funkyjam Journal

[funkyjam]

So, I've managed to a few approaches recently. I know I have to do more.

Girl at a street fair, wandering very slowly at a browsing pace -

Me: "Hey, you look really interesting."
Her: "What do you find interesting about me?"
Me: "There's something about you."
Her: continues wandering very slowly at a browsing pace

This was as direct as I was comfortable with at the moment. I instinctively knew to go even more direct and say I think you're really cute. I guess part of me feels like if she's interested, she'll reciprocate quickly. Putting my ego on the line is tough emotionally, but definitely needs to be addressed. Because I don't think you get anywhere without a healthy dose of ego and just fucking owning it. So room for improvement - next time, if you start with how interesting she looks, and she asks why (which is a perfectly reasonable thing to ask, I might add) Just say she's cute. Yes, I'm hitting on you.

I did have an outrage moment with another chick, who asked me not to talk to her.

And tonight, the cute chick from the Russian group who I don't really know what to make of, had an opportunity to invite her to the show at the beer cart. That was silly. Next time, lay in wait, and spring forth with the info when the time is right. Not that anything would necessarily come from it but at least I'd feel better about taking action.

 

[funkyjam]

It's time to get this journal going. I'm not (at the moment) doing dedicated sarging sessions but rather trying to work pickup into my routine. Which mainly means Trader Joe's and Whole Foods. Pretty much guaranteed to see hotties there.

Three main issues:

1. Approach anxiety. This really needs to go away. Reading the book Rejection Proof is somewhat starting to help a little. At least in the moment when I'm reading it. Holding onto the inspiration from it when in the field is a challenge though.
2. Having good presence of mind to keep the conversation going after I open.
3. Going direct. This would most likely handle number two. Conversations about avocados aren't really my thing.

 

[funkyjam]

Feel like I’m trying and just stagnating in some ways. I just need to do it more. Dedicated session would be helpful.

The more that we can merge into one the better. Racially blending our genes. Like why do I have my preferences for blonde girls? That’s OK right? I just do. Blondes and redheads. I feel so cliché or something saying that.

 

[gameboy]

So, I've managed to a few approaches recently. I know I have to do more.

Girl at a street fair, wandering very slowly at a browsing pace -

Me: "Hey, you look really interesting."
Her: "What do you find interesting about me?"
Me: "There's something about you."
Her: continues wandering very slowly at a browsing pace

Congrats for the opener! I know how hard it is in the beginning

That said, when she asked what you found interesting, you want to be more specific. Otherwise it comes across like you just say that to every girl.

I've been "on the other side" of this when I was subscribed to a sugar daddy web site. It's quite interesting to learn how it feels how to be in abundance. Girls will text you there out of the blue (because they want your money, obviously). Many of them will just write "Hey I like your profile! How are you?" and when you ask them back "What did you like about my profile?" they will just say "It seems really interesting."

That's nice and all if it's the only girl ever texting you. But if you've got a few girls to choose from, you're more likely to respond to the ones that show that they actually read your profile and can relate to something in it, rather than the ones that just send you a copy-paste message.

So yes, saying "you're cute" would have been better. But even better you could have said something like "I really love your hair / coat / style of dressing" -- something specific about her that caught your eye.

 

[gameboy]

Feel like I’m trying and just stagnating in some ways. I just need to do it more. Dedicated session would be helpful.

The more that we can merge into one the better. Racially blending our genes. Like why do I have my preferences for blonde girls? That’s OK right? I just do. Blondes and redheads. I feel so cliché or something saying that.

Go for it man! Find a cute blond girl and ask her how she's doing

 

[funkyjam]

It’s ok to be successful.

 

[Gram]

In his book Models, Mark Manson talks about making yourself vulnerable to rejection, about changing how you think about meeting new people, and overall how to think about and deal with approach anxiety.... And the resources here are huge bit you have to really read, write, and absorb. Girls Chase has it all.

The key is to not think about how you are to impress her but be vulnerable to her rejection. It's okay. There are more girls. Think about how how she will impress you? What will she say? Sure, you need to get your fundamentals right, tighten up the basic game... (Newbie assignment helps) and then talk to EVERYONE.

Others on the forum might disagree with me... Eventually you will want to spend your energy only on your type, and then with one thought...sex.

But for now, like the Newbie Assignment, just focus on getting comfortable saying hello to everyone. Asking about their day. For me it's a win in those interactions to have them really light up about a compliment, or say "It was really nice talking with you."

