I feel very powerless all the time. It's like I'm stuck in a glass cage watching the rest of the world move forward without me. I feel like I do things but it's not real. I expected I would have done a lot more by the time I turned 24.
When I was 18, I was incredibly motivated and working towards everything in my life with amazing passion and progress.
Instead, I "wasted" 3.5 years with a HB8 and have now almost a year trying recover from that breakup. I have come to accept things as they are but things still feel surreal sometimes.
I am trying to change my life but I'm facing so much inertia from built-in habits, traumas, my environment and unique physical/health challenges. Even if I don't want to become a victim to these things, it's frustrating to try to unlearn and overcome these obstacles.
After the breakup, I had a profound realization that since 19-23, I was pretty much living life in sleep mode. Living in the suburbs, hanging out with my girlfriend, doing my extremely stressful job, and playing video games. In fact, the job (software engineer at a highly demanding and stessful company) was basically the center of my being is probably costed my relationship and my health.
I have been trying to focus on the present moment. But damn, 24 soon and I feel like a fucking loser, I thought I would bounce back already but I still am extremely stagnant.
I have been truly reflecting on my life and healing my traumas since my breakup last year, working out and cold approaching, but the progress is pretty terrible due to having approach anxiety most of the time, and I'm still extremely skinny.
I have a lot of skepticism about my future. I don't know what the hell to do. I have 300k saved up from my software engineer job. I want to travel and experience shit and also I have concluded that I will quit my job (I have extreme apathy with working now due the money saved up and the fact that my social/dating life is null) so I can fully focus on overcoming this hb8 exgf induced scarcity.
Girlfriend or not, my life feels like it's on repeat. I'll do anything just to experience something meaningful.
When I was 18, I was incredibly motivated and working towards everything in my life with amazing passion and progress.
Instead, I "wasted" 3.5 years with a HB8 and have now almost a year trying recover from that breakup. I have come to accept things as they are but things still feel surreal sometimes.
I am trying to change my life but I'm facing so much inertia from built-in habits, traumas, my environment and unique physical/health challenges. Even if I don't want to become a victim to these things, it's frustrating to try to unlearn and overcome these obstacles.
After the breakup, I had a profound realization that since 19-23, I was pretty much living life in sleep mode. Living in the suburbs, hanging out with my girlfriend, doing my extremely stressful job, and playing video games. In fact, the job (software engineer at a highly demanding and stessful company) was basically the center of my being is probably costed my relationship and my health.
I have been trying to focus on the present moment. But damn, 24 soon and I feel like a fucking loser, I thought I would bounce back already but I still am extremely stagnant.
I have been truly reflecting on my life and healing my traumas since my breakup last year, working out and cold approaching, but the progress is pretty terrible due to having approach anxiety most of the time, and I'm still extremely skinny.
I have a lot of skepticism about my future. I don't know what the hell to do. I have 300k saved up from my software engineer job. I want to travel and experience shit and also I have concluded that I will quit my job (I have extreme apathy with working now due the money saved up and the fact that my social/dating life is null) so I can fully focus on overcoming this hb8 exgf induced scarcity.
Girlfriend or not, my life feels like it's on repeat. I'll do anything just to experience something meaningful.
