FR/FU: please please help me explain this riddle!!-

[lux7]

BACKGROUND

I saw this beautiful small Asian girl on the street, dressed amazingly well and with stylish hat and.. With a friend.
I was telling myself I had to go anyway when… The friend turns around to kiss her. She’s leaving! God’s on my side today I think .

THE SURPRISE

I get on her side and utter “do you speak English”.
She turns around and I barely have the time think “holy fuck is she pretty” that.. That she turns around, her face radiates with a smile, she jubilantly screams "heeey you", loudly asks how I am as if it was a sin we hadn’t met for long and then hugs me.
I believe she also said my name, but I wasn't 100% sure here as her reaction caught completely off guard.

She seemed a known face but I was sure we hadn’t had any deep or long interaction before, but I pretend I wasn’t cold approaching her and go along with the “old pals thing”.


INSTANT DATE

As I ask her what she’s up to, she seems very expectant of me proposing something, so I said to go get a wine at the supermarket and sit down.
One the way I get she doesn’t actually drink but doesn’t mind me drinking by myself.

No way I say and we go for some French fries.

Long story short, we sit there for like… 45 minutes I guess?

During the last stages she asks where I live and if it’s far away and she seems excited it was a walkable distance ("Oh, so you actually walk from here?"). I can’t do much else than proposing to actually walk there, to which she replies “next time”.
Slight jokingly prodding from my side and then I leave it there.


NUMBER EXCHANGE

After something like 10 minutes I say we’d better go and tell I'll walk her to the metro.
She says "wow, you're a gentleman" and I tell her I don't have her number so we exchange digits.

Before admitting I didn't remember her name I wanted her to do it first so I tell her "you don't remember my name right?"
She did though, together with my nationality and most of my surname, which is very complicated.
She made some light teasing of me not remembering her name though (read second message for more info and for what I fail to understand).



CLOSE FUCK UP

When the metro comes, she goes for the cheek kiss but I try to go for a kiss on the lips, but fails and there’s no time to force it or recoup as she has to jump on the metro.



TEXT AFTERWARDS
These are the texts afterwards:

ME

Catherine Zeta Jones, that was the name
Anyway, nice re-meeting you xxx"
-My name

HER

xxx thank you for the talk, the french fries and drink ahaha but i didn't like the way you immediately invited me into your apt and even wanted to kids me in the end. that's not cool at all. I appreciate if you don't call or text me again cuz i'm not that kind of woman.
anyhow
have a nice evening

ME

"kids"? who's the one moving too fast now
jokes aside, I really enjoyed getting to know you xxx so I'll definitely keep in touch to possibly meet again and then we'll see.
Push up times for me , have a great evening!

ME -yesterday, 4 days later

Hi xx!
How are you, enjoying the heat? Or are you avoiding the sun to stay pale Asian style
I'm totally loving the long weekend
My name

 

[lux7]

Re: FR/FU –please please help me explain this riddle!!-

HOW SHE KNEW ME

I had met this girl something like... At least 5 months ago, possibly more.
We talked for no longer than 5-6 minutes as her mom popped up.
She said yes to meeting again, said she was as a gourmet -to which I thought back then "fuck that I'm unemployed" - and I took her FB to stay in touch.

Here comes the funny part though: she never accepted my friendship request.
I think I re-sent a request again a second time but a few weeks later withdrew it and left it there.

WHAT I FAIL TO UNDERSTAND

Her first message was quite puzzling, I interpreted it as a way to slow it down -though it might even be genuine disappointment for smt as she didn't reply my last text-.

What really stumps me though is this:
this girl never accepted my friendship request but several months later exactly remembered my name, seemed genuinely jubilant to see me, looked at me expectantly to propose something and happily agreed to drink a bottle of wine with me on a bench hobos style while she doesn't even drink!

And of course now she's gone back to unreachable.


Please if you can share your thoughts I'm very curious guys!

 

[Mr. oblivious]

Re: FR/FU –please please help me explain this riddle!!-

Don't be too phased its probably just cultural differences well thats what i think it is (or she has certain beliefs etc.)

 

[lux7]

Not too phased, just curious.
Anyone else has an opinion on this?

