FWB never cums, still can't get enough of me

Rakkum

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Some context:

I have had this FWB situation since late summer. Picked her up on my way to work on beautiful August morning.
Everything went smooth on the date up until last minute resistance when were back at my place and clothes started coming off. "I'm a good girl" thing. I could tell, though, that she was super horny and really wanted the sex. So I made a mental note to get better at creating connection and comfort.

Second date, smooth sailing. From hello to sex pretty fast.

Thing is, she never comes... She is one of these women who has a great appetite for sex and aren't too shy about (when they trust you), she is more alive in bed than many of the woman who've I've given an orgasm. As to sex, she seems to be very much into me.

My first question is: what gives?
Isn't the common wisdom here that for a woman to stick around, you need to make her cum? Well, she isn't, I'm sure.

My second question: any ideas why she is not getting orgasms as she seems to be otherwise super sensual and into sex?

Nipernaadi
 

DoWhatWorks

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I’ve had FB’s tell me that as a girl it’s slightly different and they don’t have to have an orgasm in order to really enjoy the sex.

The mini-climaxes and sensations are intense and pleasurable enough for them.

In short As long as she keeps coming back I wouldn’t worry about it!
 

Chase

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Girls can be into sex with you but unable to orgasm. Usually if they have not learned vaginal/cervical orgasms yet. Sometimes even if they've not learned clitoral orgasms yet. They will still enjoy sex and can still attach to you quite a bit, even without orgasms.

Orgasms add a special something to the relationship though. It is nice to have them.

You can train girls to cum. If they're having a lot of sex with you but not cumming odds are they have fairly high (what researchers call) 'immature defenses' in their heads against orgasming. You have to work through that with them. Start with clitoral orgasms (if she's never had these before, get her a vibrator, then once she's learned to cum with that have her use her hands, then once she can cum that way, use your hands and/or mouth). Then do a lot of foreplay and get her cumming plenty before sex and then switch to penetration.

I spell it out a lot more here:


Chase
 

Rakkum

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@Chase

Thanks, I eventually found my way exactly to that same article!

Since the advice on keeping a chick around is to give them great orgasms on the first date, then this doable on the first go, I assume. For an experienced guy.
 

Chase

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Great to hear it, Rakkum!

Since the advice on keeping a chick around is to give them great orgasms on the first date, then this doable on the first go, I assume. For an experienced guy.

Make her cum the first date if you can.

Not every girl is going to cum the first date though. A LOT of the orgasm depends on the woman.

If she's never orgasmed from penetration before and she's got a lot of defenses built up inside, you can be the smoothest, most seductive cat on Earth with A+ sex game, and she is not going to cum.

That's okay. If you can't make her cum, but everything else is great, and in any event if she is not used to cumming and does not expect to cum, it is not going to hurt you.

The more orgasmic she already is, however, the more she will tend to judge you by your performance.

I have had highly orgasmic women talk to me a lot about orgasms before / during / after sex. Some of them are very concerned with getting their orgasms (i.e., it is easy for them to cum... but not every guy can make them cum. And just because he makes them cum does not mean the orgasms will be very good). These are the women it is most important to make cum hard and for a decent length of time, and especially with your dick (not just hands or mouth).

For inexperienced girls who are not yet orgasmic, if they like you, they are going to like you, regardless of the lack of orgasms.

And unless they are orgasmically inexperienced girls who are completely free and open with their sexuality (i.e., just waiting for a guy to come along and give them sex good enough for the to orgasm with), they are not going to orgasm their first time in bed with you. They'll need some coaxing out of their shell, instead.

It very much depends upon the girl.

Chase
 

Rakkum

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If she's never orgasmed from penetration before and she's got a lot of defenses built up inside, you can be the smoothest, most seductive cat on Earth with A+ sex game, and she is not going to cum.

That's okay. If you can't make her cum, but everything else is great, and in any event if she is not used to cumming and does not expect to cum, it is not going to hurt you.

Thanks for adding the nuance!

I had the joy of having a veeery orgamic woman recently. I was curious whether she had been like that always. No, she said. Only after meeting a guy who "opened" her... exactly as you wrote. Funny part, the guy was an ex priest!
 

