Hi you guys. I have some questions on the topic of edgy girls. When I'm out I see this type of girl from time to time, but as a full-blown nerd, I feel like they are pretty unapproachable. Like, what the heck do we have in common? I'm pretty sure we don't have any of the same interests. It's hard. How do you relate to them? And if you guys ever were in the same situation, what type of openers and what conversation topics do you use with these chicks? Also, more importantly, do you try to relate to them? Or do you try to get them to relate to you? I think it would be pretty unnatural and strange if I attempted to make myself more edgy in order to relate to them. Although I think even me walking side by side with one of them would be a strange spectacle in and of itself. Imagine a latina chick with forearm tattoos, black & blue hair, and snakebites, walking hand in hand with a pasty white nerd wearing a golf shirt, loafers and beige slacks. LBS. Do these type of relationships even work out, in your guys' experience?
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First off dude, what are doing looking like you are going golfing while you are out picking up women? Obviously, there is more to game than just clothes, but there is a time and place for that look. It can work well with women in certain circumstances, like at the country club maybe, but if you're really gonna clean up out there you gotta experiment with your style. That doesn't mean you have to be inauthentic and get tattoos and wear leather jackets. But take some risks and put together some slick outfits for varied venues and circumstances. Put a touch of sexuality to them and you are off to a good start here.
The truth is, the more you understand a women's niche in the world the more leverage you have in seducing her. If you really want to seduce edgy women (or classy, or creative, or whatever type) You're best to find ways of being that type of guy yourself. Especially for a long-term relationship. If "changing" yourself feels inauthentic, well maybe just attract women more in your wheelhouse. This being said women will often get with a guy who she says is "not my type." Especially for hooks ups. Especially if he is a skilled seducer with a strong lover frame.
Edgy women (or any woman for that matter) are just people. If you are running your interactions based solely on appearances you will only get so far. Devople the ability to read deep between the lines and you are off to a good start. You are aiming for her humanity. Her biology. Not her cannibal corpse t-shirt, and her skateboard. Here are just a few ways you can use the differences you two have to your advantage
-build rapport by highlighting something universal about her interests. Then use that as a springboard to deep dive. Like if she like metal music and you like classical don't try to get on the same page about your musical taste, instead focus on something like how exciting it is to see your favorite musician live for the first time. Or how music can be such a time capsule for certain periods of our life. This of course works best when you have built a little rapport already.
-Playfully tease about your differences to build a bit of tension and fun. "I'm not sure I could ever fall asleep next to you, too worried I'd wake up with a tattoo" "You're aware there are no mosh pits at the country club right?" "If you behave a bit more I might let you crash my golf cart"
-Use your differences as an opportunity to teach each other about your interests. This works especially well for seduction when you assume the teacher role. If you already have framed some of your disparate interests as something more universal you can entice her into your world. I mean if golfing is all about being present with the moment, just like skateboarding (which she is all about), she might want to "swing your club around" (especially if you have set a sexual frame to the whole endeavor). Also, if you get her to teach you about aspects of her world, it gives her an opportunity to share a part of herself.
Let's be clear here though. Seducing women is already a bit of an edgy thing to do. And if you are good at setting a sexual tone with a strong lover frame, you already have the edge. Approach with confidence. Keep things simple, and don't see your differences as a barrier. See them as an opportunity to create a novel and adventurous new connection.
The best way to gain experience approaching these types of women is to get out there and go for it. Just take the leap. I will say this much about them though. From my experience, edgy women use that edginess as a bit of a front. If you are able to see that edginess as a bit of a playful front and call them on it, they usually melt. Just expect a few sassy bad girl type shit tests thrown into the mix from time to time.
The truth is, the more you understand a women's niche in the world the more leverage you have in seducing her. If you really want to seduce edgy women (or classy, or creative, or whatever type) You're best to find ways of being that type of guy yourself. Especially for a long-term relationship. If "changing" yourself feels inauthentic, well maybe just attract women more in your wheelhouse. This being said women will often get with a guy who she says is "not my type." Especially for hooks ups. Especially if he is a skilled seducer with a strong lover frame.
Edgy women (or any woman for that matter) are just people. If you are running your interactions based solely on appearances you will only get so far. Devople the ability to read deep between the lines and you are off to a good start. You are aiming for her humanity. Her biology. Not her cannibal corpse t-shirt, and her skateboard. Here are just a few ways you can use the differences you two have to your advantage
-build rapport by highlighting something universal about her interests. Then use that as a springboard to deep dive. Like if she like metal music and you like classical don't try to get on the same page about your musical taste, instead focus on something like how exciting it is to see your favorite musician live for the first time. Or how music can be such a time capsule for certain periods of our life. This of course works best when you have built a little rapport already.
