ex girlfriend, drug abuse, feeling guilt

maestro

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Oct 17, 2014
Messages
14
Hi everyone,
First of, big respect to Chase and Girlschase team from Europe. Been reading you for over a year and i have nothing but a big respect for you guys. I have learnt so much and implemented that knowledge so seduction is not a problem anymore.
Sorry for grammar mistakes :)
I have a question regarding an ex girlfriend. Im 27, she is 23, we have been together for 5 years. I Broke up with her last year after almost 6 months deciding to do it or not. Relationship with this girl was beautiful for 4 years., She was apsolutely my type, amazing sex and personality, my friends and family loved her and vice versa.
Last year went litlle downhill, we smoked a lot of weed, rutine kicked in, i started to feel depressed, forgot my friends and apsolutely wasnt happy with my life. I wasnt happy so that had influence on relationship, and change was neccesarry. I could also see signs of her losing attraction for me, i cant even blame her. But i started to change my habits, excercise, meditatig, studying, socializing more etc. but she didnt want to stop smoking, or start any new healthy habit. So i broke up with her and that devastated her. I was a big mess emotionaly for 4 months, but went full no contact till she contacted me for my birthday. We went on a friendy drink and chat. She was in a relationship wih a new guy and i was happy for her. But i could see she still had feelings for me and me for her.

10 months to now im pimpin, have a litlle rotation and im pretty happy regarding my sex life. But she was still on my mind occasionaly.I had dreams about her all the time.
She contacted me yesterday and told me she broke up with that guy a while ago. Admitted she was not feeling good because of using lot of drugs, had some hallucinations about us back together and was happy that she could talk to me.

Now, i am not planning on starting relationship with her again, I know that would not be a good idea. But i admitt i still have strong feelings for this girl, after all we were together for five years.
Now i dont know what to do in this situation. She wouldnt contacted me if she did not need me. She stopped with drugs and is going through rough times, she even said she was going to hospital to recovery. Im feeling guilt because i think that its my fault for breaking up with her. that destroyed her and her views on relationships and love. She had forgave me everything and wants us to stay in touch after her recovery and maybe try again,
Im confused and dont know what to do. should i be there for her as a friend, would i be crazy even considering trying again with her? Or should i just remove myself from that situation completely and go on without her. ( i would feel very bad for not being there for her)

Sorry for long post but i would appreciate yout opinions.
 

R.A.D.

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Apr 30, 2014
Messages
53
Well this is my opinion based on seeing and living through similar things

First just to clarify what you should do is entirely up to you because you will have to live with your choice. Take all opinions as a way to help you think then see how it all unfolds.

Dont struggle with your feelings, just try to manage them and its not your fault she ended up there, people have their own reasons to do what they do and something like this is triggered by a longer and bigger history of events.

If you can dont go back with her in a sexual relationship, you are right its a bad idea, just resist the temptation because once the desire is gone is gone. Going back to her would be an act of need more than desire. You both need each other to ease your emotional scars, but do you desire her as a woman?

Coming back as a friend is entirely possible and you will surely indeed help her, but you will only be able to help her as long as you can manage to keep yourself and make her stay at a somewhat healthy distance for both. For example you go back to her life as a friend and then you have her calling you at 2 am because she had a crisys and she misses you soooo much. Now do you really want to do that? Can you manage that?

Well as always with this things its never easy so take your time and remember you are not obligated to do anything, i.e. you are not responsable for her, that doesnt mean you may really want to help her, so..... take it easy.
 

maestro

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Oct 17, 2014
Messages
14
R.A.D. thank you for your opinion i really appreciate it.
Basicaly i was thinking the same thing.
I thought about this for a few days, tried to get my head straight abut this and i can see now that the minute she contacted me world of chaos knocked on my door. So many thoughts, possible scenarios and confusion.

