Erection Problems, Low Confidence

[Jeff]

Hey guys,

Aashish here from Bangalore, India. I'm 25. Last January, I approached 30 girls a week regularly, and ended up losing my virginity and got my first ever kiss, on the same day - one week before my 24th birthday. Since then, I've racked up a total of 16 lays and 24 make outs. (Do let me know if this is a worthy improvement)

Most of them were from online dating but I did get 5-6 women from cold approach. The pandemic hit us pretty bad as you may know, so I had to resort to apps to keep the ball rolling.

Anyway, I could penetrate only one out of these 16 women. I'm guessing it is a combination of low testosterone and my addiction to porn. I consulted a sex therapist but he says he doesn't think its a lack of testosterone.

I've gotten flaked on and ghosted after my encounters with many girls and I suspect it is because of this.

In any case, this has fucked up my confidence. This is holding me back because when I'm flirting with someone, I end up worrying that she'll eventually see through all my bullshit and know I'm not the guy I'm coming across as. The guy who can't really fuck her.

I've reduced porn but I visit it every now and then because I can barely get out of the house due to our curfew/lockdown. But when I do go out, I approach.

To Chase, Hector, and all the pros here, here are my questions:

1) What can I do to up my testosterone quickly so that I can take it all the way, if I meet a girl tomorrow, or next week?

2) If you've gone through this, how long does it take to get back your testosterone/libido?

3) Any supplements, Maca Powder, etc. you recommend?

Help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance guys.

Cheers!

 

[Toby2030]

Have you considered that it isnt your testosterone but maybe sexual anxiety instead?

 

[ulrich]

How often do you watch porn and masturbate?

If we are talking daily, that’s the very first thing you need to work on.

 

[samuraijack]

Have you considered that it isnt your testosterone but maybe sexual anxiety instead?

Not to hijack but I think I might have this even though I've been with lots of women. Tips?

 

[Egor]

You may have PIED. Porn induced erectile dysfunction. You need to quit porn for a long time. You use the word addiction, how severe of an addiction is it? Maca was mentioned; it is a great herb for sexual energy, highly recommended.

 

[Lofty]

Hi,

Erection problems have also been an issue that I've faced.

The reasons for ED may vary, and I NEVER thought it would happen to me - a younger guy such as yourself. I read about other guys having it and thought it seemed blasphemous. Little did I know that it was to become a massive mountain to hurdle, and for me, I believe it was largely porn induced.

I knew that it needed to be addressed ASAP. So, I researched and made the following implementations:

• Took nitric oxide powder daily (I believe this was very significant)
• Eliminated porn consumption
  • Installed FocusMe (h/t Chase) with a 24/7 keyword block on porn-related terms (obviously seduction sites are whitelisted)
    • Permanently locked SafeSearch to prevent accessing porn-related images on Google
    • Manually blocked any website that slips through filters (such as after a relapse)
    • Also blocked Instagram, etc., that were potential masturbatory sources
• Maintained a daily log of orgasm and ejaculation counts with a focus to reduce both (yes, there is a difference)
• When I did masturbate, I did so with tantra and NOT with fantasies of past girls or thoughts of porn. With preferably NO ejaculation.
• Used restorative cream to increase sensitivity/bloodflow/aesthetic
• Took black maca daily - not sure that it helped erection quality although it did aid general libido. So an ancillary thing, maybe.
• Exercised daily. I was already in good shape, and I just got in better shape.
• Very healthy eating
• Switched to Skyn condoms
• Increased sexual (penetrative) experience. Try really extending foreplay as needed - have her do whatever will give you the best chance to get hard. Dick sucking, acting out fantasies, whatever.

After a few weeks, I noticed improvements. After a few months, I knew I was getting closer.

Now, I'm getting spontaneous, rock-hard erections once again. Feels really fucking good.

It's a tough, tough road that not all understand.

Good luck!

 

[Toby2030]

Not to hijack but I think I might have this even though I've been with lots of women. Tips?

How to Get Turned On and Beat Performance Anxiety with New Girls

In my previous article here, "You Really Should be Having Sex", about the importance of closing things out with women regularly, Wes comments: “Those ARE reasons enough for me to sleep with a girl who isn't completely amazing but still, HOW do you get turned on by these girls? Back in June, I...

www.girlschase.com

 

[Skills]

it seems you have sexual anxiety, it happens when you get nervous and stuff, also it could cause trauma cause now you have that bad image on your head, i personally when i am pulling girl and i know is going down take a bit of genetic viagra (no cialis or any other) and i keep some in my car/wallet... I only use it with new girl first time just to cover the basis just to cause good first impression.. (even the placebo effect could help to get out of your head)... in india is over the counter (generic ones)

 

[Rakehell]

As Skills and DML said it’s most likely a mental thing.

