Fear of approaching younger girls

[Zac]

double edged sword. he can condition himself to get used to old women plus given he is not that experienced. Older women are going to automatically going to shame him for going for younger women. EVEN me who is obviously devil may cry get that nonsense over me. But our friend here is not exactly prepared. He just needs to dab in both, and get his fundamentals handled.

Fair point, I didn't really consider that such a strategy wasn't risk free. Cool profile picture by the way!

 

[bkw]

That's a good post, more in the vein of something I can relate to. We are not just in pickup to get laid, but it is also a form of pushing ourselves mentally.

A weird situation actually occured Irl for me to make this thread.

I saw the security guard from the club in one town (where I used to hit the club for nightgame), show up in the gym in another town (where I go for daygame). I was on a workout session before going out to daygame and realised, once I had changed, that I was wearing the same shorts and t shirt from that night in the club. Then I hear him ranting about paedophiles talking to 20 year olds etc and assume he was talking about me

So he goes into the shower, I think "fuck, how did he recognise me in a completely different context". So I get wound up about it and decide to confront him after his shower and tell him not to talk about me to his friend when I am in the changing rooms and can overhear.

I want to emphasize, this was a completely chance encounter, that isn't even my regular gym.

The weird thing is, before I even knew the security guard was in that gym, I see this chick training, standing at the cable machines, who looks in her early 20s, but then I start getting doubts. I almost approach her and say something, but pretend to sit down at the machine next to it instead and try it out.

The encounter from the club got to me and I thought the girls I approached were around that age. Which then put me in doubt of approaching a similarly aged girl in the gym.

So by confronting the security guard, I felt like I was taking back control of the situation. But now I don't see the point in going to that club anymore and that's the only one where I can go without having to book an Airbnb which I can't afford right now.

On the club and age subject, there are also girls in the club which I can't approach as well. Like I just can't, there are quite a few that look well underaged in there. I definitely agree with you, at what point is it an excuse? I have seen girls in the club who look like they are in their early to mid teens, but do you really want to get comfortable with approaching girls that look that young. There is just a point where I can't approach.

But for the majority of late teens or early 20s, we should feel suitably entitled to approach them. The ones I approached in the club where the bouncer intervened looked early 20s to me.

There are other people their age in the club (a majority) and a few older guys lurking around.

That was the reasoning the bouncer was using when talking to his friend about the incident a few weeks ago. He has to keep the peace and if an older guy is seen talking to 20 year old girls, that can disrupt the peace when males of their age get jealous.

As for what is holding me back? In the club instance, it's interference from the security team, they keep a close eye on things and if they think you are unworthy, they will definitely use the age gap as a justification.

Also in daygame, I just can't risk it. A daytime approach is such a big commitment, I don't want to accidentally approach underaged.

Which is why I was trying nightgame but the security guards are such an obstacle if you are serious about getting reps in.

Ah, OK. Well, as others have said, it's mainly a calibration issue you're having. If you have some sort of autism or something like that, then unfortunately I'm not sure any advice would help if you literally cannot understand the context of why your calibration is off--sorry to keep bringing up the autism thing, but I thought someone mentioned it in another thread of yours, so I could be wrong, but it's important to understand if you do.

Probably not the best idea to confront the security guard at the gym, now you're really in a bad way with him, and it'll just make your situation worse if you ever see him anywhere. Before you probably could have calibrated yourself better while at the club and tried to befriend him in some way, and it may have worked out well for you, but now it's a little shot imo.

Since it's a calibration issue, I'd put your focus on that. As Chase said in your original thread concerning this club instance, bouncers/security guards have an obligation to protect their clientele, and if they feel you are making their clientele very uncomfortable, they will likely say/do something. At the same time, everyone that is everyone knows guys and girls will hit on each other in the club, but you need to do it in a way that doesn't alienate people, or make them feel threatened, or make them uncomfortable. Likely the guard saw you were making the girls feel uncomfortable, and you didn't stop and kept going without getting the hint, and he's obligated to step in as the bouncer to protect their clientele. It's best to leave the girl alone as soon as she gives you a "hard no", because if you persist then, not only is it pointless and not going to get you anywhere, but it's uncalibrated and freaks the girls out, or pisses them off. If it were me and I got a blatant rejection, I'd let it be and move on. Best is to be cool about it and even if your ego is crushed, wish them a wonderful night, which is a win-win and will get your vibe up and not alienate yourself.

