of risk, in various domains, in order to fully enjoy life, because Iʼm not going to live forever anyway. Each individual needs to (i) understand his or her risks, and then (ii) decide the balance between risks and rewards that suits their own life priorities. Iʼm also not one to look at another human being as a virus trashbin, regardless of what her occupation might be, or for that matter what continent or ethnic group she comes from. Basically all STIs are at least usually treatable, and the majority are curable. With all that said I am obviously open to solutions that donʼt involve fucking with escorts!