Skills

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This happened to me dated a girl that was madly in love with me for a year, she never came...
 

punisher

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Happened with me once as well, her explaination was that she needs a lot of comfort with me first, after a week she could cum
 

Alaric

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To add to what I think was a great explanation by Chase. I would try to talk a little with her by the third time I have sex with a girl I always try to find out from her what she likes (If she doesn't know that's a great time to continue down that route) even if she came previously in our escapades its still very important to me that I do what's best for her, I've had all sorts of responses to this conversation but I don't think I've ever had a response that didn't improve my sex with her to some extent. Good communication is useful in relationships, in casual hookups, and in friends with benefits.
 

Chase

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This happened to me dated a girl that was madly in love with me for a year, she never came...

It took me a year-and-a-half to make one girl finally cum.

Ultimately she was able to cum from all kinds of things. But for the first year-and-a-half, as much as she enjoyed sex, she never attained orgasm.

If I hadn't trained other girls to orgasm much, much faster before her, I would've started to doubt my abilities...!
 

Skills

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It took me a year-and-a-half to make one girl finally cum.

Ultimately she was able to cum from all kinds of things. But for the first year-and-a-half, as much as she enjoyed sex, she never attained orgasm.

If I hadn't trained other girls to orgasm much, much faster before her, I would've started to doubt my abilities...!
I hear you with that one she was so invested and in love that i really didn't care at all, cause she was getting even more invested which till this day I still don't get it... Yeah now a days I don't have this issues...
 

Beam

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Interesting. I'm in this situation myself I think - she seems satisfied every time (have slept with her three times in the last two weeks) and is still enthusiastic, even initiating at points. She always tells me she enjoyed herself and that she wants this to be more than just sex (though I have made it clear I am not willing to be in a serious relationship). Thing is I don't know what her sex life was like in her previous relationship and how often he was able to make her cum. How do you even bring something like this up in conversation without coming across as insecure that you haven't made her cum yet?
 

Chase

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@Beam,

Thing is I don't know what her sex life was like in her previous relationship and how often he was able to make her cum. How do you even bring something like this up in conversation without coming across as insecure that you haven't made her cum yet?

Post-sex, while cuddling, said very casually: "So tell me about you and sex. I've never made you cum from sex, I don't think. Is it because you haven't learned to cum or am I not hitting the right angles/positions? Curious if you've had guys in the past who could make you orgasm."

Chase
 

Skills

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@Chase any insights on why these girls stick around, do you have any articles on this???? I am not talking, beam 3 encounters, i am talking years... I wonder if is because they believe at that point you are the best option...
 

Chase

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@Skills,

@Chase any insights on why these girls stick around, do you have any articles on this???? I am not talking, beam 3 encounters, i am talking years... I wonder if is because they believe at that point you are the best option...

Well...

If you go to parts of East Asia and eat the desserts there, you will find the desserts are not all that sweet.

So you will wonder, "Why do they eat these things? Why would you want this dessert when you could have one sweeter?"

For the most part, they have never been exposed to sweeter treats, so the sweets they do have access to seem plenty sweet to them.

To a girl who's never had an orgasm, sex is still fun, and it still feels good. She is still with her man she is enjoying a lot.

A lot of these girls who have never orgasmed believe things like "Not all women can orgasm" or "I'm probably just someone who can't cum."

Ultimately, she does not miss what she does not know.

Doesn't know what she's missing, so doesn't miss it, and enjoys what she is actually able to enjoy (the non-orgasmic parts of sex).

Chase
 

DonGately

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I think it's more common than not these days for many girls not being to cum from solely vaginal sex.
 

Chase

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I think it's more common than not these days for many girls not being to cum from solely vaginal sex.

Most girls haven't learned to. One statistic I saw claimed only 20% of women are able to climax vaginally.

There's an entire corner of both the Internet and the academic world where women even claim there is no such thing as vaginal orgasm. These women (all of whom, obviously, have never experienced a vaginal orgasm) think when a woman thinks she is orgasming vaginally, it is actually only a deep clitoral orgasm from stimulation of a deeper part of the clitoris. Researchers had to put together investigations to show that yes, women can actually orgasm from penile stimulation of the vagina and cervix, even with the clitoris left untouched.

How sad is it that you can hear someone, who is obviously an adult, quite possibly intelligent and/or accomplished, declaring, "There is no such thing as X," and immediately when you hear it the only thing you can think is, "Oh you poor, poor, cruelly deprived soul."

I think the same thing when I hear guys telling me "Pickup doesn't work. The only thing that gets girls is [some thing the guy himself lacks]."