 

[average_daygamer]

Ah, OK. Well, as others have said, it's mainly a calibration issue you're having. If you have some sort of autism or something like that, then unfortunately I'm not sure any advice would help if you literally cannot understand the context of why your calibration is off--sorry to keep bringing up the autism thing, but I thought someone mentioned it in another thread of yours, so I could be wrong, but it's important to understand if you do.

Probably not the best idea to confront the security guard at the gym, now you're really in a bad way with him, and it'll just make your situation worse if you ever see him anywhere. Before you probably could have calibrated yourself better while at the club and tried to befriend him in some way, and it may have worked out well for you, but now it's a little shot imo.

Since it's a calibration issue, I'd put your focus on that. As Chase said in your original thread concerning this club instance, bouncers/security guards have an obligation to protect their clientele, and if they feel you are making their clientele very uncomfortable, they will likely say/do something. At the same time, everyone that is everyone knows guys and girls will hit on each other in the club, but you need to do it in a way that doesn't alienate people, or make them feel threatened, or make them uncomfortable. Likely the guard saw you were making the girls feel uncomfortable, and you didn't stop and kept going without getting the hint, and he's obligated to step in as the bouncer to protect their clientele. It's best to leave the girl alone as soon as she gives you a "hard no", because if you persist then, not only is it pointless and not going to get you anywhere, but it's uncalibrated and freaks the girls out, or pisses them off. If it were me and I got a blatant rejection, I'd let it be and move on. Best is to be cool about it and even if your ego is crushed, wish them a wonderful night, which is a win-win and will get your vibe up and not alienate yourself.

Yeah I get you. I don't mind you bringing autism into it. I've got into a deep rut by not learning this stuff in my 20s and not sure I can get out, so I need all the help I can get!

I think the club incident was caused by asking both girls in the pair for their phone numbers, one then the other.

I always leave once they say no, but I wanted to maximize the efficiency of the set. Once I had gone over there, I may as well have asked them both

It was a "burn the set to the ground" mentality, which from everything I have read about night game, should be doable. As long as you don't do anything physically inappropriate.

Also, there is a theory I have on the younger girls thing as well.

When I was 21, I would have shagged a 40 year old, because I was so fucking horny and would have not been focused on the inherit value of the woman, just wanted to get laid.

Now, as a 35 year old male, my hormones have settled down and I am not as horny anymore.

So quality is the order of the day. What is peak quality in a woman?

Relatively attractive and 25 or under. Okay, maybe 25 or under is unrealistic for us middle aged guys, but then the older the girl, let's say under 30, the prettier she has to be.

Do you get the logic? Less horniness, means more selectivity, because you need that quality to get excited.

Yeah I didn't want to confront the bouncer but the chance encounter with him recognising me as I was minding my business and hadn't even noticed him annoyed me.

Now I am think

 

[average_daygamer]

Make it a pride thing. So you are not going to engage and bang young hot babes anymore due to one douchey bouncer?

I will, but I mean I can't go to that club anymore if he is going to watch my every approach. Also, obviously, it makes me nervous for future approaches if other security guards might pull me up in other venues.

As for the "bang" part, well that seems like a distant oasis which will never ever materialise at this point and I am not getting any younger myself.

Even if I go back and apologise for confronting him, he is still going to be watching like a hawk on my every move.

The only thing I can hope is to go back to the gym in my daygame town and hope to randomly encounter him again and apologise, which, due to my schedule at the moment, is not possible for the next few months.

It was a bank holiday Monday when I encountered him in the gym which meant that I wasn't doing the remote programming bootcamp that I am studying at the moment full time as they don't run on bank holidays. So I would normally be at my apartment studying my course at that time.

That club is the only place I could go each Saturday and get a couple of approaches done. Other than my daygame town where I can only stay until 11pm because that is the last bus back to my town where my apartment is.

 

[average_daygamer]

It seems you've possibly misinterpreted my point (I may have worded it misleadingly; my apologies); even if you're not interested in women your age, the idea is to start your game in easier situations and grow towards younger girls.