Also the negative connotations behind masturbation can negatively impact a person sexually.

Since it is so looked down upon universally it can effect ones subconscious when done.

If you choose to masturbate do it with no shame so as not to cloud your mind with guilt, further amplifying any ED.

No post nut clarity or anything of the sort.

 

[Lofty]

Part of it could be sexual anxiety, though I wouldn't be so quick to draw it as the primary component.

Personally, I sometimes became frustrated when my own ED would be attributed entirely to a "mental thing" or "anxiety" or being "psychosomatic." I mean, I was tying girls up and commanding them to kiss my feet while STILL being unable to get hard without intense physical stimulation. Moreover, I wasn't getting the spontaneous boners that I did when I was in high school... so was I sexually anxious, all of the time? And then how come I was more likely to get hard with her if I stroked my cock vigorously while she laid before me, nude and ready to be penetrated?

Porn-induced erectile dysfunction and death-grip syndrome seem to be more common with guys who developed a porn addiction prior to having any sexual experience, such as Aashish and myself, because the brain begins to equate erections with screens and hands instead of pussy. I believe Skills has written before that he believes that he doesn't have any issues with porn because he was already sexually experienced from a young age - this is a different sort of case than what seems to be going on with Aashish.

Hence why masturbation is TERRIBLE for someone in this situation. Because it reinforces that hand strokes and potentially porn are the cause for erection and not a real life, naked woman. The brain needs to loosen its grip on that connection and re-associate it with women.

Not that masturbation is bad overall... far, far from it. But when you're trying to reset the mind to get hard with pussy, masturbation is likely going to do more harm than good. In addition, any ejaculation may make it even more difficult to become erect.

Masturbation, especially tantric masturbation, can be AWESOME for someone who knows how to fully control their sexual energy like Bacchus. Although I can separate orgasm from ejaculation, I wouldn't say that I am even advanced with tantra... but I have some taste for it. So I know that if it is done effectively, it certainly increases sexual energy and has many benefits at large. This is an awesome feeling, although it's really a next step after Aashish is popping boners on the regular.

But anyway, my issue which seemed quite similar to Aashish's, found the greatest improvements when taking nitric oxide powder (NO has been shown to be important for erections), eliminating pornography, and reducing masturbation.

Though I do agree that it can be a negative feedback loop with repeated dysfunction with women, and then there brings in the anxiety. Which makes the whole situation even worse, but again, it's far from everything. What will help with that is getting erections randomly throughout the day so he knows for sure that he'll be hard with a girl, and then once he feels that warm, tight pussy on his cock with no problems sliding it in, then the loop begins to work in the other direction for the next girl and the girl after that.

He needs to do anything and everything beginning NOW that may healthily help him to start getting natural, free-flowing erections.

And that includes going full hands-off-dick for the meantime.

 

[Skills]

i think about masturbation is individual choice and everybdoy needs to understand the body, i personally have a super high sex drive, i can have sex with multiple girls and have long sessions and i still masturbate...

there are some guys also that when they masturbate tend to get hornier (me for example)... By the way same with women... (my new main have extremely haigh sex drive)

there are dudes were masturbation kills the sexual desire...

Also guys from india/pakistan and those type of countries, tend to be raised with weird views about sex and shit!... As always, everybody needs to do their own individual field test and see what works for them, and how the body reacts to different suggestions of scenarios....

Everybody is different, as much as i think this dude, is a mental masturbator at times in here i kind of agree with him:

 

[Darius]

i had this issue at one point, and for me the litmus test was: can i fuck while i watch porn or think about porn?

the answer was yeah, i could. so i dumped porn and when i jerked off i only thought about past experiences, i.e. me shoving my cock in soft tender pussy. and it definitely improved my performance. i was a lot more in the moment when i had sex too.

OP if you don't know whether it's porn or something else, maybe try this and see. odds are, if you can get hard with her while you watch / think about porn, it's the porn that is the issue.

otherwise maybe something else as others have mentioned

 

[ulrich]

Used restorative cream to increase sensitivity/bloodflow/aesthetic

Hey @Lofty , this link is broken.

What’s the brand or the ingredient of the restorative cream you mentioned?

Thanks!

 

[Lofty]

i think about masturbation is individual choice and everybdoy needs to understand the body, i personally have a super high sex drive, i can have sex with multiple girls and have long sessions and i still masturbate...

there are some guys also that when they masturbate tend to get hornier (me for example)... By the way same with women... (my new main have extremely haigh sex drive)

there are dudes were masturbation kills the sexual desire...