I came up with two possible explanations:

1. She didn't really like me but remembered me for something (not related to romance/sexuality).
And when she met me again it was more like a friendly thing and spending time with a buddy rather than going home.

2. She actually did like me and wanted to meet again but something got in the way.
May be she was with someone back then. Or put too much pressure on it -not very likely as she's very sought after-.
Or... No idea what else might have been.

 

[Smith]

Lucifer,

I think girls can remember guys who cold approach them very well, since it rarely happens to them.

HER

xxx thank you for the talk, the french fries and drink ahaha but i didn't like the way you immediately invited me into your apt and even wanted to kids me in the end. that's not cool at all. I appreciate if you don't call or text me again cuz i'm not that kind of woman.
anyhow
have a nice evening

lol anti-slut defense. It seemed like she wanted u as a bf, but ur trying to be her lover and moving fast, so she autorejects.
I think this is the best sort of feedback u can get from women. She told u exactly where u went wrong.
So think of this as a good lesson!

- smith

 

[lux7]

Lucifer,

I think girls can remember guys who cold approach them very well, since it rarely happens to them.

HER

xxx thank you for the talk, the french fries and drink ahaha but i didn't like the way you immediately invited me into your apt and even wanted to kids me in the end. that's not cool at all. I appreciate if you don't call or text me again cuz i'm not that kind of woman.
anyhow
have a nice evening

lol anti-slut defense. It seemed like she wanted u as a bf, but ur trying to be her lover and moving fast, so she autorejects.
I think this is the best sort of feedback u can get from women. She told u exactly where u went wrong.
So think of this as a good lesson!

- smith

Hmm, could be, thanks!
Makes me think moving quick is not always good, I've had this feeling more than once.

Any suggested way forward from now (I haven't written or called since)?

 

[Drck]

I think you are over-analyzing things. She likes you as a person and friend, but not as a lover or BF. Many girls have great memory, especially for details, that is not unusual. The unusual thing is that you didn’t remember her

I agree that it is most likely cultural, most likely she has an “image” of some ideal guy in her head and you don’t fit into that image because you were moving too fast, pushing too much. Or, simply, she has a BF or potential BF, that would explain why she didn’t add you as a FB friend and she doesn’t want you to keep contacting her…

IMO you did the right thing though, I wouldn’t change anything. If you ever meet her next time keep pushing exactly the same way, don’t change a bit, don’t try to adjust yourself to what she says. She needs to adjust to you, not the other way.

I really like her answer “I didn’t like the way you immediately invited me into your apt”, she simply KNEW right away what you are up to(intimacy), and you didn’t have to talk about sex at all, and you didn’t have to pretend to be sexy either. That is the thing most guys don’t get - he tries to look sexy and talk sexy, he wants to look dominant Alpha- but at the same time he doesn’t have balls to invite her to his place. You just mentioned your place, and the girl(s) know right away! And then when she goes with you, you pretty much won because she knows exactly what might happen… She is not stupid, seduction is 95% done right there…

Anyway, is she is not used to fast moving guys who invites her into his place, you probably plowed the road for another guy(s), which kind of sucks. Next time when she meets one she might be more open for it. It is actually funny because she is really thinking about it (“you immediately invited me into your apt and even wanted to kids/kiss me in the end”), she wouldn’t admit it but she is imagining that she goes to your apartment, you are kissing and doing other things. She is currently denying those thoughts, she would never admit that she is “that kind of women” but at the same time those thoughts are very exciting to her…

If you really wanted to fuck with her mind, you could try to look innocent/naïve, and type/say something like:

Oh, I can’t believe you are really thinking about doing THAT at my place. That would have never happen. You don’t look like that kind of woman who is quite wide open about doing that. Why would you think that?

Note that this is actually a strong subconscious message. Her mind reads what is written but her subconscious reads something totally different. Her subconscious is simple, it can’t process too many negatives, so it just scrambles them and forgets them. Her subconscious reads something like:

I’m really thinking about doing THAT (sex) at his place > THAT happen (present time) > you look like woman > Well, I just don’t look like a woman but I am a real woman! > wide open (legs) to doing THAT > Why wouldn’t I think that? I think THAT because THAT is pleasure!