So, the weird thing with most girls, is that it is not just the case that many girls can't orgasm from sex... there are a lot of them who think it is not possible for them in particular, or who even do not think it is possible at all, period, and that tales of women achieving these orgasms are myths.

Which is really weird to read about when you are a guy who is accustomed to both delivering and training women to achieve vaginal and cervical orgasms. I mean, you can give women anal orgasms, which are really just your cock hitting the woman's cervix from the back door -- there is zero clitoral stimulation there, and once she starts cumming, the woman will cum her ever-loving brains out.

Clitoral orgasms are also completely different from vaginal/cervical orgasms, in that when a girl cums via the clitoris, the clitoris becomes sensitive, and you have to stop touching it for 5-15 seconds (or more, depending on the girl) before you can resume stimulation... whereas with vaginal/cervical orgasms, once she starts cumming, you can just keep going and going and going for as long as you want, and she will never stop screaming her head off so long as you are able to change things up a bit every so often so it continues to be stimulating and she doesn't grow accustomed to it. You can make girls scream their heads off for 15 minutes straight with vaginal orgasms. Try doing that with the clitoris!

I have never had a woman orgasm remotely as powerfully via a clitoral orgasm than you can achieve with a real jackhammering of her pussy. You can get some decently powerful clitoral orgasms, too... but if you want to rock her world and split the sky open, it's gotta be deep in the cooch.

Chase
 

DonGately

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Vaginal orgasms are for sure the best way to get her to have multiple orgasms while you're inside her. Cowgirl position is really good for this because it combines deep penetration with the ability for her to rub her clit against you also.

On top just hammering away can certainly have a similar 'multiple' reaction from her.
 

Vision

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Sex is far from the most important thing that keeps a person in a relationship.

Can it hook a girl? Yes... Can it be something that makes a girl come back even if you're lacking in other areas? Yes... Can the lack of good sex make a girl stray or leave? Yes...

Can a girl not come and still be satisfied in a relationship? Yes... Can a girl have mediocre sex and still stay with you and be in love with you and be obsessed with you? Yes...

If she's getting her emotional needs met through you... if you're meeting at least three of them and ideally four of them, she'll be addicted to you... and since most guys she meets are boring af, the odds of her finding someone or something better is slim (especially if you know how to hit that uncertainty/variety emotional need).

Plus, most women (and men, btw) have low self esteem. Even if she's fucked a dude who is better than you in a variety of ways, she might think/feel/believe that he just fucked her because he wanted to get his dick wet and not because he actually gives a shit about her or she has a chance with him (which could be the case)... and so she might question what she actually deserves... as in, what kind of a man can she actually get in a relationship.

Also women (and men) get more than just pleasure out of sex. There are a wide variety of emotions that can get triggered from sex that make it worthwhile, outside of orgasm... I think most guys are focused on orgasm because of our own personal experiences of it but I think there's a lot more going on, especially with women, than just getting to an orgasm.

And there's a variety of reasons why a girl might not orgasm that have nothing to do with you or the sex...

Like too much stimulation. For a lot of guys, if they watch too much porn, it's hard for them to get it up without the porn... a similar thing happens to women who orgasm through other methods... like using toys... it may be very difficult for them to have a regular orgasm through sex if they are accustomed to using toys. You can still train them like what Chase talks about or you can add toys to the sex...

One of my first community gfs was like that... she HAD to use toys so we just added toys to our sex, which actually added a lot of pleasure to me from it as well (she used clit vibrators).

Some women have a difficult time getting to orgasm through different channels... like just sex. I've dated girls who claimed to only get orgasms through oral or gspot or deep penetration or clit stimulation or anal... women have multiple types of orgasms that are triggered by a variety of different things.

She also may have past trauma that prevents her from experiencing them... if she was raped or doesn't feel safe around men, for a variety of reasons... or her own personal insecurities could do it... there are a lot of things that could prevent her from having orgasms but she still gets all of the great things from sex... like feeling desired, craved, owned, dominated, helpless, etc. that make the sex worthwhile to her.

I don't know if this needs to be said or not but women are different... there are some things that we all want as humans (like the emotional needs) and some things that we all want that are different (sub/dom or how we meet those emotional needs). One of the big mistakes men and women make is thinking that what they want is what the opposite sex wants as well... when they may want something completely different than what you want... which they get from being in a relationship with a man (or woman).
 
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