Also guys from india/pakistan and those type of countries, tend to be raised with weird views about sex and shit!... As always, everybody needs to do their own individual field test and see what works for them, and how the body reacts to different suggestions of scenarios....

Everybody is different, as much as i think this dude, is a mental masturbator at times in here i kind of agree with him:

Completely agree about how it's very personal Skills, no doubt about it.

What I'm saying is that OP clearly is struggling with ED while using porn and masturbating, so he needs to eliminate those from the equation to discover if that is his own issue (which I suspect that it is playing a role, as noted before). Along with other health improvements that will only help him.

And correct me if I'm wrong because I know you've been banging chicks longer than I've been alive, but sex drive doesn't necessarily equal erections though? For example, I can speak to myself when I was horny as fuck going out 4+ times a week, felt super horny all of the time, felt super horny with girls, and felt super horny without girls... and still wasn't getting good quality erections without intense stimulation.

This isn't really a Fap vs. No Fap convo in my mind - it's about getting OP to a place where he is popping healthy erections, so then he can penetrate girls AND masturbate healthily if he wants to. But without revitalizing his dick in general, he's going to continue to struggle to reach that point I think.

Hey @Lofty , this link is broken.

What’s the brand or the ingredient of the restorative cream you mentioned?

Thanks!

Hmm, guessing the link could have been axxed to international things and such.

This specific type is Imagine Dermatology's Penile Health Relief Cream. Here's the link to the official website - hopefully that works. I really liked this cream, although it is the only one that I tried. It seems that the most popular cream is perhaps the Man1 Man Oil, but I saw numerous reviews that Imagine Dermatology was better and less expensive as well.

 

[Skills]

Hi,

Erection problems have also been an issue that I've faced.

The reasons for ED may vary, and I NEVER thought it would happen to me - a younger guy such as yourself. I read about other guys having it and thought it seemed blasphemous. Little did I know that it was to become a massive mountain to hurdle, and for me, I believe it was largely porn induced.

I knew that it needed to be addressed ASAP. So, I researched and made the following implementations:

• Took nitric oxide powder daily (I believe this was very significant)
• Eliminated porn consumption
  • Installed FocusMe (h/t Chase) with a 24/7 keyword block on porn-related terms (obviously seduction sites are whitelisted)
    • Permanently locked SafeSearch to prevent accessing porn-related images on Google
    • Manually blocked any website that slips through filters (such as after a relapse)
    • Also blocked Instagram, etc., that were potential masturbatory sources
• Maintained a daily log of orgasm and ejaculation counts with a focus to reduce both (yes, there is a difference)
• When I did masturbate, I did so with tantra and NOT with fantasies of past girls or thoughts of porn. With preferably NO ejaculation.
• Used restorative cream to increase sensitivity/bloodflow/aesthetic
• Took black maca daily - not sure that it helped erection quality although it did aid general libido. So an ancillary thing, maybe.
• Exercised daily. I was already in good shape, and I just got in better shape.
• Very healthy eating
• Switched to Skyn condoms
• Increased sexual (penetrative) experience. Try really extending foreplay as needed - have her do whatever will give you the best chance to get hard. Dick sucking, acting out fantasies, whatever.

After a few weeks, I noticed improvements. After a few months, I knew I was getting closer.

Now, I'm getting spontaneous, rock-hard erections once again. Feels really fucking good.

It's a tough, tough road that not all understand.

Good luck!

Write a post under sex forum and post this to help other guys... I personally will field test meanwhille, then get back in couple of months...

 

[Skills]

Completely agree about how it's very personal Skills, no doubt about it.

What I'm saying is that OP clearly is struggling with ED while using porn and masturbating, so he needs to eliminate those from the equation to discover if that is his own issue (which I suspect that it is playing a role, as noted before). Along with other health improvements that will only help him.

And correct me if I'm wrong because I know you've been banging chicks longer than I've been alive, but sex drive doesn't necessarily equal erections though? For example, I can speak to myself when I was horny as fuck going out 4+ times a week, felt super horny all of the time, felt super horny with girls, and felt super horny without girls... and still wasn't getting good quality erections without intense stimulation.

This isn't really a Fap vs. No Fap convo in my mind - it's about getting OP to a place where he is popping healthy erections, so then he can penetrate girls AND masturbate healthily if he wants to. But without revitalizing his dick in general, he's going to continue to struggle to reach that point I think.

I see what you are saying i am confusing horniness with ed... so i guess you are right..