You are right about this not being easy thing to resolve. Human emotions are not easy to handle. After a year i thought that was over this girl but maybe i need more time. Also i need to handle this guilt that im feeling. Maybe that guilt is actualy fear that i had made the wrong decision, i dont really know.
also i was thinking is this oneitis? and i think its not, i mean i have other girls im seeing, but i dont feel anything for them. At all.

So i decided i will be there for her as a friend , but only if she contacts me again. i will try to hold the distance for now.
After all maybe she is using me for her validation after that second breakup and just toying with me to see my reaction and does she still has me on hook. You never know with girls.
 

Drck

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Feb 14, 2013
Messages
1,488
IMO the best would be if you set firm boundaries with her. You are her friend who is willing to help her, and that is it. Assuming that you don't want her back, make sure that she knows it.

She's addicted to drugs and is depressed, she's reaching out to you for help. Keeping the distance may not be the best option: She may relapse easily and you may feel lots of guilt. Communication with firm boundaries is much better choice. Assuming that you want to help her, she should be able to contact you anytime when she wants/needs, while at the same time knowing that there is no possibility of romantic involvement.
 

maestro

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Oct 17, 2014
Messages
14
tnx for reply Drck, that was extactly what i did.

little update on whole situation,
So after all i decided to be there for her, as a friend. I still care for her, dont know in which way but friendly for sure.
We have been texting for 2 days and she told me she is glad that we can talk as friends, that she is very sad that we ended that way etc. I kept my cool and acted friendly and gave her support.
The day after that she texted me that what am i thinking, that i just wanna be with her again, there is no chance for us to be together again and similar bullshit. I said that this is just friendly and im there for her. After that no contact from her. i did not message her.

10 days have passed she texts me at 3am am i sleeping. ( i was not but didnt respond), then another text, then another, 11 texts that night. She misses me, everything reminds her of me, she still loves me, can i forgive her everything and try again, she waits for me to come for her etc.
In the morning i replied her "whats up i was sleeping" and she imediately texts forget everythin i said , i just had to say that to get over you, i cant do that anymore, i wish you luck and good bye forever. :S

i told her to come that evening at our spot at 10 o clock..i dont know why i said that but i wanted to see her and talk face to face.
i came there, waited her for 20 minutes and went home.
No contact from then. That was 2 weeks ago.

So that is the whole story. i have decided to definitely move on, forget her somehow and get her out of my system but it is damn hard. I know what she is feeling because its the same with me but once you go beyond certain point of no return there is really no return.

maybe she did all of that just for validation, maybe she really feels that, who can know.

maybe this post looks pathetic to some and i understand. But you that have been in similar situations and really long relationships you will know.
Emotions, emotions...
 

ray_zorse

Modern Human
Modern Human
Joined
Aug 12, 2014
Messages
1,983
Location
Australia
Yeah. Agreed on above. I just want to say you did absolutely the right thing by breaking up with her in the first place, because you were enabling each other. I absolutely believe (and there's been a bit of back and forth with 007 in his journal about this), that two people who smoke or take drugs will never find the exact right moment when both want to quit, it's a totally personal decision and IMO requires you to ditch social circle, partner etc and start a new life... my ex gf of 2~3 years, after we broke up, dropped out of social circle and quit weed and I was very jealous, I couldn't quit at the time but it certainly inspired me to do so later, couldn't have quit together (we smoked everyday).

You are not responsible for her decisions, remember that -- part of what is taught at GC is being more self interested and more of an asshole, so just let her fuck up if that's what she wants to do, your role is not to be an emotional tampon, however much you might be willing to do so, you'll resent it eventually. But you can provide her good healthy company and keep a distance and see what happens. I see my ex gf above occasionally and would like to hang out with her, though she's now married with kids.

cheers, Ray

PS. Just read your latest post simultaneously with mine... all this wall of text shit and about cutting you out forever and stuff... just whatever... I had this from my kinda-sorta mistress a number of times and I just soft-NEXT and think "haha you'll be back"... incidentally we have a date setup for tonight, been a bit dry spell so will see what happens.
 
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