-Playfully tease about your differences to build a bit of tension and fun. "I'm not sure I could ever fall asleep next to you, too worried I'd wake up with a tattoo" "You're aware there are no mosh pits at the country club right?" "If you behave a bit more I might let you crash my golf cart"
-Use your differences as an opportunity to teach each other about your interests. This works especially well for seduction when you assume the teacher role. If you already have framed some of your disparate interests as something more universal you can entice her into your world. I mean if golfing is all about being present with the moment, just like skateboarding (which she is all about), she might want to "swing your club around" (especially if you have set a sexual frame to the whole endeavor). Also, if you get her to teach you about aspects of her world, it gives her an opportunity to share a part of herself.
Let's be clear here though. Seducing women is already a bit of an edgy thing to do. And if you are good at setting a sexual tone with a strong lover frame, you already have the edge. Approach with confidence. Keep things simple, and don't see your differences as a barrier. See them as an opportunity to create a novel and adventurous new connection.
The best way to gain experience approaching these types of women is to get out there and go for it. Just take the leap. I will say this much about them though. From my experience, edgy women use that edginess as a bit of a front. If you are able to see that edginess as a bit of a playful front and call them on it, they usually melt. Just expect a few sassy bad girl type shit tests thrown into the mix from time to time.
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This “social tribe” way of thinking is not going to serve you well for seduction.
If you think that a certain kind of girl only goes out with a certain kind of man, you’re gonna be locked dating only your own tribe.
This is not because girls won’t respond but because your subconscious will betray you by making you think you have no chance.
The best thing you can do is kick your “nerd” label off the curb and start living experiences outside of your stereotype.
The experiences you will live will help you connect with a bigger quantity of people. You will understand where they come from and have things to talk about.
The way to seduction is the mastery of adapting the part of you that you show to the girl so you better connect with her.
If you think that a certain kind of girl only goes out with a certain kind of man, you’re gonna be locked dating only your own tribe.
This is not because girls won’t respond but because your subconscious will betray you by making you think you have no chance.
The best thing you can do is kick your “nerd” label off the curb and start living experiences outside of your stereotype.
The experiences you will live will help you connect with a bigger quantity of people. You will understand where they come from and have things to talk about.
The way to seduction is the mastery of adapting the part of you that you show to the girl so you better connect with her.
Thanks for the info, I appreciate it.
I dress like that because it makes me feel safer. If I fuck up an interaction, my clothes will take a lot of the awkwardness out of it. After all, if I'm dressed like a nerd then any kind of fuckup would look acceptable as a person dressed like that. On the other hand, if I made myself look really nice, and I fucked up, then it would make me look like a fraud. Like a socially inexperienced nerd pretending to clothe himself like a badass. Maybe when I get better at this stuff then I'll feel more comfortable wearing what I really want to wear and what I want to wear is the same style as you mentioned above. Let me not wear a gold chain around my neck until I have earned it. As a low-level chump I have to dress like what I am.
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Do you want to stay a low-level chump?
You don't need to go dress up like rock star, but leveling up in style can be a strong first step that pulls you towards other leveling up.
I mean, even if you self-identify as a nerd, which, by the way, is stupid, there are two ways to dress like one:
One is attractive to nobody, the other will be attractive to quite a few.
But both are consistent with how you label yourself.
I get what you are saying. But besides that, for argument's sake, I'd say that dressing like indiana jones doesn't fit the archetype that we are speaking about. Bad boys don't teach at universities. Bad boys never went to college, they have face tattoos and crooked hats and play in bands. They're hooligans. Indiana jones is a movie character. There's no nerds out there in the real world who do what he did in that movie. I think being a nerd and a bad boy are mutually exclusive. Because if you have intellect, why be a bad boy? Not only could you never make it in the bad boy world but your intellect would argue against the high amounts of stupidity involved in that way of life. And on the same token, if you don't have intellect, why be a nerd? You could not make it in the world of nerds...you don't have any discipline...amongst other attributes. I say do what you do best. Women are sexually attracted to wild degenerates, not clean-cut university professors. So for me, personally it's going to be a decision between which of the two I want to be - but the point is that I have to fully delve into one, in order to truly be it. A nerd with "bad boy interests" is just a wannabe, a silly poser. And the vice versa is true too. (If I'm wrong about any of this, let me know. My observation is that women only truly go for wild degenerates, which is what I think of when I hear the words "bad boy").
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I definitely feel you man, but after staying in the game long enough and having had a good interaction, good number close, a good date or a good fuck with a girl of a "type" you thought wasn't attainable or was unapproachable or unrelateable etc. for any reason, I can tell you, that yes I have a higher chance of success with certain "types" of girls, but nothing is impossible. So go for it my guy.
I would say it is certain personalities/characters that I'm highly effective with and that personality/character can be "dressed" up fitting different types. Sure, different moods, personalities etc. clusters in certain "types" of looks, but it isn't always. And since it isn't always, it is never impossible.
I would say it is certain personalities/characters that I'm highly effective with and that personality/character can be "dressed" up fitting different types. Sure, different moods, personalities etc. clusters in certain "types" of looks, but it isn't always. And since it isn't always, it is never impossible.
