From second day lays to first day lays - How to progress?

[Jan]

I have recently been pretty succesful getting laid, but I realized something annoying and repetitive from woman's side.

She would want to fuck but never on the first day, she would always specifically DELAY this until second date.

Usually the process looks like this: I approach, interaction clicks, we connect, I physically escalate, there is both comfort and sexual tension. Then I invite her home (either through soft close+hard close, or hard close with some plausible deniability). When I invite her home or invite myself to her place, it's understable to both of us why I want to go home with her. She basically agrees to have sex with me, but she always delays it. It comes a bit like negotiations. Btw, it doesn't help if I sexualize more. Usually, when she gets her into this state of mind, she would actually become resistant in accepting further escalation (seems like a typical "Look at me resisting sexual escalation Mr. Provier, I'm such a good girl."). I've learned to accept that which gave me much more success than in the past. In the past, if she said no, I would just ignore her and therefore would get nothing. These days, I get second dates without flakes, and usually fuck her on the second date.

So basically, this is not too bad. However, I feel that this is just waste of fucking time. I can do better.

I suspect that I give too much provider vibe, and therefore her strategy is to delay it so she increases her chance to get me long-term (at least in her own eyes).

Also, I realized that there is no sense of urgency on her side. That's why she is thinking 'we have time'. Waiting is sexy, this kind of bullshit.

I realized that urgency is a big factor, because the few first day lays I had, most of them they were when either I or her was on the move. Either I was to about leave town in one or two days, or she was about to leave town.

Therefore, from now on I'm going to be always leaving town in one or two days And if I decide that I want to see her again, I will simply tell her that I'm decided to stay or even tell her that I was never to leave town in the first place. It was just to avoid her silliness.

Do you guys have some other suggestions how to improve urgency?

 

[Karea Ricardus D.]

Sounds like you're not sexualizing verbally? Also this needs to be done early. Read all of Teevster's stuff on sexual framing and sexual prizing.

 

[Jan]

@Karea Ricardus D. Indeed, I'm pretty bad at sexualizing verbally so usually I don't do it at all.

How sexualizing verbally can help me in my situation, though?

 

[Skjöldr]

@Karea Ricardus D. Indeed, I'm pretty bad at sexualizing verbally so usually I don't do it at all.

How sexualizing verbally can help me in my situation, though?

It probably won't. There are two types of women who say they don't fuck on the first night or won't have sex with you: those who are serious about it and those who aren't.

Sometimes you run good verbals and physical escalation, but the girl just won't fuck you. Good verbals and escalation only works if the girl is receptive and open to fucking.

 

[Skjöldr]

I suspect that I give too much provider vibe, and therefore her strategy is to delay it so she increases her chance to get me long-term (at least in her own eyes).

Also, I realized that there is no sense of urgency on her side. That's why she is thinking 'we have time'. Waiting is sexy, this kind of bullshit.

I realized that urgency is a big factor, because the few first day lays I had, most of them they were when either I or her was on the move. Either I was to about leave town in one or two days, or she was about to leave town.

Calibrate to the girl. Some girls need to feel they have a chance with you. Their sub-conscious wants you, so you just gotta shut her conscious mind down with some bullshit that can allow her to let go and act on her desires. Take responsibility for the sex.

Some girls it's good to go full on fuckboy/playboy. Give them urgency, make them feel you don't have long term potential and that you're just a good and fun fuck. Display sexual value. But remember that this is a screening method so you will lose girla from this and that alot of girls will view you as a fuckboy and will pump and dump YOU. You can't always bait and switch like this. They will fuck you, have fun and move on with life and find a more boyfriend-material man to be their boyfriend. I seen it happen.

 

[Skills]

@Karea Ricardus D. Indeed, I'm pretty bad at sexualizing verbally so usually I don't do it at all.

How sexualizing verbally can help me in my situation, though?

Yea i agree with karea you are skipping a step... now not all girls will fuck u on first date but ypur problem is you are skipping a step during the date... also i would try the 3 bounce... causes a time dustortion, and they assume 3 different dates in one date...

 

[Skills]

It probably won't. There are two types of women who say they don't fuck on the first night or won't have sex with you: those who are serious about it and those who aren't.

Sometimes you run good verbals and physical escalation, but the girl just won't fuck you. Good verbals and escalation only works if the girl is receptive and open to fucking.

I agree with this but op is not doing what you do as told you privately he is skipping the second gen... you do BOTH, and when you see not happening you do 2nd encoumter is no what op is doing...

 

[Jan]

@Skills Can you post a link to some good description what you mean by 2nd gen?

 

[Skills]

@Skills Can you post a link to some good description what you mean by 2nd gen?

The Complete Guide to Sex Talk (introduction to second generation verbals) Feat. Cost of success (cosy) - The Skills Method

Hey guys!, in this video I cover all of the difference styles from sexual verbals, very comprehensive with movie samples, text samples, live samples from me and other players… Second, … Continue Reading →

www.theskillsmethod.com

 

[nolimits]

I completely agree with the playboy approach/ boyfriend disqualifier being a risky and probably not optimal method to maximize conversions.

I’ve lately stumbled upon a bunch of chicks that I liked and lost, who were 26 years old. You never know why you don’t close a date but to me, using boyfriend disqualifiers worked against me.

I think that boyfriend disqualifiers are good for beginners. but to maximize the chances of dating girls you like, not really

in fact, if you had a tons of chicks in your life, your vibe will show it. and you are better off saying things that reassure the girl that you will not simply pump and dump her - instead of boyfriend disqualify yourself.

A beautiful and demanded girl in my opinion, will not fuck you if she thinks you will only fuck her.

It's probably a problem of attainability.

I'm wondering why it's hard to get second dates and to convert on first dates for me lately but if you are high value, which is hard to hide, boyfriend disqulifier kill your attainability.

 

[DoWhatWorks]

I have recently been pretty succesful getting laid, but I realized something annoying and repetitive from woman's side.

She would want to fuck but never on the first day, she would always specifically DELAY this until second date.

Wrote a post on how I've personally made the transition here

As others have mentioned: key shift was sexual prizing and setting underlying frames that make 1st date sex no big deal

 

[James Cruse]

I’ve personally found that beating her to the punch with early framing of you giving her a voluntary no/delaying the yes for sex on your side + your own prizing frames gets it done.

That way the sex and the timeframes are your decision and under your control - so you’re steering the frame, not her.

That way, the frame is: YOU are resisting her, which means she’s CHASING YOU (rather than resisting you). She can’t chase you AND resist you at the same time.

Don’t give her any opportunities to set her resistance frames or any frames you don’t like - set all of your own first in addition to prizing youself and reframing any resistance to those frames as prizing.