If I'm starting off with game, generally I would initially practice with people that aren't going to be an overwhelming challenge, develop my skill set, and then advance towards the category of girl that you like (in your case, younger girls).

If you spend time learning basic calibration with people that you are less anxious with and thay have more life experience, you could return to younger girls with less fear!

The essence of my rhetoric is this; If you can't run game in an easier scenario, say a woman your age that is amicable with you , how can one expect success with a high-demand subset?

I could be wrong (we have many experts here that humble me); but I do want you to understand that my point is by no means to pidgeon hole you with women your own age, but to suggest that you invest efforts in learning game in an environment that encourages growth of skills rather than attempting to build Rome in a day.

Then perhaps your luck with younger girls will turn around.

I have read some of the pros here mention things about my generation like "this used to be a good idea, but it won't work with gen Z"; I can't say how much this factor comes in to play...

PS
I don't use AI; though I think that the way I naturally write gives a slightly formal, robotic impression (use of lists, optimistic tone that sounds like Siri, etc.), perhaps that's why I have that 'ChatGPT semblance'. Hopefully I can improve!

Yeah sorry to accuse you of using chatgpt.

Yes, like Darkknight says, this is a double edged sword.

I also hate the idea of "using" people, in this csse older ladies, which I probably wouldn't be attracted to. I feel somewhat committed if I have approached and not been flat out rejected to interact in some way. I have done this before but it doesn't really get my mojo going as going for the younger girls. And sometimes, there aren't even older women in the venue.

Once I have build sufficient "approach audacity" I have to start approaching more and I WANT to get rejected from my first few sets. I really shouldn't have to worry too much in a nightclub.

I would rather make approaches them count. The one thing I like about the club is that I know all the girls are at least 18.

The majority of the girls I see in the club would be *maybe* approaches in daygame. It would take some intense observations to tell how old they are in the heat of the moment.

The other 40% look so young I'm not even comfortable approaching in the club, where I know they had to be 18 to get in.

Edit: is this an example of not taking advice given to me? I have just raised a load of counterpoints instead of trying this advice. But to try this advice is hypothetical at the moment because I can't go back to that specific club for awhile and the next time I go to the club it will be from an Airbnb where I will be anonymous again and can thus do my approaches with relative impunity.

But techniques like "body rocking" (I assume from the name means where you bump into the girl by accident) do require a lot of skill to pull off.

 

[gameboy]

Just thought of something. Is it normal in your country / where you live to have underaged girls being in clubs? Because where I live, the kids have to be at least 18 to enter. Certainly if you go clubbing after midnight.

So, for me at least, if I go out after midnight I can be sure that there's no girl under 18 in the club, except if she used a fake ID or something. But no one could reasonably accuse me of purposely approaching underaged, since underaged girls shouldn't be there in the first place.

 

[average_daygamer]

Just thought of something. Is it normal in your country / where you live to have underaged girls being in clubs? Because where I live, the kids have to be at least 18 to enter. Certainly if you go clubbing after midnight.

So, for me at least, if I go out after midnight I can be sure that there's no girl under 18 in the club, except if she used a fake ID or something. But no one could reasonably accuse me of purposely approaching underaged, since underaged girls shouldn't be there in the first place.

It used to be fairly normal 20-30 years ago but I believe it has been clamped down up on quite strictly.

However, it doesn't bother me too much as my defense would be "hey, she was in the venue, how am I meant to know".

So to answer your question, it's not normal but then on my nightgame rounds I have heard fake ID's being mentioned here and there.

But again, this is more about approaching 18+ year olds but younger than me.

That is the problem with people watching and the bouncers can always say "it was for your own safety" if the club is packed with a younger crowd who may get jealous if they see an older guy getting success with girls their age.

I did also cross my mind that he might have known those girls were under 18 and had let them in as a favour but I doubt it. They looked about 20 to me.

I think it was more because they were dancing and looking elegant then some uncalibrated guy with Asperger's interrupts them asking dor their phone numbers.

But it doesn't help with my approach anxiety as he did say "you were old enough to be their dad" which was uncalled for, imo.

So now it has me feeling a bit more self conscious about my age when going for those young hotties!