 

[PalmaSailor]

Look at the username, is this guy another troll that’s cropped up after the last one was banned?

sinksink reincarnated?

 

[Jeff]

To Everybody,

Thanks for the input guys. Really appreciate it. I've been off porn for a month and today is day 9 of NoFap. I plan to keep this going until I'm able to penetrate a woman properly. Plus, I've been taking Maca for a week. Let's see how it goes.

Appreciate the feedback guys.

Cheers
Aashish

 

[ThePicker]

To Everybody,

Thanks for the input guys. Really appreciate it. I've been off porn for a month and today is day 9 of NoFap. I plan to keep this going until I'm able to penetrate a woman properly. Plus, I've been taking Maca for a week. Let's see how it goes.

Appreciate the feedback guys.

Cheers
Aashish

I hope it's not too late to give a reply to this post.

I had (and still have) the same problem, due to some specific reasons.

Here's what I did to manage it:

The cause of your ED could be porn-induced as others have mentioned, it could be performance/sexual anxiety (which could actually be quite likely, given the context you've provided), it could have a psychological root (do you suffer from stress or anxiety on a regular basis?) or it could just have an organic cause.

Whatever the cause, the best thing you can do, in the following order, is to 1) Visit a doctor --> so that they screen out any possible organic cause 2) Go to a psychologist (to a good one).


Now, and this is the gist of the matter, how did you react when the ED occurred? What did you tell to the girl?


Cultural factors aside, this might be the real CAUSE/REASON why they didn't want to see you again (assuming it wasn't buyer's remorse either).

It turns out that what most - if not all - men think when they face these situations, specially if they're inexperienced, is "shit, she's going to think I am a beta and she's going to reject me, pretty sure Im losing all value".

Well, the truth is, in her head she is not blaming it on you BUT ON HERSELF.

At first, Instead of thinking that you're a betta, what she's actually thinking is that she herself is the betta. She's feeling rejected and undesired.

In addition to that, she might indeed end up thinking you're a betta too, but not because you can't get it hard, but because of your REACTION TO NOT GETTING IT HARD.

Getting it hard doesn't really depend that much on you, it's something that happens to you.

Women will test your strength, not based on WHAT DESTINY THROWS AT YOU but based on HOW YOU REACT TO WHAT DESTINY THROWS AT YOU.

Did you react nervously?
Guess what, she felt rejected + after seeing your reaction she also perceived you as a beta (due to such reaction).


In sum:
1) She won't think negatively of you because you don't get it erected, but of herself
2) If you react like a beta to your ED, then that's when she'll think you're one.



What to do?

1-> Let her know it's not her fault and make her feel desired. In EU (where Im based) ED is not an issue for most women, because they're more open/knowledgable/accepting of their sexuality. They understand this sort of stuff happen.
I guess in India they're more naive and uninformed when it comes to sex, so you're more likely to face a strong reaction of self-rejection

(men are horny all the time, this dude is not erected, that means I can't make him horny, that means he doesn't like me, am I really that ugly?).

What you have to do is to make sure she understands it's YOUR FAULT, and take that burden off of her.

You can justify it however you prefer:
Say you're nervous, say you have a circulatory problem, say you like her so much that she made you so nervous that you couldn't get it hard.
Just give any justification you want which ofc fits in your cultural context.

Make her sure she believes you (some women won't understand it at first. You have to reassure your point. From my experience, I've had better luck saying it was an organic or a psychological problem, by saying that they understood it was something completely external to us, and that thus couldn't be their fault)

1.1-> Make her feel desired (in ways that are appropiate to your culture). And obviously, without looking fake or artificial.

2-> React naturally. With 0 nervousness. Just tell her "Hey sweety, I have X problem, and therefore my dick doesn't work some times. But you're making me feel really horny inside, you're igniting my desire and burning my soul in crave for you, I want to feel inside of you and we're not gonna end the night here".
(Whatever is appropiate in your cultural context)

3-> have oral sex and masturbate her. You can still give her an amazing night even if your dick doesn't work.
Stimulate her whole body: her neck, her breasts, etc..
Indeed, she will feel more satisfied with a 1-hour session of this than with a quick 10-minute bang.

4-> After your dickless sex session, tell her how much you enjoyed it and how hot she looked.


PS:
You can also use viagra, if properly prescribed by a doctor ofc.

It works like magic.


PS2:
Here's one psychological trick that is used in ED therapy:
When sex is about to happen, confess her you're nervous because of how much you like her, and that you might suffer an ED as a consequence.

(Just use it if you think it's okay in your cultural context)

Hope I helped