And for her mind it is also a challenge. She is asking: wait a minute, is he inviting me to his place but he doesn’t want to do anything intimate there? Don’t I look sexy enough for him, is he not excited about me? Maybe I am not his type? Everybody thinks I am cure and sexy, so why not him? I have to find out! That is quite a challenge for her, it is exciting for her to find out… She doesn’t want things to be handed to her (or told her), she wants to find out those things on her own…

 

[maximus6004]

Im a little confused but she asked you where you lived? Thats an escalation window.

Also 45 minutes if she was willing to.go.home with you you probably lost her attraction. Then provided too much so she was confused?

Keep working on your game and remember as chase quoted it from hitch, she is out with you so she already likes you just escalate at the right times. In my opinion you can never move to fast, but you can move to slow she can say no and then you dial it back and start escalation again.

 

[lux7]

Thanks guys, love and appreciate your comments!

Im a little confused but she asked you where you lived? Thats an escalation window.

Yes she did, but I acted upon that.
Invited to go once, got a weak no over which I slightly insisted with something like "sure, let's go, I have a great wine there, you wanted to start drinking wine" (she doesn't drink but was planning to take up wine as she wanted to start a master in food science).

After two "nos" and her saying "next time" I wouldn't ask for a third time or it seems like you're making a big deal out of it. I reacted coolly -I believe, at least - said OK and changed conversation.
And then shortly after I said it was time to go and that I was going to walk her to the metro.

 

[maximus6004]

Probably the paradox of the flirty girl then. Might have friend zoned you and you didnt know it

 

[lux7]

Probably the paradox of the flirty girl then. Might have friend zoned you and you didnt know it

The friend zone is very possible.
Except the initial reaction and hug wasn't flirty at all though, very composed.

 

[lux7]

I was wondering, what course of action would you take if you had to give it a last shot before burying it?

After a non replied Wassup text I thought about phone call on a Sunday or Wednesday evening.

I would say I called "to say hi", talk about her plans, don't ask her out and then possibly call her again after a few days?

And if she doesn't pick up, then a text message proposing to catch up for a coffe?

 

[maximus6004]

My honest opinion on what I would do. And this is what I would do is let it go. It seems like you still need the experience if when to know when to let it go.

Its a lost cause, and you're chasing her hard. Chasing is bad.

 

[lux7]

My honest opinion on what I would do. And this is what I would do is let it go. It seems like you still need the experience if when to know when to let it go.

Its a lost cause, and you're chasing her hard. Chasing is bad.

Yeah, sometimes I have "stalking tendencies" that need to be fixed .
"Nos" sometimes have strong power on people to make them want things even more.

But so far it's "only" a single unanswered message, I'd certainly stop after two, but I'd still give it another shot at this point.

 

[maximus6004]

Read cant stop thinking about her. Dont chase woman. And last article should be abundance mentality

 

[lux7]

Read cant stop thinking about her. Dont chase woman. And last article should be abundance mentality

Yeah, but there's also "persistence (in a cool way)".

Why not shooting that last bullet if there's still a small chance?
Yeah, the target hurtles away, but a call/text is very low effort and it's even easier pulling the plug when you know chances aren't low anymore but plainly nil (except for the real stalkers, of course ).

 

[maximus6004]

Lol do what you feel is right....

 

[lux7]

Lol do what you feel is right....

Eheheh yeah but I need an input on how to bring that 1% chance to 2-3% or I'm sure I'll bring it down to minus something

 

[maximus6004]

Last thing you could possibly do is say hey listen.I think your an awesome girl. Maybe we got.our intentions mixed up but.id like to give it another shot at more than friends, but.im not.going.to ask.anymore after this.

I mean.other than that nothing really.else.you can do

 

[lux7]

Last thing you could possibly do is say hey listen.I think your an awesome girl. Maybe we got.our intentions mixed up but.id like to give it another shot at more than friends, but.im not.going.to ask.anymore after this.

I mean.other than that nothing really.else.you can do

I like it!
Straightforward, open and no games.
Would you do it via text or call?