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You're over thinking this. Falling on your face is the same no matter what you are wearing. That said, walking in with the wrong outfit can very well start you off on the wrong foot. Your self proclaimed "nerd" outfit is not the safety net you think it is. Besides, the suggestion was not to leap into an inauthentic image. The suggestion was to experiment with your style and build from there. The only way you earn what you want is by going for it. Plain and simple.
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Trust me plenty do - I've had all sorts of lecturers at college and it used to surprise me what they were like in their younger days. Some were still bad boys and turned up to work in leathers on a motor bike and then changed into shirt and tie for lecturing.
There is even one lad I used to take out on building sites as an apprentice who was a right tear away and got into al sorts of bad boy scrapes and he is now a University lecturer!!! - I was gobsmaked when I found out but good on him for getting where he is.
Just because a girl has an edgy front, or is the most beautiful sexy girl in the room or whatever . . . . - she is still a person with insecurity's, mental health issues, failed relationships and all the other complexities we have. Your job is to cut through some of those fronts that she uses as a defense mechanism to hide her faults.
Treat her as an equal looking for fun, good humor, enjoyment, etc and stop putting these girls on a pedastall that you can only look up to and drool over.
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This post is full of limiting beliefs and assumptions. I'm not trying to be mean or anything, but it reads like your knowledge comes from reading too much Internet and not enough real life.
Women only go for wild degenerates? Really?
I mean, your definitiion of bad boy seems to be "a criminal" which, yes, don't be one and avoid women who want to be with criminals. This whole thread is moot then.
But "bad boy" traits that women find attractive can be embodied by any guy.
"If you have intellect, why be a bad boy?" Because intellect does not make you bold, does not make you draw your borders and enforce them, does not make you stand up for yourself, and indeed, for others; does not make you an achiever, does not make you a leader, does not give you initiative, does not make you alive. And all that women find attractive.
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Precisely this. What is seductive to women has nothing to do with these image based dichotomies you are setting up for your self. Clean cut vs bad boy bullshit. That is just taking everything at face value. Being the intellectual guy you seem to be I am sure you understand there is way more to the world than face value. What is seductive is a series of character traits. These traits have a myriad of stylistic expressions. Clean cut or bad boy. It is about embodying your desire, and aiming for what you want. It is about interfacing those desires with another person, managing all the complexities that come with the terrain, and holding your frame in the face of it all. Understanding female nature first hand, and navigating dynamic social situations. This comes from experience. Taking risks and making mistakes is all part of the process.
If you want to be seductive to women (of all types) you are better suited just getting out there and doing it and adjust as you go. Sitting around philosophising as to why you are stuck between this dichotomy or that, or why it just won't work cause this or that, only gets you so far (hint: it's not very far).
All the characteristics that are seductive can manifest in any style. Clean cut or bad boy. Whatever style you are coming from is just the icing on the cake. Start with your fundamentals (there are plenty of solid article in the matter here on girlschase), build from there. This will set you up for a much more solid base to come from when you are out in field. Then just get out there and experiment. Gain experiential reference points and go from there. Its the doing that get's things done
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Interesting, thanks. I guess I had a different idea of what the term meant. Let me explain. I did a small amount of time in a school for bad kids and I was around a lot of young barrio gangbangers. So that's where the term evolved for me. To me, being a bad boy was always about wearing basketball jerseys, wearing Jordans, having tattoos and piercings, wearing shiny jewelry, beating people up, thinking that you are better than everyone else, not caring for other people, and arrogantly challenging other dickheads. It seems pretty stupid, but originally when I was thinking about this PUA journey I thought that I should get in touch with some guys I know and join a gang, then I'd be a true bad boy. Because I knew for a fact that there are women who like guys like this. But anyway fuck that silly idea.
Your idea of bad boy, to me, sounds like the idealistic depiction of an Army officer....Like the heroes from Black Hawk Down movie, like We Were Soldiers. Again, interesting...thanks.
I don't personally know anybody like this.
Know a lot of guys who are just average bums (ok maybe not bums but just average chumps who earn 35k a year).
Where do I find these right role models in real life?
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is there any way you can draw from your past experiences and separate the wheat from the chaff? Sure there is no need to adopt the arrogance or more self serving, confrontational qualities. But I can imagine there is a level boldness and daring you witnessed that very much suit your purposes. I bet you can mine your past for quality material, and refine it into something more pallatable and authentic to who you are. Sounds like having been so close to that culture in the first place is certainly an authentic part of your journey
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We recently had a younger member of our discussion boards throw something of a temper tantrum there because he’d apparently been desperately trying to get my personal attention, but not succeeded, and became bitter and resentful toward me. I simply haven’t been on the boards a huge amount...
www.girlschase.com
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www.girlschase.com
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I am going to write about this in a different thread.