Then, as @gameboy is doing, add in tech to move the interaction where you want it to go.

gram

 

[funkyjam]

Flighty bar girls, just go direct/indirect - those pants are hot, That outfit is hot, etc. follow up with what are you drinking, who are you here with, blah blah blah.

Hindsight is 20/20 of course. The chick who stepped on your toe, who you later asked if she wanted a drink? Reassuring her that my toe wasnt broken would’ve been a better reentry. Then ask her if she wants a drink.

 

[funkyjam]

I think there’s a glaring disconnect with the girls that I’ve been with recently and what I really want. Physically I suppose but also mentally.

Jen was a slice of humanity that was just a force of nature in her own way. Thankful for her, but can’t dwell on her. But I’m struggling to figure out if I should be more or relationship focused or more pickup focused. I feel like I’m generally pickup focused.

 

[funkyjam]

Back at my most frequent sarging spot, Whole Foods. More of a function of needing to go grocery shopping to buy food and eat, but hey, while I'm there...

The first one I saw that I was interested in walked by me in one aisle, and then saw her a minute or two later by the peanut butter. Love the "You're taking this decision very seriously" opener. Talked a little about that, it's for her dog, she gets him to take his pills using peanut butter. Shifted the conversation to the storm, told her my friend lost power, did she? No, *we* didn't. Somehow felt like this was a boyfriend/husband, not a roommate. Maybe she would've said roommate if that was the case and she was interested. I could've asked, out of my comfort zone I guess. I eject.

There were a couple of other cuties there at the same time. I feel a little weird using the same opener again a couple of minutes later to someone else. Didn't approach one of them for that reason, she also seemed to be a little young, was talking to some guy right as I was getting ready to approach, she was kinda moving fast, felt like a stalker/sniper looking for the perfect opportunity to approach when her back isn't toward me, etc.

The third one I saw after I had already paid for my stuff and was leaving. Similar deal with this one, noticed her when her back was towards me, felt weird to approach her as I was about to leave, and carrying a 12-pack of toilet paper.

 

[funkyjam]

Go for it man! Find a cute blond girl and ask her how she's doing

Working on it!

 

[funkyjam]

In his book Models, Mark Manson talks about making yourself vulnerable to rejection, about changing how you think about meeting new people, and overall how to think about and deal with approach anxiety

I'm a big Mark Manson guy, I've been reading his stuff for years. Love the new podcast. Recently he's been framing social interactions as needing to have friction, and that's what makes things better, e.g. meeting someone in person compared to using a dating app, which is designed to eliminate friction. Definitely trying to internalize everything.

Eventually you will want to spend your energy only on your type, and then with one thought...sex.

I've told myself that if I'm going to put myself on the line and approach, I'm only going after my type. Sometimes I see cuties that aren't technically my type, which causes some conflict.

Then, as @gameboy is doing, add in tech to move the interaction where you want it to go.

Great reminders, thanks Gram.

 

[funkyjam]

I'm trying to be more consistent in posting here and feeling a bit of a greater pull to be more proactive. I don't think I can go out every day, but every other day is doable. Anyway, on to the approaches.

Two approaches today. I went to one of the majestic parks in my city. It was unseasonably warm and sunny today, and even though I went early evening and there was only about an hour of daylight left, there were still a bunch of people there. I see a girl lying on the grass on a blanket, looks like she's drinking wine out of a wine glass and writing. I know the move here is to sit down on the grass somewhat close by and start hitting on her. This is a sticking point, unfortunately. I let it go and keep moving.

I sat on a bench and took in the scene. After about ten minutes, I noticed a girl painting the scene in the park. She was probably somewhere between 25 - 35 years old. Somehow, I didn't notice her when I sat down. She had an easel set up and I knew I would use a situational opener and say, "Nice painting." Which is what I did. And that was it. Two things come to mind. I broke my own rule about saying at least two things. And I could have definitely anticipated that her response was going to be "Thanks," and have something else loaded to follow up with. So that was a mistake. The other thing, and this happens about half the time, is that to be congruent, I had to stand behind her to look at the painting, which is never a good angle. Next time - "Nice Painting"/"Thanks". Walk in front to face her - "I like your interpretation" (or something).

So I leave the park and about a block away see a woman who is my type, blonde and thin. She's walking two dogs using a yoke, something I never see. We're walking in the same direction, but she's moving slower since the dogs are stopping. I catch up to her and say "I like the yoke." She doesn't seem to understand, and I say "The thing that connects the dogs and allows you to walk them together." She kinda lights up and says something like "Yeah, it's helpful" and keeps talking about that. But then says "But it can be an issue when they both want to do something, like in this situation." At that moment a much larger dog with his owner is walking towards us. I move over to the right against the building, and she goes to the left and back a few feet into the street behind a huge dumpster, to make way for the other dog. The whole conversation was maybe a minute at the most. We had been walking forward the whole time and it felt weird to linger and then go back and reverse direction. I was kicking myself when I was walking away since she seemed receptive to talking, but with it starting to get dark out and had not established much rapport yet, I let it go. If I had something natural to follow up with after this I would have said it, but even now reflecting on this, I can't think of anything. Unsure what to do next time someone comes through with his dog and crushes my vibe.

 

[funkyjam]

Whole Foods , one approach. Used the “I can tell you’re taking decision very seriously.” she said, “yeah you gotta check the prices.“ I was feeling stiff, in my head. I’ve got to remember to make some observations about her before saying something and have it locked and loaded, ready to go. She had her bike helmet, could have commented on that. She was looking at yogurt, I could’ve said something about that, at least to get the conversation going.

 

[funkyjam]

So I had an opportunity to ask her what her passions are and I let it slip away. I kept talking about myself and was comfortable about doing so, that I didn’t focus on her. That was a mistake. It was a little weird navigating through the social milieu of the hangout, there were a bunch of people around and some friends popping in and out. But there was an opportunity to go deeper that I didn’t take. Need to get myself back into a situation like that again soon.

I can’t decide if my game just wasn’t tight, or if she was just weird, or if I was just stoned, or what. Some of the responses she had to what I was saying seemed like she didn’t understand but I feel that I was being clear. I could definitely have asked her what her main thing is if it wasn’t music. For whatever reason, knowing when to pivot to making it about her was a struggle tonight. On one hand she seemed obtainable, and yet I almost felt like she had a mental development issue that was preventing us from truly connecting.

 

[Casanova Newhouse]

Feels like we’re missing some context on this entry. As though there was a missing post about this girl and how you got a date with her.

Still, I like your ability to step back and analyze the situation. That is something I struggle with.

 

[funkyjam]

I appreciate the reply @Casanova Newhouse. I should back up, since I jumped into the middle with my post and didn't make it clear, but it actually wasn't a date. I was at a music venue hanging out in front on the street where the crowd had spilled over. She evidently lives in the neighborhood, was taking a walk, and stopped in front to check out the scene. The number of guys at these shows vastly outnumber the gals, so at first I figured she was with someone who was there, so I tend to be cautious. Eventually I asked her and found out the situation. Most of the time there were people coming in and out of the conversation, including me talking with my friends for a minute or so, while she was just kinda standing there. But there was enough one-on-one time with her that I could have steered the conversation to the FORD method. Just/Must need to have the presence of mind to do so moving forward.

 

[funkyjam]

I was at a networking event/career fair today. It felt weird to do approaches and the logistics for a natural conversation weren't great either. It was at my old university, so ostensibly the girls are college age and I'm like 30 years older than that, so that was getting in my head. Saw one cutie sitting down at a tall table, looked like she was studying and had AirPods in. There was no one in that area and empty tables around her, but she was up against the wall and it would have felt confrontational to "corner" her. It just didn't feel right to approach. Walking through the city I saw another cutie. She sat down for a few seconds but I was trying to catch a bus. Annoying to try and do pickup and anything else at the same time - I'm just not in the right headspace to do both.

 

[funkyjam]

Did one quality approach at Trader Joe's. Kind of had to psych myself into doing it, as I was ready to leave but hadn't made any approaches. I was surprised when she actually engaged with me and we had a conversation. I ran out of ideas as to how to keep bantering with her and ejected. Terrible. I could tell she was down to keep talking. I've had this happen a few times now, and I think the only solution is to go direct after starting the conversation if she's receptive to talking.

Did three approaches at the street art fair. Opened two with "Are you getting anything?" One chuckled and said no, and turned toward a vendor's table, the other was a moving target walking in the same direction I was. She said, "No, I don't make enough money." I don't remember how I responded, but eventually, we both stopped to fill out a petition at another table and stopped at the same time. She wound up finishing before me, and by the time I caught up to her she was standing in line for something else and it felt weird to re-engage. The third I commented on a painting to a two-set walking by, didn't hook. Just to get a bit more opening practice in, I used the "Are you getting anything?" opener on some dude who was walking in the same direction I was and wound up having a 5-minute conversation with him. So the opener wasn't terrible.

 

[funkyjam]

One approach at Trader Joe's, she responded nice enough and immediately walked off.

Approach: 1
Didn't Approach: 2

Definitely tired of getting nervous and not approaching. It's not the end of the world to say her You look interesting and then compliment her (on something she's wearing).